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Simp Copypasta

Browse every Simp copypasta from the infamous Discord message “can we honestly e date?” to the classic “*JAW DROPS humina humina awooga” copypasta.


Greta Thunberg is the reason I work out.

    Greta Thunberg is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the UN climate summit after party. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her on CNN She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Greta Thunberg? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't a climate change activist?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Mexico" I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's OK," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Mexico?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

    How exactly does one get p**sy while living at the white house as a teenage boy?

      How exactly does one get pussy while living at the white house as a teenage boy? The secret service always cock blocking you. when you're trying to run game on some foreign prime ministers daughter the news media catches you smiling at her and immediately blows shit out if proportion speculating that you are somehow breaking international law with your awkward teenage flirting, so you have to testify before congress that you didn't give away any top secret documents to her and are made to admit live on C-SPAN that you've never even kissed a girl . Then you get blue balls from some hot conservative girl winking at you and flashing her panties under her skirt and making sexy faces and blow job motions to you while you were going through some airport or public event, and when you passed by and shook her hand she leans in whispering she is going to diddle her clit thinking about you tonight and how much she wants to suck your dick off, just to fuck with you. Then you try to look up some porn when you get home just to relieve the tension but you just know the CIA is monitoring and 3 other govornment agencies are watching you beat off. Then you finally break down and Jack off in the shower which sets off some fucking biohazard drain alarm and the entire place is on lock down until they can find the source of the specimen and you end up getting debriefed by the joint chiefs of staff about your masturbatory habits and how you almost created a national security issue with your dick. Then wikileaks leaks your search history showing you looked up penis enlargement techniques when it was actually just some click bait you'd accidentally clicked and TYT spends all next week talking about your supposed micro penis. So you end up squirming a little since you are so wound up and being judged constantly and now people are saying you look like a fucking mental patient and you start to think you'll never get any pussy.

      Kanye West’s pussy.

        Kanye West with a pussy would be breathtaking. It would be so pink and he would make sure to wax every once in a while. His lips would be so silky. To see his clit, you’d have to spread his lips because they are also chubby. His walls are fluffy and it would be so easy for him to squirt.

        Attention all gamers

          Message to all recent players: Do you have a cute sister? I am single and I like to play Xbox games and I am looking for a girlfriend. She has to be hot like Megan Fox and she has to be nice to me cause I cry a lot. Help me find my soulmate

          I can’t wait any longer for Isabelle’s pussy.

            Holy fucking shit. There are less than 2 days left until animal crossing comes out on the switch and I can't wait any longer. I need to see Isabelle in 1080P HD 60FPS, and I need to see her NOW. Not only is she the love of my life, but I fucking need more rule 34 of her. There is nothing more fucking hot than Isabelle, and the new game's release will (If my calculations are correct) cause a massive flood of new Isabelle rule 34. I have harassed everyone I've found with an early copy, and I've tried to convince them to give it to me in every way I know. That includes offering my mum's credit card (that's fucking revenge for trying to take away my 3DS you bitch), death threats, begging, and other typically effective means. So if anyone has an early copy, please give it to me. I physically cannot wait any longer for Isabelle.

Please.

            I want to fuck mitochondria.

              I want to fuck mitochondria. I fantasize every night about pumping my throbbing dick into the warm, soft cristae of those sexy powerhouses. I want to feel the buzz of energy as the electrons orbit in the gravitational field of my massive cock. I want to feel the hot tightness of the mitochondrial membranes rubbing against my dick as I thrust it in and out of ATP synthases until I orgasm, washing the mitochondria with my cum like a tidal wave and mixing my own DNA with that of the mitochondria. Just thinking about it makes me want to explode with sexual energy.