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Rick and Morty copypasta but it’s Morbius

    To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Morbius. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Morbius’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Vampire literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Morbius truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Morbius’s existential catchphrase "I am Morbius," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Daniel Espinosa’s genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂
    
    And yes, by the way, i DO have a Morbius tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 morbIQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

    A female friend once gave me an old blanket

      Anons autistic story copypasta
      So uhhhhhhhhhhhh….. a few years ago a girl I was hanging out with gave me a blanket that she didn’t want anymore. I took it home and realized it smelled just like her. I slept with that blanket in my arms and pretended it was her.
      
      I was the only one in my friend group that she never had sex with and I spent the most time with her out of all my friends. She legit would talk about how good my friend ate her pussy and I would just sit there like 🫤👍 while holding on to a sliver of hope that she would at least let me cuddle with her. For My birthday my friends tried to convince her to at least make out with me bc nobody had ever even kissed me before. She said that I was her best friend and that she never wanted to do anything sexual with me because I was such a good friend.
      
      Edit: yeah I stopped hanging out with her after another friend made me realize that she was being hella manipulative and was playing with my feelings. She was always super flirty and touchy with me and sometimes she would actually cuddle w/ me but she was pretty adamant about just remaining friends. I know she had a ton of mental issues but she was also a complete piece of shit human being. She legit verbally abused her parents and pretty much destroyed their marriage. She acted like her life was shit and nobody loved her despite the fact that her family took $5k+ vacations and she lived in a nice ass house. She threatened to kill herself constantly and tried twice ( I will never forget her having a seizure and throwing up all over my car as I drove her to hospital whilst doing 90 in a 45 in a Corolla at 3 am after she took a bunch of pills). Almost every single therapist she had gave up on her because she was a sociopath and was unable to listen to reason
      
      Not all of it was bad. I hang out with a ton of her friends still. Also I kinda sorta fucked her sister 😭 her sister works with mentally disabled people but also is an escort who specializes in helping kids with autism and Down syndrome lose their virginity (me included lol). I remember the girl I hung out with had to go to a doctors appointment when her sister told me to come into her room. She asked me if I wanted to have sex and of course i said yes. Legit the best two hours of my life. Just the way she spoke to me in this quiet, comforting voice still still gives me chills to this day. She legit made me cry because she never stopped saying how awesome I was and how everything was gonna be alright. We fucked a few more times before I stopped hanging out with her sister but I will never forget her

      A dirty joke from the 1400s…

        In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.”
        
        From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini:

        Kendrick Lamar – The Heart Part 5

          Open The Heart Part 5 lyrics

          As I get a little older, I realize life is perspective
          And my perspective may differ from yours
          I wanna say thank you to everyone that’s been down with me
          All my fans, all my beautiful fans
          Anyone who’s ever gave me a listen, all my people
          
          I come from a generation of pain, where murder is minor
          Rebellious and Margielas’ll chip you for designer
          Belt buckles and clout, overzealous if prone to violence
          Make the wrong turn, be it will or the wheel alignment
          Residue burned, missed at a inner-city
          Miscommunication to keep homi’ detective busy
          No protection is risky
          
          Desensitized, I vandalized pain
          Covered up and camouflaged
          Get used to hearin’ arsenal rain
          Analyze, risk your life, take the charge
          Homies done fucked your baby mama once you hit the yard, that’s culture
          Twenty-three hour lockdown, then somebody called
          
          Said your lil’ nephew was shot down, the culture’s involved
          I done seen niggas do seventeen, hit the halfway house
          Get out and get his brains blown out, lookin’ to buy some weed
          Car wash is played out, new GoFundMe accounts’ll proceed
          A brand-new victim’ll shatter those dreams, the culture
          
          (I want, I want, I want, I want)
          But I want you to want me too (I want, I want, I want, I want)
          I want the hood to want me back (I want, I want, I want, I want)
          I want the hood
          Look what I done for you (Look what I done for you)
          Look what I done for you
          
          I said I’d do this for my culture
          To let y’all know what a nigga look like in a bulletproof Rover
          In my mama’s sofa was a doo-doo popper
          Hair trigger, walk up closer, ain’t no Photoshoppin’
          Friends bipolar, grab you by your pockets
          No option if you froze up, always play the offense
          Niggas goin’ to work and sellin’ work, late for work
          
          Workin’ late, prayin’ for work, but he on paperwork
          That’s the culture, point the finger, promote ya
          Remote location, witness protection, they gon’ hold ya
          The streets got me fucked up, y’all can miss me
          I wanna represent, for us
          New revolution was up and movin’
          I’m in Argentina wiping my tears full of confusion
          Water in between us, another peer’s been executed
          History repeats again
          
          Make amends, then find a nigga with the same skin to do it
          But that’s the culture, crack a bottle
          Hard to deal with the pain when you’re sober
          By tomorrow, we forget the remains, we start over
          That’s the problem
          Our foundation was trained to accept whatever follows
          Dehumanize, insensitive
          Scrutinize the way we live for you and I
          Enemies shook my hand, I can promise I’ll meet you
          In the land where no equal is your equal
          Never say I ain’t told ya, nah
          In the land where hurt people hurt more people
          Fuck callin’ it culture
          
          (I want, I want, I want, I want)
          But I want you to want me too (I want, I want, I want, I want)
          I want the hood to want me back (I want, I want, I want, I want)
          I want the hood
          Look what I done for you (Look what I done for you)
          Look what I done for you
          
          Take the drums out
          Phew, phew
          Phew, phew
          Phew
          
          Celebrate new life when it come back around
          The purpose is in the lessons we learnin’ now
          Sacrifice personal gain over everything
          Just to see the next generation better than ours
          I wasn’t perfect, the skin I was in had truly suffered
          Temptation and patience, everything that the body nurtures
          I felt the good, I felt the bad, and I felt the worry
          But all-in-all, my productivity had stayed urging
          Face your fears, always knew that I would make it here
          
          Where the energy is magnified and persevered
          Consciousness is synchronized and crystal-clear
          Euphoria is glorified and made His
          Reflectin’ on my life and what I done
          Paid dues, made rules, change outta love
          Them same views made schools change curriculums
          But didn’t change me starin’ down the barrel of that gun
          Should I feel resentful I didn’t see my full potential?
          Should I feel regret about the good that I was into?
          Everything is everything, this ain’t coincidental
          I woke up that morning with more heart to give you
          As I bleed through the speakers, feel my presence
          To my brother, to my kids, I’m in Heaven
          To my mother, to my sis, I’m in Heaven
          
          To my father, to my wife, I am serious, this is Heaven
          To my friends, make sure you countin’ them blessings
          To my fans, make sure you make them investments
          And to the killer that sped up my demise
          I forgive you, just know your soul’s in question
          I seen the pain in your pupil when that trigger had squeezed
          And though you did me gruesome, I was surely relieved
          I completed my mission, wasn’t ready to leave
          But fulfilled my days, my Creator was pleased
          I can’t stress how I love y’all
          I don’t need to be in flesh just to hug y’all
          The memories recollect just because y’all
          
          Celebrate me with respect
          The unity we protect is above all
          And Sam, I’ll be watchin’ over you
          Make sure my kids watch all my interviews
          Make sure you live all the dreams we produce
          Keep that genius in your brain on the move
          And to my neighborhood, let the good prevail
          Make sure them babies and them lead us outta jail
          Look for salvation when troubles get real
          ‘Cause you can’t help the world until you help yourself
          And I can’t blame the hood the day that I was killed
          Y’all had to see it, that’s the only way to feel
          And though my physical won’t reap the benefits
          The energy that carry on emits still
          I want you

          BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! GimR

            (uh oh!☹️) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! (oh no!😬) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! (We messed up😱) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! (Not again😒) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!🤓
            (uh oh!☹️) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
            
            (oh no!😬) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
            
            (We messed up😱) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
            
            (Not again😒) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
            UH OH! Back to the Lab Again
            𝒃 𝒂 𝒄 𝒌 
              𝒕 𝒐 
                𝒕 𝒉 𝒆
                   𝒍 𝒂 𝒃
                     𝒂 𝒈 𝒂 𝒊 𝒏
            I'm actually so mad atm, I let an assignment go overdue, skipped a group presentation, and an online final exam to see Gimr's tech showcase, and if after all this it doesn't happen today I'm going to be so pissed. Actually don't know what to do with myself right now
            It's 2097. The few smashers left are still waiting for the GimR tech showcase. You lay on your deathbed, your family surrounding you. GimR, healthy as ever, walks into the room. He whispers into your ear, "The Gimz always wins". You close your eyes and ascend to the Great Beyond.

            Benefits of watching morbius daily:

              Benefits of watching morbius daily:
              
              Day 1 - You watch morbius. Instantly love it.
              
              Day 5 - Improved motivation and productivity. You feel as a whole a stronger human being
              
              Day 10 - you have energy whenever you want and can sleep as long or short as you need to, people start getting jealous
              
              Day 30 - Greater confidence and self-esteem. Mental clarity. Youre able to perfectly recite the script
              
              Day 60 - Increased muscle mass, bone density, and cardiovascular capacity. Testosterone through the roof. Women start talking
              
              Day 120 - Higher sperm count. Increased erection strength and duration. You’ve now memorised the choreography of the entire movie, you can execute the stunts and movements performed to a tee
              
              Day 365 - Your voice deepens, and your skull becomes more chad-like. Increased erection girth and length.
              
              Day 730 - Faster reaction time. 10 additional IQ points.
              
              Day 1500 - Starbucks baristas start writing their numbers on your receipts. Your ex wants to get back together. You feel tempted but ultimately turn her down. You need more time to watch morbius.
              
              Day 3000 - You can't keep up with all your tinder matches. Strange women begin hitting on you in public. You worry about your female boss. Fortunately, she keeps it professional.
              
              Day 6000 - Ex shows up at your door crying and begging you to take her back. You don't even make eye contact—just call the police right away. Your female boss quits. She can't take it anymore and fears what she might do to you if she stays.
              
              Day 12000 - Every swipe on tinder is a match. Even girls you swipe left get matched with you somehow. Romantic messages fill up your inbox every day—all 15gb of it—you upgrade your Gmail account to premium.
              
              Day 30000 - You don't have to work anymore. Matt Sazama Burk Sharpless signs over half of his morbius royalties to you in a grand gesture of love. You tell him you love and appreciate all the good change hes bought to your life. He weeps quietly, but with a smile.
              
              Day 60000 - Scientists propose that attraction to you be classified as its own sexual orientation, which will account for 97.5 percent of the world's population. Paradoxically, you no longer feel any sexual desire. You have achieved a higher consciousness and now love every human-being equally.
              
              Day 100,000 – Your IQ increases by several morbillion. You come up with a workable model of quantum gravity in a rainy Sunday afternoon. Elon Musk steps down from SpaceX to work for you. You decide to put space exploration on hold to focus on achieving clean energy through nuclear fusion.
              
              Day 200,000 - You've solved the problem of nuclear fusion. You also solved the problems of climate change, poverty, crime, and racism. You have been elected the very first President of the World.
              
              Day 500,000 - you’ve watched morbius half a million times. You can psychically project the entire movie into whoever's mind you please. You have achieved everything, understood everything, and solved every problem faced by humanity. All that needs to be done has been done. There's nothing left to do.
              
              You give your fellow humans one last look—they're still not watching morbius, trapped in their primitive way—but you don't judge. The path of Morbius was never meant for the ordinary men.
              
              "Watch morbius. But if you must, use lube." Those were your parting words.
              
              Now, released from all shackles of the mundane, and purified of all imperfections, your body ephemeralizes, as your ever-illuminated consciousness ascends into another dimension. It's morbin' time