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Lao Gan Ma

    Lao Gan Ma copypasta
    Original video
    Please help me, I am being held in a Chinese enternment camp. They force me to kill my family, I am being tortured daily, I don't know if I'll make it out alive... The only food I can eat is Lao Gan ma. "What the hell is Lao Gan ma?" that's what I asked them. They told me it's just chilly sauce. I sneak around to the back of the factory. As it turns out Lao Gan Ma is made from the flesh of my dead family. So I've been eating my wife and kid this whole time... they're gonna feed me more of this shit....
    Nǐ hǎo, wēi bó! Wǒ mùqián zhèngzài pāishè diànyǐng, xiànzài zhèngzài xiūxí hé yòngcān. Wǒ bùnéng zài pāishè guòchéng zhōng shǐyòng shǒujī, suǒyǐ wǒ xiànzài zhèngzài pāishè zhège (shìpín), yīnwèi tāmen gěile wǒ lǎo gàn mā.” Tā shuō. “Wǒ duì lǎo gàn mā bù shúxī, dàn zhōngguó rén shuō zhè shì yī zhǒng jí hǎo de làjiāo jiàng. Yīncǐ, xiànzài wǒ měitiān zài huāyēcài shàng shǐyòng lǎo gàn mā. Wǒ yòngle hěnduō lǎo gàn mā. Zhè bùshì guǎnggào. Wǒ yǔ lǎo gàn mā méiyǒu rènhé guānxì.
    拍摄期间我无法使用手机，但现在可以了，因为他们给了我这个手机。 我对Lao Gan Ma一无所知，但是中国人说这是一种非常好的 the chilli sauce，所以现在我每天都在西兰花上放一些Lao Gan Ma。 我使用了很多Lao Gan Ma，但这不是广告，Lao Gan Ma从来没有要求我为他们做任何广告。 但是我认为很多人都开始吃这种东西。 我的意思是拥抱中国文化，因为许多中国人认为这是他们文化的一部分。 现在我只吃很多Lao Gan Ma和西兰花，这真的非常好，我喜欢。

    I wish slavery never happened

      I wish slavery never happened
      I wish slavery never happened because then there wouldn't be any black people in north america. (If you object to this you are defending slavery, if you do not you agree with a racist)

      Waluigi

        Waluigi copypasta
        Waluigi is the ultimate example of the individual shaped by the signifier. Waluigi is a man seen only in mirror images; lost in a hall of mirrors he is a reflection of a reflection of a reflection. You start with Mario – the wholesome all Italian plumbing superman, you reflect him to create Luigi – the same thing but slightly less. You invert Mario to create Wario – Mario turned septic and libertarian – then you reflect the inversion in the reflection: you create a being who can only exist in reference to others. Waluigi is the true nowhere man, without the other characters he reflects, inverts and parodies he has no reason to exist. Waluigi’s identity only comes from what and who he isn’t – without a wider frame of reference he is nothing. He is not his own man. In a world where our identities are shaped by our warped relationships to brands and commerce we are all Waluigi.

        Baby Mogus

          ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣶⣿⣿⣷⣶⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣾⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⡟⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⠏⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣼⣿⣿⡏⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣸⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠁⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢰⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⢉⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⣇⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⣤⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠹⣿⣿⣇⣀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠉⠛⠋⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠁

          How BTD6 affected my marriage.

            BTD6 addiction is no joke.
            Ever since I have started play Bloons Tower Defense 6, I have to be honest, my life has changed. My wife is constantly yelling at me to stop, she tells me everyday I'm an addict. But what does she know? She doesn't understand the grind for a high round. You have to pick the right towers, or else you will go bye-bye. She once tried to play BTD6, and she SUCKED. She died on round 4. What an L, am I right? She tells me she wants a divorce, and I tried to talk to her, but I was playing BTD6 at the same time. I was doing an odyssey, so it makes sense. She ended up divorcing me. But it's ok. BTD6 is all I need. BTD6 is love. BTD6 is life.

            TIFU by conditioning myself to get a boner whenever I fix the printer

              Getting a boner when fixing printer
              When I was a teenager I got super bored and decided I wanted to see if I could get a fetish on purpose. I set up an experiment to see if I could get a fetish for something extremely non-sexual if I tried hard enough. So every time I wanted to whack it, I ignored looking up porn and instead looked up computer insides and maintenance imagery on google and tried to jack off to it. I did this for like a month or two and then forgot about it because it wasn't working, and now like five years later I realise I accidentally pavlov'd myself into associating sex with machine maintenance. The real kicker is that I'm the family's computer guy so I had to go to my grandma's house to fix the printer there, and I had to pull out the toner drum and I legitimately felt like I was doing something perverse. I could not stop getting nervous the entire time I was there because I was anxious about my poor unsuspecting family somehow finding out that opening up the printer gets my dick hard :/ TL;DR Jacked off to computer parts when I was like 15 cause I was bored and now I'm scared shitless of fixing my grandma's printer in case I get a boner 

EDIT: Sorry if any of my friends who know this about me saw that i put this on reddit for clout. Thought id at least get something out of the debacle