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My fiance farted in my mouth during sexy time

    My fiance farted in my mouth during sexy time The other evening i (24M) went down and my fiance (24F) in an effort to seduce her, as one does. It was fresh after a shower which is our normal requirement for any sexual activity so that neither one of us our putting the whole days sweat in our mouths or in her body. Anyway, everything was fine and dandy. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then i fucked up by deciding to move south to lick on her asshole. She thoroughly enjoys it and i dont mind doing it. On this particular evening however, i mustve either had her in a different position than normal or something because after about 10 seconds of having my mouth directly over her asshole, she ripped a mean fart right into my mouth. I didnt make a big deal about it as things happen but it definitely ruined the mood. We did share a good laugh about it. I still am chuckling about it. Edit: I can still feel the fart in my throat. Im not sure how long to expect it to stay there. I hope its not much longer. It leaves a weird aftertaste of everything else that i put in my mouth. Food, drink, etc.

    EMPLOYEES! PLEASE STOP USING “anal” AS VARIABLE NAMES!

      EMPLOYEES! PLEASE STOP USING "anal" AS VARIABLE NAMES!

Dear employees of Microsoft,

It has come to my attention that the word "anal" is used excessively as a shorthand for variables such as "analyze" or "analysis." Although I respect you guys for coming up with short and easy-to-remember variable names, I very much oppose having bad words in our codebase since it displeases our investors. This is just a short message to inform everyone that this is very unacceptable and all instances of "anal" must be changed to something appropriate throughout the entire codebase or serious trouble will soon arrive. I am not going to tolerate seeing any more bad words in all of our scripts unless special permission is given, so figure it out.

Sincerely,
Jeff bezos

      Makima

        Makima copypasta from Chainsaw Man
        AAAAAAAAAAA I WANT MAKIMA TO STEP ON ME 📷📷 EVERY NIGHT I OPEN MY TWITTER AND PIXIV TO MASTURBATE TO MAKIMA FANARTS AND HENTAI FOR 3 HOURS AND RE-READS CHAINSAW MAN SO I WILL REMEMBER ALL THE HOT SEXY BONER CERTIFIED MOMENTS OF MY LOVE MAKIMA 📷📷📷📷📷📷📷 WHEN TATSUKI FUJIMOTO (CHAINSAWMAN AUTHOR) MADE A SHITTY ENDING OF CHAINSAW MAN BY MAKING MAKIMA A KID AND SHE DIES I HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING TO THE KID VERSION OF MAKIMA 📷📷 CALL ME A PEDO I DONT FUCKIN CARE, THIS IS REDDIT, NO ONE FUCKING CARES. I would like to apologize to all the people who've read this message about my lovely beautiful wife Makima, I just want a girlfriend/wife with big tits, ass, beautiful, sexc, perfect, and other good adjectives that describes my waifu Makima.
        So the Chainsaw Man anime trailer just came out and, yeah, looks good on all blah, blah, blah, blah. Who cares about that? We're finally going to get Makima's cheeks to be animated on the big screen. I've been waiting for this day since chapter one.

Makima Simps rise up because we're about to go on a motherfucking crusade. Let's be real. There's not that many women I would ask to just shit on my chest, smear it in my mouth and treat me like a dog. There's not that many women that would ask to do that to me, but Makima is an exception.

I mean, look at her curves. They remind me of bowling balls. She got two on her chest and two on her ass. She's 100% bad bitch, man. That sweet red hair and those hypnotizing eyes made me want to be her slave like bro. I'll bring my whole race back to the 1820s, and we're all slaves just so Makima can be my master.

I want her to whip her name on my back, and I'm not going to spoil anything on what happens in the manga. But most people know that she does not deserve the love and respect that I give her right now. Listen, she just doesn't like birthday cakes. Dude, stop bitching about her. But that ass is speaking to me through brainwaves telling me that I need to just get a good sniff on it. I would risk anything for that one good sniff.

You see us, Makima Simps. Just built different. We degrade ourselves, not because we're down bad, but because we are enlightened. We have seen our Lord and savior, and we dedicate our existence to her as the Muslims say Allahu Akbar. But the Makima Crusaders are changing it instead of Muslims, we're now makimas, Makima Akbar! Makima Akbar!.

In conclusion, I just want a cup of her piss in my mouth.

My tip is sticky. Box of balls. Jumbo balls. Kanye the imposter. Baca nuts. Kamala got the dump truck. Edpreet is my friend. Little Mosey. Black kids. Arab dudes, black people have hippyroids. My tip is so stuck. I'm EDP.

        Open I want to impregnate Makima so bad

        Please God, I want to impregnate Makima so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins.

Makima is beyond divine. I can’t help but drop to my knees in worship whenever I see her beautiful figure even though it's behind that unnecessary gym clothes. I yearn for her in a way both primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening sweat from her smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her, I want to hear her heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union.

I want to suckle at her motherly bosom, slurping that rich juche milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging erection. I would stir her velvety cream into my coffee and let my balls boil in it. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out, and then some. I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment.

She’s so perfect it hurts. Every moment without her I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot sauce forced through every orifice of my body. I want her, I need her. I want to desecrate her crisp general suit. I want to start a family with her and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out. I want to see those luscious lips speak such filthy, perverse words into my ear while she slides ice cubes down my gaping pisshole.

I want to fuck her like she owes me money. I would let her step on me, just to feel the soft, firm warmth of her feet upon my face and groin area. I would sleep under her just to catch her drool in my mouth. I would fish the strands of hair from her shower drain just to smell her alluring scent, and braid them into necklaces to keep her with me always. Or cock rings. Whichever would please her more.

God please, I would do anything for her. I would relinquish my life, all my hopes and dreams, just to become the socks on her feet so that I may warm her mouthwatering toes with my very being, so that she may feel the heat of my love always. I would encase myself in cement and become her doorstep, so that she may wipe her heels upon my face. I would tear my own limbs off. I don’t know what I’d do after that, or why she might want my limbs. But I would do it.

My queen, my goddess, the light of my life. Please God, let me have her. I want her to be mine and only mine. I would lick the Doritos dust from her fingers and fill her belly button with honey mustard to dip my tendies in. I would give her a sponge-bath with my tongue every morning and serve her breakfast in bed. I would let her eat her eggs and pancakes off my body if it pleased her, no matter how painful the third-degree burns would be.

I would bear the torment of eternal damnation until the end of time to taste the seat of her car but once. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, nothing I wouldn’t say. I would beat my own friend to death with my engorged penis if it would bring a smile to Makima's shining face. I wouldn’t even let myself cum until she gave me permission.

I love you, Makima. Please. Be mine. Be my wife, my lover, my mommy, my everything. Say yes. Answer my calls, respond to my letters. Something. Give me a sign.

I’m waiting for you.

I’ll always be waiting for you.

        Everything is simply a shape, a form

          Shinji copypasta from Neon Genesis Evangelion
          This is me. This is the shape that let others recognize me as myself. It is my symbol for myself. This is, this is, and this is as well. Representations. Everything is merely a description, not the real myself. Everything is simply a shape, a form, an identifier to let others recognize me as me.

Then what am I?
          EVERYTHING IS SIMPLY A SHAPE A FORM AN IDENTIFIER TO LET OTHERS RECOGNIZE ME AS ME BUT WHAT AM I? IS THIS ME?
          Everything is simply a shape, a form, an identifier to let others recognize me as me. Then what am I?
          everything is simply a shape, a form, an identifier to let other recognize me as me.. but then what am i...? is this me? my true self, my fake self? what is it that i am?! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME. !!

          Yeah, Orbees bladder torture is my fetish, what of it?

            Orbees copypasta
            What are you laughing at? You know, Orbees, those little water beads that swell up when you get them wet. The torture involves putting a whole bunch of them into my bladder while they dry so they expand inside, growing too big to pass out. This leaves me with a permanent need to relieve myself and a requirement of frequent trips to the bathroom as I can only let out a small amount of urine at a time. That's my fetish and if you don't like it you can leave.

            I sneak sips of my coworker’s breast milk from the lunch room fridge.

              I sneak sips of my coworker’s breast milk from the lunch room fridge.

She just had a baby a couple months ago and will pump on her breaks at work in the bathroom and put her milk in the refrigerator at work in the lunch room.

I take my lunch later than everyone else just to be alone in there and take a sip or two of her sweet breast milk. Thankfully there are no cameras and I have never been caught. I've had a breast/lactation kink as long as I can remember and I know this is wrong and probably illegal but it turns me on so much.

I also know that if I get caught I will lose everything. I never intended to do this but I had to take lunch late one day, I opened the fridge and there it was. Just seeing it in the bottles made me so horny. I already thought she was super hot but pregnancy made her so much sexier. Her breasts, hips and ass all got thicker. I had to taste her milk. I couldn't stop myself. I quickly looked around and no one was in the lunchroom or coming down the long hall. I opened the bottle and took just a taste and it was so good. I got so aroused I immediately ran to the bathroom and jerked off with the taste of her sweet milk on my tongue.

I've done this multiple times per week for over a month now. I know this is wrong but I can't stop myself.

I wish she were my wife so I could breastfeed from her every day. Her husband is so lucky.

Edit: A few of you guys told me that I am contaminating her breast milk and could make her baby sick! I had no idea babies are so susceptible to infections like this and I feel awful. I am going to pour some in a disposable cup and drink it next time. Thank you for letting me know.