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Help: my penis is too long.

    My penis is too long copypasta
    My penis is too long. When I measured it just now, it was 40 cm long. According to my estimates, it’s growing at a rate of at least 2 cm per month.
    
    I’m not too sure about its length when fully erect. Thanks to the lack of blood supply to my brain, I tend to faint before becoming fully erect.
    
    Despite its impressive length, my penis is only as wide as one of those Crayolas back in elementary school.
    
    Because of its flexibility from a ridiculous length-to-girth ratio, I am able to wrap it around my right thigh, much like a fire hose. It’s a surprisingly efficient method of penis-storage, though it does make sitting a problem.
    
    Does anyone else have similar problems?

    Hey! I noticed you used an emoji.

      POV You've just used an emoji
      I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you?
      
      If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit.
      
      If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that.
      
      But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.

      Imagine Dragons – Bones lyrics

        Open lyrics
        Gimme, gimme, gimme some time to think
        I'm in the bathroom looking at me
        Face in the mirror is all I need
        Wait until the reaper takes my life
        Never gonna get me out alive
        I will live a thousand million lives
        
        My patience is waning
        Is this entertaining?
        My patience is waning
        Is this entertaining?
        
        I got this feeling, yeah, you know
        Where I'm losing all control
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        I got this feeling in my soul
        Go ahead and throw your stones
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        
        Playing with a stick of dynamite
        There was never grey in black and white
        There was never wrong till there was right
        Feeling like a boulder hurdling
        Seeing all the vultures circling
        Burning in the flames I'm working in
        Turning in a bed that's darkening
        
        My patience is waning
        Is this entertaining?
        My patience is waning
        Is this entertaining?
        
        I got this feeling, yeah, you know
        Where I'm losing all control
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        I got this feeling in my soul
        Go ahead and throw your stones
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        
        Look in the mirror of my mind
        Turning the pages of my life
        Walking the path so many paced a million times
        Drown out the voices in the air
        Leaving the ones that never cared
        Picking the pieces up and building to the sky
        
        My patience is waning
        Is this entertaining?
        My patience is waning
        Is this entertaining?
        
        I got this feeling yeah you know
        Where I'm losing all control
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        I got this feeling in my soul
        Go ahead and throw your stones
        'Cause there's magic in my bones
        
        There goes my mind
        Don't mind
        There goes my mind
        There goes my mind
        Don't mind
        There goes my mind
        'Cause there's magic in my bones 

        Furry porn dick sizes

          Dick sizes in furry porn copypasta
          Ah yes 7.8 inches “small”, bro that’s already pretty large the fuck are you going to do with 15 inches that would hurt like hell. I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer but unless you’re a horse that’s gonna hurt like hell. I don’t mean to say furry comics should be realistic but 28.5” are you crazy, your insides would literally be re-arranged that’s over a foot of pure cock. I mean you do you but I think I’ll stick with my 10” and under boys.

          Nobody fucks monkeys and people

            Nobody fucks monkeys and people, you idiot. You either fuck monkeys or you fuck people. That’s it. There’s no in-between. You’re not gonna get monkey pussy on Tuesday… and then be like, ”Well, let me call Charlene,” on Thursday. No. Once you fuck a monkey, that’s a firm decision. "I’m out of the human pussy game for good". It’s ridiculous. They act like monkeys are just as open as… waiting for people to fuck them, man. Monkeys don’t wanna be fucked by people. Think about it. Think about how hard it would be to catch a monkey… and fuck it. That’s ridiculous. That’s how it had to go down. You think you’re going to walk up to him in the woods… and bribe this n i g g a with fruits and bananas? "Hey, buddy, hey. There you go, buddy, yeah. There you go, your big bright red ass. This big bright red booty". Do you know how strong a monkey is? It would rip your dick off like a celery stalk. Throw that shit in the tall grass, to never be seen again. ”Hey, dog, we’re gonna go to the club, pick up some girls, you trying to roll?” ”No, man, I’m cool. I’m gonna stay home, chill with my monkey. You know how long it took me to train this monkey… to suck my dick… without peeling it? Last night, Chimp-chimp jerked me off with his feet". "N i g g a, only a monkey can show you that kind of love and tenderness. So you all keep fucking these people if you want, n i g g a s. No, it’s monkey pussy for me. I’m hooking up with an orangutan next week. Cause all I fuck is chimps and orangutans.”

            Hi my name is AUGHHHH

              Hi my name is (AAAAUUUGGHH) Winstead. I'm (AAAAUUUGGHH)  17 years old. I am very similar to you. Did I mention to you that (AAAAUUUGGHH) a group of girls pushed me down
              hi my name is AUHHHH 
              winstead im AUGHHHHHH 
              (seventeen years old and i am) 
              very similar to you 
              did i mention to you that i am AUGGHHHHHH
              of girls pushed me down a sewer

              Based on the original Carmen Winstead creepypasta