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Warhammer 40k

I own a Pulse Carbine for Home Defence

    Its the ‘Own a musket for home defense‘ copypyasta but changed to the Pulse Carbine from Warhammer 40k.

    Own a Pulse Carbine for home defense, since that's what Aun’va intended. Four Gue’la break into my reasonably sized state issued accomodation. "By the Tau’va!" As I grab my Fio’Tak Combat Armor and Pulse Carbine. Burn a man sized hole through the first gue’la, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because I don’t have ‘For The Greater Good’ activated, and nail one of the neighbours 250 kroot hounds. I have to resort to the Pulse Blast Cannon mounted at the top of the stairs, set to focused. "FOR TAU TO PROSPER, IT WILL BE SO" the small star shreds two Gue’la in the blast, the sound and extreme heat set off Devilfish alarms. I grab my close combat weapon and charge the last terrified rapscallion. I bleed out waiting on the medic drones to arrive since trangular lasrifle-bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as Aun'va intended

    Commissar 40K Navy Seals

      Navy Seals but in 40K Warhammer 
      What in the Emperor's name did you just fucking say about me, you fucking heretic? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Schola Progenium, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Chaos and Xenos, and I have over 30,000 confirmed executions. I am trained in Catachan warfare and I'm the top commissar in all of the Imperium. You are nothing to me but just another pathetic and cowardly guardsmen to execute. I will wipe you out to the Warp and back with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that heresy to me over the vox? Think again, heretic. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Officio Prefectus and your exact location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, traitor. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, heretic. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can execute you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bolt pistol. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Astra Militarum and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this side of the rift, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your miserable tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn traitor. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, heretic.

      From the moment I first witnessed the interlopers, they disgusted me.

        An adaptation of the ‘From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh‘ Mechanicus copypasta into Necron’s faction. 

        From the moment I first witnessed the interlopers, they disgusted me.
Aeons we slumbered, waiting to reclaim our galaxy.
Only for it to become infested with vermin, that proliferated in our absence.
Now, we awaken to retake what is ours.
Wretched amalgamations of meat and metal, shackled to ignorance by your faith.
Do you truly believe you can stop us?
We who have shattered our very gods and enslaved them to our will.
The stars were young when our empire was ascendant.
And when the last of them die, we alone will remain.
For we are immortal.

        GREETINGS BATTLE BROTHERS I AM NEW.

          Warhammer 40k copypasta
          Space Marines variation of the Penguin of Doom 
          GREETINGS BATTLE BROTHERS I AM NEW. HOLDS UP BOLTER MY NAME IS SERGEANT ARGUS BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BATTLE BROTHER. AS YOU CAN SEE I AM VERY LOYAL TO THE EMPEROR. THAT IS WHY I HAVE COME HERE, TO MEET OTHER BATTLE BROTHERS WHO ARE LOYAL TO THE EMPEROR LIKE MYSELF. I AM 127 YEARS OF AGE ( PRAISE THE EMPEROR) I LIKE TO PURGE HERETICS AND XENO SCUM WITH MY BATTLE BROTHERS ( I LOVE MY BATTLE BROTHERS, IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THAT THE DEAL WITH IT) IT IS OUR FAVORITE ACTIVITY BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LOYAL TO THE EMPEROR. ALL MY BATTLE BROTHERS ARE LOYAL TO THE EMPEROR TOO OF COURSE, BUT I WANT TO MEET MORE LOYAL SERVANTS OF THE EMPEROR. LIKE THE EMPEROR ONCE SAID, THE MORE THE MERRIER. I HOPE TO BOND WITH A LARGE AMOUNT OF LOYAL SERVANTS OF THE EMPEROR SO JOIN ME IN PRAISE OF THE EMPEROR. FAREWELL.

PRAISE THE EMPEROR

BATTLE BROTHER