I have tried to hide my feelings for years now, but since last night, when I replaced the tunnel of a model train set with my ass and watched Thomas bury himself and 19 other freight trains in me, I have decided to reveal myself to the world.
There's something about his sinuous body, the way it twists and turns that just has a hold on me. I mean, who can resist his steam powered cock ramming into you at 100 mph, over and over until he finally releases a jet of smoke into your asshole, impregnating you with the essence of a god? I have set out on a quest to find him and his beautifully round face, those perfectly symmetrical eyes and that mouth designed for sweet, passionate lovemaking. Until then, all I can do is imagine every piston in his body penetrating me in every possible way.
🗿 is the worst emoji. It's horrendous and ugly. I hate it. The point of emojis is to show emotions, but what emotion does this show? Do you just wake up in the morning and think "wow, I really feel like a massive fucking stone today"? It's useless. I hate it. It just provokes a deep rooted anger within me whenever I see it. I want to drive on over to the fucking emoji headquarters and kill it. If this was the emoji movie I'd push it off a fucking cliff. People just comment 🗿 as if it's funny. It's not. 🗿 deserves to die. He deserves to have his smug little stone face smashed in with a hammer. Oh wow, it's a stone head, how fucking hilarious, I'll use it in every comment I post. NO. STOP IT. It deserves to burn in hell. Why is it so goddamn smug. You're a fucking stone, you have no life goals, you will never accomplish anything in life apart from pissing me off. When you die noone will mourn. I hope you die.
Consider yourself lucky, kid. You got me to take out my sword. I was hoping it didn't have to come to this. Even I thought I wouldn't have to do this. Witness me as pull out my sword, a beautiful piece of glorious Nippon steel, folded over ten thousand times, crafted by the greatest swordmakers the land of Nippon has to offer. I have trained with this blade in several schools, but my power exceeded the strength of even their greatest masters. My techniques have been perfected through infinite training, my instincts honed by years of meditation in the far off land of Akihabara. Your depravity has doomed you to a death devoid of honor, be grateful that I at least grant you death by the blade using only 5% of my true power. teleports behind you Nothin' personnel kid.
You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat.
I am the Lorax I speak for the trees
And I’m going to be honest with you, the trees been spreading lies. There’s this one tree, Tony, who’s a maple tree, who’s... now hold on, I DONT hate maple trees. I was just pointing out the fact that he was a maple tree, I only hate THIS one. Not ALL maple trees are bad. I love maple trees, in fact their my favorite tree. I have many friends who are maple trees. Anyway, this one maple tree, was telling me that he was sick of all the pollution, and that it was affecting him. And I said to him, I said, ‘well tony, you know what the problem is? It’s all these geese coming in from the south. Their taking our jobs, Tony.’ And Tony, he didn’t believe me. Tony told me that wasn’t the issue at all. Now let me tell you something folks, Tony is fake news. He gets his news from a peacock, and I tell him, ‘that peacock is corrupt and spreading lies. If you want real news you talk to a fox.’ I tell him. Anyway, the moral of the story is folks, is that these “geese” are migrating from the south. These geese, do you know what their doing to this country? I’ll tell you. Their running it into the ground. If you vote for me for ruler of the forest again, we will MAKE THE FOREST GREAT AGAIN. Thank you.
