Skip to content

How to Cum So Hard You Trigger Another Cambrian Explosion

    We all love cumming! Unfortunately, even the best cum rarely result in a global surge of biodiversity comparable to that of the Cambrian Explosion, a diversification of modern life that occurred approximately 540 million years ago and created nearly all species that are alive today. If you feel like there’s simply no way you can cum hard enough to change the course of geologic history, don’t worry. Here are four tips for bringing your cum to the next level by triggering a major evolutionary event:

Cum in a highly oxygenated environment.

Scientists have hypothesized that an increase in atmospheric oxygen prior to the Cambrian Explosion may have facilitated the ability of different species to grow and develop. If your cum isn’t resulting in the desired surge of flora and fauna, check to make sure you’re not cumming in an oxygen-starved environment.

Fuck and cum in a bird.

This one may sound a little sexually adventurous, but The Cambrian Explosion is believed to have been partially triggered by a sex race between predators and prey. By bringing the current sex race between humans and birds to the next level when you cum in a bird, you could set off a new wave of evolutionary chaos in which birds can breed with humans.

Drink milk before, during, and after cumming.

Some scientists have argued that an increase in the amount of calcium in the Cambrian seawater made it possible for a wider variety of organisms to build their skeletons, resulting in increased biodiversity. Do your part to increase the calcium content in your environment by drinking milk so that any cum released from your scrotum can be used by nearby clams or mollusks to generate new skeletons for themselves.

Finally, try cumming in a bog or mud pit.

Without fossil evidence of the increased biodiversity caused by your Earth-shaking cum, future scientists will be unable to pinpoint when and how your cum gave rise to an explosion of biodiverse life. So by cumming in a peat or mud pit your cum can be fossilized for future generations to discovered.

So there you have it! four tips for cumming so hard that you bring about a new wave of unprecedented biodiversity on Earth.

    MCU movies

      MCU movies in 2050 
      The Year is 2050. Go to movies, it's the weekly MCU movie. Disney logo on screen. It's phase 12 of the story. Movie starts, Tobey Maguire is in a wheelchair. A burglar comes into his house, steals his Funko Pops. Tobey says "it's peterin time" (this is a reference to the hit 2022 film morbius). Also says "that sounded better in my head." He puts on his mask, the crowd screams until my ears ring. He swings at the man as he's running away. A portal opens and captain Europe steps into the scene. Tobey accidentally swings into him He says "it's all good I have healthcare". Crowd cheers, captain Europe had his own TV show in 2048 and this is a reference to his prostate exam episode in season 6 where he makes the same joke. Tom Holland and Andrew Garfield come through the portal and point at each other, making the funny Spider-Man meme again. They all start jerking each other off as the camera zooms out, revealing the Death Star and the Star Wars theme briefly plays. Crowd cheers again before the screen cuts to black and Darth Vader's laugh plays. Post credit scene shows Thanos reappear, and he says, "I'm coming for you Redditors." Crowd cheers one last time, before news sources are saying this is one of the best movies of all time. Thank you Disney for saving the film industry.

      Pronouns In War

        "Jesus Christ a latinx non-gender conforming individual just shot my leg off with a 50 BMG heavy sniper rifle"
        Please consider pronouns before going to war

Remember that, in the fog of war, people will likely refer to you by the gender assigned to you at birth.

So make sure you wear a badge with your preferred pronouns so that you don't suffer unnecessary verbal violence and bigotry in the field.

The last thing you want to hear is someone mis-gendering you as you bleed out after a fire fight.

Expect to encounter a lot of heteronormative language - typical of the chauvinist environment in which you will find yourself.

Shouts like "watch out, lads", "listen in, boys" and other micro-aggressions will wear you down as the white male dominated armed forces attempt to erase your lived experience.

If you can, be the change you want to see. You can do this by shouting "Zhere coming from the south!", or "two possible BIPOC folx taking cover at your 6!".

People will respect your efforts to be inclusive in the theatre of war.

Ultimately, silence is violence, and you'll be wanting as little additional violence as possible.

        Arteezy Riki backstab

          ＨＥＹ　ＲＴＺ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＹ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＭＥ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＥＧ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＹＯＵ　７０％　ＯＦ　ＴＨＥ　ＴＩＭＥ，　ＯＲ　ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ　ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ　ＳＯ　Ｉ　ＣＯＵＬＤ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ　ＦＲＯＭ　ＥＧ 
          ＨＥＹ　ＲＴＺ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＲＥ＇Ｓ    ３２５  ＡＯＥ  ＤＲＡＭＡ  ＡＲＯＵＮＤ  ＹＯＵ，　ＯＲ  ＢＬＩＮＫ  ＳＴＲＩＫＥ  ＬＩＫＥ  ＴＨＥ  ＷＡＹ  ＹＯＵ  ＢＬＩＮＫＥＤ  ＢＡＣＫ  ＴＯ  ＥＧ  ＡＦＴＥＲ  ＴＨＥＹ  ＨＡＤ  ＷＯＮ  ＴＩ
          ＨＥＹ ＤＯＵＢＬＥＬＩＦＴ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＳＨＡＣＯ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＣＬＧ， ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥＤ ＣＬＧ， ＯＲ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＭＡＤＥ ＣＬＧ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＨＡＶＩＮＧ Ａ ＣＨＡＮＣＥ ＡＴ ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ ＡＮＯＴＨＥＲ ＴＯＵＲＮＡＭＥＮＴ
          ＨＥＹ ＩＭＡＱＴＰＩＥ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＳＨＡＣＯ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＤＩＧ， ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥＤ ＤＩＧ， ＯＲ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＭＡＤＥ ＤＩＧ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＨＡＶＩＮＧ Ａ ＣＨＡＮＣＥ ＡＴ ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ Ａ ＴＯＵＲＮＡＭＥＮＴ

          LCS sponsors

            League of Legends sponsors copypasta
            One of the things that make watching LEC much more atmospheric for me then watching LSC

The Grubhub dup wow what a Redbullbaron power play followed by an amazing Budlight Ace that will be discussed by the Statefarm analystsdesk to see who will get the Hondaperfomance powerplay in our McDonald's playoffs series.
            And now Pepsi Udyr just Chevrolet smited Adidas baron for Redbull power play, will they be able to push the towers brought to you by Bank of America to destroy KFC Nexus?
            The Grubhub dup wow what a Redbullbaron power play followed by an amazing Budlight Ace that will be discussed by the Statefarm analystsdesk to see who will get the Hondaperfomance powerplay in our McDonald's playoffs series.

            Thats fucking League of Legends right there

              Thats fucking League of Legends right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging playing safe for lategame bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the rift, men deliver their new born baby on the rift.
              Thats fucking League of Legends right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging playing safe for lategame bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the rift, men deliver their new born baby on the rift. Fucking hard core dick in the ass flex pick early game League of Legends fuck it run it down mid game time shit.