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Genshin Impact

I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Varesa.

    Varesa copypasta

    By u/JugFlintWatery, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Varesa, the new top Electro DPS in Genshin.

    I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Varesa. I try to dash with Mona. My Varesa runs faster. I try to skill with Yelan. My Varesa runs faster. I try to swoop with Kirara, Lynette. My Varesa runs faster. I try to blitz with Mavuika. You guessed it - Varesa runs faster.

I come up with an exploration team.

I climb with Kinich, Xilonen. They're slower at running and both like Varesa's speed. I fly over with Chasca, Ifa, Wanderer. Varesa can jump over valleys. I glide with Citlali, Ororon, Kazuha. Varesa can reach almost as high with her charged attack. I invite Mualani, Furina on the beach. But... Varesa runs over water.

She grabs me by the throat. I cook for her. I organize her orchard. I ask for Coach Iansan's help to grant her strength. She isn't satisfied. I give her R5 Widsith. "That 480 EM buff is wasted on me, give me Notions. Also, pull for C1 so I can run infinitely," she said, as she drove Mavuika's bike and forced it to run over enemies. "You just need to buff me more with C6 Chevreuse, I can deal more damage in Overload."

Well, I can't pull for Notions or C1, I don't have enough primogems. I also failed to get C6 Chevreuse and C6 Iansan on her banner. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "You oughta stand down?!" She grabs her mask. She shouts, "Fietena, grant me strength!!"

There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but absurd overworld travel speed and insane plunge damage.

What a cruel world.

    Neuvilette 🐉💦 14,600 Base HP ❤️️ 576 Base DEF 🛡 15% CA damage

      Parody of Showmaker’s K’sante copypasta from LoL but changed to Neuvilette from Genshin due to how absurdly strong he is.

      As of July 2024, the copypasta has been updated to include the 1,600 primos given to players as an apology for Neuvilette’s nerf that was reverted.

      🐲 Neuvillette 🥶 on-field carry 👤40,000 HP 💪 250% Crit Damage 🤷‍♂️ Extra 36% CR from Marechaussee 💦 Unstoppable 🚫 Penetrates shields 🛡 Can self heal 🧱 Insane AOE 🐯 Braindead single target ☝spin to win 🕐 can solo abyss 🧙‍♂️ versatile teams and F2P friendly 👺… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Hoyo tried to nerf him gives everyone 1600 primos 🤑🤑🤑 
      Neuvilette 🐉💦 14,600 Base HP ❤️️ 576 Base DEF 🛡 15% CA damage and 36 Free Crit Rate from Marechusse Hunter 🏹 38.4 Crit Damage from Ascension⬆️ 30% Free Hydro Damage from Talent 2 🤹‍♂️ Self-healing 🏥 CA hits multiple targets 👥 Interruption resist on CA 🚫Can freely aim CA 🎯 No ER requirements 🔋 No setup needed ❌ Skill cooldown only 12s ⏱

      French version

      🐲 Neuvillette 🥶 carry sur le terrain 👤40 000 HP 💪 250% de dégâts critiques 🤷‍♂️ 36% CR supplémentaire de Maréchaussée 💦 Imparable 🚫 Pénètre les boucliers 🛡 Peut s'auto-guérir 🧱 AOE insensée 🐯 Cible unique Braindead ☝spin pour gagner 🕐 peut abyssal en solo 🧙‍♂️ équipes polyvalentes et amicales F2P 👺… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Hoyo a essayé de le nerfer donne à tout le monde 1600 primos 🤑🤑🤑

      Korean version

      🐲 Neuvillette 🥶 필드 캐리 👤40,000 HP 💪 250% 크리티컬 데미지 🤷‍♂️ Marechaussee에서 추가 36% CR 💦 멈출 수 없음 🚫 실드 관통 🛡 자가 치유 가능 🧱 광란의 AOE 🐯 단일 타겟에게 무뇌 ☝회전하여 승리 🕐 심연을 혼자서 처리할 수 있음 🧙‍♂️ 다재다능한 팀과 F2P 친화적 👺… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Hoyo가 그를 약화시키려고 했고 모두에게 1600개의 프리모를 줬어 🤑🤑🤑

      I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Haikaveh

        Its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Haikaveh, a nickname of the pairing for Alhaitham and Kaveh in Genshin Impact.

        I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Haikaveh. I try to do Alhaitham's story quest. Haikaveh appear together. I try to play Kaveh's hangout quest. Haikaveh appear together. I try to play Sumeru event. Haikaveh appear together. I try to play Sethos' voiceline about Alhaitham and Kaveh. Haikaveh appear together. I try to play Alhaitham's voiceline about Tighnari. He just keeps mentioning Kaveh.

They grab me by the throat. I pull for them. I study languages and architecture for them. I listen to “Writing on the wall” both versions 520 times for them. They aren't satisfied. I make content of them. "We don't need this much fan creation" They tell me. "Buy our new merch." They grab Hoyo and force them to collab with KFC. "You just need to make a namecard of us stand next to each other. We can show the world of our love more"

I can't buy the new KFC merch , I don't have enough money. They grab my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." They grab Mehrak. Kaveh says "Mehrak, get them." There is no hint of sadness in their eyes. Nothing but pure, Haikaveh is so canon it make Alhaitham's yume crash out. What a cruel world.

        your D cup Breasts are a putrid display of opulence

          Your D cup breasts are a putrid display of opulence, while my A cups (of which I am NOT insecure about!!) show dignity, nobility, refined and modest way of life. 
          your D cup Breasts are a putrid display of opulence, while my A cups (of Which i am NOT insecure  about!!) show dignity , nobility, a refined and Modest way of Life.

          It originally came from a Twitter post by @salivasisters but the account and Tweet had since been deleted. Its now usually used as a joke for flat chested anime girls being jealous of “bigger” characters. 

          your D cup  Breasts are a putrid display of opulence and will only lead to deficient altitude, while my A cups (of Which i am NOT insecure  about!!) show dignity , air mobility, a sleek form factor and unsurpassed Ma'ken

          Dont pull for Wriothesley

            Wriothesley copypasta

            Its the “Don’t buy the Renegade skin if you respect OG Fortnite players” copypasta but changed to Wriothesley from Genshin due to how long it took for his rerun to happen.

            Dont pull for Wriothesley

If you want to respect the OG players who had Wriothesley previously, dont pull for wriothesley. Having wriothesley is something that only og players should have, it is a sign that they didnt wait for the hydro archon and pulled instantly. Respect the OG

            Genshin would be better if the content was tailored to me personally

              It started as shitpost towards the drama happening within Genhin Impact community but had since become a staple copypasta whenever there’s player drama within a Hoyoverse game. 

              As I watch the community’s rightful outrage over yet another bad decision made by HoYo, it occurs to me that they continuously make the same mistake:

Not making content for the average player.

I am a perfect representation of the average player for reasons. The things I like are the things that all players would want. They'd have to be stupid not to be satisfied with my ideas and demands.

It is mind boggling that HoYo doesn't want to make the game more successful by just doing what would make me happy.

              Honkai Star Rail (HSR)

              HSR would be better if the content was tailored to me personally
Meme / Fluff

As I watch the community’s rightful outrage over yet another bad decision made by HoYo, it occurs to me that they continuously make the same mistake:

Not making content for the average player.

I am a perfect representation of the average player for reasons. The things I like are the things that all players would want. They'd have to be stupid not to be satisfied with my ideas and demands.

It is mind boggling that HoYo doesn't want to make the game more successful by just doing what would make me happy.