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My teacher caught me jerking off to my crush in zoom class

    Fuck fuck fuck I can't believe it! Alright so today we're having class and my crush was looking like a straight-up snack as usual. No one could see me from the waist down so I stared at her and started to jerk off. I was yanking it, I was cranking it the teacher's words were going in one ear and right out the other. Then my crush got up to get a cola out of her mini-fridge, her fast ass was on display for everyone to see. I came so hard that it shot out of my dick like a surface-to-air missile! My thick sticky cum covered my Kill-La-Kill shirt, the whole class was staring. I knew they knew but I had to clean myself up. I thought I had covered the camera when I got up but the whole class saw my semi-hard dick in all its four inches of glory. The teacher kicked me from the class and pmd me to let me know that I had been suspended indefinitely. Does anyone know if I can sue the school for discrimination?

    Simping “nice guy”

      May I, a woman respecting and feminist- supportive male, see at least one breast from you my queen? I do not mean to come on as an improper male, and if this request disturbs you, please make me aware. You, my queen, deserve the utmost respect of any female. However, many of my gender seem to sexualize women and view them as sex toys. However, my Queen, I do not share these views. Rather, I value the female spectrum of the human race as the superior, and I, a respectful male, request for the viewing of an isolated, singular breast from your body. I await your response my Queen.

      I’m from America and I’m really proud of our pornography.

        I’m from America and I’m really proud of our pornography. I’ve tried to get into porn from other countries and it just isn’t the same quality. Some worse than others, but American porn is just amazing in technical quality, overall cinematography and general attractiveness and cleanliness of the talent.

        Met a new player in TF2, this was their steam bio

          dont mess with me cuz ill kill u i have admin guns ill kick u in da face ill spawn siren head ill get my stick MINIONS ill get dinosaurs ill spawn SCP-096 imma spawn peanut aka SCP-173 den ur neck get snapped + ur getting eaten by 096 so yeah boi dont mess with me!!!! U TRYING TO CRASH ME *kills u with admin gun then kicks* >:) DONT MESS WITH ME ILL KICK UR NUTS THEN U WILL BE CORNERED BY SPCS AND IDK DINOSAURS AND MUCH MORE SO DONT DO IT!!!!!!! u: wtf this kid is crazy (when u join my gmod server) *drops mic* HI THERE DUMMY *shoots*

          I worked in the Coronavirus factory. This is my story, AMA

            My name is Lewis, and I was an employee at the Coronavirus factory run by Big Chungus. My boss, Reanu Keeves, (Keanu Reeves(wholesome man)‘s evil brother) comes up to me and he says to me

“Lewis, the time has come. It is time to make the Coronavirus in this Coronavirus factory. I am Reanu Keeves, Keanu Reeves’s evil brother.”

So I says to him

“Ok Reanu Keeves’s Keanu Reeves’s evil brother, I will do that because you asked me too. But will you give me money?

“no” said Reanu Keeves, Keanu Reeve’s evil brother.

“Ok” says Lewis (me)

So I do my work and go home. On the way back, Karl Marx and Max Stirner come up to me and they’re like

“Hey there little boy, do u work at Big Chungus Coronavirus Factory”

So I say “Why yes, Karx Marx from communist manifesto and Max Stirner from popular anime “The Ego And It’s Own”, I, Lewis, the author, do in fact work at Big Chungus’s Coronavirus factory”

And the old men are like “tomorrow at work can you break into Big Chungus (meme of fat bugs bunny)‘s office, and steal the secret papers about the factory?”

And I’m like “no i cant do that stealing is wrong and i am get fired. But I will do it if you give me a money.”

“Ok” says old guys

So I go home, and see my hot girl freind who is totally real and has big boobs.

“hey babe how was work?” She asks

“Shut the fuck up bitch” I say

We have super hot sex for the next three days, and then I go back to work at Big Chungus Coronavirus Factory.

“YOUR’RE LAIT!” Screams Keanu Reeves evil brother

“Fuck u” I say, and then I pull out a glock 19 and blow his fucking head off. I put is body in the Coronavirus machine. Then I sneek up to fat bugs bunny meme’s office, and break in. It’s really dark so I turn on light, and take the secret papers. Suddenly, the wooden thing that u open to get into room (i forget name) opens up, and in walks Big Chungus. He say

“WAT ARE U DO HERE??!! IM CALL THE POLICE

“No sir please don’t I’m so sorry I’m begging you please.” I say

He says “2 BaD!” and calls the police. The police show up and they say

“WE ARE PLOLICE!! U UNDER AREWST!!!”

But then they see a black man walking a dog and go to shoot him. While they distracted, I run away, but then I get attacked by a DRACULA!! He’s like

“Aaahhh I’m a Dracula I drink blood aaaahhhh”

“No sir please don’t I’m so sorry I’m begging you please.” I say

“No” it says

Then I pull out an onion, and throw it at him.

“Aaahhh I’m allergic to onions!!! Ahhhh” then the Dracula turns back into a frog.

Suddenly, big Chungus appears behind me and he’s like “I got you know” and the police come back and point their guns at me. I cry.

“Hand over the pappers.” Big Chungus (fat bugs bunny) says to me.

“no” I say, and then I pull out a can of black paint, and throw it on fat rabbit.

“Ahhh now i am covered in black paint that really sucks.” He says

Then the police say “everyone look! It’s another black persons!” And they shoot Big Chungus. I run away, and give the papers to Max Stirner and Karl Marx

They say “thank you so much loois, thanks to you, we can expose Big Chungus and cure the Cornucopiavirus. U r a her0.”

“ok” I say.

Then I go back home and go have more hot sex with my gilr frieeng

            Elder Maxson’s speech from Fallout 4 but it’s about Simps instead of Synths

              Brothers and Sisters, the road behind us has been long and fraught with difficulty, each and every one of you has surpassed my expectations by rapidly facilitating our arrival in the Commonwealth. You accomplished this feat without a hint of purpose or direction, and most impressively: without question. Now that the ship is in position it is time to reveal our purpose and our mission. Beneath the Commonwealth, there is a cancer known as the Institute, a malignant growth that needs to be cut before it infects the surface. They are experimenting with dangerous technologies that could prove to the world's undoing for the second time in recent history. The Institute scientists have created a weapon that transcends the destructive nature of the Atom Bomb. They call their creation: The Simps, a masculine abomination of humanity that is free-thinking, and donates money to female streamers, this.. notion.. that a loser could be granted attention will is not only offensive.. but horribly dangerous and like the atom, if they aren't harnessed properly, they have the potential of rendering us extinct as a species. I, can not allow the Institute to continue this line of experimentation. Therefore the Institute and their Simps are considered enemies of the Brotherhood of Steel and should be dealt with swiftly and mercilessly. This campaign will be costly and many lives will be lost, but in the end, we will be saving humankind from its worst enemy: Itself. Ad Victorium.