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Coital Dominance

    I wish females would ascertain their coital dominance on my only slightly higher than average fat content (463 lbs) of a body. Any redditor kitten females up for the challenge? 😉😘😘😜

    Anon went deer hunting

      Alright /b/, this is the story about how I went hunting for a deer with only my fucking fists.
The only reason I reveal this to the world is because Easter reminds me of the event and I'm high as fucking shit.

>Be freshly 19
>Decide I hadn't went hunting for a long time
>Fuck it, it's easter brek
>No college for the break
Decide to visits grandparents at mother's suggestion
>Waaaaay out in the sticks
>Spent my dats just sitting around on comfy as hell furniture
>BUT
>I was going hunting dammit
inb4 hunting out off season
>Private property
>I'm bigger than the law
>Got up from fur lined couch
>Went to the fucking gun cabinet
DOOMGuy'sBackpack.png
>BUT WAIT
>Grandparents out of the house to easter service at church
>Grandpa had the keys to the fucking gun cabinet
>Fuck you grandpa, I"m going hunting
>Like a roll for lock picking in D&D I went to open it
Natural fucking 1
>Fuck
>Think I broke the lock
>Fuck it, I'm going hunting
>Remember the days on /k/
>Remember I saved some handy info graphs
9001 scrolls later
>Find one for a snare
>We're in business boys.
>Farmhouse is old and dusters than grandma's pussy at thispoint
>Crouching as I dig for some rope
>Find rope that could hang even the biggest of Tumblr user
>Head out for the biggest mistake of my life
1/?
Cont.?

      Open the rest of the story

      >Had to go back to the house because I forgot bait
>Wtf do deer eat
Pic related
>Grab some shit from kitchen and garden
>I'm in the woods deep as fuck
>See some tracks in the dirt
>Fuck, not deer
>Wait 
>Saw more tracks
>These were definitely for a deer
>Feel like Arnold SquashANigger setting up traps for the Child Predator
>Even rub  some mud on my face in sort of Rambo stye
>Might not have been mud
>Hard to recall
>Anyway
>My work is done
>Admire the work worthy of Artemis, Master of the Hunt
>Go off a couple yards and lie down in the grass
>Had some sticks around me like fucking Eeyore
>Also slight depression
>Waited for what seems to be about 4 fucking hours
>Only activity was a text from grandparents
>Asking about the busted lock on the gun cabinet
>Fuck
>Lie and say I didn't know
>Lie and say I left the house almost after them to wander ye olde" town
>Never got found out 
>But suffice to say 
>Cabinet got replaced with safe
All'sWellThatEndsWell.png
>Hear a crinkle
>As if a fatass opened up a Snickers
>Looked up and saw a doe
>Doe, a deer
>A female deer
>Fucking love that movie
2/?
      >Hold my fucking breath
>Watch it steadily walk towards the bait I had brought
>Fresh, and early Strawberries and Cap'n Crunch
>Holy fuck
>She's taking the bait
>You took the bait
Kidding
>You'll wish tho, compared to what you'll read next
>She's bent forward and sniffing the food
>Her front hoof goes forward
YouActivatedMyTrapCard.jpg
>Snaps her up quick as fuck
>The yell she did was ear splitting
>In an instant I was on her with more rope
>Like a pedophile in a game of tag
>Tackled her to the ground and got my arms around her back legs somehow while on her back
>Holy fuck she was kicking
>Tied it around both calfs
>Not as easy as it sounds
>Like holy fuck
>Nailed me in the side of the head
>Would've actually hurt had my body weight not been restraining her
>But anyway
>Tied her legs up
>Second time was much easier
>Backed up for a second
>Sat in disbelief
>Holy fuck
>I did it
>But then /b/
>Then i made a horrible mistake
3/?
      >Happy as absolute fuck I put my hand on the deer's back
>Trying to calm it down
>When I saw it was a doe, I first thought
Fuck. I"m not gonna get any horns.
>Decided if it high the snare I'd see if I could take it down and see if it was possible to hunt barehanded
>Then probably just let it go and set up shop a ways away
>Now I was about to let it go but I noticed something
>Her fur felt soft and amazing
>My heart was fucking racing from the wrestle
>I also felt very hot
InstantBoner.jpg
>I looked at the deer as saw it had stopped struggling for the most part
>I didn't even think
>lightly guided it to a skinny, but sturdy looking tree right there
>With more rope I tied her back, right leg to it
>Tied rope around a tree to the left and her back, left leg
>Pulled out my knife and cut the two rope holding together her legs
>Quickly, but softly I fastened the rope on the left
>She was all fucking redy
>Couldn't move
>Legs open
>Inviting
>Wet
>I ripped of my clothes faster than superman can change in a phone both
>Took a big, wet spit onto my
>Diamond
>Twitching
>Barely contained dick
>Like you don't even know
>I was harder than Graphene
>My dick was lubbed up and ready to to go
>I swear it just went it
>Like the sweet mix of pleasure and fear on your first water slide ride
>The deer shivered and did a sort of moan
>It just made me even harder
>I get the deer twitch and grip on m y dick with every fucking thrust
>I hit that shit like a fucking E. Honda Hyakuretsu Harite
      >I beat that shit up man
>And the deer was loving it
>More than once she would seize up around my dick and spasm like hell
>Holy shit
>Like Jacuzzi jets on all my dick
>Before long, I had came inside with the force of a thousand suns
(Post the file)
>I don't know who came harder or who was panting harder
>Me or the deer
>Just then I discovered Satan was real
>I had a thought that proclaimed
She has two other holes.
4/?
      >Using another sick I found I made a makeshift bit out of the last of my rope
Relax PETA. She was bitting it with her back teeth. It wasn't hurting her like an actual bit.
>Threw my already hard again dick down her mouth and felt her lounge run all across it
>Even very gentle nibbles
>She would had bit my dick off had the rope not been there
>Holy fuck the feeling was eternal
>Came faster the second time just as hard
One last hole
>Took the condom I had in my wallet out
Who wants deer shit on there dick?
>Plus it was heavily lubed
>Went in with a bit of effort
>Like a fucking asshole
>Magnificent
>Came after about 30min
>Not much cum
>Now my balls kinda hurt
>The deer was in a state of pleasured euphoria
>Deiced to cut it down
>Just played there on the ground
>Breathing heavily
>But very calmly
>Cum just dripping from her pussy
One
More
Time
Daft Punk
>Laid down on the ground and made love just like this
>For and hour
>Just making sweet love
>Took about 4hours to just lay there and cuddle the deer
>Afterwards we fucked again
>And I sear on everything holy
>Her legs held me in and she pumped with me
>Cam harder than I ever had in  my entire life
>She came right with me
>Before long the sun had set
>I dressed and looked upon my lover
>She was just sitting there
>Watching me as I left
>I didn't look back
      TL;DR
I went out to hunt, and instead fucked and defiled a deer in every way imaginable. Gaining a love and longing for her that last to this day. Mix that with the guilt of knowing I fucked a deer and I an a shell of a man.

Goodnight /b/.
      Arhived image of the original thread on 4chan

      AITA for Evicting a Single Mom of 6 over 25 Seconds of Late Rent Payment?

        Hey Reddit, I know the title sounds bad, but hear me out. I own an apartment complex and I've been renting to this single mom of six for 13 years. She's always been a good tenant, but this month she was 25 seconds late on her rent payment. And I mean, come on, 25 seconds?

Now, I know some of you may say that I'm being petty, but I was just trying to make a statement. You see, I believe in punctuality and responsibility, and I couldn't let her slide just because she had a good reason.

Speaking of her reason, she claimed that her son needed heart surgery and she had trouble coming up with the money. But come on, who doesn't have a credit card these days? Plus, I'm sure her son's heart can wait a few more days until she gets her finances in order.

I know some of you may be thinking, "But she's been a good tenant for 13 years, can't you cut her some slack?" Well, no, I can't. Rules are rules, and if I make an exception for her, then I'll have to make an exception for everyone.

Plus, I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed seeing the look on her face when I handed her the eviction notice. It was like she couldn't believe it was happening. But hey, that's what happens when you're not on time with your rent payment.

So, Reddit, am I the asshole for evicting a single mom of six over 25 seconds of late rent payment? Personally, I think I'm in the right, but I'm open to hearing your opinions.

        This game is making me go ballistic

          This game is making me go ballistic. I was at a bar with my friends last weekend when my friend mentioned how many trophies he was at. I played it cool and lied about how many I was at but he had passed me on trophy road and I had to play so i went to the bathroom and of course my first game I match against hog and my phone dies half way through. I was so mad and had to play so I walked to a gas station and bought a charger but had no where to plug it in and was bored of the bar and in a rage I just didn’t care anymore and unplugged the cooler with all the ice cream in it and sat on the floor waiting for it to charge and started playing. I couldn’t win because I kept playing firecracker and hog and skarol and by the time the employee caught on the dipping dots and multiple other ice cream items were melted and deformed inside the package. I told him I didn’t care and in comes a cop who proceeded to arrest me confiscate my fake id and put me on a 6 hour hold in a cell. This is the worst game ever and on the way there all I could think about was getting emoted on when I lost to lavahound I didn’t even care I was arrested this is the biggest rage game I’ve ever played. How am I supposed to win when I’m getting hard countered in every match?

          we are not born to die!!

            we are not born to die!! what are you talking about!! do you think a book begins just to finish? do you think a song opens with a beautiful chord just for it to end? you don’t read the book to finish it, you read the book to eat up the excitement and the emotions it evokes!! to learn and to digest and to fall in love and be heartbroken!! you listen to the song to dance and dance and sing your throat raw!!! to cry and smile and swell with the harmonies!! yes, we are born with the inevitable fate of death, we are mortal after all, but that is merely the finale of the play!! the final act, the closing of the curtains - we are not born to take a bow and exit stage left!! we are born to love and be joyous and yell and move and learn and cry and feelfeelfeel!!!  we are not born to die, silly, we’re born to live!!!

            The origin of this pasta came from Tumblr