Masturbation

SCHOOL MASTURBATION NOTICE

This is an old classic copypasta that has been circulation around ~20 years in schools, colleges and universities as a joke. Its usually reposted under the title “Masturbation notice”.

It has come to our attention that students have been vigorously masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is illegal and against school district policy.

The bathroom pipes are not designed to handle human discharge other than your regular bathroom duties

The excessive amount of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes. A pipe under the lower B half bathroom has burst because of the excessive semen build-up. This will cost thousands of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage.

Please masturbate in your own homes.

If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom it will be collected and analyzed to determine who it belongs to.

MASTURBATION NOTICE

It has come to our attention that students have been masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is ILLEGAL and against school district policy

The bathroom pipes are NOT designed to handle human discharge or anything other than your regular bathroom duties

The excessive amounts of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes. Multiple pipes have become close to bursting due to the amount of excessive semen build-up. This will cost THOUSANDS of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage caused by this

Please masturbate in your own homes and at your own disposal

If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom, it will be collected and analyzed to determine who it belongs to. If it is discovered that the discharge is yours, YOU will be fine $ 1,000 and be reported to proper authorities

Thank you for your cooperation

I masturbated for 12 hours

I masterbated for 12 hours

This is weird and I can't tell anyone irl but I have to tell someone.... I masterbated for 12 hours today to find out the effects so you don't have to!

First of all I prepared 3, 32 ounce water bottles, and had a meal of one cup steamed rice and 1 cup mixed vegetables ( peas, carrots and green beans ) with about 1 tablespoon of soy sauce. I also took a basic daily all in one vitamin.

I began by assembling a random collection of different porn clips, porn games and full length movies.

Breakdown:

Full length movies took too long to get to the point. The story "deadspots" made the little soldier begin losing interest so I switched to the next option in the run, for science.

Porn games worked very well for maintaining the heat of the moment, until they didn't. It turns out there are a lot of porn games that are unfinished, and generally run out of content before they reach the point of porn game, rather than the initial date simulation, as well as mini games causing use of two hands that removes your work hand. Also took a while to get up to speed.

Next I moved on to porn clips, which I will day is the holy grail of porn. Short, straight to the point and you can fire off rapid fire clips of things that excite you, reducing "downtime".

Porn movie downtime: 30%

Porn game downtime: 45% ( Still maintained interactivity. )

Porn clips: 2% downtime ( I could see this as easily being the most addictive form of adult media. )

The first 8 hours seemed to fly by with regular breaks for water.

After the initial 8 hours things became interesting, even with regular drink intervals I began having a constant dry mouth, along with that morning breath taste.

Around hour 10 I began developing a headache, along with some eye floaters, likely body not being able to deliver the standard amount of oxygen due to diversion of blood flow to the member.

Hour 11 I increased my water intake, seemed to help a tiny bit but symptoms were persistent until the end. Eye floaters also increased by 100% by the alarm end.

The orgasm that followed the alarm was by and far one of the most extreme I've ever had, coming in at a close 2nd to when having real sex with my wife.

Final notes: the "ploom" of skin below the tip of my penis ( circumcised. ) is slightly swollen, but not dangerously. Arm feels fine, I thought it would be a lot more sore. It took about an hour after completion for my mouth to go back to regular moisture levels. Heart rate was pretty much back to normal within 15 minutes of completion. Headache is now minimal without need of medication.

No immediate health issues have announced themselves. ( this would be different from user to user, due to health issues and whatnot. )

Overall takeaway, it was a fun experiment, that I would not be interested in trying again. Lol.

Tldr; masterbated for 12 hours, tried movies/games/clips, walked away with a minor headache and prefer porn clips to any other media form for constant involvement.

I goteth caught masturbating by mine father

As the title says, my father walked in on me whilst I was jerkin the cherkin, "What is thee doing with thy genitalia!?" He screamed as he opened the door into my private chambers. I tried to lie and claim it was not what it looked like, but alas, it twas. My father immediately ran out of my room and into the courtyard of our palace, "Father! Father!" I yelled out in vein as my papa kicked his horse led carriage into action, veering out of our palace grounds. What shall I do? Will I ever see him again?

One Last Ejaculation

You are on your deathbed. The heart-rate monitor beeps twice every second, a reminder that you are still alive, still on this hellish earth. You long for the pleasure that death will bring, the pleasure that rotting away underground in your coffin will bring. But then you get a devilish idea. With all of your might, you ferociously grab your dick and start beating it. As you continue, you feel your heart start to give up, as all of your energy is focused on your hands fondling your throbbing dick. The monitor now is only beeping once per second. Your nurse rushes over to see what is happening. And then, you finally let go. Cum explodes out of your dick at the speed of light, right into the nurse's mouth, making her choke. This only makes you harder. A second wave comes out from your penis. All of this energy you have used up now makes your frail heart go into cardiac arrest. Your head begins to feel faint, and you see the nurse spluttering on the floor, gasping for air under your sickly cum. This is the last thing you see before you flat line. Death. The horniest thing of all. With shattering force, your corpse lets go one last shot of semen.

Beach masturbation incident

As a teen I once went to the beach with my family on a hot summer day. When I was eating ice cream I noticed there was a 4/5 chick with big boobs sunbathing. I got so horny that I needed to jack off immediately.

I changed to my swimwear and swam under a pier where no one could see me. I masturbated there for a while.

While I'm busting it I hear screaming from the beach but I'm so horny I don't care.

When I was climaxing a loud siren gets close. When I come I get out of my hiding spot. On the beach are a firetruck, police car and an ambulance.

I fear someone has died, so I get to the beach fast. I see my parents speaking to a police officer. They notice me and just bolt in my direction.

My mom hugs and kisses me. I'm like wtf man. I ask them and they say that they thought I had drowned, so they called 911.

There I stand, everyone watching me in silence with my still erect penis protruding from my pants.

God my sister is SO LOUD

I swear all she does all day is masterbate and masterbate, it sounds like she's mixing mac n cheese and you can hear it through the whole fucking house. My mom has been complaining to her but my sister just started going louder and louder. Worst part is my computer is in her room and everyday I have to go in there and see her just fucking DEMOLISHING her pussy, juices flying everywhere! and then i say "hey maybe out down a towel to keep clean atleast," BUT SHE JUST FUCKING IGNORES ME. I cant stand living here honestly. Yesterday when I went to go use my computer it was absolutely drenched in her juices, and she stained at least 6 of my shirts by now. And all my friends at school tease me, "haha haha tobias got his sister's grool on his shirt," "girlcum tobias" has become my nickname. I hate it!