be me
be sophomore in college
spring break
decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros >I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave
Dave was a fucking wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh >In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight.
Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives
Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran >Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row
After a few hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inebriated >Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night
Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great fucking time
We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict hooker. >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack whore, continue to walk
As we were about to walk by, this hooker said something that I'll never be able to forget >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't shit on my face"
Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care >Hooker takes us all down to an alley, then proceeds to lay down with her face upwards
"Okay try to shit on my face"
Dave goes first.
Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict whore's forehead, she blows on his asshole
Asshole immediately shrivels up like a dehydrated raisin, Dave literally can not shit on her face
My turn next
I stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake >I squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive shit log stirring within me
I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment >Just as I felt the tip of my shit touching the ring on my asshole, a great wind swept up from the prostitute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter
Just as Dave had failed before me, I was unnsuccessful in my quest >Hooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can shit on her face
Hooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our joumey back to the hotel defeated >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave
Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to shit on the hooker's face >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back
whatever.gif
Next day
Our plane leaves the next moming, so this night was our last in San Francisco >We decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the hooker, we decided not to spend much)
Find this nasty "chinese" buffet
Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff
cont
Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing
We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face
"We're going to get our money back"
Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave
Dave runs out of the hotel to go find the hooker from the night before
Friends and I have no choice but to follow
Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the feriocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey >Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before
Finally arrive at the alley where we met the hooker before
Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same comer
Dave groans through clenched teeth "We want to try and shit on your face again, double or nothing"
Hooker agrees
Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position >Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation
Before the hooker even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy anal terror the likes of which no man should ever witness
Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid shit spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks >The hooker's screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and chest
The shit continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open >Hooker attempts to protect her already scat-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's anal explosion
Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep >Dave turns around, bare ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be compared to a nuclear blast in order to assess the damage
The Hooker is literally covered from head to toe in shit, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz >She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still put into shock by the force of Dave's shit
Dave turns to us with a serious expression on his face,bare ass still exposed to the breeze
"Holy fuck I've killed her" >The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in shit, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo
Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley > Still don't know what happened to that hooker, or if she even survived
>There's a school shooting.
>Put on all of my tactical gear. Rush to the scene
>Hear gunshots from inside the school.
Kids inside the school calling 911 for help
>Establish a perimeter. Parents begging us to storm the school and save their children
Tell them it is not a safe environment, police officers could get shot
>Kids keep calling 911 for help
>Parents get rowdy. Start screaming and trying to rush the school themselves
ITS LAW ENFORCEMENT TIME
>Start screaming at parents to back up
>This one guy tries rescue his kid, so I tased him
>Had to handcuff and taze a few parents for their own protection.
>Good thing I got all that tactical gear.
>Police Chief releases a statement that they are thankful that no officers sustained life threatening injuries.
Eh? You've never seen a pair of breasts before? And you're HOW old?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand...
HERE! BOING!
AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! J-Jeez, anon! Th-Th-They're just sacks of fat on my chest, ya know! Do they really excite you THAT much?! G-Get a look at this, then! See how they bounce up and down! Jiggle jiggle! I-I bet you want to squeeze them too, don't you, Mr. Perverted Virginboy Anon?! G-Go right ahead! Honk these honkin' honkers as much as you want! Take your time! Heck, s-suck on 'em too! I know you really want to~! Just be careful; my nipples are super hard right now! C-Can't imagine whyyyy...~!
I-I-I-I-I-I bet you wanna see my vagina too! You pervert! W-W-Well, we're already this far! Might as well! I'm not wearing p-panties anyway!
S-S-S-So, what do you think? ...Well, I guess that ragin' 'rection in your pants answers THAT question! HAHAHAHAHA! Y-Y-You're such a pathetic pervert, anon! I-I-I-I bet it's the first one you've seen since you slid out of your mother's! L-L-Look how wet it is, too! Jeezums fucking Crikes, it's so fucking wet! I-I've never seen it this wet before! Look what you're doing to me, you freaking pervert! Y-You sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered! Oh, lordy! Christ-on-a-stick! You'd better take some responsibility for this! A-After all, when it's this wet, it's much easier to cram something up there! And I'm leaking like a freaking sieve here! You'd better p-p-p-plug it up RIGHT NOW!
Okay I don’t know if this is actually incest since it wasn’t something actually sexual in the technical sense but her go’s
When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I’d wear it all the time I was told only to take it out to poop wipe my ass then put it back in
I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed so when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet she had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse
Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police the police ask me all these questions and at first I’m scared because I think I’m in trouble for losing my poop plug Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this buttplug so satan wouldn’t stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay.
I knew a milf that had sex with retards. it was her hobby and she was open about it. she told me that it felt wonderful being able to provide romantic love and intimacy for people who struggled so hard to understand the world. The way she described it was that it was like being fucked by an animal, since they operate on instinct when it comes to sex. Most are chronic masturbators and are desensitized to sustained contact, so retards fuck hard and long, and they’re very selfish in bed. She enjoyed seducing them and the way they reacted when she let on that she was serious and wanted them to mount her. She told me that she never used condoms when she had sex with retards, not because she liked them, but because it was degrading and thrilling for such a terribly misshapen person to cum inside of her and get her pregnant. According to her, she had aborted 15 retard babies over the years. Think about that. Think about how much sex with retards she had to have been having to get knocked up with downy sperm 15 times. she was incredibly hot even at 45 but after knowing that possibly a hundred or more retards had their way with her and had cum inside her, I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with her. She seemed really into me though, and I’m not really sure why.
This is me. Literally me. No other character can come close to relating to me like this. There is no way you can convince me this is not me. This character could not possibly be anymore me. It's me, and nobody can convince me otherwise. If anyone approached me on the topic of this not possibly being me, then I immediately shut them down with overwhelming evidence that this character is me. This character is me, it is indisputable. Why anyone would try to argue that this character is not me is beyond me. If you held two pictures of me and this character side by side, you'd see no difference. I can safely look at this character every day and say "Yup, that's me". I can practically see this character every time I look at myself in the mirror. I go outside and people stop me to comment how similar I look and act to this character. I chuckle softly as I'm assured everyday this character is me in every way. I can smile each time I get out of bed every morning knowing that I've found my identity with this character and I know my place in this world. It's really quite funny how similar this character is to me, it's almost like we're identical twins. When I first saw this character, I had an existential crisis. What if this character was the real me and I was the fictional being. What if this character actual became aware of my existence? Did this character have the ability to become self aware itself?
