My boyfriend expressed an interest in wanting to be pegged. I was very supportive but also intimidated because I don't have a lot of experience with ass play on men. But I went ahead and bought a 15 inch strap-on. It felt really strange to wear the dildo, like, awkward with this purple appendage protruding from my pelvis, pointed at my boyfriend’s poised ass. Once the dildo was inside, I checked in with him to make sure I wasn't hurting him, and he replied, 'Are you in all the way?' After I began thrusting, he said, 'I don't think this is working, it's not big enough!'”
Today I (f, 24, vegan) accidentally ate some chicken ( f, 8 weeks, not vegan) and it made me so angry. Im vegan, and was at Popeyes and asked for a chicken sandwich, but the idiot at the counter didn’t realize that I was vegan just by looking at me (vegan) and understanding my vegan aurora, and sold me (vegan) REAL chicken in my sandwich. I (vegan) realized this and told him (not vegan) that I’m vegan and that I’m going to murder his whole fucking family because I (vegan) believe that animal death and cruelty is bad. He (not vegan) told me (vegan) he (not vegan) was going to call the police, and I (vegan) told him (not vegan) that you can’t do that because I’m vegan and I save lobsters at whole foods on the weekend. The cops (not vegan) arrested me (vegan) and they took all my fucking lobster that I (vegan) heroically saved, and now I (vegan) have no one to talk to (lobsters).
So I don't care about sex and whatever, so I'm in GameStop with my friend (female) and she decides while im trying to look for a new game to just grab my pp.
I'm sitting there, unaffected with no boner still looking for a game.
She's shocked at how I don't care and all I say is "Hands off my cock." just like how Falco kinda says it in Super Smash Bros.
She wont respond to my texts.
Update: She texted me back just saying "Are you gay or something?" And I responded with "Show me ya moves!"
Now im blocked.
Backstory: I live round the corner from my gran and visit her often so thanks to me she has a vague grasp of what memes are and how they work. The other day when I was round at hers and she asked what memes were popular at the moment so I told her about the "OK boomer" meme. She knew what boomers were already so she was able to get the concept of this meme fairly easily.
Fast forward to today, I'm over at my gran's again, and she's on the phone to my aunt. They got into a disagreement over a slightly racist comment my aunt made the other day (my gran is very much against racism) and my gran eventually just said "OK boomer" and hung up.
I've never been so proud.
UPDATE: So I told my gran about this post and the reaction it got - she said she's glad that so many of you enjoyed her little joke and that it proves she's still young at heart. I agree with that 100%.
So I was in 8th or 9th (about 13 or 14) and my ex's sister had a really big crush on me. And I kinda liked her too. Well we're in a Skype call and she's all like "Hey I want to watch my little pony but I'm scared I'll be made fun of" and I'm like I'll watch it with you. Fuck it. And she's like aww that's sweet I'll make it up to you. I'll show you my boobs. And blah blah. So we watched THE FUCKING ENTIRE FRIENDSHIP IS MAGICAL SERIES 6 HOUR YOUTUBE VIDEO and the video ends and I'm like sweet can you uh. And she's like "gotta go to sleep" never did get to see the tits. Kinda still bummed about.
It's fapping time, so went on browsing different porn sites for the perfect video and ended up finding a hot video of some dude ramming a really hot ass girl, and so I thought "I can work with this" and started fapping and as I was getting close to the finish I zoom on the girl's face and stopped fapping and paused the video, took a closer look
"Holy fuck!.... that's my friend's mom!"
I'm 100% sure of it too, I can tell by the voice and the face, and I've seen younger pictures of her around his house as well. He had told me before that she did some "Modelling" when she was younger, but it's all long gone now. I always suspected it was porn because she's that hot as fuck, but Anyways I went on with it and finished.
I devise a plan to prank my friend as revenge because he had pranked me by moving my car and having me think that it was stolen for hours, so I downloaded the video, cut out all the parts of face close-ups, and distorted the audio slightly so the voices will sound different and send it to my friend via email, the thanked me right away and 5 hours later he told me that he used it and was a great video, I was dying of laughter but kept my mouth shut.
I went over to his house the next day to break the news to him, he told me that the video was awesome (It was actually a really hot video tbh) and he used it again, at this point I was literally crying of laughter. He asked me what it was so I went on and opened the original video and showed him the face close up,
"You just fapped to your own mom bro"
and started laughing my ass off. He froze in shock but ended up coming to terms with it and ran to the bathroom and puked, he was really pissed at me, but I'm laughing uncontrollably.
To add insult to injury I jokingly said that I found his dad (His dad actually left before he was born, he has pictures of him but never met him) He laughed a little to lighten the situation
"Oh very funny *insert my name* fuck you"
I went to the video and said
"See dude, it was made in the same year you were born" (It actually was.... a strange coincidence I thought)
He said
"Fuck off dude, it's not funny"
he froze again, and walked up to his computer, and fast-forwarded to the male face, the male is Hispanic, and my friend was half Hispanic, and it was a "Creampie" video. He ran out of his room and grabbed the picture of his dad (the picture is from when his mom was pregnant, and he left on the 8th month of pregnancy) He held the picture next to the screen and started to cry.
Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!! It is his fucking dad, the resemblance was too close to not be....same hairstyle same looks, same color skin, WTF? I immediately felt like a complete piece of shit, I just revealed to my closest friend that his birth was a porno gone wrong! He was crying uncontrollably and left the room and grabbed his mom, pulled her in to show the video, she was shocked and got pale and started crying.
It was true.... he just fapped to his own conception, I apologized and left, I didn't even know what to say.
