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⚠️WARNING⚠️ cock inspection is NOT required at the vaccination sites

    Original pasta
    So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!

    TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

      Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
      So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

      I hate Ranboo. He’s evil.

        I hate Ranboo. He's evil. He stole Tubbo from me
        I hate Ranboo. He's evil. He stole Tubbo from me and now I'm going to cry. Does anyone find this relateable??? :/
        I 👁 hate 😡🖕🏻 Ranboo. He's 👨 evil 😈😇. He 👨 stole 😤 Tubbo from me and now I'm 💘 going 🏃💨🏢 to cry 😭. Does anyone 🙋 find 🔎 this relateable???

        Leave the Door Open lyrics

          Official
          Open lyrics
          Say baby, say baby, say baby

What you doin'? (What you doin'?)
Where you at? (Where you at?)
Oh, you got plans? (You got plans?)
Don't say that (Shut yo' trap)

I'm sippin' wine (Sip, sip)
In a robe (Drip, drip)
I look too good (Look too good)
To be alone (Woohoo)

My house clean, uh (House clean)
My pool warm (Pool warm)
Just shaved (Smooth like a newborn)

We should be dancing, romancing, in the east wing
And the west wing of this mansion, what's happenin'?

I ain't playin' no games, every word
That I say is coming straight from the heart, uh
So if you tryna lay in these arms

I'ma leave the door open
(I'ma leave the door open)
I'ma leave the door open, girl
(I'ma leave the door open, hopin')

That you feel the way I feel
And you want me like I want you tonight, baby
Tell me that you're coming through

Ooh, you're so sweet (So sweet)
So tight (So tight)
I won't bite (Uh-huh)
Unless you like (Unless you like)

If you smoke (What you smoke?)
I got the haze (Purple haze)
And if you're hungry, girl I got filets (Wohoo)

Ooh baby, don't keep me (Waiting)
There's so much love we could be making (Shamon)

I'm talking kissing
Cuddling
Rose petals in the bathtub, girl lets jump in
It's bubblin'

I ain't playin no games, every word
That I say is coming straight from the heart, uh
So
(If you tryna lay in these arms)
If ya'
Tryna
Lay in these arms

I'ma leave the door open
(I'ma leave the door open)
I'ma leave the door open, girl
(I'ma leave the door open, hopin')
Ooh-ooh

That you feel the way I feel
And you want me like I want you tonight, baby
Tell me that you're coming through
(C'mon girl)

La, la, la, la-la-la-la
I need you baby

La, la, la, la-la-la-la
I got to see you baby

La, la, la, la-la-la-la
Girl, I'm tryna give you this
Ah

Hey, hey
I'ma leave my door open, baby
(I'ma leave the door open)

I'ma leave
I'ma leave my door open, girl
(I'ma leave the door open, hopin')
And I'm hopin'

Hopin', that you feel the way I feel
And you want me like I want you tonight, baby
Tell me that you're coming through, woo

(La, la, la, la-la-la-la)
Tell me
(Tell me that you're coming through)

Woo, woo-woo, woo, woo-woo, woo, woo-woo
Woo, woo-woo, woo, woo-woo, woo, woo-woo

(La, la, la, la-la-la-la)
La, la, la, la-la
(Tell me that you're coming through)

Girl, I'm here just waiting for you (Ay)
Come on over, I'll adore you (Girl, gotta know)
(La, la, la, la-la-la-la)
I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for you

(Tell me that you're coming through)
Girl, I'm here just waiting for you
Come on over, I'll adore you

          Did someone say sus 😱😱😱

            Did someone say sus 😱😱😱 HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING AMONG US REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 AMONG US IS THE BEST FUCKING GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 RED IS SO SUSSSSS 🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 COME TO MEDBAY AND WATCH ME SCAN 🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥 🏥🏥🏥🏥 WHY IS NO ONE FIXING O2 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡 OH YOUR CREWMATE? NAME EVERY TASK 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 Where Any sus!❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! Any sus!❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where!Where!Where! Any sus!Where!Any sus Where!❓ Where! ❓ Where!Any sus❓ ❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where!Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! Where!Any sus!Where! Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ I think it was purple!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀It wasnt me I was in vents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 r/amongusmemes r/unexpectedamongus r/expectedamongus perfectly balanced as all things should be r/unexpectedthanos r/expectedthanos for balance