First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking.
I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.
Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.
Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up."
I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight.
He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?
📷nsfw
I’m going to try to keep this short and sweet. Today was my birthday. I was getting into it with my wife. She likes anal, I like giving it to her. Needless to say, after a good bit of foreplay I’m inside her rear. Get a couple drinks in me, I like some light anal play myself.
Wife suggests the dildo for myself. I think to myself (in my half-baked drunken stuper) why not? I’m not a small guy and with plenty of lube she enjoys the hell out of so I’m sure I can enjoy it. Wrong
Ouch.. ouch ouch ouch OUCH. Jesus my ass still hurts. It’s not a big dildo, and she’s taking me like nothing.
How the fuck does she do it? I’ve torn her the hell up and she just loves every second. I tapped out in under 5. My wife is the greatest, and I will never under-appreciate sodomy again.
Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I'm gonna keep it short and sweet because I just came back from the hospital. Yesterday my friend John and I went to one of the clubs that recently opened up after the lock down. We were drinking and dancing and in general having a great time, considering it was just two lads at the club. Suddenly I notice a bag of pillies on the floor. The degenerate inside me gets almost an instant boner. So I pick the pills up and try to ascertain what they might be. I flip the pills to check for markings and in huge letters appeared the word "ROCHE". So I decided to google what they were, and lo and behold, I realized I had just stumbled upon some motherfucking roofies.
First I felt a little disgusted. Finding roofies on the floor of a club? Fuck this was almost 100% going to be used for something nefarious. Then, I felt a little relieved - this motherfucker just lost his rape pills thank fuck. Then, I felt a little excited - cuz they call me the boofmaster in my social circle (I hang out with other degenerates obviously) and I had never boofied a roofie.
So I immediately dip from the club. Tell John that I gotta get my boof on and he understood immediately. I go home and proceed to put an entire pill in my ass. Now, I have no idea how strong these were but holy shit. They knocked me on my ass almost immediately (no pun intended). I was quickly becoming incoherent so I decided to go to bed. Next thing I remember is waking up to three shadows above my head looking very concerned. One was my dad, the other two were nurses. I'm still in a pretty confused state of mind so I try to get up and see that what's happening. After I regain some coherence, I get updated on what has happened. Apparently my Dad came into my room late at night only to find me with my pants undone and drooling like a fucking mad man and my eyes rolled up. He freaked the fuck out and called the EMT on me. Everything is better now, but I still can't face my dad because he found the bag of pills and the EMT explained to him what they were, as well as the mode of ingestion. FUCK. Wish me luck boys, I have to go out for a family trip with him soon.
DUHHHHH FORTNITE BAD DUHHHH BRORTNITE BRAD!!1!1 IS THAT ALL YOU DEPRESSED FUCKS CAN SAY? FORTNITE FORTNITE EMOJI INSTA BAD EMOJI EMOJI BAD BAD!!1!1 I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE WHO CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A BROKEN FUCKING RECORD
I know that this post seems completely ridiculous, and trust me when I say that I think the same. I'm at my wits end here.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. I'm a casual gamer (I play just a few hours a week) while he's much more invested. He dropped out of college, and when he's not working at his part-time job, he's playing video games. This usually doesn't bother me, as he often invites me to play with him. He's a good boyfriend in every other way, and always manages to make time for me despite his gaming "addiction".
My boyfriend is about 50 pounds overweight, and I'm sure this can at least partially be chalked up to his lack of a healthy diet. He rarely eats anything actually healthy, and while the two of us have tried to go on a diet together, he quit after about a month in, and gained back the five pounds that he lost within two weeks. He very rarely drinks water, and usually prefers soda or Redbull. Needless to say, he's really unhealthy.
Recently, one of his online friends mentioned something called "gamer juice", and my boyfriend asked me to make it for him. All it consists of is water and food coloring, and I assumed that he was just memeing, so I figured "why not". I made him the water, and to my surprise, he actually drank it.
The next day, I tried to give him some actual water, and he completely refused to drink it. I feel like I should at least be trying to get him to drink some water, because it's incredibly unhealthy that he never drinks any, but I think it's totally ridiculous that I have to do this for him. It seems childish, and while I chalked the first few times up to a joke, it's pretty clear that he's serious about this. He doesn't want water; he wants gamer juice.
So, Reddit; what do I do here? Do I keep giving in to his gamer juice demands, or do I be honest about how insane this whole thing is? Help me!
I have a cyan cake next to my username. Give me karma. This is non-negotiable, and if any opposition occurs, it will result in you getting 360 no-scoped by my elite team of cake day enforcers. If that doesn’t work, I will find your IP address, go to your home, and flay you alive. Your body will be more mangled than my ex-wife’s hand that got stuck in the garbage disposal. I will then sell your organs on the black market for copious amounts of money (which I will use to make a time machine to travel to my next cake day). I will then murder your whole family and bury them under my heretic blood-shrine. You will sorrow as the deep pits of hell envelop you and all you love, for not upvoting my post. Be scared. Fear.
Give me karma.
