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TIFU by turning my grandpa into a weeaboo.

    Grandpa in now a weeb
    My grandma died last year and grandpa’s tken it hard. Now he used to be the dirty old man sort of guy, so I thought getting him Nekopara Vol. 0 (A visual novel about catgirls) for Christmas would be nice.
     
    A few days ago, we met up at a wedding. I see my grandpa. He starts excitedly chatting with me about the game and I think, “I did a good thing” and tuned out the rambling.
     
    I shouldn’t have. We go back to my grandpa’s place.
     
    Grandpa: Here are the new decorations I have!
     
    Mom: Dad, what is all this?
     
    Grandpa: Stuff from the game your magnificent son gave me!
     
    The whole apartment was littered with Nekopara figurines, posters, merch and etc. He had a body pillow in his bedroom. Now my family looks down on me for converting my grandpa into the weebiest of weebs.
     
    I learned today through text he picked up Eromanga Sensei. God help his soul.
     
    TL;DR: I gave my grandad a copy of Nekopara. He went ape-shit and bought merch. My family now hates me for converting him into a degenerate.

    I fucked a carp

      Carp is a common name for various species of freshwater fish of the family Cyprinidae
      Carp is a common name for various species of freshwater fish of the family Cyprinidae
      I live in a shitty town; I have an older sister, mom and dad. My father is a compulsive angler. He often brings home really big carps, catfishes, pikes and sanders. Nevertheless, what I liked the most was the carps, the golden giants.
       
      A year ago, I was at home, jerking off to some porn when I heard my dad outside, joyfully coming home with his friends. I quickly turned porn off and turned Skyrim on. My father's squad came in, I left my computer to greet them and then I saw that my father was holding a trophy of a 9-kilogram carp. I shared his triumph. Dad left the carp at home and went to the bar with his friends. I stayed at home alone and I decided to have a better look at the carp.
       
      It was still alive and was moving its giant mouth. I imagined, idk why, that carp blowing me. Then I felt an erection. I think you can already guess what I did, I fucked the carp in its mouth with remarkably meaty lips, and I came right into its mouth. Doing so, I felt an extraordinary pleasure.
       
      I forgot about this case later, especially since my father sold that carp at the market. However, when my father was bringing small carps weighting a kilogram or two, I started fucking them, too. I fucked carps and European carps all year long, and fucking smaller carps felt better because their mouths fitted my dick precisely. I loved fucking them while they were still alive, moving their lips around my cock. Over the span of half a year, I fucked, probably, more than 40, probably even 50 carps. I fucked them several times a day, nutted into their assholes, idk why, sometimes I fucked them again when they were already frozen in a refrigerator, but that was for a rainy day. I even tried to fuck a bream once but its mouth was too small. I fucked a chub once, but still, the carps were the best for me, and whenever my father asked me what he should aim to catch tomorrow, I convinced him to get carps, allegedly because their meat tastes very good.
       
      Here's what happened next. My father hadn't been fishing carps for a week. I hadn't been fucking carps for a week. I was walking in a daze, I really wanted to fuck a new fish, I thought about catching a carp myself but I was too lazy and furthermore, I hate fishing. My father only brought one small pike over the span of the week, probably because it was late Fall and he said that it wasn't interesting to catch carps at that time or something. I remember him seemingly starting to suspect something about my carp-mania by I was talking my way out as if I just liked the taste of it and that was it.
       
      My father brought home an 8-kilogram catfish. I really wanted to fuck with a fish and so I started considering that catfish. Why not, its mouth was fine, except for the teeth, but it generally couldn't do anything, only scratch if you strongly press against it, tops. I thought that that would do it. I got my dick exposed, jerked it a little and put in the mouth of the catfish still alive, which by the way was in a bowl of water, and started fucking it. I fucked it for a little more but after a minute, a terrible thing happened. The catfish squeezed my cock and seemingly tried to rip it off, but didn't manage to, it just swiped its teeth against my dick really hardly. I pulled it out immediately, it was all scratched badly as fuck, it was bleeding, I hit the catfish with my leg and it fell in the bowl of water. Blood was streaming from my dick. I fucking bandaged it, put spirit on it. Then I wiped the blood off from the floor. The dick was aching really badly. It swelled up, but later it healed up, some scars were left though. It was a good thing that nobody found out that I fucked fish and had a bandage on my dick. So, my dick healed up completely after a month. I haven't fucked anything through the whole winter and then in Spring my father started bringing carps from fishing again, and I started fucking them again. I fucked the last carp two days ago. Top of that, boobs and generally girls don't turn me on anymore, but I get hard instantly whenever I see a carp's face. My dick got completely smelled up by the fish to the point it's impossible to wash it off. So what, am I some kind of a fish-phile? Am I even normal?

      POV You’re a redditor and see an emoji

        It was a bright day. I woke up at 3 pm after a long night of humping my Zero Two body pillow. I get out of my bed, as I get up I smell the buildup of sweat and bacteria that have built up on the mattress as I have not showered in the past 2 months. I go to the shower. I notice that my zero two body pillow is sticked on my back. Probably because of the huge amounts of cum on her. I gently remove her from my back. The cum is hard and it pulled a chunk of my back hair. After I finish showering I shave my beard very elegantly. It's beautiful... You can't tell where the beard ends and my chest hair starts. 4chan would be proud of me. I waddle my big choker body to the kitchen. I eat 69 chicken tenders (nice) with honey mussy. I take a big sip of mountain dew and waddle my elegant chungus body to my room. I go to reddit r/Aww to look at some animals as I have not gone outside in the last 2 years. I saw very cute animals, it almost made me say "Wholesome 100" out loud. But then I saw something unimaginable. Something that has completely ruined the post, no, my whole day. I see that the title has emojis in it. I scratch my beard thinking of what I should do... I am way to intelligent to not do anything or to just move on. No. This deserves justice. I think about the current state of reddit and of it's downfal. I see flashbacks of a year ago when it was good, before the insta normies took over and normalised the use of emojis. I remember when we used to make fun of them. Thinking about how they ruined reddit for me makes me angry. But I do not want to step down to their level. I simply comment "Reddit law requiers i downvote for excessive emoji usage". I post my comment. Another insta normie owned. I quietly say "based". I am satisfied.

        AITA For Killing My Political Rival To Win The Election?

          Using an alt account because of people trace this back to me my reelection chances might get hurt.
          
          I (74M) am finishing up my first term as President of the United States of America. Let me tell you, America is an incredible country, probably one of the best countries in the whole nation. As my reelection comes closer and closer, my opponent Sleepy Joe has been leading in approval ratings, and I began to get worried. Let me tell you, I am the best at being worried. Just ask anybody in my administration, I get worried like no other president. Anyways, I was considering putting Sleepy Joe to sleep for good, which I think is a service not only to his family, but also the nation as a whole. I was going to ask my good pal Putin to borrow some of that poison he’s using to silence the libtards in his country. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
          
          EDIT: I’m not Donald Trump.
          
          EDIT 2: Stop saying I’m Donald Trump.
          
          EDIT 3: Bitches I got the nuclear launch codes keep testing me and you can say bye bye to the Caribbean’s.
          
          EDIT 4: Adios Bahamas.
          
          REAL EDIT (Ignore if not the FBI): For legal reasons, this is all revolving a Minecraft server with my friends, not the current political events surrounding the United States. No public officials are being threatened here, just my friends virtual avatar. Don’t worry FBI, we’re all good.

          AITA for telling my black friend that his existence is an example of forced diversity?

            To put it simply, I'm a gamer, a die hard one in fact. I'm someone who absolutely despises politics in my video games. I remember coming home from school ready to play apolitical gems such as Bioshock and MGS with a nice plate of chicken nuggies (my mom made) at my side.
            
            But those days are over, now its normal for a black person to not be a walking stereotype, and for women to no longer just be sex objects. Whenever I see 2 women kissing in my games (not in porn) I almost cry and think of how the neo-Marxist-SJW-gay agenda has ruined video games and traditional gaming values.
            
            And after learning about this, I realize that my only black friend I have is political! It's sad to say that as we've been friends since the good ol MW2 lobbies. He didn't approve of me saying the n-word constantly but we still got along!
            
            So I decided to tell him that I didn't approve of him inserting his political agenda into my life and I cut all ties with him. Although he didn't really seem to care when I told him, he just called me a racist basement dweller without a job. (Him calling me a racist is the only part that isn't true) Our relationship kinda fell out of place when I accidentally called him a racial slur. (Heated gamer moment)
            
            Anyways I just wrote this to see if you guys think I did the right thing.

            AITA for not telling my wife about all the hitchhikers I killed in the 70s?

              Back when I (68M) was a young and dumb twenty-something, I spent a few carefree years in Southern California raping, torturing, and murdering hitchhikers. I don't want any judgement from SJWs about this, please, if you didn't live in Cali in the 1970s, you wouldn't understand. It was just what we did back in those days. Eventually I grew up, got married, had three beautiful kids, and was content to just get off to my trophies and polaroids, and maybe kill the occasional drifter on special occasions.
              
              The other day, my wife (37F) found the hidden panel in my basement wall where I keep all the old memories, and she went ballistic. I tried to calm her down, explained that, firstly, they were all dudes, so she shouldn't exactly be getting jealous. Second, they're all dead, so it's not like she's going to have to worry about me leaving her for any of them. Third, there were like three or four other guys doing the same thing around then, and they took the credit for most of my kills. I was very careful, covered my tracks, rarely finished inside them. I don't know why she's got her knickers in such a twist.
              
              Quite frankly, I'm feeling really hurt about the whole thing. We've been together for nearly thirty years, and she's thinking about leaving me over something like this? Maybe I should have been more honest, but I was raised to see this as men's business, not something you involve your old lady in.
              
              Am I the asshole?