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Bicycle day 🚲💫

    🪐💌🚲Hey there, you 👈🏼 freaky-deaky 🧑‍🚀Psyche-HO-naughties 💌👄✨Get READY to get your sweet 🍬🍬 🍑ASS🍩 on the saddle 🚲🚲 and ride that DRAGON good and hard 🐉💦🐲. Today is BI-❤️💖💙-suckle day a.k.a. international L(ove)💗S(ucking)🍆 D(ick)💦-Day a.k.a. a celebr-ate-ion of 19th of April nineteenf-🍒WHORE🍒-tythree. Get your tires pumped⛽🆙good, long and HARRD for a smooth 🌀 and 🍭 slippery ride into the galaXXXy. Sky-DADDY 😏😛🍆 is ready to greet you with his HOT ROD 🔥 Sloppy BLOTTS 👅👅💌 and eternal godly love and acceptance — everything is perfectly connected and so are you. So stick your tongue out 😛 get PSHYCHED 😵‍💫🚀👽🔭 and send this to 8 of your NAUGHTIEST ho’s 🍯🪁🤸 to ENTER 👉👌 the brain puddle 🧿🧠🧿 of your inner 🔮Kaleid-HO-sc-HO-pe🧬🪐✨

    my friend is dreamphobic

      tw school and dreamphobia. please stay safe.
      
      today at school my friend said she didn't like Dream. i was so angry. i got up in front of the class and said “You may not like Dream, but he saved my life. i was at my lowest point, but his channel saved me. sorry if that's not good enough for you.” and then everyone started to clap slowly and my teacher made her go to guidance. my teacher held me after class and said “I love Dream too.” needless to say, I got an A+ in the class.

      TIFU by thinking my son was having gay sex when he was just eating Hummus

        So I (39F) have a son (15M) and he brought a friend round today.
        
        They immediately went to their room and I assumed they would just play some video games or whatever so I was totally fine leaving them.
        
        It was about 30 minutes in when I was walking past, I heard sounds such as 'Omg that's so good' and 'Its so good with that in it' and various 'mmmm' sounds.
        
        It really sounded like they were having gay sex, I was super weirded out by it so I quickly went downstairs and waited for his friend to leave. When this friend left an hour or two later I asked my son what they were doing in his room (because although I don't mind him being gay, and ik it's normal for teenagers to have sex, a condom really should be used) so I planned to confront him about that.
        
        However the answer shocked me to my very core. They weren't having sex, they were eating hummus.
        
        I was shocked, and initially didn't believe it. We had never had hummus before and I asked him to show me the hummus if this was true. So he did, and I ate hummus for the first time, and oh my god was it good. We experimented with different things in it like bread and carrots and it was great. Apparently his friend had heard about how he had never had hummus before and thought this was absurd so had planned a date for a hummus party.
        
        So yeah, it ended up being quite a good ending, i discovered how nice hummus was.
        
        TLDR: Thought my son was having gay sex, he just really liked hummus.

        Keanu Reeves is such a gentleman.

          The original 4chan Keanu Reeves copypasta

          Started from 4chan circa 2010, it was a circlejerk story on how awesome Keanu Reeves is. Similar to the Flying Lotus story, it starts of believable but then turns to plain absurdity when Keanu breastfeed the niece. The story is often used for other celebrities or famous people as a joke.

          When I was younger, maybe junior high, I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. SO when there i am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece, and who walks in, but Keanu Reeves.
          
          I was nervous as fuck, and just kept looking at him, as he read a magazine and waited, but didn't know what to say. Pretty soon though my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Keanu, but she wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asking what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So, Keanu put down his magazine, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of a hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it.
          Oh man, that reminds me of the time I met Keanu at a hospital in Pittsburgh. We were there to see a Steelers game, and on the way into the stadium my mom slipped and broke her ankle. She was in a lot of pain. While we were in the ER, I looked over and saw that Keanu was there too. I’m a big fan so I said hello and we started up a conversation. After a few minutes he came over to my mothers bedside to introduce himself. He asked what was wrong, and Mom told him about her ankle, which was really hurting. Then he kind of looks around and asks mom if he can help. Skeptical, she said sure, just thinking that he was talking about thoughts and prayers. He closes the little curtain and puts his hands on Mom’s broken ankle. He closes his eyes, and suddenly this blue light starts coming from his hands. He directs his healing powers into my mother’s ankle, and under the skin we can see the bones reconnecting and healing. My mom started crying and speaking in tongues, but K remained steadfast. 30 seconds later she was completely healed and walked out of the hospital and got into the new car that K give us the keys to. Turns out he was at the hospital to cheer up sick kids and he gave away all his organs that day.
          The Weeknd | Abel Tesfaye
          I met The Weeknd 5 days ago. I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece, and who walks in but Abel fucking tesfaye himself.
          
          I was nervous as shit, and just kept looking at him as he was sitting there with his phone and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Abel, but she wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Abel put down his phone, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of the hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it. Would let him breast feed my niece again.

          Tomboys are just one of the best things that has ever been introduced on this planet.

            Tomboys copypasta
            Tomboys are just one of the best fucking things that has ever been introduced on this planet. They have adorable short hair, got abs, huge fat milkers and many things a girl would have but acts as your best friend. You can snuggle with one, get a blowjob, kiss, have kids, watch tv, play sports and many other things that give you joy in life. You don’t ever have to worry about spending useless hours waiting for your significant other to finish shopping at the mall only to spend $300 on a pair of boots and makeup. Any time you want they can go from shy introvert gamer to a Dommy Mommy in bed, Shy in th3e streets, kinky in the sheets. They are extremely attractive having abs, a thicc body, and running with sports bra and their adorable short hair that could even turn a gay man straight. People don’t understand how hot that is, breeding with one is a dream and in the end we all want to marry one to live a happy life. People think having a tomboy gf is weird but in reality, they just haven't realized the dream until they had a chance to experience it.

            I met Morbius (2022) 5 days ago.

              The only Morbius copypasta
              I met Morbius (2022) 5 days ago. I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my brother got his hair cut. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a barbershop with my niece, and who walks in but Morbius (2022) himself. I was nervous as shit, and just kept looking at him as he was sitting there with his phone and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, and I’m trying to quiet her down because I didn’t want her to bother Morbius (2022), but she wouldn’t stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Morbius (2022) put down his phone, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of the barbershop. Chill guy, really nice about it. Would let him breast feed my niece again.