Ok, it's about sometime someone said it. And of course it's gonna be me. On Jesus' birthday no less. In the name of Santa (Time Allen)'s sacrifice.

The gayest thing a man can do is have sex with a vagina. THINK ABOUT IT. Vaginas are MADE to take dick. They are essentially an evolutionary dick pocket. Do you know how gay that sounds? Literally Charlie Darwin wrote in his journal about how vaginas were evolving to get better at taking dick.

This was in between him writing about dumbass birds, and harassing island lizards and shit. Fucking nerd-ass. However, it is a commercial Christian holiday, so I won't talk anymore about evolution out of respect to the creationists that are totally reading this right now.

I digress, there is NOTHING more gay than being inside a woman's vagina. Made for dicks, AND there may have been dicks in there before. Ummmm, hello? It's basically a CARFAX for dicks. What's more lady-like THEN BEING INSIDE A WOMAN. Think about it, moron. You are next to her eggs and emotions when you are up in there, which is extremely feminine. You could even potentially absorb estrogen through your penis, and that will lower your net worth. Extremely feminine, gay, and also counter-productive.

It is gay to have sex with vaginas.

Now the straightest thing you can do is call up one of your closest bros/business partners. Meet in a location that is isolated, preferably outdoors for reasons soon to be made clear. Strip down naked except for your socks, face each other, and start slapping your cocks together. There is a myth that if the balls touch its gay. This has been disproven by A.S.S. (association of sigma-male scientists).

Actually, your balls slapping together falls under the laws of thermodynamics, and your masculine energy is cycled between your bodies, your balls being the connector.

This increases your masculine hustle, and also forms a stronger bond with your now brother. Do it outdoors to establish dominance in nature. Also, hold eye contact, whoever breaks first is now below in male rank to the other, but there is still mutual respect. I mean, you just got naked in a field and slapped your junk together, you better hope to respect each other.

Socks stay on, it anchors your masculine energy. This is what super straight people do. The gays? Inside vaginas. Don't believe what the liberal media tells you on CNN. Stay away from evolutionary cock-pockets. Embrace the Dong Cycle.

Thanks for dying for our sins, Santa. This one's for you. Seasons greetings!