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I’m sick of Chixia

    Chixia from Wuthering Waves

    Parody of the Xiangling copypasta but switched to Chixia from Wuthering Waves and the context has been swapped to how mid she is.

    I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Chixia. I try to play Mortefi. Gatcha gives me Chixia. I try to play Danjin. Gatcha gives me Chixia. I want to play Yinlin. I lost my pity because I kept getting Chixias while fishing for Mortefi. I just want S4 Mortefi or Danjin. I've gotten nothing but Chixia and off banner weapons for 10 of my 28 pages of pulls.

Chixia grabs me by the throat. I don't level her at all because she's bad. She isn't satisfied. I won't even unequip the grey weapon she came with. "Level me and I'll stop showing up in your pulls" She tells me. "Check Prydwen, DPS is only 20% less than Calcharo's now that I'm S5" She grabs my entire 5 star roster and benches them "Ignore that I'm single target only, the damage numbers are okay"

I can't pull anymore, I'm out of Astrites and I still want Yinlin. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs the rate up and says “Drop another off banner 4 star weapon” There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but wasted pity for a mid 4 star carry. What a cruel world.

    Lelouch’s “Attention, entire world! Hear my proclamation”

      From Lelouch speech in Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2 ep25 where he declares victory and end the battle.

      Attention, entire world! Hear my proclamation: I am Lelouch vi Britannia, Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire and your only ruler! Schneizel has surrendered to me: as a result of this, I am now in control of both the Damocles and the FLEIJA weapons, and even the Black Knights no longer possess the strength to oppose me now! If anyone dares to oppose my supreme authority, they shall know the devastating power of the FLEIJAs. Those who could oppose my military rule no longer exist! Yes, from this day, from this moment forward, the world belongs to me! Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Obey me, subjects! OBEY ME, WORLD! 
      “Attention entire world, hear my proclamation!

I am Lelouch vi Britannia, Emperor of The Holy Britannian Empire and your only Ruler…

Schneizel has surrendered to me, and as a result of this I am now in control of both the Damocles and the Fleija weapons, and even the Black Knights no longer possess the strength to oppose me now.

If anyone dares oppose my supreme authority, The shall know the devastating power of the Fleijas. Those who could challenge my military rule no longer exist. Yes, from this day, from this moment forward, the world belongs to me!

Lelouch vi Britannia commands you, obey me subjects! obey me world!”
      Attention, entire world! Hear my proclamation! I am Lelouch vi Britannia, Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire and your only ruler! Schneizel has surrendered to me. As a result of this, I am in control of both the Damocles and the F.L.E.I.J.A. weapons, and not even the Black Knights have the strength to oppose me now. If anyone dares to resist my supreme authority, they shall know the devastating powers of the *F.L.E.I.J.A.*s! Those who could challenge my military eule no longer exist. Yes, from this day, from this moment forward, the world belongs to me! Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Obey me, subjects! Obey me, world!

      How Do I tell my girlfriend I’m not cheating, I’m just hopelessly addicted to PokeRogue

        Source
        Me and My girlfriend had a heated argument last night after she confronted me about what she considered “fishy behavior” and suspects I’m cheating, which has upset me because I pride myself on not being a cheater, in both relationships and Nuzlockes.

It started when she noticed I put her on do not disturb late one night when I told her I was asleep, but really I was fighting E-max Eternatus and really had to dial in since I didn’t have any fairy types on my team (rookie mistake I know)

Then She noticed I was on Snapchat at 4 A.M. one night after I told her I was asleep and figured I was snapping another girl, but really I was showing my buddy Bobby Pickles that I finally got Max IVs on my Beedrill.

Then the other day when I was leaving her house she saw me check my phone and smile immediately after getting in my car and again assumed adultery but really the gacha had just changed and I went to check and was smiling cause Zacian was on the legendary gacha and Zacian is dope.

It all culminated yesterday when I wouldn’t let her see what I was doing on my phone cause I was playing PR, and she flipped out on me.

I haven’t told her cause she doesn’t like when I play Pokemon ever since she was watching me play infinite fusion and noticed I had nicknamed my lopunny/gardevior fusion after my ex. (I’m not still into my ex or anything cause she’s pretty gross, but when we were dating I named my Lopunny after her in a platinum Cagelocke and the mon ended up clutching up against Flints infernape, so I still do it every run for good luck). I explained this to my girlfriend at the time but she didn’t care, and when I fused the lopunny with a snorlax and showed her to make her feel better she just got more angry and made me switch to Tem Tem for a year.

I’m really hurt and torn over this and I don’t know how to fix things. I obviously don’t want to lose my girlfriend but I don’t want to tell her truth because I’m afraid she will make me switch to Tem Tem again and Tem Tem is the actual worst.

If anyone has had a similar problem I would really appreciate some advice as I’m really messed up about this and I don’t think I’ll be able to get my endless run off the ground with all this terrible stress going on in my life.

        I sometimes feel like Cartman from that episode where he loses his ability to laugh

          As a Real Madrid fan, I sometimes feel like Cartman from that episode where he loses his ability to laugh. In the past 10 years I have watched my team win the top of the top competition 6 times. 6 times. In 10 years. Like ... I don't know if there's anything more a football fan can even wish for. I literally watched mere mortals turn into legends. A club that went from being the second violin to their biggest rivals to dominating the entire footballing world. I am happy, don't get me wrong. But I don't see myself ever experiencing anything on the same level in terms of being a football fan ever again. Crazy. Thank you, Ancelotti, for playing your part in it all.

          Pride Month 🏳️‍🌈

            A full list of copypasta parodying Pride Month celebration before declaring that its over.

            Its fucking pride month 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 that means you're not allowed to be straight 😤😤 we will not be accepting anyone who identifies as heterosexual 😒😒 until the 1st of july all shall be persecuted by law 😡😡 james charles is allowed to take anyone he wants into the dungeon 👅👅 and you will be fined $1000 if you resist 🤑🤑 jk rowling has been allowed to choose who is gay 😍😍 and this will stay the same for the rest of your life 😝😝 bisexuals are okay 🙄🙄 but you're on thin fucking ice ❄❄ don't think that you are safe 😥😥 thanos and his thicc ass 😜😜 will be after you if you show any signs of affection towards the other sex 😠😠
            HAPPY 🏳️‍🌈 MONTH 2 MY HOMO 💏👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨HOES 👯👯‍♀️👯‍♂️👨‍👨‍👦‍👦👨‍👨‍👧👨‍👨‍👦👩‍👩‍👦👩‍👩‍👧 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 UR 🐓🍆 OR 🐱🥭 WORSHIPPNG 🍑👅🍑👅🍑👅 NEEDS TO BE SUPER 🤜 🍑 GAY FOR PLAY 😙🍑🥴😳🥴 ALL ☀️☀️☀️ MONTH 📈 LONG 🍆💦🍆💦🍆 LIKE UR TOP DONG 🥕🍆🥕🍆 🥕🍆 🙅🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️ NO HETERO HIDING 🚫🚪😤 SO JIZZ ON UR FAVE QUEERS 🤏🏻😏🤤 GET VERS 🔝⬇️ AND 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 GAPE FOR GAYS 💢⭕️💢⭕️😛😛 MILK 🥛🥛🥛 SOME BUTT 🌰🌰🌰 AND SHOVE SOME 💖💜💙 GAYNETALIA 💖💜💙 IN YOUR 💣🕳️BUSSY PUSSY 🕳️💣 TN 🥵😏🏳️‍🌈 KINKY ⛓️ HOMOSLUTS 💋💋💋 MUST DOCK WITH THICC GOCKS 🤼🤼‍♀️🤼‍♂️ AND SHIP SLICK TDICKS 🌊🌊🌊. OR STRAIGHT NIGHTMARES 😩😩😩 WILL HAUNT U 👻😈👻 ALL MONTH LONG 😛😛 SEND TO 10 🚨 OF YOUR 🔥🔥🔥 HOMIESEXUALS ❤️‍🔥🚨 TO GET A GAY 🪄🪄🪄 GLOWUP 🤩🤩🤩 IN JUNE 😁😛😋😛😁 🎆🎇🎆🎇 HAPPY FKN PRIDE LGBTQIA➕➕➕➕➕!!!!🎆🎇🎆🎇 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 
            Hello, fellow homosexuals. It is us, [MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION]. Here to remind you that we support your lifestyle now that it has been federally legalised and it is completely socially safe, allowing for us to capitalise on your existence now it's mainstream. Look, we even changed the colours of [LOGO]! Why did we wait this long to come out and 'support' you? Haha, no more questions, homosexual. Buy our product. Buy our product. BUY OUR PRODUCT.
            🚨ALERT🚨 🔊 🚨ALERT🚨

🏳️‍🌈PRIDE MONTH🏳️‍🌈💰 HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN.📆✅ IT IS NOW 👎 ILLEGAL🚫⛔ TO BE STRAIGHT.👫🤮 YOU ARE NO LONGER 🤯😠 ALLOWED TO:

❌🙅‍♀️WEAR SHORTS 🩳 BELOW THE KNEE 🦵

❌🙅‍♀️PLAY 😈 DEVILS ADVOCATE 🙋 IN YOUR POLISCI 📐 CLASS 📝

❌🙅‍♀️WATCH,👀 DISCUSS,💬 OR REFERENCE "MAD MEN" 🧑‍💼🧑‍💼

🕵️👀PLEASE REPORT 🧐 ANY SUSPECTED STRAIGHT 🤵❌👰 ACTIVITY TO THE KGBT🕵️🌈 SO AUTHORITITTIES🍈🍈 MAY ENFORCE 💦CUMPLIANCE💦 WITH ALL 💅YASS QUEEN 💃 REGULATIONS.📄📃

SEND📤THIS TO 🔟 FELLOW TITIZENS👯 TO INFORM THEM OF THEIR WIG💇‍♀️ SNATCHING💫🦱 QUOTA. GET 0️⃣ BACK 🥲😵‍💫AND SCOTUS👨🏻‍⚖️👨🏻‍⚖️ WILL SAY 💁‍♀️ "BYE FELICIA!" 💃 TO YOUR CUNTSTITUTIONAL📄 RIGHT TO 👬💍👭 MARRIAGE. SICKENING,🤢 NO? GET 5️⃣ BACK 😚😉 AND YOU'LL BE A 🌮WHOREDITA CRUNCH🌯 AT DRAG 👩🏼‍🎤👩🏻‍🎤👩🏿‍🎤QUEEN BRUNCH,🍴 BROUGHT TO YOU BY 💸💲 TACO BELL: LIVE MÁS! 🔔GET 🔟 BACK 😳🤩 AND WE'LL JUST GIVE YOU ELLEN'S 👦🏼NEWLY VACATED 🏃💨 TIMESLOT.📺 SLAY, MAMA! 💃🕺

THIS MESSAGE💌 BROUGHT TO YOU 💶💴💷 BY OUR PRIDE 🏳️‍🌈💰 SPONSORS: 🍆COCKHEAD🍄 MARTIN✈️, 👨‍❤️‍👨GAYTHEON👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, AND BOOBS 🍈🍈 ALLEN HAMILTON 😜😘🔥🔥
            Hey you queer! 🤪Its fucking pride month 📆 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 that 💯 means you're not 😠 allowed 🙅🏻‍♀️ to be straight 🌈 😤😤 It’s time to 🔨🔨 POUND ASS and 🤪🤪 lick pussy 🍑🍑🍑 so hard it makes it to RU PAULS DRAG RACE 💃🏾 😫😫and listen to LADY GAGA 🎵🎤 while you ram that 🤪💦🏎 FAST CAR right into a WET HOLE 💦💪😭🤪After u SUCK SOME DICK 👅🍆 then it’s time to get your gay 🏳️‍🌈 ass to brunch🥓🥞 !!! All month we’re here and we’re fucking queer!!!!!!👩🏾‍🤝‍👩🏿👨🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏻👨🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 TAKE POPPERS 💊 and getting FUCKED 😫💦 in the PARK TONIGHT 🤪😫🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🤼‍♀️🥳💦💦
            Hi Gay👨‍❤️‍👨! Happy Pride🏳️‍🌈 Month, we are sashaying 💃 away with deals 🤑! This month 🗓at the butter 🧈 shop 🛒, we’re running a special deal 🆓. If you can prove that you’re queer 🌈, you get 3 pints🍺 off your first 🥇 your choice of creamed💦, chucked🤮, or drowned 🌊 butter 🧈 . And if you do mouth👄 stuff, you get 4️⃣. WE LOVE GAY❤️🏳️‍🌈! And it’s awesome. So come visit ✈️ . And we also make candles 🕯 now, wouldn’t a candle 🕯 be nice for gay 🏳️‍🌈 stuff, in the bedroom 🍆💦, or just hanging 🪂out. YEA we would, hey wouldn’t your partner 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 want butter 🧈 ? From the original old maid’s home 👵🏽🏠 . We’ve been making butter since 1️⃣9️⃣4️⃣5️⃣., and we’ve been accepting all people since… the last 4️⃣ months. SO YEA, we’re gagging 😝 for you to come take a taste of Cecily’s butter 🧈 🛍Shop. My friend’s mom 🤰🏳️‍🌈 I think is, I think is gay. So… we think its cool!  Turn it off 📴Willard.
            Its fucking pride month 📆 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 that 💯 means you're not 😠 allowed 🙅🏻‍♀️ to be straight 🌈 😤😤 we will ‼️ not be accepting anyone 🚶‍♂️ who 👋😂 identifies as heterosexual 😒😒 until 💦 the 1st of july 🎆🎇1️⃣6️⃣ all shall be persecuted by 😈 law 😱 😡😡 jk rowling has been 👏 allowed to choose 📥📥 who is gay 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧😍😍 and this will stay the same 🙂👍👍👍👍 for 💗 the rest of your 😝 life 👨‍🦳🧑‍🦳💓 😝😝 bisexuals are okay 🙄🙄 but you're on 🔛 thin fucking 🍆😡 ice 🍨 ❄❄ don't 🙅‍♂️ think 🤔 that you are safe 🌺 😥😥 we will be ✅ after your 😍thicc ass 🍑 if you 😀 show 🎉 any signs ⚠️ of affection towards the other 😖 sex 🍆 😠😠
            🚨ALERT🚨 🚨ALERT🚨

PRIDE 🏳️‍🌈 MONTH🗓 IS OFFICIALLY OVER❌

MEN ♂️ AND WOMEN ♀️ OF THE NATION🇨🇮🇧🇼🇧🇿🇨🇲🇧🇷🇨🇨🇨🇲🇨🇰🇨🇫🇨🇮🇫🇰🇪🇦🇪🇹🇫🇮🇩🇯🇫🇲🇭🇲🇬🇵🇮🇪🇮🇱🇮🇲🇬🇹🇮🇴🇭🇰🇬🇾🇲🇵🇱🇷🇲🇴🇲🇨🇱🇻🇲🇱🇲🇱🇳🇮🇵🇭🇴🇲🇳🇺🇴🇲🇳🇪🇵🇪🇵🇫🇳🇦🇸🇭🇸🇽🇶🇦🇸🇬🇶🇦🇸🇪🇸🇸🇸🇽🇸🇭:

IT IS NOW ILLEGAL TO BE #GAY 🏳️‍🌈 ANYWHERE ON STRAIGHT📏 MOTHER EARTH 🌎🌐🌍🌏

BISEXUALS MUST HEAD TO YOUR NEAREST GOVERNMENT BUILDING 🎟 AND RECEIVE A "Bi-Ticket Admission Allowance System Check in Mark" TO BE PUT UNDER EXAMINATION 🔍 TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE TO BE LEFT IN THE GENE POOL. 🤽‍♂️🤽‍♀️

THE 🏳️‍🌈❌GAYSTAPO❌🏳️‍🌈 👮‍♂️👮‍♂️🚔🚔 WILL BE INSPECTING ALL RESIDENTS🏘 OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 🇳🇺🇳🇺🇳🇺 TO SEARCH FOR ANY GAY ACTIVITY

ANY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY CAN WARRANT ARREST🔒👮‍♂️OR POSSIBLE ☠DEATH☠ PENALTY

STAY VIGILANT AND STRAIGHT📏📏❌🏳️‍🌈❌🏳️‍🌈❌🏳️‍🌈❌🏳️‍🌈❌
            🚨🚨ALERT CUTIES 🌈🌈 it's PRIDE MONTH ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 and that means PARTIES 🎊 and PARADES 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 don't forget to be HOT 🥵🥵 but wear SUNSCREEN 🧴 on any EXPOSED SKIN 🍑🍑 including your ARMPITS 👃 HAIR PART 🪮 and EARS 👂👂 bring WATER 💦💦 and SALTY SNACKS 🥨🥨 watch out for HEATSTROKE 🔥🔥 and HEAT EXHAUSTION 🤒🤒 if you're on OPIODS, ANTIDEPRESSANTS or SPIRO 💊💊 you may be EXTRA SENSITIVE 😨😨 to the SUN 🌞🌞 check your MEDICATION 🏳️‍⚧️ SIDE EFFECTS 🩺 drink EXTRA WATER 💧 if you're drinking ALCOHOL 🍾🍺🥃🍷 stay SAFE 🛟 stay SEXY 😍 
            IT IS PH🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓YSICALALY IMPOSSIBLE FOR A MAN TO FUCK A MAN 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 WOMENE EXIWT BECAUSE LFIW WANTED US TO FUFK WOMAN!!!!! NIT MAN!!!!!! FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!! WHY ARE THERE WOMEN IS IF WE FUCK MEN!!!! YOU CANT EVEN GET PREGN🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓ABAT ITS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE BIRTH AS A MAN!!!!! AND GAY PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡PRIDE MPNTH IS SJUSY COMPANIAES PRETENDING TO GIVWV A SHIT ABOUHT A MADE UP SEXUALITY THE ON🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓LY SRXUALITY IS HETEROSEXUALITY FLAGS ARE FPR CPUNTRIES NPT SEX FUCLING DUMB FURRY POOPHEADS!!!! YOU ARE POOPY!!!!++😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

            Town of Salem battlepass – Chicanery

              Parody of the ‘Chicanery‘ copypasta from Breaking Bad but changed to Town of Salem 2 specifically about the Battlepass.

              I am not crazy! I know they swapped those scrolls. I knew it was only 5 town points per. One after four. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just – I just couldn’t prove it. They covered their tracks, they got that idiot on youtube to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? They've done worse. That battlepass! Are you telling me that a game just happens to monetize like that? No! They orchestrated it! BMG! They made ToS 1 no longer free! And I saved them! And I shouldn’t have. I bought their town will and ToS 2! What was I thinking? They'll never change. They'll never change! Ever since ToS 1, always the same! Couldn’t keep their hands out of the cash drawer! But not our BMG! Couldn’t be precious BMG! Stealing them blind! And THEY get to be a game studio? What a sick joke! I should’ve stopped them when I had the chance!