The story of Darth Plagueis the Wise but bastardized using Gen Z slang and made into a copypasta.
"Bruh did you ever hear about the GOAT Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
'Nah.'
"Oof. The Jedi wouldn't tell you, that's pretty sus. It's a Sith banger. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith so based and so boujee he could use the Force to fuck with the midichlorians to straight up make life. He was so extra he could even keep his fam from unaliving."
'No cap?'
"Fr fr, no cap."
'Bffr, that's-'
"Let me cook, Anakin. The dark side of the Force is legit bussin, even though some people think it's a lil cooked."
'What happened to him?'
"He was such a baller but he had mad FOMO that he'd lose his rizz, which is exactly what fuckin happened, lmao. He was pretty delulu and taught his apprentice everything he knew, and then his apprentice clapped back and unalived him in his sleep. Absolutely memeworthy, he could save others but not himself. Pretty mid tbh."
'I'm gagged. Is it possible to learn this power?'
"From an NPC Jedi? Nah."
'Ok boomer.'
I saw Steve Jobs at the Apple Store in New York when the iPod touch first came out. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photo with my then new iPhone or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. He walked away and while I continued waiting in line, and I heard him chuckle as he walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like 10 black iPods in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the iPods and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “because it’s the Apple way,” and then turned around and winked at me. I think they were all the same memory. After she scanned each iPod and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
I fantasize about Misato coming home drunk and beating me up
Sometimes I fantasize about Misato coming home drunk and beating me until I feel numb. She kicks me in the ribs until I can hardly breathe. Then she starts to cry and apologizes, begging me to forgive her. She holds me all night as I gently cry into her t-shirt. Please help is there any hope for me
I realize that Misato is only a drawing
Everyday I look at one of these edits or photos of Misato and laugh. then, I begin to cry. I cry for I know I will never have Lieutenant Colonel Misato Katsuragi to hold and to hug every night. I cry, for I realize that Misato is only a drawing. A mere idea. I will never have her patting me on the back. I will never be able to cry on her shoulder. I will never be able to smell her sweet purple hair. I will never meet ANYONE that can provide me the same amount of companionship that Misato will. I know deep down you all think I am crazy, but deep down, seeing all of these posts I make, you only laugh because you feel the same way I do deep inside your heart. Alone. Trapped. Sad. Unlovable. The only woman that will love me is Misato Katsuragi, and I have come to accept it. Mock me, berate and belittle me. I know you only do it to mask you own insecurities. I love Misato, and I always will. None of you will EVER be able to change that. I am closing this post by reiterating this, I understand Misato will never be real. I can only wish. Misato will ONLY be real in my mind, and in my digital recreations of her.
I want to impregnate Misato so bad
Please God, I want to impregnate Misato so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins.
Misato is beyond divine. I can't help but drop to my knees in worship whenever I see her beautiful figure even though it's behind that unnecessary black clothes. I yearn for her in a way both primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening sweat from her smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her, I want to hear her heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly
intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union.
I want to suckle at her motherly bosom, slurping that rich juice milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging erection. I would stir her velvety cream into my coffee and let my balls boil in it. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out, and then some. I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment.
God, I want to impregnate Misato so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins. Misato is beyond divine. I yearn for her in a way both primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening honey from her smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her, I want to hear her heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union. I want to suckle at her motherly bosom, slurping that rich juche milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging erection. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out, and then some. I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment. She’s so perfect it hurts. Every moment without her I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot sauce forced through every orifice of my body. I want her, I need her. I want to start a family with her and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out. I want to see those luscious lips speak such filthy, perverse words into my ear while she slides ice cubes down my throat. I want to fuck her like she owes me money. I would sleep under her just to catch her drool in my mouth. God please, I would do anything for her. I would relinquish my life, all my hopes and dreams, just to become the muffler on her neck so that I may warm her mouthwatering lips with my very being, so that she may feel the heat of my love always. I would tear my own limbs off. I don’t know what I’d do after that, or why she might want my limbs. But I would do it. My queen, my goddess, the light of my life. God, let me have her. I want her to be mine.
It’s not enough for me to fuck Misato
It’s really, really not enough for me to fuck Misato. She literally has to be a maternal figure that’s clumsily trying to handle a household, which gives me the chance to assume some sort of independent paternal, yet naive, childlike, and lonely role within the house which ultimately culminates in her gratitude in the form of purely instinctual, almost desperate sex as the world ends around us.
Just because I want a mommy gf…
Just because I want a mommy gf doesn't mean I don't have a motherly figure in my life. Also, I don't really see the problem if people who have never had a motherly figure in their life develop a mommy gf fetish because they're adults and they have needs and a motherly gf can perfectly fulfill that role. Honestly I am just really into the caring/nurturing aspect of it, and I see that very much in the character of Misato which is why (among many other reasons as well) I'm drawn to her. Also, just because I have the mommy gf fetish does NOT mean I want to literally have sex with my mom because... ew no. Misato is my favorite Eva character though, her being a mommy gf figure is only one of the reasons why and a lot of the other reasons are because of how much I identify with her and how much I identify with Shinji. But the mommy gf fetish is a big meme here that I embrace and I embrace that I have this "fetish".
I AM ABSOLUTELY BRICKED UP FOR MISATO KATSURAGI
AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA HOLY FUCKING SHIT HALLELUJAH BISMILLAH FUCK YEAH! OH MY FUCKING GOD! I AM ABSOLUTELY BRICKED UP FOR MISATO KATSURAGI FROM NEON GENESIS EVANGELION. I LOVE MOMMY MISATO SO MUCH, I JUST WISH SHE'D PUT ME IN A MAID OUTFIT, TIE ME DOWN SHIBARI-STYLE AND PEG ME UNTIL MY COLON RUPTURES AND I FUCKING SHIT MYSELF! I'D GOBBLE UP HER PISS, JUST LIKE HOW SHE GOBBLES UP ALL THAT FUCKING BEER! I'D EVEN COMMIT WAR CRIMES FOR HER IF THAT TURNS HER ON, YES, I'D COMMIT GENOCIDES IN THE NAME OF MOMMY MISATO. BEFORE MISATO, MY LIFE HAD NO MEANING. BUT NOW, I AM SO HORNY THAT I AM ALMOST HAPPY. THIS IS THE CLOSEST I'VE EVER GOTTEN TO FEELING TRUE HAPPINESS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUST WANT HER TO CRUSH MY BALLS INTO A PASTE AND SQUEEZE THEM OUT LIKE GLUE FROM A TUBE BY GIVING ME A FOOTJOB WITH THE VERY SAME HIGH HEELS SHE USED TO EMASCULATE ME WITH. I JUST WANT HER TO SET MY CROTCH ON FIRE! I WOULD HAPPILY BECOME HER DUBAI PORTA POTTY! I WANT HER TO SIT ON MY FACE AND SHART DOWN MY FUCKING THROAT AFTER DRINKING A 12 PACK OF BEER! OHH YEAH I BET THAT ASS CAN SHIT AND FART REEEEAL GOOD, I WANT TO SUFFOCATE TO DEATH ON HER FARTS. SHE IS MOMMY! I JUST WANT MOMMY! I JUST WANT HER TO BE MY WIFE! I JUST WANT HER TO TAKE CARE OF ME! I WANT HER TO FEED ME! I WANT HER MILK! I WANT TO SUCKLE ON HER TITS! I WANT HER TO KICK MY BALLS! I WANT HER TO BITE MY DICK OFF! I WANT HER TO LOBOTOMIZE ME! I WANT HER TO RUN OVER ME WITH HER BLUE RENAULT ALPINE CAR! I WANT HER TO GRIND MY LEGS IN A WOODCHIPPER! I WANT HER TO SAW OFF MY LIMBS! I WANT HER TO GIVE ME BLEACH ENEMAS! I WANT HER TO INJECT SULPHURIC ACID INTO MY DICKHOLE! I WANT HER TO POISON ME WITH POLONIUM AND SIT ON MY FACE AS I'M COUGHING UP BLOOD FROM RADIATION POISONING AND HAVE HER WIPE HER ASS ON MY HEAD AFTER I LOSE ALL MY HAIR! I WANT HER TO INFECT ME WITH A PRION DISEASE AND SODOMIZE ME WITH A RED HOT GLOWING KATANA WHILE I'M HELPLESSLY PARALYZED ON MY DEATHBED! I WANT HER TO SHOVE A SPIKE UP MY ASS AND IMPALE ME! I WANT HER TO THROW ME DOWN THE FUCKING BURJ KHALIFA! I WANT HER TO TAKE ME TO A REMOTE DESERT AND DROP A FUCKING NUCLEAR BOMB OVER ME! I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP KNOWING THAT SHE WILL NEVER BE REAL. I HOPE THAT ONE DAY, I CAN GET HIT BY A TRUCK SO I CAN BE ISEKAI'D INTO EVANGELION UNIVERSE AND HAVE HOT STEAMY FREAKY KINKY SEX WITH MISATO FOR HOURS ON END AS SHE MUTILATES MY BODY AND I SCREAM OUT MUFFLED CRIES OF AGONIZING PAIN AND EXTREME EUPHORIA AND PLEASURE THROUGH HER PANTIES THAT ARE STUFFED INSIDE MY MOUTH. I LOVE MOMMY, I LOVE MOMMY, MOMMY DOMMY CALL ME HONEY STROKE MY BALONEY AND MAKE ME CUMMY! HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST'S LEFT TESTICLE I'M SO FUCKING HORNY!!!! 🤤 🤤 🤤 🤤
MISATO!! AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA HOLY FUCKING SHIT HALLELUJAH BISMILLAH FUCK YEAH! OH MY FUCKING GOD! I AM ABSOLUTELY BRICKED UP FOR MISATO. I LOVE MOMMY MISATO SO MUCH, SHE IS SO POGGERS! I JUST WISH SHE'D PUT ME IN A MAID OUTFIT, TIE ME DOWN SHIBARI-STYLE AND PEG ME UNTIL MY COLON RUPTURES AND I FUCKING SHIT MYSELF! I'D EVEN COMMIT WAR CRIMES FOR HER IF THAT TURNS HER ON, YES, I'D COMMIT GENOCIDES IN THE NAME OF MOMMY MISATO! I WOULD SKIN ENDANGERED ANIMALS IN THE NAME OF MOMMY MISATO! I WOULD BOIL THE ENTRAILS OF NEWBORN BABIES IN THE NAME OF MOMMY MISATO! I WOULD OVERTHROW DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED WORLD LEADERS JUST SO MISATO WOULD LET ME KISS HER POGGERS BOOBIES! I USED TO LIVE A SAD LIFE. I USED TO BE VERY DEPRESSED, BUT THAT WAS UNTIL I FOUND OUT ABOUT MISATO. BEFORE MISATO, MY LIFE HAD NO MEANING. BUT NOW, I AM SO HORNY THAT I AM ALMOST HAPPY. THIS IS THE CLOSEST I'VE EVER GOTTEN TO FEELING TRUE HAPPINESS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUST WANT HER TO CRUSH MY BALLS INTO A PASTE AND SQUEEZE THEM OUT LIKE GLUE FROM A TUBE BY GIVING ME A FOOTJOB WITH THE VERY SAME HIGH HEELS SHE USED TO EMASCULATE ME WITH, AND THEN STICK THOSE HIGH HEELS INTO MY EYEBALLS, BLINDING ME. I JUST WANT HER TO SET MY CROTCH ON FIRE! I WOULD HAPPILY BECOME HER DUBAI PORTA POTTY! I WANT HER TO SIT ON MY FACE AND SHART DOWN MY FUCKING THROAT AFTER DRINKING A 12 PACK OF BEER AND BINGE-EATING CUP NOODLES UNTIL I DIE FROM A LACK OF OXYGEN! OHH YEAH I BET THAT ASS CAN SHIT AND FART REEEEAL GOOD, SHE IS MOMMY! I JUST WANT MOMMY! I JUST WANT HER TO BE MY WIFE! I JUST WANT HER TO TAKE CARE OF ME! I WANT HER TO FEED ME! I WANT HER TO SPIT ON ME! I WANT HER MILK! I JUST WANT TO SUCKLE ON HER POGGERS BOOBIES! I WANT HER TO THROW UP INSIDE MY MOUTH JUST LIKE HOW MAMA BIRD FEEDS BABY BIRD! I WANT HER TO KICK MY BALLS! I WANT HER TO BITE MY DICK OFF! I WANT HER TO TURN ME INTO A EUNUCH USING A CHEESE GRATER! I WANT HER TO LOBOTOMIZE ME! I WANT HER TO RUN OVER ME WITH HER RENAULT ALPINE CAR! I WANT HER TO GRIND MY LEGS IN A WOODCHIPPER! I WANT HER TO SAW OFF MY LIMBS! I WANT HER TO GRIND AWAY MY SKIN WITH SANDPAPER, THROW ME INTO A POOL FULL OF SALTY LEMON JUICE AND THROW A TOASTER INSIDE THE POOL! I WANT HER TO WHIP MY NAKED BODY WITH A WHITE HOT GLOWING METAL CHAIN AND POUR SALT AND VODKA OVER ME AFTERWARDS! I WANT HER TO STUFF MY ASS WITH FIREWORKS AND LIGHT THOSE UP! I WANT HER TO GIVE ME BLEACH ENEMAS! I WANT HER TO INJECT SULPHURIC ACID INTO MY DICKHOLE! I WANT HER TO REPEATEDLY SLAM MY GENITALIA IN THE CAR DOOR UNTIL I TURN INTO A NULLO! I WANT HER TO POISON ME WITH 100 GIGABEQUERELS OF POLONIUM-210 AND SIT ON MY FACE AS I'M COUGHING UP BLOOD FROM RADIATION POISONING, AND WHEN I LOSE ALL MY HAIR FROM THE RADIATION POISONING, I WANT HER TO WIPE HER PERIOD BLOOD ON MY BALD HEAD! I WANT HER TO INFECT ME WITH PRION DISEASE AND SODOMIZE ME WITH A RED HOT GLOWING KATANA WHILE I'M HELPLESSLY PARALYZED ON MY DEATHBED! I WANT HER TO SHOVE A SPIKE UP MY ASS AND IMPALE ME! I WANT HER TO THROW ME DOWN THE FUCKING BURJ KHALIFA! I WANT HER TO TAKE ME TO A REMOTE DESERT AND DROP A FUCKING NUCLEAR BOMB OVER ME! I WOULD LITERALLY DO ANYTHING, ANYTHING FOR MISATO TO PERFORM CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY ON ME! I WANT HER TO TEST CHEMICAL WEAPONS ON ME, ESPECIALLY INSIDE MY ANUS AND URETHRA! I WANT HER TO ELECTROCUTE MY THROUGH MY URETHRA! I WANT HER TO SHOVE A JAR UP MY ASS, BREAK IT AND PEG ME AFTERWARDS! I WANT HER TO TRAMPLE ME WITH AN EVA! I WANT HER TO BREAK MY NECK TO IMMOBILISE ME, PUT ME IN A GIANT MICROWAVE OVEN AND COOK ME ALIVE! I WANT HER TO PSYCHOLOGICALLY TORMENT ME BY GIVING ME DELIRIANT SUBSTANCES AND FORCING ME TO WATCH FUCKED UP SHIT! I WANT HER TO DROWN ME IN HER OWN PISS! I WANT HER TO PERFORM SCAPHISM ON ME! (FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, THATS AN ANCIENT PERSIAN EXECUTION METHOD WHERE YOU ARE FORCE-FED MILK AND HONEY, PUT INBETWEEN TWO CANOES, DRIFTED TO A STAGNANT BODY OF WATER AND LITERALLY FERMENT IN YOUR OWN FILTH UNTIL YOU DIE) I WANT HER TO PUT ME IN A BRAZEN BULL! (FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, ITS AN ANCIENT GREEK EXECUTION METHOD WHERE YOU ARE PUT INSIDE A METAL BULL STATUE AND COOKED TO DEATH) I WANT HER TO CAST DOUBLE TESTICULAR TORSION, MEND BUTTCRACK AND EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA ON ME! I KNOW THAT ALL OF THIS WOULD BE AGONIZING, BUT THE AGONY OF THAT WOULD BE NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS WHAT I SUFFER FROM NOW, HAVING TO COPE WITH THE FACT THAT MISATO ISN'T REAL. I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP KNOWING THAT SHE WILL NEVER BE REAL. I FEEL SO FUCKING SAD, I WAS BORN IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE. I HOPE THAT ONE DAY, I CAN GET HIT BY A TRUCK SO I CAN BE ISEKAI'D INTO NEON GENESIS EVANGELION UNIVERSE AND HAVE HOT STEAMY FREAKY KINKY SEX WITH MISATO FOR HOURS ON END AND HAVE HER ABUSE ME AS I SCREAM OUT MUFFLED CRIES OF AGONIZING PAIN AND EXTREME EUPHORIA AND PLEASURE THROUGH HER PANTIES THAT ARE STUFFED IN MY MOUTH. I HOPE THAT ONE DAY, GENDO IKARI CAN INVENT AN INTERDIMENSIONAL TRAVEL MACHINE AND BRING MISATO TO ME SO THAT SHE CAN PERFORM BRUTAL HUMAN EXPERIMENTS ON ME. I PRAY TO EVERY GOD FROM EVERY RELIGION EVERY SINGLE DAY SO THAT I CAN BE WITH MISATO AND HAVE HER SMOTHER ME WITH HER POGGERS BOOBIES! SHE IS MOMMY! I LOVE MOMMY, I LOVE MOMMY, MOMMY DOMMY CALL ME HONEY STROKE MY BALONEY AND MAKE ME CUMMY! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST'S LEFT TESTICLE! IN THE NAME OF GOD, YAHWEH, ALLAH, TENGRI, XENU, ISHTAR, ANUBIS, ZEUS, KRISHNA, RICHARD DAWKINS, EVERY DEITY FROM EVERY FAITH EVER PRACTICED BY HUMANITY! LET MY WORDS ECHO THROUGH ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE, AND THE COSMIC REALM, BOTH WITHIN AND BEYOND THE SCOPE OF HUMAN IMAGINATION AND KNOWLEDGE, LET MY WORDS BE ETCHED PERMANENTLY TO THE ANNALS OF TIME! LET MY WORDS BE REMEMBERED TIL THE LAST SECOND OF THE UNIVERSES EXISTENCE! I, BASEDFINGER, I'M SO MOTHERFUCKING HORNY, AND MY LUST GOES OUT TO MISATO KATSURAGI FROM NEON GENESIS EVANGELION!!!!! 🤤 🤤 🤤 🤤
PS. NO MOM, I WON'T TAKE MY PILLS. MISATO DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN I DO THAT, AND SHE LEAVES ME
MISATO!! AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA HEILIGE VERDAMMTE SCHEISSE HALLELUJAH BISMILLAH FUCK YEAH! OH MEIN VERDAMMTER GOTT! Ich bin absolut gespannt auf MISATO. Ich LIEBE MAMA MISATO SO SEHR, SIE IST SO POGGERS! Ich wünschte nur, sie würde mich in ein Dienstmädchenoutfit stecken, mich im Shibari-Stil fesseln und festbinden, bis mein Dickdarm reißt und ich mich selbst scheiße! Ich würde sogar Kriegsverbrechen für sie begehen, wenn sie das antörnt. Ja, ich würde Völkermorde im Namen von Mama MISATO begehen! Ich würde im Namen von Mama MISATO vom Aussterben bedrohte Tiere häuten! Ich würde die Eingeweide neugeborener Babys im Namen von Mama MISATO kochen! Ich würde demokratisch gewählte Weltführer stürzen, nur damit MISATO mich ihre Pogger-Blöcke küssen lässt! Früher habe ich ein trauriges Leben geführt. Früher war ich sehr deprimiert, aber das war so, bis ich von MISATO herausfand. VOR MISATO hatte mein Leben keinen Sinn. ABER JETZT BIN ICH SO GEIL, DASS ICH FAST GLÜCKLICH BIN. So nah bin ich dem Gefühl des wahren Glücks in meinem ganzen Leben noch nie gekommen. Ich möchte nur, dass sie meine Eier zu einer Paste zerquetscht und sie wie Kleber aus einer Tube herausdrückt, indem sie mir einen Fußjob mit den gleichen High Heels gibt, mit denen sie mich masturbiert hat, und mir dann diese High Heels in die Augen steckt und mich blendet . Ich möchte nur, dass sie meinen Schritt in Brand setzt! ICH WÜRDE GERNE IHR DUBAI PORTA POTTY WERDEN! Ich möchte, dass sie sich auf mein Gesicht setzt und mir in die Kehle spritzt, nachdem sie ein 12er-Pack Bier getrunken und Nudeln gegessen hat, bis ich an Sauerstoffmangel sterbe! OHH JA, ich wette, dieser Arsch kann verdammt gut scheißen und furzen, sie ist Mama! Ich will nur Mama! Ich möchte nur, dass sie meine Frau ist! Ich möchte nur, dass sie sich um mich kümmert! Ich möchte, dass sie mich füttert! Ich möchte, dass sie mich anspuckt! Ich will ihre Milch! Ich möchte nur an ihren Poggers-Tölpeln nuckeln! Ich möchte, dass sie mir in den Mund kotzt, genau so, wie Mama Bird ihr Vogelbaby füttert! Ich möchte, dass sie mir in die Eier tritt! Ich möchte, dass sie mir den Schwanz abbeißt! Ich möchte, dass sie mich mit einer Käsereibe in einen Eunuchen verwandelt! ICH WILL, DASS SIE MICH LOBOTOMISIERT! ICH WILL, DASS SIE MICH MIT IHREM RENAULT ALPINE AUTO ÜBERFAHRT! Ich möchte, dass sie meine Beine in einem Holzhäcksler zermahlt! Ich möchte, dass sie meine Gliedmaßen absägt! Ich möchte, dass sie meine Haut mit Sandpapier abschleift, mich in einen Pool voller salzigem Zitronensaft wirft und einen Toaster in den Pool wirft! Ich möchte, dass sie meinen nackten Körper mit einer weißglühenden, leuchtenden Metallkette auspeitscht und mich danach mit Salz und Wodka übergießt! Ich möchte, dass sie meinen Arsch mit Feuerwerkskörpern stopft und diese anzündet! Ich möchte, dass sie mir Bleichklistiere gibt! Ich möchte, dass sie Schwefelsäure in mein Schwanzloch spritzt! Ich möchte, dass sie meine Genitalien immer wieder in die Autotür schlägt, bis ich mich in einen Null verwandle! ICH MÖCHTE, DASS SIE MICH MIT 100 GIGABEQUEREL POLONIUM-210 VERGIFTET UND AUF MEINEM GESICHT SITZT, WÄHREND ICH WEGEN DER STRAHLENVERGIFTUNG BLUT HUSTE, UND WENN ICH ALLE MEINE HAARE DURCH DIE STRAHLENVERGIFTUNG VERLIERE, MÖCHTE ICH, DASS SIE IHR ZEITBLUT WISCHT Meine Glatze! ICH MÖCHTE, DASS SIE MICH MIT DER PRION-KRANKHEIT INFIZIERT UND MICH MIT EINER ROTHEISSEN GLÜHNENDEN KATANA SODOMISIERT, WÄHREND ICH HILFLOS GELÄHMT AUF DEM STERBEBETT LIEGE! Ich möchte, dass sie mir einen Stachel in den Arsch steckt und mich aufspießt! Ich möchte, dass sie mich in den verdammten Burj Khalifa stürzt! Ich möchte, dass sie mich in eine abgelegene Wüste bringt und eine verdammte Atombombe über mir abwirft! Ich würde im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes alles tun, damit Misato an mir Verbrechen gegen die Menschlichkeit begeht! Ich möchte, dass sie chemische Waffen an mir testet, insbesondere in meinem Anus und meiner Harnröhre! Ich möchte, dass sie mir einen Stromschlag durch meine Harnröhre verschafft! Ich möchte, dass sie mir ein Glas in den Arsch schiebt, es zerbricht und mich danach festhält!
PS. Nein, Mama, ich werde meine Pillen nicht nehmen. MISATO mag es nicht, wenn ich das tue, und sie verlässt mich
The meme is based on the CCP’s ‘ATTENTION CITIZEN! 市民请注意!‘ copypasta but made into IPC from Honkai Star Rail.
ATTENTION CITIZEN! 市民请注意!
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ATTENTION CITIZEN! 市民请注意!
This is the Interastral Peace Corporation 您的 Internet 浏览器历史记录和活动引起了我们的注意。 YOUR INTERNET ACTIVITY HAS ATTRACTED OUR ATTENTION. 因此，您的个人资料中的 11115 ( -11115 Stellar Jades) 个社会积分将打折。 DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN! 不要再这样做! If you do not hesitate, more Stellar Jades ( -11115 Stellar Jades )will be subtracted from your profile, resulting in the subtraction of ration supplies (WAIFUS). (由人民供应部重新分配 IPC) You'll also be sent into a re-education camp in the sigonia. 如果您毫不犹豫，更多的社会信用将从您的个人资料中打折，从而导致口粮供应减少。 您还将被送到新疆维吾尔自治区的再教育营。
为党争光! Glory to the IPC!!!! PAY YOUR TAXES!!!!!!!!!
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.
The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"
She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."
Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the conservative side of the fence."
If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is a Vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal Non-believer wants any mention of God and Jesus silenced.
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."
