Vaporeon copypasta

Contrary to popular belief, Vaporeon was never compatible for breeding with humans at all

Its a response towards the infamous Vaporeon copypasta by fact checking Vaporeon’s capabilities to manipulate water.

Contrary to popular belief, Vaporeon was never compatible for breeding with humans at all. Far from it. For starters, most of them are male, 87.5% male to be exact, and they're not even in the Human-Like egg group anyway. Not only that, but the copypasta diluted the truth about Vaporeon's abilities, hence why I will now set the record straight. Hydration only works when it's raining and Water Absorb, which has a darker nature that I will get to talk about soon, doesn't mean your Vaporeon will turn white after you "pull out." I know this because I cleaned sperm bank toilets a long time ago. Also, what wasn't mentioned is that Vaporeon can control water easily, meaning that Vaporeon can perfectly utilize the water it can control to enter a person's orifices until they explode. Vaporeon’s biology allows it to defeat its opponent by entering any human orifice effortlessly, like the candiru fish, with it eventually making its way to the human's lungs until the human succumbed to dry drowning or have those very same lungs rupture, letting the Vaporeon exit the newly created cadaver easily. Now here is the disturbing truth about Water Absorb. Since human bodies are 65% water, a Vaporeon that's inside a human body could potentially absorb the water in said body until the poor human was nothing more than a shriveled corpse. Also, if a Vaporeon rematerialized while it was inside your urethra, your penis would be sent to the Distortion World instantly. Its ability to control water also includes creating Kyogre-like tsunamis that can level cities easily, and with moves like Scald, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Hyper Beam, and Body Slam, Vaporeon has so many ways to end you that it should be reclassified to the "Assassin Pokémon." It can also learn Detect and Toxic too, so don't explore that "deep sea cave" for "treasure." As for the moves that it can use to make itself more "horny," the thing is that the rest of Vaporeon's kin can also learn those moves too, with Leafeon, Glaceon, and Umbreon having higher defense stats that would blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week. Acid Armor won't even change that. Also, the NSFW crowd loves Umbreon and Sylveon more than Vaporeon.

Sylveon (good ending)

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of Human and Pokémon friendship, Sylveon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they super cute, they’re also a very empathetic fairy type. Sylveon are an average of 3"03' tall and 51.8 pounds. this means they're optimal for giving a hug when you’re sad, and with their impressive Base stats for Special Defense and access to Psych Up you can be sure that it will be able to understand and help you through your stressful emotions. Due to their long ribbon-like feelers there's no doubt in my mind that any Sylveon hug would be a great source of comfort, and they emit a soothing aura to ensure your stress melts away. They can also learn the moves Disarming Voice and Growl, so it’ll easily know how to control its volume as to not alarm you. With their abilities Cute Charm and Pixilate they can easily bond with you and help make normal life feel vibrant. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you make Sylveon some of its favorite food, it will always make a point to share some with you! Sylveon is literally built to be a good friend. Ungodly Special Defense stat + natural empathy means it can withstand even the most difficult day, depression, anxiety, or whatever, they’re always ready to be there for you.

Umbreon Copypasta

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.

Umbreon was a response to the Vaporeon copypasta

Vaporeon Is Literally Build For Human

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

Related Flareon copypasta with good ending

Copypasta de Vaporeon en Español

Hey chicos, sabían que en terminos de reproducción entre hombres humanos y Pokémon hembras, Vaporeon es el Pokémon mas compatible para los Humanos?

No solo porque están en el Grupo Huevo Campo, que está principalmente conformado por Mamíferos, Vaporeon tiene en promedio una medida de 91.44 Cm. de altura y un peso de 28,98 Kg., esto significa que son suficientemente grandes para soportar penes humanos, y con sus impresionantes Estadisticas Base de PS y acceso a Armadura Ácida, puedes ser duro con ella. Debido a su biología mayoritariamente compuesta de agua, no hay dudas de que una Vaporeon excitada sería increiblemente húmeda, tan húmeda que podrías facilmente tener sexo con una por horas sin lastimarte o sentir dolor.

Ellas también pueden aprender los movimientos "Atracción", "Ojitos Tiernos", "Seducción", "Encanto" y "Latigo", además de no tener pelaje para esconder pezones, así que sería increiblemente facil conseguirte una con humor. Con sus habilidades "Absorbe Agua" e "Hidratación", pueden recuperarse facilmente de la fatiga con suficiente agua.

Ningún otro Pokémon llega a estar cerca de este nivel de compatibilidad. Además, como curiosidad, si te empeñas suficiente al acabar, puedes llegar a hacer a tu Vaporeon Blanca.

Vaporeon está literalmente hecha para el pene humano. Asombrosas Estadisticas de Defensa+Alta cantidad de PS+Armadura Ácida significa que puede recibir verga todo el dia, de todas las formas y tamaños, y aún así venir por mas.

Original version in English

Vaporeon (Good Ending)

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of Water-Type Pokemon and teambuilding versatility, Vaporeon is my favorite Pokemon? Not only is it in the Field egg group which allows for an amazing egg movepool, Vaporeon has a Base HP of 130 and Base Special Defense of 95, which means they’re bulky enough to be able to handle special sweepers and with their impressive Base Stat for HP and a comparatively solid Base Defense, this means they can tank rough attacks. 

Due to their singular Water typing, there’s no doubt in my mind that a minmaxed Vaporeon would be incredibly bulky. So bulky that you could easily switch on prediction for turns without getting swept. They can also learn the moves Wish, Substitute, Heal Bell, Toxic, and Scald, along with having Haze to prevent setup, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to tank for your team. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover damage with enough strategy. No other Pokemon comes close to this level of versatility. 

Also, fun fact, Vaporeon has the highest HP Stat of all Eeveelutions. Vaporeon is literally built to tank on switch. Rock-solid Defense stats + high HP Pool + Acid Armor means it can take attacks all day, all shapes and sizes, and still come for more.

Hey guys, did you know that Vaporeon is a Water-type Pokemon introduced in Generation 1? Vaporeon is number 134 in the National Dex, and a member of the Field egg group. It evolves from Eevee when exposed to a Water Stone. Vaporeon has a base stat total of 525, as do all Eeveelutions, and it has the ability Water Absorb. Vaporeon learns various strong moves, such as Aurora Beam, Surf, and Acid Armor. Vaporeon is a blue Pokemon with a quadruped build, weighing in at 64 pounds and standing 1 meter tall. Vaporeon's design is inspired by dogs, foxes, mermaids, dolphins, and fish. Vaporeon is able to hide in water due to its chemical makeup being similar to water, according to various Pokedex entries. Vaporeon is the only Eeveelution in Generation 1 that is not weak to Ground-type attacks. Many Trainers like Vaporeon for its design, which mixes cool and cute, as well as its good stats and movepool.

Vaporeon is objectively the best hugger

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human and pokemon companionship, vaporeon is objectively the best hugger? Due to their average height of 3'03", they are small enough to bring everywhere but large enough to give a good hug. Also, considering that they are in the field egg group, they are mammals, meaning that they produce heat, making for a warm hug. Aswell they have a water like body structure leading to them conforming to your body shape, giving a stronger hug. Finally, they have incredible base stats and the option to learn moves like acid armor, meaning you can squeeze them to your hearts content. Vaporeon was built to give hugs. :)