Story time: My most intense orgasm. Earlier this year, I had my most intense orgasm. I was in the middle of a zoom class when my teacher was teaching her philosophy class. Her webcam is at an angle where I can only see her torso. Her boyfriend was shouting at her to come to the kitchen in an emergency, and she rushed out of her chair. The thing is, when she jumped out, she hit her desk and the webcam's angle changed where we can see the whole body, and when she ran through the door we can see her butt-ass nude. Her pussy lips flopping like a two week old SubWay turkey sandwhich. Her boyfriend played a prank on her (I think) and he called her over just to slap her ass or to finger her or smth, and she left in such a hurry she forgot that she was unmuted. I think the boyfriend fingered her or smth cuz she let out a big scream and "oh my god I'm in class!". She came back in around 2 minutes and by that time I was already about to nut. My camera was angled to only see my face so I thought I was clear. The reality was, that she came back super embarassed to see that her mic and camera were exposing her and also saw my whopping load of cum shoot straight up and land back down on my nose. My crush saved a screenshot and posted it on her story. Now I am on my balcony, looking down. Goodbye everyone, and for anyone who asks, it was worth it.
I'm Harambe, and this is my zoo enclosure. I work here with my zoo keeper and my friend, cecil the lion. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know WHO is gonna come over that fence.
I found a dildo in my mom's closet when I was 7 😔😔 shit was scary .. 'cause I thought it was a real, I ain't know 😢 I thought it was a real nigga dick in the closet 😢 and I wasn't out searchin' 👀 for dicks 👷 the dick found me 😩 I was in the closet lookin' for snacks 😢 I saw a penis 😔 shit was huge 😔 .. and I was scared boy 😰 I ain't know what to do 😢 . . . so I took it and put it in my shoe box and waited for my dad to come home from work 😐😐 I had to tell somebody 😐 you don't just FIND dicks everyday in the closet 😢😢 and I didn't just put it in the shoebox and walk away .. no 😐 it was too risky 😐 . . . I carried that muhfucka with me everywhere I went like luggage 😢 .. my brother said "... What's in the box reo--" "NOT DICK 😩" 😐😐 And I think that sorta gave it away 😐 but I ain't know no better 😐 I was 7 😢 .. I'm in the bathroom takin shits next to the dick 😐😐 eatin' cereal with the muhfucka 😐😐 I asked the dick if it was hungry 😐😐 . . . Then finally my dad comes home 😐😐 I said "Dad follow me 😐" .. I went in the garage 😐😐 I put the box on the table 😐😐 I said "Dad there's a peterwhacker in the package 😐" . . . He said "What?" "THERE'S A DICK IN THE BOX DAD I DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE 😩" .. my dad opened the box, he said "What the fuck? Romeo where you find this at!" I said "I don't know dad 😐 it was in the box with the shoes you got me 😐" he said "Romeo . . . Where 😐😐 did you get 😐😐 the peterwhacker 😐😐" .. "It was in mom's closet dad ! I was lookin' for snacks 😩" .. I snitched 😢 Now I'm thinkin' my mom goin' to jail for cuttin' a nigga dick off and puttin' it in the closet 😢
So me and my dad in the living room .. my dad standing up, waitin' for my mom to come home with the dick behind his back 😐😐😐 like this was normal 😐 I said "Dad I don't think you should hold it like that 😐" he said "SHUDDUP Romeo" 😐😐 My mom unlock the door, my dad throw it at her 🍆😲 it hit her lip 😲 .. he said "WTF IS THAT TASHA !" .. my mom had groceries in her hand too 😐 she said "What" he said "THE BIG ASS DICK ROMEO FOUND IN YO CLOSET ! HE PUT IN HIS SHOEBOX" 😲😲😲😲 oooh you snitchin' ass muhfucka 😲😲 I trusted you 😲😲 you bald 😲😲 pecan head muhfucka 😲😲 my mom looked right at me 😐 .. "WTF YOU DOING IN MY CLOSET ROMEO!" .. 😐😐 I said "WHY YOU CUTTING PEOPLE PETERWHACKERS 🍆 OFF MOM" .. son , when I tell you she beat my ass with that peterwhacker boy 😢 like I ain't even do nothin' 😢 I was so mad 😢 I went in my room and called the cops 😐 I said "Hello 😐 yeah my mom got somebody dick her closet 😐" .. I snitched 😐 I had to 😐 she beat my ass with a dick, what was I supposed to do 😢
My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
so, since porn is really hot and seemingly irresistible, i figured out a psychological treatment procedure that basically allows you to pleasure yourself without porn.
i could maybe use something called classical conditioning. here's an example:
when a dog is offered food, it starts to salivate. when it hears a bell before conditioning, it won't react. during conditioning, the dog will hear the bell and be offered food afterwards, so it will asociate the sound of the bell with the coming of food. after the conditioning, the dog will salivate when it hears a bell even if there is no food offered. that is classical conditioning.
i think it is possible for a sound to be associated with sexual arousal so that it produces an erection when heard. so here's my procedure: i produce an audio file containing a sound you wouldn't hear in natural circumstances, and play that on loop while i look at porn and jerk off. if my theory is correct, i will eventually get hard to just hearing that audio file and i'd be able to jerk off to it.
tl;dr: it could be possible to substitute a sound for porn so you wouldn't need to depend on porn to jerk off anymore.
note that this hypothesis is crude and faulty and will require many revisions as i test out my theory. ok bye.
So I was taking a crap in the juul room (if you didn’t know they have toilets in there) and after I was done I decided to take a hit, low and behold it goes down the wrong pipe, now I didn’t learn until later you weren’t supposed to swallow the entire jul stick and you where supposed to suck on it, but somebody really should have told me that because I started choking and fell to the floor grasping my neck, luckily for me somebody happened to walk into the juul room before I actually died, and they promptly helped me get the jul stick out of my throat. I thanked him and he asked me what was going on in my pants, I looked down, they where wet but not a loose kind of wet, they were sticky, I had just busted the biggest nut of my life. Now I can’t stop every time I masterbate and cry myself to sleep in my room I have to stick a finger or something down my throat to get off, and what’s worse I can’t fuck my cat anymore because she is hard enough to fuck with both hands, its impossible to fuck her with one hand so I can use the other to gag myself. Lately I find myself getting closer and closer to death as I have to dress up as batman and tie a belt around my neck very tightly to even pop a half chub, one of these days im going to die in my room dressed up as batman with a tightened belt around my neck, and its all because of juul
