Jokes

Copypasta related to an internet joke.

I was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease called cyroaudiovascularmalexia.

Okay so this may sound like im messing with you but I promise I'm not. I was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease called cyroaudiovascularmalexia. Basically if I don't get enough blood flow to my ears they will slowly freeze and will fall off, and it will spread to my inner ear and brain. There's no cure for it except one, I need to constantly warm my ears and the only material soft enough is the inner thighs of a pretty girl, so I need you to sit on my face for medical reasons.

Discord ⓘ User is suspected to be part of an online terrorist organization

How to get the ⓘ status as your Discord profile?

When you set status you can choose “custom” and enter the copypasta there

ⓘ User is suspected to be part of an online terrorist organization. Please report any suspicious activity to Discord staff.

How to get warning ‘User is under supervision of the FBI’ in messages

Use this:

-# replace this with anything you want. [Text here](<link here>)

the -# creates a subtext displayed in a smaller font than normal text like in that pic, and the []() part makes the text you put in clickable and redirects to the link you put in. The link being inside the <> prevents the link from displaying an embed.

Steam user is suspected to be…

ⓘ This Steam user is suspected to be a homosexual.

ⓘ User is suspected to be part of an online spam organization. Please report any suspicious activity to Reddit staff.

Other

ⓘ I'm gonna touch you

ⓘ This user is suspected to have illegally traveled in cross-time and across realities if spotted inform your nearest celestial forces

Sometimes when I am bored, I go into the garden, cover myself in dirt and I pretend I am a carrot/radish.

Its an old copypasta that originated from an old skit on Youtube titled “I’m Enjoying A Treat, Derrick!“.

I know nobody will see my status, but sometimes, when I am bored, I go into the garden, cover myself in earth and I pretend I am a carrot.

Sometimes when I am home alone I bury myself in the dirt in my garden and pretend to be a carrot

I know no one will read this, but sometimes I like to take a shovel go into the garden and dig myself into the ground and pretend that I'm a radish

Loss

“Loss” is one of the most well known 4 panel comics in internet history, titled loss.jpeg in which a man’s gf has a miscarriage. Everyone thought the comic was really cringy, and the 4 panel strip was ironically reposted and readapted so many times, that the basic elements of it became immediately recognizable with minimal context.

A lot of people put it as a meta joke into their comments, memes or comics hence why you’ll see a bunch of obscure lines or dots that somewhat resemble the original Loss.

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I II II L

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Copy the copypasta below ~~:.|:;~~ and add the <s> </s> enclosing tag to give the strike-through line in between them.

:.|:;

⠀⠀⠀⣴⣴⡤
⠀⣠⠀⢿⠇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⢷⡗
⠀⢶⢽⠿⣗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡧⠂⠀⠀⣼⣷⡆
⠀⠀⣾⢶⠐⣱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣜⣻⣧⣲⣦⠤⣧⣿⠶
⠀⢀⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⡹⣿⣷
⠀⢸⣿⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠀⠿⠃⠈⠿⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠿⠿⠿

⠀⢀⢀⡀⠀⢀⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⡀
⠀⣿⡟⡇⠀⠭⡋⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣟⢿
⠀⣹⡌⠀⠀⣨⣾⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⠔⠌
⠰⣷⣿⡀⢐⢿⣿⣿⢻⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⡤⣴⠄⢀⣀⡀
⠘⣿⣿⠂⠈⢸⣿⣿⣸⠀⠀⠀⢘⣿⣿⣀⡠⣠⣺⣿⣷
⠀⣿⣿⡆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣾⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⣻⡻⠿⠁
⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁

𓀥    𓁆 𓀕
𓁆 𓀟   𓀣 𓁀

ඞ ඞ ඞ

ඣ ඞ ඝ

✋Excuse me sir ✋👏but 👏👉is that original post you made 👉right there 👉loss ❓☝Now hold on ☝😡it might sound ridiculous 😡😤but bare with me here. 😤👀You see 👀 there's 4️⃣ panels ☝let's count them ☝ 1️⃣ 2️⃣ 3️⃣ 4️⃣ panels ❗️❗️✋And you know what else has 4️⃣ panels ❓😤That's right 😤😡loss does ❗️😡 👇But i'm not done yet 👇 👀you see 👀👉in the first panel 👉☝there is ☝ 1️⃣ object 👈 positioned slightly to the left. 👈 😡Should I even continue ❓😡😤I guess I will 😤😒as you still don't understand. 😒 😲I should clarify this is a level 5 loss meme 😲🙄so I don't expect you to understand it. 🙄 💁‍ Anyways 💁‍ ✌️ in the second panel ✌️👀there are 2️⃣ objects 👀👉next to each other 👉 👇with one being slightly below the other. 👇☝ In the 3️⃣rd panel ☝ ✌️another 2️⃣ objects are present ✌️ 🙌right next to each other. 🙌 👆 Finally, 👆 there are, yet again, 2️⃣ objects 👆 🤙 which form an L shape. 🤙 👀Everything looks like it's adding up 👀😤therefore😤😡it HAS to be loss ❗️❗️😒You need to make it less obvious next time 😒🙄if you want it to be more funny. 🙄

Three Envelopes

The Envelope joke is an old system administrator (sysadmin) story from 2013 that highlights the chaotic and reactive nature of the job. The meaning of each Envelopes are:

Envelope 1: “Blame the previous sysadmin.”
- Initial Problems: New sysadmins often inherit a system with existing issues. The first envelope gives them a temporary scapegoat, allowing them to buy time to understand the environment.
Envelope 2: “Blame the hardware.”
- Hardware as a Catch-All: When other explanations fail, “hardware failure” is a convenient and often believable excuse.
Envelope 3: “Update your resume.”
- Inevitability of Change: Eventually, the sysadmin will run out of excuses, and the only option left is to move on to a new job. This reflects the high-pressure and sometimes thankless nature of the role.

A fellow had just been hired as the new sysadmin of a large high tech corporation. The sysadmin who was leaving met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, there a major DoS attack against the infrusture and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The sysadmin went to his superiors and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous admin because of bad security. Satisfied with his comments, management responded positively, he sorted it all out, got the servers running again and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a major outage, combined with serious hacking problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the sysadmin quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Blame the cloud hosts." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive months of no downtime, the servers once again acted up. The admin went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

This was a good, honest .500 basketball team

Its a classic basketball copypasta that was started by a Grizzlies fan(?) on a Reddit post. Its often used whenever a team is under performing hence the joke of it being a good, honest team that doesn’t win to many.

Memphis Grizzlies (basketball)

This was a good, honest .500 basketball team. We played .500 ball goddammit. Salt of the earth, punch the clock, even win/loss ratio basketball. We lost a couple, guess what? We won a couple, too. But we never got too excited or let it go to our head. No long winning streaks here, no sir. That's hubris, which this blue collar, hard working everyman team didn't have. A few wins in a row, these guys, true to form, balanced it out with a couple a losses. Yes sir, that was my 2021 Grizzlies. A good, honest .500 basketball team.

White Sox (baseball)

This is a good, honest .500 baseball team. They play .500 ball goddammit. Salt of the earth, punch the clock, even win/loss ratio baseball. They lost a couple, guess what? They won a couple, too. But they never got too excited or let it go to their head. No long winning streaks there, no sir. That's hubris, which that blue collar, hard working everyman team didn't have. A few wins in a row, those guys, true to form, balanced it out with a couple a losses. Yes sir, that was my 20th and 21st Century Chicago White Sox. A good, honest .500 baseball team.