Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity.

“You’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room.

“Where am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos.

“You are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.”

“How?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity.

“You have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity.

By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.”

“Will I not die?”

“You can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist”

…

Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you.

Months pass.

Then years.

Then decades.

Then centuries.

Then eons.

No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity.

The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased.

Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth.

Their plan was flawed.

Your release had increased so much that they could no longer contain you. Your cum has consumed the entirety of the cosmos. Humanity is without a shred of doubt, gone.

You are alone in the universe.

If there were aliens, they are dead now.

It’s over.