Copypasta of anime culture, weebs and meme quotes from popular anime such as Jojo, My Hero Academia and Haikyuu. Also contains popular anime ASCII art such as “Oh? You’re Approaching Me?” and “Suprised Pikachu”.
Bro my ass could not survive the conception.
I mean, first off, everyone who wasn't in the Shinjuku medical center died in the conception, and I don't live anywhere near Shinjuku (which is apparently a real place? Must have been made as an SMT reference).
But if I did miraculously live to see the vortex world, I'd immediately start seeking out some sexy demons to try and negotiate with them. Maybe a Pixie, they're cute and all, but my dream would be a Silky.
They're so pretty. Tall and elegant, with long hair that flows gracefully down their back, held back by that nice little hat to keep it out of her face when she's cleaning. She has that simple yet beautiful old European style dress that is so modest I haven't got a clue what lies underneath (the mystery is part of the appeal).
I'd find one, walk up to her to begin negotiations and she'd say something like "So, how do you feel about cleaning?" To which I'd respond "I think it's very important and do it regularly." (Silky is a faerie that is associated with housekeeping and cleanliness, which is why I know she'd appreciate this answer, even if it's a lie).
But then she'd probably respond to me by saying something like "Then why don't you clean your guts off the floor?" Then break off negotiations. She'd immediately hit me with a physical attack, which would be kind of hot, except she'd hit me hard enough to break my skull in two and leave me dead on the ground.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xingqiu. I try to play Ayato. My Xingqiu deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xingqiu deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xingqiu deals more damage. I want to play Hu Tao. Her best team has Xingqiu. I want to play Hyperbloom, National - they both want Xingqiu. He grabs me by the throat. I farm for him. I cook for him. I give him Fav. He isn't satisfied. I pull R5 Sac Sword. "I don't need this much er" He tells me. "Give me more field time." He grabs Yelan and forces her to throw herself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Mistsplitter." I can't pull for Mistsplitter, I don't have enough primogems. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." He summons his rain swords. He says "Witness the power of Guhua." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, unrivaled hydro application. What a cruel world.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Neuvillette. I try to play Ayato. My Neuvillette deals more damage. I try to play Childe. My Neuvillette deals more damage. I want to play Raiden, Nahida- Neuvillette needs them for hyperbloom.I want to play Furina, Neuvillette maximizes her buffs. He steals my Venti for the grouping, and Zhongli for the shields, 5 archons. I spend primogems and resin pulling and building 8 characters for the abyss, he goes solo anyways. He grabs me by the throat. I farm bilets for him. I forge for him. I give him the Prototype Amber. He isn't satisfied. I pull for the widsth. "Not enough crit DMG" He tells me. "I can deal more damage with Tome." I can't pull for Tome, I don't have enough primogems, i might even lose to Homa. "I need interuption resistance" He tells me. "Pull for c1" I don't need c1, i have Zhongli anyways. He ignores me. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Bow your head." He drops his balls. "Be sanctified" Monsieur Neuvillette says as he starts levitating. There is no hint of sadness in his eyes, he blasts all over my face. Nothing but pure, draconic, hydro application. What a cruel world.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Monsieur Neuvillette. I try to play Diluc. My Monsieur Neuvillette deals more damage. I try to play Wanderer. My Monsieur Neuvillette deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Monsieur Neuvillette deals more damage. I want to play Furina. Her best team has Monsieur Neuvillette. He grabs me by the throat 😩. I killed countless innocent seals for him. I farm marachussy hunter set for him. I give him my Baizhu's R5 prototype amber. He isn't satisfied. I give him my Yae's Kagura's Verity. "I don't need this passive" He tells me. "Just give me interrupt resistance" He grabs Zhongli and forces him to erect his pillar and shield him. "You just need to pull my C1. I can deal more damage and not need Zhongli anymore" I can't pull for his C1, I don't have enough primogems. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." A bunch of Gardes and Gardemeks appeared. He says "Gardes, escort them to the Fortress of Meropide." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, unaldurated damage from his insane multipliers and aoes. What a cruel world.
Please God, I want to impregnate Furina so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins. Furina is beyond divine. I can't help but drop to my knees in worship whenever I see her beautiful figure even though it's behind that unnecessary street clothes. I yearn for her in a way both primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening sweat from her smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her, I want to hear her heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union.
I want to suckle at her rainy bosom, slurping that rich juche milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging e******n. I would stir her velvety cream into my coffee and let my balls boil in it. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out, and then some. I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment.
She's so perfect it hurts. Every moment without her I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot sauce forced through every orifice of my body. I want her, I need her. I want to desecrate her crisp general suit. I want to start a family with her and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out. I want to see those luscious lips speak such filthy, perverse words into my ear while she slides ice cubes down my gaping pisshole.
I want to fuck her like she owes me money. I would let her step on me, just to feel the soft, firm warmth of her feet upon my face and groin area. I would sleep under her just to catch her drool in my mouth. I would fish the strands of hair from her shower drain just to smell her alluring scent, and braid them into necklaces to keep her with me always. Or cock rings. Whichever would please her more.
God please, I would do anything for her. I would relinquish my life, all my hopes and dreams, just to become the socks on her feet so that I may warm her mouthwatering toes with my very being, so that she may feel the heat of my love always. I would encase myself in cement and become her doorstep, so that she may wipe her heels upon my face. I would tear my own limbs off. I don't know what l'd do after that, or why she might want my limbs. But I would do it.
My queen, my goddess, the light of my life. Please God, let me have her. I want her to be mine and only mine. I would lick the Doritos dust from her fingers and fill her belly button with honey mustard to dip my tendies in. I would give her a sponge-bath with my tongue every morning and serve her breakfast in bed. I would let her eat her eggs and pancakes off my body if it pleased her, no matter how painful the third-degree burns would be.
I would bear the torment of eternal damnation until the end of time to taste the seat of her car but once. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, nothing wouldn't say. I would beat my own friend to death with my engorged p***s if it would bring a smile to Furina's shining face. I wouldn't even let myself cum until she gave me permission.
I love you, Furina. Please. Be mine. Be my wife, my Lover, my mommy, my everything. Say yes. Answer my calls, respond to my letters. Something. Give me a sign, Furina. I'm waiting for you.
I’ll always be waiting for you.
Lady Furina is really important for Fontaine! She plays a major role in the economy of the country. As the main source of entertainment for most of her people, her pride pushing her on the scene. She wants to be seen as hardworker and powerfull but she is small and cute!
Archons comes in all sort of colors and shape! The interesting part about lady Furina is the taste of her fluids, it taste like water and her sweat is different based her mood causing a change in saltiness! Fascinating is it not? 😍💦👅🫦
The laws of Fontaine consider ber the equal of Humans so it's possible to have het as a partner, as I have!💍
You see lady Furina is my wife, my blue godess. I fell in love the first time we met, sunset on the horizon, alone on the square.
I proposed to her right away (she very cute), at first she was confused, but she quickly whispered yes under her breath, I was overjoyed. She tried to run away in embarassment but I caught up to her and we consumed our love right in a dark alley! ❤️❤️❤️
She is so cute, behind her strong hardworking façade hides a shy and cute wife (She says she's not but it's a game we have)! In fact everytime she sees me she cries tears of joy, it's sad im a busy man so I can't make love to her everyday. I have to leave after I made sure she understands how much I love her!
Recently I noticed people in blue stalking her, they must have noticed how cute she is (as I did). But I was angry at them, Furina is MY wife! I went to our home to have a talk with her about the creeps stalking her, she was very scared as I told her so I had to calm her. You see my wife is very noisy every time we do it (she is very shy), the creeps must have taken this opportunity to attack me and my wife! In our own home! 😡
I tried to defend my crying wife but they knocked me out! I woke up to something called a "trial" I screamed about how "Furina is small and frail" and what I would do to them if they ever touched my adorable wife! 😡💢💢
And then... I saw her on the other side of the room, they made her cry! I went in a blind rage! I don't remember exactly what happened next, I remember a tall blue cunt screaming nonsense like "Aggravated assault" (?) and other dumb stuff like "sexual harassment" "false imptisonment" and "sexual assault"🤯. What I remember clearly is when he said I had a "restraining order" on my wife! **DO YOU BELIEVE THIS!**😡 How can any normal men resist the urge to get closer to something as cute as Furina! They also said I must be locked in a place called "jail" for 100 years! 100 YEARS without seeing MY hot sexy wife!🤮🫨😵😰 This is a crime against life itself! I swear I won't stay there for long! I'll leave, rip the insides off of this stupid blue cunt and get as far as possible with MY wife! 😡❤️🩹💢💢💢
THEY WILL ALL PAY AND I WILL DICK DOWN MY WIFE ON A BED MADE OF THEIR FACIAL SKIN AS I FORCE THEIR DISEMBODIED HEAD TO WATCH ! ! !
Stop saying that you’re Furina's number one fan. You’re not YOU’RE NOT!
I fucking hate it when I open the comment section of a Furina post and I see people saying they are “Furina's number one simp” or anything between those lines. Because you’re not because I already AM. I’ve already claimed that title. I bet most of you aren’t real Furina fans. Real Furina fans (Me) loved her before she got popular. Before her in-game debut. When we only had the icon leak. When she had 9 pixels in total and everyone (who even acknowledged the leak) fucking hated her. THAT’S WHAT QUALIFIES TO EVEN MAKE YOU A FURINA ENJOYER! All of you are fucking fakes. None of you can fucking fathom how much I adore Lady Furina, the God of Justice and Hydro Archon. I have 2 Furina body pillows (That I hide from my family, unfortunately they are normies.) 4 Furina figures (2 of which are duplicates), 5 Furina plushies, mini and large cardboard cut outs and a shit ton of Furina fanarts that I’ve hung in my room.
I am the ONLY true Furina fan. I think of Furina every hour of the day. When I piss, I think about holding hands with Furina while we both piss at a urinal (Or twin toilets if she prefers that, of course). When I eat? I fantasize about spoon feeding Furina. When I sleep? I dream about consensual handholding with Furina, When I shower? I imagine washing off the primordial seawater from Furina's body after Fontaine is swallowed, When I sit? I hallucinate Furina sitting on my lap and boasting about all the amazing things she’s done as I praise her and reassure her that I love her no matter what.
Furina is my life, and in a couple weeks I will own the best C6 R5 triple crowned Furina. None of you will compare I currently have 5 jobs in order to afford her. And it will all be worth it at the end. So before any of you even THINK about being “Furina's number one fan” think of ME.
