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Clash royale

The year is 2067. My opponent drops a super heroic evo mystic omega mega knight

    From a Youtube comment satirizing the Pay-2-Win (P2W) meta of Clash Royale with Mega Knight.

    The year is 2067. My opponent drops a super heroic evo mystic omega mega knight in the back. I am astounded, because that takes $41 to place. I spend to activate my ultra super x-princess towers to defend, and spend $3 to place triple evo heroic golden skeletons. Unfortunately, supercell just gave the super heroic evo mystic omega mega knight a 500% range and damage buff last season, so I am unable to defend and it one shots my tower. I spend $14 to activate my divine triple champion king tower, but it goes down to 1 hp in one hit. I know what I must do. I take out my super ultra mega heavenly quadruple heroic evo season shop credit card, and spend $420 to instantly 3 crown my opponent and win! What a game!

    I can’t. I just can’t anymore. Nine years. I have been playing this game for NINE YEARS.

      AKA the ’67 emote copypasta’ its a parody of Clash Royale player having a crashout for not getting the 67 emote. There was a bug in game where players aren’t able to claim the 67 emote due to token limit. The devs patched it up later on but not before the community made a ton of shitpost about it.

      Missed the 6 7 emote its over 💔💔 

I can't. I just can't anymore. Nine years. I have been playing this game for NINE YEARS. I was there for the OG Goblin Barrel. I remember when Sparky was a terror. I have given my blood, sweat, and literal tears to this game. And today, it betrayed me. I saw it. The 67 emote. It was beautiful. It was all I wanted. I grinded the challenge. I skipped meals. My fingers are raw. I finally beat the last stage, my heart is pounding, I go to the event tab to claim my prize... "Token Limit Reached." ...Token. Limit. Reached. It wouldn't let me claim it. I was right there. I had earned it. But because of some arbitrary cap, some stupid line of code, it just... sat there. Mocking me. I tried everything. Restarting the app. Crying. Pleading with the screen. Nothing. The event is over now. It's gone. Nine years of loyalty. Nine years of daily logins. And I am defeated by a TOKEN LIMIT. I feel hollow. I feel empty. I will never be the same. I hope you're happy, Supercell. You broke a 9-year veteran. I'll never get the 67 emote. It's over.

      Clash Royale – Starting next Monday, we should hold weekly zoom meetings to go over war recaps and performance break downs.

        Its a Clash Royale clan copypasta where clan leadaers are asking for Zoom meetings to go over their wars.

        Starting next Monday, I believe we should hold weekly zoom meetings (cameras on, preferably) to go over war recaps and performance break downs. We'll be reviewing every members war battle replay by replay and giving honest, in depth critiques.

This isn't to call anyone out, but to sharpen our strategy and make sure we're all pulling our weight. Lately, our wars have been getting too close For comfort, and it's time to level up. Expect accountability, Feedback, and a serious push towards clean Ws
        Starting next Monday, I believe we should hold weekly zoom meetings (cameras on, preferably) to go over war recaps and performance break downs. We'll be reviewing every members war battle replay by replay - and giving honest, in depth critiques. This isn't to call anyone out, but to sharpen our strategy and make sure we're all pulling our weight. Lately, our wars have been getting too close For comfort, and it's time to level up. Expect accountability, Feedback, and a serious push towards clean Ws

        POV: You’re playing against the biggest idiot on Earth

          Least insane Clash Royale player shares his POV when playing against you on Reddit. 

          GOBLIN BARREL ON THE TOWER RIGHT AT THE START! Haha, you weren't expecting that, were you? I'm so good at this game. I've thrown so many goblin barrels, and they always do damage. It's crazy. Now, THINK FAST, CHUCKLENUTS! Princess at your bridge! Haha, what are you going to do? Oh, arrows? Good thing I have GOBLIN GANG! Oh, you used a swarm card? Cool, here's my Firecracker. Oh, where are your arrows? You wasted them! Haha! I guess you can't use air cards now. Hey, guess what? Valkyrie! Yaaaaaayyyyy! Then, watch this cool trick I learned on Youtube: I put the Hog Rider behind her, so he pushes her really fast, and counters any swarms you might use to kill the Hog Rider! Yaaaaaaaayyy!!!! isn't that cool? I bet you can't counter that! Hey, look at this cool emote I just bought where the princess yawns at you! Isn't that funny? I only use that one when I do something really skillful. Hold on, let me cycle through these skeletons and this ice spirit so I can use the exact same cards in the exact same order in the exact same spots, again Yaaaaaaaayyyy!!! Mommy says I'm special! She makes me eat these funny candies, but I just spit them out cuz they taste yucky. 
          I win against these "people" all the time, and I never enjoy a single second. They follow a routine, and I follow my routine. Then, I win. I make logbait "players" ragequit all the time once they realize I can still counter their spam cards without my log or arrows. I do this crazy thing where I deploy troops that can actually survive and counter things. I have this crazy skill called "defense" where I can actually react to my opponent, instead of turning my brain off, spamming the same stuff nonstop, and forcing someone else to think for me.

          Archer Queen

            Cursed Clash Royale copypasta
            HOG RIDAAA
            I just get so hard looking at her. I would let her shoot arrows into my dick hole and have her cut my dick off and smush it into a soup and make me drink it just to get a little nibble of her pinkie toe. I literally cannot sleep because i just cant stop jerking my dick to her. Holy shit i think already i busted 20 times while writing this. She is just so fucking hot. I cant go to school without having to jerk off in the bathroom. I have to do my homework while jerking off. I get cum all over my paper.

I have done countless cum tributes to archer queen, i even have a fan game where you fuck her until she dies. I want her to come out of clash royale and just stomp my dick into the ground. I would be her toilet forever if i could just see her dirty stinky feet and make her rub it all over my face. I am a pig and her feet are piles of mud.

I cant play my favorite game clash royale because every time she spawns I instantly cum everywhere. I try to hold it back but i cant. I would suck every goblins dick in the goblin gang just to have her shit stained feet be rubbed all over my dick and my face.

Holy shit i dont know how much longer i can go anymore. I used to have my girlfriend dress up as the archer queen and have her shit all over me while jerking my dick with her stinky feet but it just wouldnt be the same. She broke up with me and now i have no one to cosplay as the archer queen. At least my archer queen flesh light is still with me.

I seriously think about just killing that stupid barbarian king. He is getting to fuck her every minute while im here with a dick drenched in cum. I fucking hate him. He gets to lick her feet. I DONT. This is not fair. I will smash his skull into the ground and take the archer queen and have her queef all over me. I would never shower again to keep the smell of her queefs on me.

I would cut off the archer queens feet so i could turn it into a flesh light and have it jerk me off every second of my life. God it would be so hot. Just her stinky little piggies rubbing all over my cock. I would be the hog, and her feet would be the rider.

            Holy shit i want to pound the shit out of the archer queen asshole

            I just get so hard looking at her. I would let her shoot arrows into my dick hole and have her cut my dick off and smush it into a soup and make me drink it just to get a little nibble of her pinkie toe. I literally cannot sleep because i just cant stop jerking my dick to her. Holy shit i think already i busted 20 times while writing this. She is just so fucking hot. I cant go to school without having to jerk off in the bathroom. I have to do my homework while jerking off. I get cum all over my paper.

I have done countless cum tributes to archer queen, i even have a fan game where you fuck her until she dies. I want her to come out of clash royale and just stomp my dick into the ground. I would be her toilet forever if i could just see her dirty stinky feet and make her rub it all over my face. I am a pig and her feet are piles of mud.

I cant play my favorite game clash royale because every time she spawns I instantly cum everywhere. I try to hold it back but i cant. I would suck every goblins dick in the goblin gang just to have her shit stained feet be rubbed all over my dick and my face.

Holy shit i dont know how much longer i can go anymore. I used to have my girlfriend dress up as the archer queen and have her shit all over me while jerking my dick with her stinky feet but it just wouldnt be the same. She broke up with me and now i have no one to cosplay as the archer queen. At least my archer queen flesh light is still with me.

I seriously think about just killing that stupid barbarian king. He is getting to fuck her every minute while im here with a dick drenched in cum. I fucking hate him. He gets to lick her feet. I DONT. This is not fair. I will smash his skull into the ground and take the archer queen and have her queef all over me. I would never shower again to keep the smell of her queefs on me.

I would cut off the archer queens feet so i could turn it into a flesh light and have it jerk me off every second of my life. God it would be so hot. Just her stinky little piggies rubbing all over my cock. I would be the hog, and her feet would be the rider.

            Who is best Clash Royale waifu

              Archer Queen is overrated (big momma big feet, feet icky)

Archers are nice, but they're just as overrated as the Queen (again, feet icky)

Bandit would steal my virginity then dash away. Not ideal

Battle Healer is brown 🤮

Witch hit the wall the moment she had those skeletons

Night Witch would give me the Kung Flu with all those bats she has flying around

Pekka is a robot. I can't fuck a robot

Rascal girls are children. I'm not Lib Right

and lastly, Valkyrie would've been the most ideal candidate if she didn't have that gigantic futa schlong underneath her loincloth

In conclusion, Musketeer is the most ideal Clash Royale female of the bunch. Her voluptuous ass, her bountiful bosoms, her large boomstick that makes her a viable card to start the game with, as well as her infinite value in high skill play, all combined with her good stats both in-game and in bed makes her the best Clash Royale waifu to exist. An astute sharpshooter, an independent woman who also works best with a team, and is also likely Catholic, she is the ideal female partner to have in Clash Royale. Besides an infinite army of Aryan soldiers to be spawned once I pound her elixirussy, and a loving wife whose trigger fingers are as fast as mine when I rub her clitoris, other such exhibitions of favor towards her as an ideal mate can be explained, but aren't limited to me having a taste of her elixir breast milk from her teats of goodness, or having me cum bucketloads into her helmet that she wears into battle, and being in awe of the image of my sharpshooting wife oozing with my haploid genetic code dripping into her face would be such a sight for me to behold.

She also comes in threes.