Gentlemen, it is no nut November. I have planted several snipers on each of your positions, watching your every move for the rest of November. If it’s reported to see any of you have nutted, you will immediately be executed. This month goes by near-death rules, so if you get near-nut, you get bonus points.
Points may be redeemed at the front of the gift store for candy and prizes.
I have failed and not failed NNN at the same time.
Last night on October 31st after playing some Call of Duty, I was tired and went to bed. I was pretty sure it was still on October 31st (before 00:00). I stayed in bed for a while and couldn't sleep, losing track of time. I decided to give it a go for one short round and started fapping. I ejaculated a big fat nut all over my shirt. It felt so good. Then I fell asleep.
The next morning (November 1st), I woke up and realized I did not look at the clock when I masturbated, meaning I could've cum in NNN. But there was also a possibility that I hadn't failed NNN. There's no way of knowing an approximate of when I beat my meat as I lost track of time. All I know is that it was around 00:00, so there is a 50/50 chance that I have failed NNN or have not failed NNN. But there is no way of knowing that unless I time travel back to October 31st and look at the time. I am currently in a quantum superposition of NNN. Therefore, I have failed and not failed NNN at the same time.
I have achieved Schrödinger's NNN.
First of all, you're lying. You fap every goddamn day, any month of the year.
And the thing is, the memes are stupid. How the fuck did this bullshit even start? It's just WEIRD. Every goddamn year now, I get a little taste of how asexual people must feel, hearing about sex all the time.
I mean, I'm a randy, horny bastard, but there is just a fucking limit to how many times I can hear about fapping. Or, rather, not fapping.
Be an adult, please. Don't participate in this no-fap shit. Or, at the very least, don't fucking talk about it. You're boring everyone else. Think about it rationally for a second: can you really expect anyone to TRULY be interested in hearing about how you're not jerking your meat?
I go to the bathroom while me phone in my hand opened on pornhub, planing to beat my meat, so i open the bathroom looking at my phone and i go to the toilet and i see my brothers shit in the toilet unflushed and so i try to flush it while looking away and my phone falls into the toilet. I looked at my phone while it was open on pornhub and full of shit (literlly) i grabbed the tip of my phone and took it out, i washed it sanitized it the phone is okay but now everytime i open pornhub i think about my brother's shit.
. . . . . . . . .
And that's how I started jerking to hentai
So, you've lost No Nut November. What does that mean? It means you're weak for you've succumbed to mere temporary carnal pleasure. You have abandoned the power of self-control for a few seconds of ecstasy, and where does that leave you? Alone, Abandoned, Ashamed. You may claim that you stand strong, tall and healthy over us for the simple act of stimulating your sexual organ might help prevent prostate cancer, but what are 30 days of releasing your unborn children against 335 days of being able to. Your sick perversion has left you down with all the other rotten peasants who couldn't stray from their addiction for a simple month. You could've joined your comrades in the majestic gates of Valhalla as you pleasured yourself to even the most depraved tags in your website of preference, yet here you lie defeated as your comrades continue to fight strong to the urge of mating whether it be with a sexual partner or their own extremity. Your mere presence disgusts them as their trust and belief in you slowly drifted from their hearts with each stroke you gave to your rod. May the guilt of your actions weigh you down for what's left of the month
As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me.
Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike.
I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth.
As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You're welcome.