I was watching Phineas and Ferb last night and in this one episode everyone’s hyped up about having a steak cookout but the villain steals all the steaks in the city and anyway at the end his plan gets foiled and it starts raining steaks and everyone’s celebrating and whatever but I just got this pit at the bottom of my stomach, like damn this shit really changes your entire outlook on life… I was just trying to enjoy a cartoon but here I am thinking about all the fictional cows that died and the implications of promoting meat on kids tv while also having main characters that are animals and how no one else sees that issue 😭
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
She hooked up with some guys and instead of breaking down and crying or whatever she wanted me to do I just played bruh bass boosted for five minutes while staring at her so she’s angry now but what should I do
Oh god I wish Polka would show up unannounced at my front porch in her clown car with inflatable condoms shaped like circus elephants. She would barge in through my front door but barley fit as her puffy clown dress leaves almost no room to spare. Polka would then pull me up to the bedroom, but I would be too embarrassed to look at her reaction as the room is entirely decorated in clown memorabilia. With a powerful shove, Polka would push me onto the bed sheets, releasing a honk sound from the bed's hidden integrated clown mechanism. I would then sit there and watch Polka painstakingly take of the layers of her clown outfit, as she struggles with the intricacy of the many floofs and puffs. When Polka finally strips to just her underwear, she would mount me and clap down with a powerful grip. Unable to break free of Polka's well trained circus hands, I would surrender my being to whatever she desires. As I'd be held down with a single hand, Polka slides her underwear to the side. Finally. Clussy.
HEY 🙋 BRO!! READY 4 THE 💪💪GYM💪💪 BRO??? TIME⏰ TO PUMP SOME IRON🔩 BROO!! LET'S GET 💀SHREDDED 💀 BROSEPH😥😎😎😬 GET YOUR WHEY SHAKES 🍼 READY 🌊BROSIEDON🌊 CAUSE WE NEED 👊👊PROTEIN💪💪!!! 1🅾 GRAMS PER LB BRO❗ GONNA GET FOOKIN 💪🔥BUILT🔥💪 BROMIGO!! GONNA 🔥🔥BURN🔥🔥 OFF THAT FAT BROCHACHA😏😎😎 HOW ABOUT SOME EGGS 🍳 WITH YOUR WHEY SHAKE🍼 BRO HOW ABOUT SOME 🐓🍗 CHICKEN🍗🐓 JIMI BROHENDRIX😎😎 LET'S HIT👊 THE LOCKER ROOM🚿🚿 AND SHOWER🚿 UP MCBRONALDS😉😏😏 BROJOBS ALL AROUND🔁 BRO😋😮 NO HOMO BROMO 😜
It 🤡 ain't 🚫 my 🙋♂️ fault 🌋 that 😳 I'm ⛳ out 🏳️🌈 here ⤵️ getting 😱 loose 🕳️ Gotta 👏 blame 🤬 it 🎈 on 🔛 the Goose 🦆 Gotta 👏 blame 😤 it 🎈 on 😩 my 🙋♂️ juice 🧃, baby 🐣
