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En Passant

I jerked off to en passant

    I jerked off to en passant
    byu/Mushroom-Gorge inAnarchyChess
    I jerked off to en passant
    
    Yeah.
    
    I've been working on how to say this to someone but I guess I'll just have to be blunt about it. I jerked off to En Passant. More than once. It started as a joke, I started by telling my friends "hey guys i jerked off to en passant haha" but later I thought... "should I? I shouldn't. Maybe?" The way the pawns move... the way they capture to the side... it's irresistible.
    
    No, I can't jerk off. Not to something as sacred as the forced move.
    
    Later, I was watching a Hikaru video where he does en passant, and right then and there I creamed my pants. Holy shit, I thought. Now I'm a pretty freaky guy, but I've never been able to cum handsfree, let alone to something non-pornographic. But HOLY SHIT I cummed my pants over a god damn chess move. What the fuck was that about?
    
    I couldn't tell my friends. They'd laugh, and laugh, and laugh... and I couldn't tell my mom either. She'd probably be all grossed out. Anyway, I decided I was going to take a week off from chess, but... the pawns... they brought me back.
    
    "Fuck it, let's go." I uttered as I undid my belt and loaded up Youtube. I searched "en passant explained" to get every last detail in my brain. I took my dick out and started going and within a minute I was drenched. I kept going. I jerked until my dick was raw and my balls were more sore than me losing to Martin. There was cum everywhere. I had to throw out my computer, the smell was that bad.
    
    So yeah. That's the story of how I jerked off to en passant.
    

    Oh my god it’s insane how unfunny you guys are

      Created by u/Dankn3ss420 its a satirical response to the repetitive jokes in r/AnarchyChess.

      Oh my god it’s insane how unfunny you guys are
      
      Like, all you guys do is spam the same phrases over and over again, it’s insane how unfunny that is, while you think it’s still funny! Let’s go through them all one-by-one
      
      Google en passant
      
      Where do I even begin with this god awful offense to humanity itself, we get it, funny pawn move, but how about you google how to get some bitches! Or maybe you should google how to get your father to come back with the milk, because that’s the only way I could ever dream of you idiots thinking this shit is so funny when it’s not, it’s as if you guys think you have the answer to life itself in the palm of your hand but it’s not, it’s just a dumb ass joke that’s been done a billion times
      
      Holy hell
      
      We get it, funny pawn move, haha, so funny, you googled lef en passant, funny funny! Not. I think you would need to have brain damage to think that any of this is worth any of your time, how about you actually do something with your life you worthless sons of bitches!
      
      New response just dropped
      
      No it fucking didn’t you moron! This is the trillionth time today that you’ve made this joke, and it was never funny, if the fucking black plague came back and started killing off the entire population of the earth, I would pray that you idiots would die first just so I don’t have to deal with all of this dumbass bullshit from you
      
      Actual zombie
      
      This one i actually don’t have any complaints about, because this perfectly describes all of you, you’re all just a bunch of mindless idiots doing the same thing over and over
      
      Call the exorcist
      
      Of course you need to call an exorcist! You should’ve called one to destroy the shit hole called anarchy chess! You guys think that you need an exorcist to get rid of the infection, but maybe what you really need to call is your father OH WAIT YOU CANT! And I count even blame him for wanting to leave such an idiot behind
      
      Bishop goes on vacation, never comes back
      
      What the fuck does this one even mean? Oh wait, nothing, just like the rest of this god forsaken joke, it doesn’t mean anything because for it to mean anything it would require a fucking brain, something you idiots clearly don’t have! Jesus Christ it’s hilarious how fucking stupid you all are
      
      Queen sacrifice anyone?
      
      At this point in the joke I’m pretty sure you’re just saying words to keep it going, it hasn’t been funny for ages at this point, but you idiots are like a fucking hydraulic press to a cows udder, trying to milk it for any tiny bit of validation this might give you, but by doing this, you must have not realized that you sacrificed you’re chance at a happy future, oh my fucking god, just like how your father sacrificed his marriage to get away from you
      
      Pawn storm incoming!
      
      At this point the joke has somehow devolved even further, from mindless stupidity to actually just retarded, I don’t even think you guys know what the fuck words mean anymore, how about you try to get a happy life incoming huh?
      
      And don’t even get me started on how much you guys love to say “en passant is forced, it’s time to brick your PIPI” as if that’s any funnier then anything else you’ve said before, and don’t even get me started on that dumbass copypasta
      
      Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off...
      
      Like, I don’t even think a fucking 5 year old would be dumb enough to think this is funny, I swear to god, if you idiots had anymore addiction to fucking stupid copypastas I would say you’re Italian! At least how to fucking spell before you try to be funny, holy shit it’s amazing how stupid you all are

      Google En Passant

        The original post on Reddit that started the en passant joke
        The original post that started the en passant meme

        How the en passant joke started

        The “Google en passant. Holy hell” meme came from a Reddit post of OP accusing their opponent of cheating when in fact it was just an en passant move by the pawn. A user then responded with “Google en passant” and afterwards OP replied back with “Holy hell”. Both comments became a joke within the chess community and is often copy pasted with the the context changed.

        I’m playing against a cheater AI on chess.com

        I had my pawn at f4 and his pawn was e4. So one next to the other.

        His next move he moved the pawn to f3 and f4 pawn was gone.

        I got images but don’t know how to post them.

        En Passant response pasta

        Google en passant
        Holy hell
        new response just dropped
        actual zombie
        Call the exorcist!
        ???
        bishop goes on vacation, never comes back
        Queen sacrifice anyone?
        pawn storm incoming!
        Google dementia

        En passant response flowchart

        Full Google En Passant flowchart

        I’m the chess coach at my kids school

          I'm the chess coach at my kids school. Relatively decent team, 30-ish tournament players....a few elementary aged kids >1200 OTB.
          
          But I've had 3 kids in the past month ask if this is a legal move. For the love God, pls stop posting this garbage 😂

          I have a confession to make: I am the only reason en passant joke exists

            Hello. This is my main reddit account. Around 2 years ago Ive decided to create 10 alt accounts, and write the most random shit (aka en passant copypasta) on several shit posting subs, each line from different account, hoping that the joke will eventually get big.
            
            But it didnt. Ive waited days, weeks, even months. But everything failed.
            
            And than it hit me. If I cant make a joke famous, im gonna make it seem famous. And so, I spent 3 month straight creating more and more reddit accounts, making sure every single one would not look like just a bot(posting something on different subs, commenting, etc)
            
            After all this time, Ive created around 70, 000 different accounts. And so it was time. Ive created r/anarchychess, made several accounts mods to make it seem legit. And it finally was en passant'in time.
            
            Every single en passant chain you see is mine. Every single post about en passant- i made it. The en passant joke was never funny, nor was it popular. It was just me, from moms basement, with the whole comedy world at my fingertips.
            
            To conclude, i will make a comment under this post from most of my alt accounts, as they all wouldnt fit in just this post.

            Every En Passant copypasta