I (54 M) live alone in a remote area. My new neighbor had moved in pretty recently, and i noticed they had begun construction on the house. All of the houses in my neighborhood had wooden roofs, although, the roof my neighbor was installing seemed odd. I looked it up and oh my god. Once i clicked on the images, i felt the blood rush to my little guy. It was as if i could cum on the spot. Their curviness, the terracotta color, everything was so erotic. I found myself touching my lower regions. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good. The next day, my neighbors roof was still being installed. I had an excellent idea. I grabbed the latter from my garage and sneakily brought it over to their house. While avoiding the cameras and guard dogs, I climbed on top of their roof. Lord have mercy. I was dripping the second i saw those tiles in real life. No longer keeping my excitement, i began forcefully ripping off a few tiles. I needed to use them now. I couldnt wait. I pulled my pants down. You can guess what happened next by the title. I shoved 4 1/2 roof tiles up my anus. It felt so good. No woman or man had ever pleasured me like this. My moans and whimpers were so loud my neighbor eventually came out of his house to see cum dripping off his roof with 4 1/2 of his roof tiles shoved up my anus. He called the cops on me. They didnt want to touch me so they couldnt arrest me, right? That was my plan until one of the officers informed me their prison had roof tiles similar to the ones shoved up my anus. I got down and let them arrest me. Because the officers were so repulsed by the 4 1/2 roof tiles shoved up my anus, i went the whole drive to prison with 4 1/2 roof tiles shoved up my anus. I was charged with Public Nudity, Exposure To a Minor (my neighbors 4 year old daughter had seem me) and Indecency. Im now going to prison for 8 years. So, Reddit, am i the asshole?
So me 34M and my gf 5F were driving down the road and suddenly a little child about 6 years old and his other friends were walking and they said a naughty word, they said “poopy” I could not stand this. I continued to drive shouting profanity’s and and I ran them over. AITA?
So i was in church when the pastor said something and the word "snoop". That reminded me of popular rapper and celebrity Snoop dogg and his hit song "Smoke weed everyday", featuring Dr. Dre. I immediately pulled out my phone and plugged my wireless earbuds in my ears. But there wasn't any sound, so i cranked up the volume, but I still couldn't hear anything. I had no choice but to use maximum volume. Suddenly, i heard a loud "smoke weed everyday" from Snoop dogg. Everyone stood up and clapped, even the pastor. Then everyone began to smoke weed, but it turned out everyone was allergic to weed. They all breakdanced on the floor for hours. EDIT: Apparently now I'm a "cult leader" according to the court. So reddit, AITA?
I know the title sounds bad but please hear me out.
I (37M) and my wife (25F) have had complications with sex our entire marriage (4 years), but recently we’ve started having more and more sex recently! I love my wife, and she loves me I think.
Now onto the story: I have been a massive breaking bad fan for years, I have all the merch and funko pops. But my wife thinks it’s an “unhealthy obsession”, which is just completely and utterly false! We were in the mood 2 days ago and we started having hot steamy sex, and while I was grunting I said “Oh yeah Jesse, im gonna cook up your boy pussy!” And my wife instantly said “WHAT!?” And I, realising my mistake, said “Nothing, probably just the wind.”
We continued going at it and we were reaching the climax, as soon as I came I yelled “Jesse! Feel my crystal blue cum!” And my wife threw me off instantly and yelled “I’m done! I hate you and I hate your stupid breaking bad obsession, and I’ve been fucking another guy because you won’t shut up about ‘Better Call Saul’ and how ‘Kim’ is a better wife than me!”.
As she was yelling more about how breaking bad is ruining me I told her “you’re acting just like skyler!” And she yelled that we are getting a divorce.
She has now moved into a motel and I’ve been thinking about what happened, I personally don’t believe I’m in the wrong, but I want to hear it from Reddit.
AITA?
I (56M) am an Austrian living in Germany and always wanted to be an artist since I was a child, I lived in a poor household and frequently moved houses and so I didnt have many friend and so I took an interest in drawing, I used to draw all the time with passion, as soon as school finished I used to quickly go home and start drawing, and before I knew it it was night already, that's all I really did all day in my childhood and teens, putting my heart and soul into each and every art piece I've made, I was so proud and full of joy each time I complete a art work, it was the joy of my life, and I was sure that I was gonna continue to pursue this hobby all my life making it my career, so fast forward a couple of years, I dropped out of school at age 16, because I had other goals in life and went on to continue pursuing my art journey and applied at Germany's biggest art school, Academy of Fine Arts, I entered and left the exam room confident in my acceptance, I spent the rest of the day feeling immensely ecstatic, eagerly waiting for the letter to come in the mail, and soon enough hear it came, a gold coloured letter with fine writing, I though by the image of the letter it would say that I was accepted, but I was wrong, I was beyond shocked and surprised, the thought of it saying rejected hasent even crossed my mind since I applied, I was overly confident, I nearly fell unconscious, I felt sick, I felt betrayed, I felt depressed as all my life came crashing on me, that was the only thing I was good in, that was my life, and now it was all gone, I have no purpose in life, I started becoming an alcoholic to escape my depression and years later after forcibly fighting in a world war and seeing death all around me, It made me feel better, knowing that there were people who had it worst than me and that gave me the motivation to make myself a big figure and rise to highest ranks people to command people so I could fuel my happiness and to also take my revenge from the bastards who rejected me, am I the asshole?
Last week when our biology teacher started talking about pandas I got up from my seat and started beating my dick in front of everyone. I got so horny I didn't even notice the horrified expressions on my classmates faces. All the girls started screaming and crying while the boys just looked at me in shame knowing that a member of their own gender could do something so horrible. The teacher dragged me to the principles office I tried to explain why I did what I did but the principle just kept asking "what the fuck is apandah bussy". Today I received the news that multiple classmates of mine commited suicide. But this isn't my fault. It's apandahs fault for having such a nice fat juicy bussy. So Reddit am I the asshole???
