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“🤓”? Are you fucking kidding me?

    Are you fucking kidding me? copypasta
    Original copypasta was a reply to “Based
    "🤓"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "🤓"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only thing you can comprehend is "🤓" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "🤓" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about one fucking emoji? I bet you took the time to type that emoji too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "🤓" on your gravestone?

    Is this worth breaking up with my boyfriend over?

      Clash Royale during sex
      Is this worth breaking up with my boyfriend over?
      
      I (22f) and my boyfriend (23m) were having sex and he keeps making Clash Royale references during sex.
      
      For context we've been in a relationship for about four months and he's always been a huge fan of the game Clash Royale. I never really had a problem with it until it started getting in the way of our intimate times. Before we have sex he always says "time to play Clash Royale" as if it's supposed to turn me on or something. During sex he always does impressions of the king emote (I suggest searching it up if you don't know what it sounds like) and says things like "my giant is going to pound you". I've asked him to stop multiple times but he still continues as if this is one big joke.
      
      I'm consideridng breaking up with him because I feel like he can't take me seriously anymore especially during our intimate times. It seems ridiculous but all he ever does is make Clash Royale references if I try talking to him.
      
      Should I break up with him?

      There is this really hot femboy at my school

        Femboy at school
        There is this really hot femboy at my school, I first had a crush on him when I saw his cute face with really long blonde hair that was bending over in front of me, I realized he had Heterochromia (multi-color-eyes) which made me have more of crush on him. What triggered me to touch him is when he came to school with girly clothes like a pink sweater and tight jeans, I went up to him and started stroking his hair, he started purring which made me really horny. He then started screaming at me so I got mad and put up his ass on the chair and started fucking him. He got really scared and even asked me to stop, he screamed louder. Teachers tried to get me off but it was too late, my sticky warm fluid already entered his ass and he felt it, he felt really embarrassed so he started crying. After i finished breeding him, I apologized if I spanked him too hard when we fucked, He said it was alright and then we kissed.

        Comi o cu da pastora da igreja evangélica

          Lá estava eu, novamente sentado assistindo ao culto, quando notei que havia uma contenda entre o pastor e a pastora, os quais eram casados. Provavelmente tiveram alguma briga naquele dia e inevitavelmente não puderam esconder a fervorosa e raivosa troca de olhares durante o culto. O nível de estresse dos dois era altíssimo e eu pude captar isso de longe.
          
          Assim que o culto acabou, fui rapidamente ao púlpito e disse aos presbíteros da igreja que eu precisava falar com a pastora sobre um assunto urgente. Afirmei aos presbíteros que era um assunto que deveria ser tratado somente com ela, e ainda acrescentei que era sobre uma revelação divina que deus tinha me dado sobre a vida dela.
          
          Pedi à pastora que ficássemos à sós e ela aceitou. Trancou-se comigo na sala de orações dela. Lá dentro eu expliquei que tive uma revelação divina sobre a briga dela com o marido e deus havia mandado eu comer o cu dela em cima do púlpito para aliviar o estresse gerado pela briga. Ela imediatamente disse ter amado a proposta, deu graças a deus e concordou que aquilo seria altamente benéfico para apaziguar a situação e aliviar o estresse. Mas, ela preferiu que o ato fosse feito em sigilo, pois poderia parecer algo "profano" diante dos demais fiéis. Demos um aperto de mãos, entramos em um consenso e começamos.
          
          Assim que eu tirei o pau pra fora, ela já começou a dar graças a deus e caiu de boca no mesmo instante. Dava pra ver que o estresse dela já havia diminuído 75,7% só com aquela mamada. Ela dava glórias e glórias nas alturas enquanto gemia muito alto e rebolava no meu pau. Jamais imaginaria uma pastora rebolando tão bem como ela fez. Parecia até uma dançarina de funk. Nos beijamos muito, ela lambuzou meu pau de tanto que mamou e, por fim, gozei tanto, que a sujei as paredes, o cabelo dela, os peitos, a roupa toda dela, bem como a bíblia do marido. Ela deu uma risadinha e disse que estava tudo bem, enquanto lambia até as paredes para engolir toda a porra que disseminei pelo local.
          
          Após isso, ela saiu toda descabelada, e eu, com o pau mais duro que a haste da bandeira do Brasil da Praça dos Três Poderes. Era tão difícil esconder, que usei a bíblia para tentar cobrir a haste erguida.
          
          Ela saiu com os olhos revirados de tanto prazer que sentiu, respiração ofegante, cabelo todo bagunçado, descalça (pois já nem conseguia se equilibrar nos saltos) e me implorando para fazer aquilo de novo.

          Open English translated

          There I was, again sitting watching the service, when I noticed that there was a quarrel between the pastor and the pastor, who were married. They probably had a fight that day and inevitably couldn't hide the fervent and angry exchange of glances during the service. The stress level of the two was very high and I could see it from afar.
          
          As soon as the service was over, I quickly went to the pulpit and told the elders of the church that I needed to speak with the pastor about an urgent matter. I assured the elders that it was a matter that should be dealt with only with her, and even added that it was about a divine revelation that God had given me about her life.
          
          I asked the pastor to be alone and she accepted. She locked herself with me in her prayer room. Inside I explained that I had a divine revelation about her fight with her husband and God had told me to eat her ass on top of the pulpit to relieve the stress generated by the fight. She immediately said that she loved the proposal, thanked God and agreed that it would be highly beneficial in defusing the situation and relieving stress. But, she preferred that the act be done in secrecy, because it could seem something "profane" in front of the other faithful. We shook hands, came to a consensus, and got started.
          
          As soon as I took the dick out, she already started to give thanks to God and immediately fell out of her mouth. You could see that her stress had already decreased by 75.7% just with that feeding. She gave glories and glories in the heights while moaning very loudly and wiggling on my cock. I would never have imagined a shepherdess wiggling as well as she did. She even looked like a funk dancer. We kissed a lot, she smeared my dick so much she sucked and, finally, I came so much, that I soiled the walls, her hair, her breasts, all her clothes, as well as her husband's bible. She giggled and said it was okay, as she licked up the walls to swallow all the cum that spread around the place.
          
          After that, she came out all disheveled, and I, with a dick harder than the flagpole of Brazil in Praça dos Três Poderes. It was so difficult to hide that I used the bible to try to cover the upraised rod.
          
          She left with her eyes rolled back from the pleasure she felt, breathing heavily, hair all messed up, barefoot (because she couldn't even balance on her heels anymore) and begging me to do it again.
          
          

          Me sinto mal após gozar na minha tartaruga

            Me sinto mal após gozar na minha tartaruga..
            
            Por que diabos eu faria isso? Eu nunca deveria ter me masturbado na frente da minha tartaruga. Então, basicamente, eu estava assistindo pornô na minha TV de 55 polegadas e minha tartaruga estava ao meu lado no sofá. O pornô era muito antigo, era um DVD de 2002. Provavelmente foi o pornô mais gostoso que eu já assisti e honestamente eu provavelmente vou assistir pornô em dvd ao invés da internet. A única razão pela qual eu tinha minha tartaruga comigo era porque sempre que gozo, me sinto muito deprimido e solitário, então pensei que se minha tartaruga estivesse comigo eu não me sentiria sozinho. Bem, comecei a acariciar minha piroca, usei loção, tirei todas as minhas roupas, mas tive a tendência de esquecer os lenços. Percebi que esqueci de pegar os lenços, mas era tarde demais. Eu ia gozar. Eu não queria gozar em todos os lugares, então eu tinha que pensar rápido. Foi quando vi minha tartaruga que percebi o que tinha que fazer. Eu gozei pra caralho, como um filho da puta. Minha tartaruga foi pintada inteira com meu esperma, incluindo seu pequeno rosto e seu casco. Ele não disse uma palavra sobre isso, ele não se moveu, ele apenas ficou lá olhando para mim como se eu tivesse matado um monte de crianças. Eu nunca esqueceria o olhar que minha tartaruga me deu. Seu rosto decepcionante partiu meu coração. Vesti minha roupa, levei minha tartaruga para o banheiro e limpei-a. O que aconteceu, aconteceu. Mas minha tartaruga nunca esqueceria o que aconteceu. Minha tartaruga, Tommy, nunca me perdoaria. Hoje, passei por ele e sei que ele ainda se lembra do que fiz com ele 3 horas atrás. Meu único desejo é que um dia Tommy, a tartaruga, me perdoe por meus pecados horríveis.

            Open English translated

            I feel bad after cum on my turtle..
            
            Why the hell would I do that? I should never have masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch TV and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porn was very old, it was a 2002 DVD. It was probably the best porn I've ever watched and honestly I'll probably watch porn on dvd instead of the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I come, I feel very depressed and lonely, so I thought if my turtle was with me I wouldn't feel alone. Well, I started petting my dick, I used lotion, I took off all my clothes, but I tended to forget about the tissues. I realized I forgot to get the tissues, but it was too late. I would enjoy. I didn't want to come everywhere, so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle that I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted all over with my sperm, including its little face and its shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I'd killed a bunch of kids. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned it. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today I passed him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day Tommy the Turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

            Como eu faço pra conectar o meu plug anal bluetooth com o twitter do Bolsonaro?

              Bolsonaro copypasta
              Como eu faço pra conectar o meu plug anal bluetooth com o twitter do Bolsonaro?
              
              Basicamente, eu quero configurar o meu plug anal pra vibrar toda vez que o Bolsonaro twittar alguma coisa. Só o pensamento dele comendo o meu cuzinho já me dá uma ereção enorme, então eu quero sentir ele dentro de mim sempre que ele twittar algo.
              
              Eu estou trabalhando remotamente por causa do coronga, então eu posso ficar o dia inteiro com ele enfiado lá. Se alguém souber como configurar, por favor me diga!

              Open English translated

              How do I connect my bluetooth butt plug with Bolsonaro's twitter?
              
              Basically, I want to configure my butt plug to vibrate every time Bolsonaro tweets something. Just the thought of him eating my ass gives me a massive hard-on, so I want to feel him inside me whenever he tweets something.
              
              I'm working remotely because of the coronga, so I can spend all day with him cooped up in there. If anyone knows how to configure it, please let me know!