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I’m not gay but

    This is classic r/NYYankees pasta that turned into Kanye
    I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Kanye. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Kanye. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love.

    Declaration of Independence

      The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America
      
      When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
      
      We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
      
      He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
      
      He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
      
      He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
      
      He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
      
      He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
      
      He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
      
      He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
      
      He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
      
      He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
      
      He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
      
      He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
      
      He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
      
      He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
      
      For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
      
      For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
      
      For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
      
      For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
      
      For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
      
      For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
      
      For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
      
      For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
      
      For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
      
      He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
      
      He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
      
      He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
      
      He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
      
      He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
      
      In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
      
      Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
      
      We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
      Open
      In Congress, July 4, 1776
      The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
      We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
      He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
      He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
      He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
      He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
      He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
      He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
      He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
      He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
      He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
      He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
      He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
      He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
      He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
      For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
      For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
      For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
      For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
      For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
      For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
      For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
      For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
      For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
      He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
      He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
      He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
      He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
      He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
      In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
      Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
      We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

      Do NOT challenge Allah to a game of Minecraft Manhunt

        Dream: In this video, me and 3 of my friends try to hunt down Allah and stop him from beating Minecraft and taking over Afghanistan. If we kill him once, Islam will be destroyed. If he beats the Ender Dragon, my friends and I will convert to Islam and follow the true path to Jannah. Minecraft Manhunt.
        
        BadBoyHalo: Okay, when are we starting?
        
        Bad: Alright, guys listen, here's what we're doing: we planned this out. I'm gonna get us resources, you three stay on him, keep him from getting any resources, and that'll prevent - oh my goodness, where'd he go? Oh my goodness, he did it again!
        
        George: I see him, he's running away.
        
        Sapnap: I see him he's getting a tree, he's mining wood!
        
        George: Go, go go go go.
        
        George: We're nowhere near him.
        
        Bad: Just get to him!
        
        Sapnap: He chopped down the whole tree in one hit! How???
        
        George: Alright go Sapnap, go, go.
        
        Sapnap: Okay wait I'm on him. Mmm, what's up bro?
        
        Dream: No! He's too powerful!
        
        Bad: Okay, I got us wood, I got us wood. Dream, you always give me wood. I'm so fucking hard right now.
        
        George: Just use the compass and cum to us.
        
        Bad: Yeah, I'm running, I'm gonna get us swords.
        
        Dream: Oh my god. I had an iron sword and I barely escaped with my life... George, what are you doing? You're just standing there.
        
        Dream: George???
        
        George: Sorry, my ass hole is still sore from last night. Had to run to the bathroom because it was leaking again.
        
        Snapsnap: He just killed me! What the heck, guys?
        
        BadBoyHalo: Me too. He's not even trying to beat the game.
        
        Dream: Oh my god, I'm dead. He's farming us.
        
        Bad: Where'd he go? I think I saw him run towards the desert... On him now. Oh my god.
        
        Dream: What?
        
        Bad: He's building something... It's huge. Is that... Mecca? He's building a full-scale recreation of Mecca.
        
        BadBoyHalo: Oh my goodness boys, that's huge.
        
        Bad: Wait, he's up in the sky now... He's writing something with blocks...
        
        Dream: It looks like it says... 'Death to Israel'. Well, I can agree with that at least... George. George? Where are you, kitten?
        
        George: Breathing heavily over the mic.
        
        BadBoyHalo: Ignore him.... He's masturbating again.
        
        Snapsnap: Here he comes! Get ready!
        
        BadBoyHalo: Oh heck, he has diamond armor. No way. No way, bro. This is impossible.
        
        Dream: I can see why so many people worship him.
        
        Snapsnap: I don't think we can win, what do we... Oh, I'm dead.
        
        BadBoyHalo: Me too.
        
        George: Audibly orgasms over the mic... Oh he's so fucking powerful. S-sorry guys... I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting follower with a loose hole.
        
        Dream: It's fine, George. But you know I'll have to punish you later, you little slut.
        
        George: I'm sorry Daddy uwu.
        
        Dream: I think that's a wrap boys. Allah built Mecca and killed us all. No one can stop him now. As promised, we're shipping off to Afghanistan to join the Taliban. Remember to like and subscribe, and tune in for our next video, Israeli Manhunt, where we hunt down foul and treacherous Jewish children in real life.

        My (23M) brother (18M) is addicted to Among Us porn.

          MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP
          My brother is an Among Us porn addict. He apparently started "ironically" watching Among Us porn and then it started to seriously turn him on. Once hi accidentally sent Among Us anal porn to our family group chat and my mother got angry and we started discussing it as a family. My sister was probably the most disgusted one and wants my brother to get a therapy because she thinks he has an addiction and it is dangerous for him. I say that he is just discovering his sexual self and masturbating to Among Us impostor being anally penetrated by another Among Us impostor is not wrong. My brother is really embarrassed and just wants all of this to end. I don't think that my parents really care that much and it's just my sister still talking about it. What should I do to convince her that Among Us hardcore porn is OK?

          Wash 😝your bum bum 😳wash your bum bum

            Wash 😝your bum bum 😳wash your bum bum 🍑every single day ☀️ wash your bum bum 😜wash your bum bum 🤯wash the dirt 🛁away now ⬇️ the bum bum’s squeaky clean 🧼 but there’s no ❌ towel to be seen⁉️but we can always shake it 💃🏼shake it 🕺🏼shake it💃🏾 shake it 🕺🏾 but we 🤝 can always shake it 💃🏽 till it’s dry 🐪

            Today while playing Fortnite I ran into Allah

              Today while playing Fortnite I ran into Allah at pleasant parks while he was trying to run solo squads. Knowing he was weakened, I told my squad to stay high ground while I engaged him on my own. He had worse loot and no heals but he's an amazing player.
              
              He is so fucking powerful. I'm not cracked enough at the game to do this alone. I barely escaped with my life and ran out of heals. His edits are immensely cracked and he cranks 90s at an ungodly speeds.
              
              I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting default skin. I'm scared that I will have to face him again soon if I ever want to continue climbing the Fortnite ladder. I'm currently using medkits and mini shields that my squad gave me to try and heal as quickly as possible.
              
              Please be safe everyone. Allah is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together (maybe even cross team) if we want to shit on this god.