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TIFU by accidentally flashing my enormous cum-producing cock and balls to a teenage Target employee

    NTA your cock your rules
    I may have accidentally committed a felony today by inadvertently exposing myself to a teenage girl.

I recently had a baby, and in an effort to maximize time, I often pump for cum while I'm driving. Earlier today I had to pick up a Target drive-up order just as I was finishing my pumping session.

I pulled into the parking spot and clicked the "I'm here" button in the app, figuring I'd have a few minutes to get pumping wrapped up and put away. I shouldn't have underestimated Target's customer service.

Within 20 seconds a pubescent teen girl was staring at me through my drivers seat window, mere inches from my cum splattered, grotesque postpartum cock and balls (which could probably more accurately be described as big jim and the twins).

Her face told an epic story only a seasoned author could conjure:

1.    Confusion.

2.    Skeptical confusion as she starred directly at my tip being sucked into the transparent flanges like a profane cow

3.    Horror

4.    Massive embarrassment.

I have a feeling she will be conjuring this story to a therapist someday, LOL!

TL:DR: I didn't get my pumping session wrapped up soon enough and flashed a teenage Target employee with my cum producing cock and balls.

    Found on /r/rule34

      I love Reddit sometimes
      Source
      That isn’t how you clean a car. Chances are she exposed her breast to the driver because she thought he was “so hot” and also because he likely had some contraband in his vehicle (such as marijuana or a firearm). She exposed her breast to him to make him hard so she could suck his cock and bathe in his cum. She probably lactated a little bit on the window. Fucking disgusting. She shouldn’t be employed at a car wash to begin with if she’s gonna do this stupid fucking shit. Is this supposed to give me an erection? Sheer work-place incompetence? This is just pathetic. Is western civilization really at a point where we think being sexually perverse and lazy on the job site is something that is arousing? Good Lord...

      I just nutted to your comment

        The original pasta was "I just downvoted your comment." and used as a response by a Redditor.
        Source
        FAQ

What does this mean?
The amount of cum (semen) on my phone and Reddit phone has increased by one.

Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of cum. These include, but are not limited to:
• ⁠you being a femboy, • ⁠Spreading sti infections, • ⁠Sarcasm correctly flagged with a /s.

Am I banned from the Reddit?
No. But you should make comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to not cum.

I don't believe my comment deserved a nut. Can you un-nut to it?
Sure,  mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo  a nut. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot your nut on me. I  tend to respond to Being shot with nut within several minutes. Do note,  however, that over 99.9% of nut appeals are rejected, and yours is  likely no exception.

How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept  the nut and move on. your behavior will be nutted to on Reddit.com. I  will continue to nut until you stop boing so hot 😩 Remember: I’m horny  uwu

        TIFU by putting my foreskin in the PS5 disc drive.

          Redditor in a nutshell
          Long story short i got a part of my foreskin ripped off. Not much but enough. Currently in the ER.

Now long story: I was bored and couldn’t find a game to play and i was naked. So i walked up to the PS5 and did a mini squat, stretched my foreskin till about 5cm and put it in the disc drive.

At first it started sucking the disc (dick haha) for a few seconds and then it stopped briefly. I stood there and looked into my tv with great shame for those few seconds. Then the console beeped once and proceeded to suck in the bottom of my foreskin and it had torn it off. A little piece but enough to start the bleeding.

Now i’m currently in the ER getting my foreskin fixed, the culprit PS5 is still at home and i haven’t pressed charges. Never really told the doctors the truth either.

TL;DR: i got a part of my foreskin ripped off by a rather aggressive playstation. Currently in the ER.

          I am writing this comment in order to inform you that I have upvoted this post

            No no... Don't thank me.
            Dear user,

I am writing this comment in order to inform you that I have upvoted this post. I know I know. Take a moment to breath. Take it in buddy. It's okay. Truly, you deserve this upvote for such a fantastic post and I'm more than happy to hand it over.

No no... Don't thank me. (I can see you typing the comment now haha). Please please. I'm a humble man I don't need your thanks.

With that said I have to tell you that I will be following your progression in the fantastic world of Reddit so keep it up. Maybe, just maybe. You'll do something worthy of my upvote again some day.

You have a fantastic day fellow user.

Kind regards and many thanks.

            I love diarrhea

              c u r s e d
              I love diarrhea

Yes that is right, I love to have diarrhea. One of my favorite things to do is take a laxative on weekends when I have absolute nothing to do and I know I’ll be at the house all day. Sometimes when I can’t wait the 8 hours a laxative will take I’ll do a salt water flush and I’ll be peeing out my butthole in 30 minutes. I’ve even found for me that 100% grapefruit juice will do the trick if I drink half a gallon in a day. There are so many aspects of it that make it one of the best experiences.

The first aspect I love is the rush. Just going about my business and then all of a sudden I know I might poop my pants. That it is time to get on a toilet right now and nothing else matters. It’s an adrenaline rush when the stomach starts to gurgle and you know you can’t stop what’s about to happen. That I am totally at the mercy of my bowels.

The second is simply the feeling. I love the feeling of relief I get in my stomach, the feeling of it rushing out of my butt hole, and it is one of those good burn feelings in the butt hole too. I love that fiery butt hole burn. Then when you go to wipe it’s kind of like you are scratching that ultimate itch. To put it simply from start to finish the feeling of diarrhea has multiple aspects that all feel good and all of them have their special place in my heart.

The third aspect I love is the smell. It’s like when you have a good fart and it stinks really bad and you kind of sniff it in and you are like dang, I just did that. The smell of diarrhea is like I just opened a sewer line right in my toilet and I love it. It’s just a great scent to sit there and enjoy for a minute. A nasty type of good that makes you feel a little dirty.

The fourth aspect would have to be looking at what came out. Just standing to wipe and looking at what once used to be a perfectly clean toilet is now black. Just black water with black spatter all around the bowl of the toilet. I love to stand there for a second and look at it and say “dang look at all that bad stuff I just expelled from my body.” That’s a great feeling looking at it and knowing how you’ve just purged your body.

To put it simply, I highly recommend diarrhea.