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Simp Copypasta

Browse every Simp copypasta from the infamous Discord message “can we honestly e date?” to the classic “*JAW DROPS humina humina awooga” copypasta.


Coital Dominance

    I wish females would ascertain their coital dominance on my only slightly higher than average fat content (463 lbs) of a body. Any redditor kitten females up for the challenge? 😉😘😘😜

    My boyfriend is spending $1000/month on OnlyFans woman

      I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for a year, and we’re moving in together. I do accounting so I’m calculating our finances to estimate what we can afford. I noticed a $1000 charge EVERY month on his statements. I asked about it and he said it’s for OnlyFans woman. He says he's never cheated and never will and he's never met or talked to this woman. She's American so he says there is no chance of anything happening, but there’s no reason to stop paying once we live together.
      
      I'm stunned. My boyfriend is a simp. There are no other words. I do not object to the pornography with consenting adults and I don't care if he looks at it. But we’ve been together for a year. Continued simping when we live together and merge our finances is red flag. I've said I'm uncomfortable and won't live with him if he continues simping, but he just repeats the never cheated act. I feel like I'm being gaslighted because now he's angry I won't live with him. I needed to get this out to process because I was so shocked when I found out my boyfriend is a simp.

      I want to lose my virginity

        Greetings and salutations,
        
        Despite my lack of experience, I am incredibly horny (some may say a sexual deviant). Every day I have vivid lucid dreams of doggystyle, pussy eating, edging, pegging, ruined orgasms, blindfolded blowjobs, nipple play, facials, squirting, and much much more. To quote the late great Martin Luther King Jr, "I have a dream" and that dream is to finally lose my coveted virginity. There isn't much to know about me, I am a fairly simple man. Apart from reading the works of Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, I am infatuated with the pussy. The pussy is all that I can think of. To me pussy is much more than the female anatomy, it's a religious doctrine. The Mohammedan or Jesuit may pray to their holy Gods but I worship the pussy. Some may say there is such a life without which you desire, my rebuttal is as follows, what life? What life is there on this God-forsaken planet without indulging in the delicacy of pussy? What life must a man live without consuming the art of lust? It is a cardinal sin for thou to suppress its animalistic urges. For what will it take for me to get pussy? Siddhārtha Gautama sat under the bodhi tree for 49 days for him to become the Buddha, will my deprivation of pussy be responsible for my ascension to enlightenment? I hath become a mad man. The wonders of modern medicine can't save me but the flesh of a woman will. My face is buried in my palms. Tears wept as I am subjugated to the horrors of humanity. My hunger for the joyous pussy is immeasurable. I need to be fed. Please take me out of my misery.

        Boysmell

          *sniff* *sniff*
          i-is that a BOY I smell?
          *sniff* *sniff*
          mmm yes I smell it! BOYSMELL!!!! I smell a boy! W-What is a boy doing here?!?! omygosh what am I gonna do?!?! THERE'S A BOY HERE! I'M FREAKING OUT SO MUCH!!!! calm down calm down and take a nice, deep breathe....
          *sniff* *sniff*
          it smells so good! I love boysmell so much!!!! It makes me feel so amazing. I'm getting tingles all over from the delicious boyscent! It's driving me boyCRAZY!!!!!!
          if u are a boy and u are reading this, I just wanted to say hiiiii cute boy!!!! I love you!

          Shorter version

          sniff sniff i-is that a BOY I smell? sniff sniff mmm yes I smell it! BOYSMELL!!!! I smell a boy! W-What is a boy doing here?!?! omygosh what am I gonna do?!?! THERE'S A BOY HERE! I'M FREAKING OUT SO MUCH!!!! calm down calm down and take a nice, deep breathe.... sniff sniff it smells so good! I love boysmell so much!!!! It makes me feel so amazing. I'm getting tingles all over from the delicious boyscent! It's driving me boyCRAZY!!!!!!

          A girl…. AND a gamer?

            Eyes pop out AROOOGA!
            A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~

            Oh my fucking god, I cannot stand it anymore…

              Oh my fucking god, I cannot stand it anymore... I think I must've become a simp at some point recently because every time I look at you I just get a massive fucking erection. Your face look like it was hand designed by a thousand angels... And you have an uttermost beautiful style of clothing as well, if you happen to have a twitch account, please be sure to add me at xXPussy_Destroyrr69420wholesomekeanuchungussub2pewdiepieXx. I promise I'll donate every cent that I make every month, I usually just mow lawns for my elderly neighbor, Mrs. Anderson, but I swear I can do so much more! I'll probably get a job at Burger King since you get very delicious lunch breaks there!! And I'll make you the happiest girl in this green earth, you are so extremely beautiful it pains me to know I can't be on that bed with you... And people say you can't be a respectful man these days, well, as a brony, anime lover and gamer 4 life who definitely enjoys his time, I can assure you I'll be able to show you what a REAL man can do. Please baby I love you. I also do Fedora tricks.