I (22M, big dick, dropshipping got me an 8 figure salary, fucking hate cats) recently allowed my cousin Jennifer (30F, breeder, ultra religious, unmarried) to move in with me after she was temporarily laid off (Starbucks).
This morning after I rolled out of bed and kissed my gf and her sister (25F, twins, DDD tits that I paid for, I like the sister more), I asked my chef Lucas (idk M, hot, gay) to whip up some eggs for us (scrambled, shredded cheese on top) and we were called to breakfast when it was ready (7:30am EST). My cousin trudged down the stairs and slopped her child-bearing belly baking her future crotch goblin onto the counter (Calcutta marble) as she sat down (I think I heard my Bistro 31” Swivel Bar Stool crack, should I sue?)
I politely asked if she was hungry, to which she snorted, licked her chops, and practically came as she said yes. Lucas scooped a couple spoonfuls of egg onto her plate (Le Frenchies Dessert Plates, gift from daddy) and poured her a hot cup of coffee (Haviland Brandenburg Gold Tea Set from Neiman Marcus, also a gift from daddy). She shoveled the eggs into her cakehole and asked who made breakfast while she waddled over to the pan (nonstick) to get more. I replied “Lucas”, to which she immediately started SCREECHING like a fucking banshee about how she didn’t want a insert bad word for gay touching her food. I grabbed a cup of water (Brita filtered) and used it to douse the fiery demon spewing hatred in my kitchen and immediately kicked her out.
My phone (iPhone 12 Pro Max, got it early) has been blowing up all day. AITA? :/
Edit: wow this blew up, don’t upvote Jennifer might see it, also the baby is mine, incest karma please?
I'd like to preface this by saying that it was in NO WAY my fault. The ground was slippery, and the railing on that bridge are too short. Anyways, what happened was while I was crossing a bridge, a family asked if I could take a group photo for them. I leaned back against the railing to fit them all in the frame, but I must of went too far back because I lost my balance and fell into the river! I'm not really good at swimming, so the best I could do was tread water as the current carried me down the river. Luckily, the city had just bought a new rescue helicopter and they were able to prepare the lifeline, lower the stretcher, and make the rescue. My wife is mad for "ruining our vacation" and a man from the fire department scolded me for "wasting first responder resources with my carelessness." It's not like I WANTED to fall into the river, and besides, isn't that what they are there for? AITA?
Apolgy for bad english
I was at work eating dorito wen phone ring.
“Club Penguin must die”
“ok”
I go to clubpenguin.com and press kil
Now many people sad and cry
AITA?
Edit:
INFO: am sry to kil your favorite game but order is order
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(No but actually I’ve never had premium so thanks to whoever did that)
I (65m) and my wife 24(f) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. All my friends are jealous that i was able to score such a hot young woman but it’s starting to cause some problems in our relationship believe it or not.
When the pandemic hit, I was very nervous since I’m not in great health. We decided to buy the Nintendo Switch and play this game called Animal Crossing. I guess it’s popular with the kids?
Anywho, we start building this town and everything was fine at first. Then, my wife decides that she wants to remodel the town. No problem. But she starts cutting down all the trees, destroying the cliffs, removing the river, etc... I told her this is out of line. We should respect nature not destroy it. Her answer? It was ugly and she didn’t like to walk the long way around.
She also takes all of my hard earned money from fishing and gambles it all away on turnip stocks. Last week she spent 400k on turnips and sold them for 260k. Do you know how many red snappers I need to catch to make that back up? I’m trying to retire soon and it’s making me think she doesn’t know how to manage money.
What really drove me to the breaking point, my best friend Boon is on the island and we really get along. He likes to lift weights, so do I. I log into the game one day and build him a gift. When I try to find him, he’s nowhere to be found... I ask, where is boon? She doesn’t answer. Where is Boon ?? She says “I kicked him off the island, he was annoying”. Reddit, she kicked my best friend off the island without even talking to me.
The next day I filed for divorce and kicked her out. I’m keeping the switch and rebuilding our town. Hopefully Boon comes back. AITA or did I doge a bullet with my sociopathic (ex)wife?
Edit: Thank you all for the support and messages over the last 24hrs. It’s been a wild day but the good news is that after a few hours of island hopping I was able to find Boon and convince him to come back to my island. Seems like things are heading in the right direction.
Using an alt account because of people trace this back to me my reelection chances might get hurt.
I (74M) am finishing up my first term as President of the United States of America. Let me tell you, America is an incredible country, probably one of the best countries in the whole nation. As my reelection comes closer and closer, my opponent Sleepy Joe has been leading in approval ratings, and I began to get worried. Let me tell you, I am the best at being worried. Just ask anybody in my administration, I get worried like no other president. Anyways, I was considering putting Sleepy Joe to sleep for good, which I think is a service not only to his family, but also the nation as a whole. I was going to ask my good pal Putin to borrow some of that poison he’s using to silence the libtards in his country. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
EDIT: I’m not Donald Trump.
EDIT 2: Stop saying I’m Donald Trump.
EDIT 3: Bitches I got the nuclear launch codes keep testing me and you can say bye bye to the Caribbean’s.
EDIT 4: Adios Bahamas.
REAL EDIT (Ignore if not the FBI): For legal reasons, this is all revolving a Minecraft server with my friends, not the current political events surrounding the United States. No public officials are being threatened here, just my friends virtual avatar. Don’t worry FBI, we’re all good.
To put it simply, I'm a gamer, a die hard one in fact. I'm someone who absolutely despises politics in my video games. I remember coming home from school ready to play apolitical gems such as Bioshock and MGS with a nice plate of chicken nuggies (my mom made) at my side.
But those days are over, now its normal for a black person to not be a walking stereotype, and for women to no longer just be sex objects. Whenever I see 2 women kissing in my games (not in porn) I almost cry and think of how the neo-Marxist-SJW-gay agenda has ruined video games and traditional gaming values.
And after learning about this, I realize that my only black friend I have is political! It's sad to say that as we've been friends since the good ol MW2 lobbies. He didn't approve of me saying the n-word constantly but we still got along!
So I decided to tell him that I didn't approve of him inserting his political agenda into my life and I cut all ties with him. Although he didn't really seem to care when I told him, he just called me a racist basement dweller without a job. (Him calling me a racist is the only part that isn't true) Our relationship kinda fell out of place when I accidentally called him a racial slur. (Heated gamer moment)
Anyways I just wrote this to see if you guys think I did the right thing.
