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Warhammer


From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh

    The line came from the opening cinematic of Warhammer 40k Mechanicus spoken by the servo-skull Magos Dominus Reditus.

    From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.
    From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal. 
    "From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved. For the Machine is Immortal" 
    From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine.

Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal…

...even in death I serve the Omnissiah.

    Binary version

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    I own a Pulse Carbine for Home Defence

      Its the ‘Own a musket for home defense‘ copypyasta but changed to the Pulse Carbine from Warhammer 40k.

      Own a Pulse Carbine for home defense, since that's what Aun’va intended. Four Gue’la break into my reasonably sized state issued accomodation. "By the Tau’va!" As I grab my Fio’Tak Combat Armor and Pulse Carbine. Burn a man sized hole through the first gue’la, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because I don’t have ‘For The Greater Good’ activated, and nail one of the neighbours 250 kroot hounds. I have to resort to the Pulse Blast Cannon mounted at the top of the stairs, set to focused. "FOR TAU TO PROSPER, IT WILL BE SO" the small star shreds two Gue’la in the blast, the sound and extreme heat set off Devilfish alarms. I grab my close combat weapon and charge the last terrified rapscallion. I bleed out waiting on the medic drones to arrive since trangular lasrifle-bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as Aun'va intended

      I saw a Warhammer Dev at a Waitrose store in Horsham yesterday.

        Parody of the Flying Lotus copypasta but edited to fit the narrative from a post on r/totalwar where a player meet a dev.

        I saw a Warhammer Dev at a Waitrose store in Horsham yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

        From the moment I first witnessed the interlopers, they disgusted me.

          An adaptation of the ‘From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh‘ Mechanicus copypasta into Necron’s faction. 

          From the moment I first witnessed the interlopers, they disgusted me.
Aeons we slumbered, waiting to reclaim our galaxy.
Only for it to become infested with vermin, that proliferated in our absence.
Now, we awaken to retake what is ours.
Wretched amalgamations of meat and metal, shackled to ignorance by your faith.
Do you truly believe you can stop us?
We who have shattered our very gods and enslaved them to our will.
The stars were young when our empire was ascendant.
And when the last of them die, we alone will remain.
For we are immortal.