The fitness gram pacer test is a multi-stage aerobic capacity test designed around torture of the male genitals. The missile knows this because in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding, Vaporeon has over 300 confirmed kills, is trained in gorilla warfare and notices your bulgy wulgy from across the floor and has started furiously masterbaiting. Everyone else gave it strange looks and were saying things like ‘can we get much higher’ and ‘you can do the rump shaker, huh? The thug shaker: gimme the name of Allah, the gracious, the merciful, Tesla’s co-founder and CEO. Elon is an inventor and as the righteous hand of the father; I shall rend you apart, and you shall become a bitch-ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife. I miss my wife tails. I want mommy, I want milk, i want to be held, i want to COOM I’M COOMING AUGH
My black friend has a BDSM kink and when I was whipping him during sex my curtain fell down and now my neighbor thinks I keep slaves in my bedroom.
Okay some context here. My black friend, 28M (we’ll call him Jake, but his real name isn’t actually Jake), who used to be my coworker revealed to me that he had a BDSM Kink on my shift.
At first, I was at a loss for words, but didn’t want to keep the silence any longer since I didn’t want him to feel like I was judging him, so before I knew it, I started drooling from my mouth and grunting and got on all fours and chased him out of our work building and onto the streets. Jake climbed up a lamp post to escape me but I just sat under the lamp barking for 30 minutes before straightening my tie and returning to work.
The next day, Jake didn't come to work. At this point, I felt guilty as fuck, so I did the one thing that I could think of to make him trust me again: I shot him a text saying that I also had a BDSM kink and told him to meet me at my address today afternoon.
Sure enough, later that day, he met me outside my house carrying a bag of what he called "tools" and we went straight to our bedroom. He then poured out the contents of his bag onto my Lightning McQueen bedsheets, which were a whip, some body rope he called a "harness" and a yellow strap-on which must've been atleast 12 inches in length and 5 inches in girth.
It was when he inserted the strap on into my anus that I had realized I made a terrible fucking mistake. It's agonizing thinking about it, but it felt like someone shoved a dozen firecrackers up my ass and now they're repeatedly going off inside my anal cavity.
Finally, Jake said he wanted me to whip him with the whip. Sure, it felt weird since he was black, but he assured me it was okay and that we all understood what we were doing.
On the first whip, he let out a high pitched scream which concerned me a little bit since my window was open but the curtains were draw so I assumed my neighbour just thought I was beating my son or something. On the second whip he howled even louder than before, and on the final I started to really get the hang of it.
That was when the shit hit the fan. On my fourth whip, I decided that he really needs to get it and tried charging up my next strike like a Smash Bros character, but my attack got a little out of control and my whip made contact with the curtain rod, which subsequently made my curtain fall. Fuck.
And lucky me: my retarded ass neighbour was standing right there, looking into my window while my whip landed on Jake's bare ass which resulted in him howling like a alpha wolf. My neighbour gasped, and ran back into her house.
I'd wished to tell you she called 911, but instead she did the even worser thing and started telling everyone in the neighbourhood about my ownership of Jake and how I was probably keeping more locked up in my basement or something.
Eventually, the news spread and it got so bad to the point where I started getting beat up at night when I tried visiting my 711 for beer and every time I peer out my window I see people on trucks armed with shotguns just hunting me on the streets.
Anyways, I am now contemplating between staying inside for the rest of my life or admitting to them that I BDSM-style fucked Jake out of grief. Any responses would be appreciated.
STOP POSTING ABOUT WAFFLE HOUSE! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES! I was in a server, right? and ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just waffle house stuff. I-I showed my waffle to my girlfriend and syrup I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the waffle house has its new host HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING" I fucking looked at a restaurant and said "THAT'S A BIT WAFFLE" I looked at my syrup I think of a new host and I go "WAFFLE? MORE LIKE WAFFLE HOUSE HAS ITS NEW HOST" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGESFG
🌧️ 🌧️ grab ur CUM-brella ☂️ ☔ and your 🌂 ponch-HOE 🙇♀️ 🙇♀️ cuz it's raining 💦 cats 🙀 and dogs 🐶 and this 😹 PUSSY 😹 is 💦WET!!💦 send this to 🔟 of ur 😶🌫️ MOST 🌦️ SODDEN 🚿 SOAKED ⛈️ SLUTS!! 🤸♀️ 💃 if u get 0️⃣ back 🙅♀️ ur a DRY 🌞 ASS ☀️ HOE!! get 5️⃣ back and ur A 💦 🙇♀️ 💦 DRIPPY BITCH!! get 1️⃣ 0️⃣ back and UR 🙀 PUSSY 🙀 A SLIP IN SLIDE 🏄 🏄♀️ FOR THE WHOLE PARTY!! 🎉 💦 its 👨👨👦 RAINING 💪 MEN - 💦 HELLA 💦 HUGE 💦 LOADS!! 💦💦
I fucked a potato when I was 14. I got the idea from a radio show and thought that it might feel good. I cut a hole long ways through the middle and used it to jerk off. It wasn't enjoyable at all and I remember the guilt and shame I felt as I snuck a broken, cum covered potato to the side of the house to throw it in the garbage can. It smelled weird as well.
I told some friends at school and it became pretty common knowledge, not that I cared. I never really had too much of a problem getting laid in my school years and I think me and that potato taught a lot to each other. Some of the girls who heard about it found it kind of intriguing.
Looking back on it that potato was the only thing I've fucked that didn't lie to me and betray me. It was there when I needed it, it didn't talk and performed its duties admirably (though it was a bit cold, rough, and slimy) and it probably would have fed me if I needed it to. And I discarded it like so much flotsam in a sea of mediocrity. I'll pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.
Some times at night when I can't fall asleep I still think about you, noble spud. I'm sorry I didn't mash you the way you needed me to, I was young and stupid. Now you're in a landfill and I'm in a bigger, more putrid landfill they call the United States. Maybe on some other life we can, you know...