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I let my dog lick me

    One of those cursed pasta
    So yeah, I'm pretty fucked up, I know. If it helps, I had a fucked up childhood - Freud would love me. I had an extremely high sex drive in high school but no friends or girlfriend. Somewhere between high school and college I became a completely new individual with a new personality and I recognize that this was wrong, and I carry a massive amount of shame, and the more I think about it each day, the more I hate myself for it. I've seen girls receive support in this sub for things like this, so I'm hoping I can get it off my chest to you guys without receiving too much hate for it.

Lol, now here's the fun part of the post. One night, I wondered what it would be like to let my dog lick my dick with peanut butter on it. I didn't like it and I felt pretty weird, but my dog seemed to really enjoy it. My dog kept trying to lick my asshole and I would stop her, but she would fight against my hand to lick it. And let me tell you, it felt AMAZING. I decided to just let her do it, and I came within seconds. So, sporadically over the course of a few years, I probably let her do it around 5 times. And I regret it, so much. I just feel totally weird and ashamed and guilty. I mean, I didn't force her to do anything and she's got no trauma from it. She was probably just thinking, "Hey look! An asshole! Om nom nom."

My brain is so fucked up. I'm on hella meds, I've got bipolar disorder and PTSD, my sex drive is/was insatiable, but I didn't know any of this in high school, so I blame my past untreated mental illness (currently well treated) for my weirdness. I feel like because of my past shames, I could never truly be loved. Like, if I told my girlfriend this, who has pronounced unconditional love to me, would probably break up with me because it's so heinous, creepy and weird (Yeah We're getting a little sentimental here). I hate that I have to live the rest of my life carrying this ugly disgusting secret. I hope I can get close enough to my gf to tell her this someday, but it would have to be a 10 years relationship minimum - just so I know she's stuck with me and probably wouldnt leave me over it at that point. I wish I had never done it.

Thanks for reading!

    Sex is hard to do in the matrix

      Matrix: resurrections plot just got leaked
      Sex is hard to do in the matrix. Imagine this, you’re having sex with yo girl and then an Agent possesses her AS YOU FUCK HER. It’s only okay if you’re gay OR yo girl got possessed by Agent Pace, who’s also a girl but jokes on you! You don’t know Italian. There’s also this chance: Yo girl tells you she got a new fuckbuddy. It’s Agent Smith. She’s fucking a guy a decade or 2 older than her. Why? You decide to sneak up on them having sex and you sneak a camera into the room. He is grabbing yo girl’s boobs. There is black goo everywhere. She turns into a clone of him. Yo girl has been killed by her new fuckbuddy. You will never get good pussy again

      If whatsapp was in dragonball 😂

        Dragonball is manga and anime franchise.
        Vegeta: I NEED Cock goku.
ChiChi: Stop training and come home😡
Caulifa: I NEED Cock goku.
Piccolo: I NEED Cock goku.
Mr. Popo: I NEED Cock goku.
Supreme Kai: I NEED Cock goku.

        Steamed Hams transcript

          Simpsons season 7 episode 21 "Steamed Hams" scene
          Full video
          Open full dialogue
          I don't know if this has been posted before but here goes nothing.

ding dong

Well Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
yeah...

gasp Oh egads! My roast is ruined!
But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?
Oh hohoho... Delightfully devilish, Seymour!

ah-
intro theme plays

Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
when you hear Skinner's lame exaggerations there'll be trouble in town tonight!

SEYMOOOOOOOUUUUURRRR

Superintendent I was just, uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise, care to join me?

Why is there smoke coming out of your oven Seymour?

Oh that's not smoke, it's steam! Steamed from the steamed clams we're having! mmmm! Steamed clams!
Phew!

Superintendent I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

I thought we were having steamed clams?

Oh, no! I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Yes! It's a regional dialect.
Uh huh. What region?
Upstate New York.
Really. Well i'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
Oh not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
I see.

You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Oh hohohoho no! Patented Skinner Burgers, an old family recipe!

For steamed hams.
Yes!
Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

y- uh- you know- One thing I sh-
Excuse me for one second.
Of course.

Aaaaaa well. That was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
Yes i should be-
GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?
Aurora Borealis.
A- Aurora Borealis. At this time of year,
At this time of day,
In this part of the country,
Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Yes!
May i see it?
No.

Seymour! The house is on fire!
No mother, it's just the northern lights.

Well Seymour, I must say, you are an odd fellow.
But you steam a good ham.

HELP! HEEEEELP!

short firetruck noise
          Open full dialogue with caption
          CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, I made it... despite your directions.
SKINNER: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
CHALMERS: Uhh...
SKINNER: [gasp] Oh egads, my roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Seymour!
CHALMERS: Uh-
[cue song]
Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
[end of song]
CHALMERS: Seymour!
SKINNER: Superintendent, I was just, uh... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
CHALMERS: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
SKINNER: Uhh... no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... steamed clams! [beat] Ooh...
[a few moments later]
SKINNER: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
CHALMERS: I thought we were having steamed clams.
SKINNER: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
CHALMERS: You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"
SKINNER: Yes. It's a regional dialect!
CHALMERS: Uh-huh... uh, what region?
SKINNER: Uhh... upstate New York?
CHALMERS: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
CHALMERS: I see. [beat] You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
SKINNER: Oh ho ho ho... no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
CHALMERS: For steamed hams?
SKINNER: Yes.
CHALMERS: Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
SKINNER: Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second.
CHALMERS: Of course.
SKINNER: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
CHALMERS: Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there!?
SKINNER: Aurora borealis?
CHALMERS: Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
SKINNER: Yes!
CHALMERS: May I see it?
SKINNER: No.
SKINNER'S MOTHER: Seymour, the house is on fire!
SKINNER: No, mother—it's just the northern lights!
CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.
SKINNER'S MOTHER: Help! Help!

          Nooooooooo ASCII

            ⠟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿ ⡆⠊⠈⣿⢿⡟⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣎⠈⠻ ⣷⣠⠁⢀⠰⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠛⠛⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⢹⣿⡑⠐⢰ ⣿⣿⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡩⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⠠⠈⠊⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⠁⢀⠆⢀ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⢤⣿⣿⡿⠃⠈⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣇⡆⠀⠀⣠⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⣦⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⣷⣦⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⣾⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣧⠀⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣠⣂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣁⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣄⣤⣤⣔⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

            Run that back because that joke was horrible

              When you speak to me speak with yo chin up like it’s picture day.
              Original video
              Run that back, because that joke was horrible nigga, open your mouth. *fart sound* When you speak to me speak with yo chin up like it’s picture day. *camera flashes* Bitch ass boy and I fucked your mom long dick style. Stop playing with me faggot ass boy. Now I’m boutta cut the shit outta your faggot ass. Fuck is you talmbout you just got combo’d by Marski, Marski Salarsky, bitch ass boy. You mad as shit cuz I smacked yo mama in the back of the neck with a piece of ham and that bitch turned into a ham sandwich and started saying "GOBBITYGOBBADAGOBBGOBBGOBB" like she was a Thanksgiving chicken. Faggot bitch. She's not a fucking turkey she's a fucking chicken, faggot boy. Shut your bitch ass up. Your mom is allergic to chickens. Your mom has sex with this kid and Arnold Schwarzenneger behind the Toy Story Pizza Planet truck yelling, "Ya, get to the pizza! Ya!" and a fucking pepperoni slipped up her ass and she puked out a fucking booger. Bitch ass boy, shut yo bitch ass up. 
              Run that back ⏪⏪ Because that joke was horrible nigga🤨 Open your mouth 🚶🏾💨😫 When you speak to me speak with yo chin up like it’s picture day 📷📸 Bitch ass boy and I fucked your mom long dick style 🥵🎶🕺🏼 Stop playing with me faggot ass boi 😨😰 now i’m finnach cook the shit outta yo faggot ass👨‍🍳👨‍🍳 fuck is you talmbout🤨🤫you just got combo’d 🖐🏾😫 by Marski🥱 Marski Salarski🤓😜 bitch ass boi😈You mad as shit because i smacked👋 yo mama the back of her neck with a piece of ham 🐖 and dat bitch turned into a ham sandwich 🥪😳 She started sayin GOBBITY🤪GOBBADA🤪GOBB🤪GOBB🤪GOBB 🦃 like she was a thanksgiving chicken🐔 faggot bitch🤭