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So, I was at this cattle fair with me dad when I was seven.

    All these fucking cows around, as you do get at the cattle fairs. And then this one cow got this trapped wind, like--there's a technical name for it, but I don't know what the fuck it is. Anyways, this cow starts expanding like a mad thing, starts really ballooning up, and that's really dangerous, because they can die like that. And nobody knew what to do, til this short, tiny fella popped up. He was just passing by, like. And he takes out a fucking screwdriver and jumps into the pen, and everybody's going, "Oh fuck, no," like. And the short fella starts stabbing big fucking holes in the side of this cow, like. And we all thought he was mental, going stabbing a cow, like. But then the cow started deflating back to normal, because that's what you're supposed to do with a cow with trapped wind--stab the fucker. So everybody gave this short fella a round of applause, for being so on the ball, like. But then he starts giving us his whole life story about what an expert he is on fucking cows. And he says this gas that's coming out of the cow, it's the exact same gas as the gas in your oven back home. And everybody said, "Fuck off, is it the same." But the short fella said, "It is! Watch." And he lights the fucking gas, like! So there's this stream of fucking fire shooting out of this cow! And we were so impressed, like, and we gave him another round of applause. But the gas must have backed up inside or something, because the cow fucking exploded.

Best day of me fucking life, that cow exploding.

    Where were u when submarine die?

      Apology for bad English

Where were u when submarine die

I was at house eating Dorito when phone ring

“Submarine is kill”

“No…”

      GameCube™ has a handle

        Original comment on Reddit
        I always laugh at posts like this. The GameCube™ has a HANDLE! You somehow ignored that, completely missing the easy transport factor that would come with using a GameCube™. The genius of the Nintendo® GameCube™ is shown through the handle and can only be appreciated when utilizing it. It's so miraculously designed that many people can't even feel the weight of the GameCube™ once they pick it up. The design staff worked hard on the handle, maybe even more than on the rest of the parts of GameCube™ combined, but people like you fail to realize the beauty crafted by the ascended beings that are the Nintendo® dev team. Some fools have even gone so far as to say that the Switch™ was the first real 'portable' console from Nintendo®. Are they blind? The GameCube™ may not have sold as many units as the Wii™, but that was solely due to the strict quality assurance that Nintendo® has about their products. And do you know what the main issue was that caused most of the units not to be shipped from the factory to the public? The handle. Every handle had to be perfect and custom crafted. Barely one out of ten handles could live up to this lofty standard.

Nintendo® wanted us to use the handle. To bring our GameCubes™ to the park with us for picnics, or to go to the beach with. Yet I ask people about this, and most of them haven't even built a sandcastle with their GameCube™. Instead they leave it locked in some small cupboard in the dark. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. GameCubes™ have helped us all through difficult times and we have repaid them poorly. Most people don't even take their GameCube™ for a walk once a week, let alone the daily walk that a GameCube™ should have. The handle is there for a reason guys. Use it. Your GameCube™ doesn't deserve this kind of treatment, and I know you'll both be happier once you start embracing the power of the handle.

        Summer

          ITS THE SUMMER 🌞 SOLSTICE BITCHES!!😩😩😩 and you know 👌🏽 what that means 😉 its the longest 😩 day of the year and it's gonna be hot and sweaty all day long. 🌞😩 Today ❤️ is the beginning of sCUMmer!!! 😫 From 6️⃣ in the morning 💯 to 9️⃣ at night 💯 you can 🎉 expect the sun to 😉FUCK😍 your skin up 👊🏾 Put on your CUMblock 💦 and your SLUTTIEST 👒hat🎩 because the sun 🌞 rays will BLOW 🌪 you away 😗💨 Look out for STEAMING 💦😫 CUMMIES in the sun 🌞 DADDY'S 😩 day was yesterday, 👌🏿 today is for you 😩😩 Go out and tan ur fat ass 🍑🍑🍑 Send this to🖐🏾ten🖐🏾 of your HOTTEST 🙌 SKANKS 🙋🏿 If you get 0️⃣ back then ur a cold ❄️🌨❄️ ass SNOWMAN ⛄️ If u get 5️⃣ back then u a WARM 😫 spring day but ☝🏽️ If u get 1️⃣0️⃣ back then u get 💦 ALL 💦 CUMMIES 💦 Enjoy ur summer HOTTIE ☺️🙏🏽
          In 👌👏 the summertime, when 😩⏰ the weather 💧 is high 🔊 You 💰😤👉 can 🤤 stretch right 🔰🔰 up 🤸‍♀️🔊 and touch 👈 the sky 🤡 When 👌 the weather's fine 😂👌 You 😼😼😼😼😽😸 got 🤭 women, 👧 you 👈 got ❌ women 👭 on 🔛 your 🇺🇸👈😀 mind 🧠 Have 👃 a drink, 🍶 have 🈶 a drive 🚗 Go 🏃🏃 out 👀 and see 👀 what 🗯️ you 👩🏽‍✈️👩🏽‍✈️✈️ can 👺 find 🔍🔍 If her 👩 daddy's 👨‍👦 rich, 💶 take 👊 her 👩 out 😓 for 4️⃣ a meal If her 👸😡 daddy's 🤖 poor, 💸 just 🕛👀 do 👩😂 what 😅 you 👈 feel 😁🏼 Speed 🚅 along 🎶 the lane, 🚲 do 🙅 a ton or a ton and twenty-five When 🔜 the sun ⛅ goes ❗ down 🔻⤵️ You 👈 can 🧠 make 💘 it, make 🛠️ it good 👌 in 👊 a lay-by We're 👶 not ✨ grey 💔💔 people, 👫 we're 🎈 not 👏❌ dirty, we're 😫🏻 not 🚫❌ mean 🤔 We 👫 love 💖 everybody, 👩👨 but 😳 we ❓ do 😫 as we 🌿 please 🤣 When ⏰ the weather's fine, 🙊 we 👦 go 😓 fishing 🚣‍♀ or go 🦗 swimming 🏊‍♀ in ⁉️ the sea 🌊 We're 👌👶 always 👌 happy, 😆 life's for 🕓 living 😮😮 Yeah, ❤️ that's 🏩 our 💩 philosophy 🤣💭 Sing 🎤 along 🎶 with us 🪐 Dee-dee-dee, dee-dee Dah-dah-dah, dah-dah Yeah 😤 we're 👪👏 hap-happy Dah dah-dah Dee-dah-do, dee-dah-do, dah-do-dah Yeah, 😩 dah-do, dah-dah-dah Dah-dah-dah, do-dah-dah (alright, 👋 alright, 👋 alright) 👋 Alright 👋 When 🤷 the winter's here, 📍 yeah ✨ it's party 🎉🎈 time 🕠 Bring 🚶 your 🤗 bottle, 🍾 wear 👚 your 😇 bright 🌝 clothes 👕 It'll soon 🔜 be 😹😹😹 summertime And we'll 👤 sing 🎤🎙️ again, 😬 we'll 🤷🏾‍♂️ go 🏃 driving 🚗 Or maybe 🤔 we'll 🤷 settle down 😱 If she's 😃 rich, 💶 if she's 👸 nice, 😁 bring 🤔 your 👉 friends 👫 And we'll 😤 all 👐🏼 go ✅ into 🤓 town 🔥 In 2️⃣❕0️⃣❕2️⃣❕1️⃣❕ the summertime, when 😂🕕 the weather 🌫 is high 📓 You 👊 can 😷 stretch right 🔰🔰 up 🔼⬆️ and touch 🥵 the sky ☁️ When 🕛 the weather's fine, 😒 you 🥵 got 🉐 women 💁 You 😊 got 😏 women 💁 on 🔛 your 👉😩 mind 🤯 Have 😣✅ a drink, 🍵 have 🈶 a drive, 🚚 go 🏃 out ↘️ and see 👀 what 🧐 you 😀😊 can 🧞 find 🔍 If her ⚰️👿 daddy's 👨‍👦 rich, 💲 take 💅 her 👄 out 😝🚪 for 🍅 a meal If her 👸😡 daddy's 💘👑 poor, 💸 just ❗ do 😣 what 🧐 you 👈 feel 🆙 Speed 🚅 along 🎶 the lane, 🚲 do 😏 a ton or a ton and twenty-five When 🤷 the sun ☀️ goes 🎆 down, 🤗 you 😀🤟 can 🦎 make 💘 it Make 😼😼😼😼😼 it good 🆗🌟🙅‍♂️❇️📈🙅 in 1️⃣4️⃣9️⃣2️⃣ a lay-by We're 😂🙈 not 🚫🙅 grey 💔 people, 👺 we're 😱👨 not 🚯 dirty, we're 🤝 not 🚯 mean 🧚🏼‍♀️ We 👨👩 love 😍 everybody, 😡 but 🤤🤚 we ⚠️ do 👀 as we 👶👥 please 🙏 When 🕗 the weather's fine, 😂👌 we 🚟🚟 go 💩 fishing 🐟 or go 🦟 swimming 🏊‍♀ in 🕺 the sea 🌊 We're 🙈 always 🙄 happy, 🤣 life's for 💗 living 😮 Yeah, 🙌😜 that's 😐🔕 our 📌💯 philosophy 😒 Sing 🎶😙 along 🔚🔚 with us 🇺🇸 Dee-dee-dee, dee-dee Dah-dah-dah, dah-dah Yeah 👴🏾🙌🏩👈🏾 we're 👨😩 hap-happy Dah dah-dah Dee-dah-doo, dee-dah-do, dah-do-dah Yeah 🚵✌🏻✌🏽 dah-dah, dah-dah-dah

          Titan submarine incident

            AHOY🫡 SLUTS! 🚢🤤🍆 that’s right, the submersible 🛥️ is buried DEEP😩😋in the 🌊 North Atlantic HO-cean. 96 hours of SEXYgen 🌬️ is about to run 🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏽‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️out, so those 5 ZADDYIES 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 are gonna start RAWdogging 💦🧼 that H2o! 🧜🏼‍♀️My Heart ♥️ Will Go On and My DiCk 🍆 will get HARD. 🪨 💎 Send this to 1️⃣5️⃣ of your horniest 🍼 SEMEN🥛so that bOOty🍑 dont SINk ⚓️. Get 5️⃣ back and you’re an Xbox-controlled 🎮 SKANK! Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and you’ll get $250K 💰💸🤑 from some billion-HAIRY c0ck xo
            This 👽life 🛟aquatic 🌊ain’t 🙅‍♂️ bubbling 🫧🛁no 🚷 more.⚓️
            🔒💰 Once 🚢 sailed a sub, the Titan 🔥💣 bold, 🌊💵 Beneath the waves, a tale 📖 untold.💰👑 Rich billionaires 💸🤑 on board they sat, ⚓️💰 Little did they know their fate. 🙀🔧🏭 Built with cheapness, flaws 😱🙈 concealed, 💔🚢 A sinking secret soon revealed. 🌊🔍 The ocean depths whispered 🌫️🌊 of doom, 💀💸 And sealed their fate within its gloom. 💀🚢💀 Now the Titan rests below, 🌊⚰️💰💔 A reminder of what we sow. 🌾🌱⚠️📣 Share this tale, let others know, 📚🌐🌊🌫️ Greed can lead to depths we should not go. ⚠️🌊🙅‍♂️
            📖📙There once were five 5️⃣billionaires💰💵🤑 bold, Who embarked on a 🏎️🏁⚓️joyride, we're told🙉🙊🗣️, In a sub🚢🛥️🚤 known as Titan💪, With 🤣😝giggles and wit🧠🧐, man, Their voyage, a tale 🧚‍♂️🧌yet untold.🧙‍♂️

But their luck 🍀 soon took a dirty🍆💦😈 dive,👙🤿 As they crashed into a 😰🚞🚂wreck, not alive,💀☠️ The Titanic's 🌊🧊🚢remains, 🫢😬😳Exposed their foolish gains,📉💎👏 Now their riches💸🧧are just a sad jive.🦃😭🦀

            Thug Shaker

              Audio
              Oh, you got an ass on you alright. See that's what he's talking about. Spread your ass open, dude. You can do the rump shaker, huh? The thug shaker; gimme the thug shaker, dude, shake your ass! Take your hands off it and shake that shit. Pull your shirt up, I know you can shake it, shake it! Yeah that's some thug ass right there. Oh yeah, that'll work. You got the booty, dude! God damn. Look good, bro? Yes. Yeah nice, huh? Alright that'll work for him. Put that condom on.
              Oh, you've got an ass on you alright, see that's what he's talkin' about! Spread your ass open, dude. You can do the rump shaker, huh? The thug shaker, give me the thug shaker! Shake your ass. Take your hands off it and shake that shit, pull your shirt up, I know you can shake it. Shake it. Yeah, that’s some thug ass right there.

              Salt Shaker

              Oh, you got the salt shaker huh? See that's what Im talking about. Pass the salt shaker dude. You can pass the salt shaker, son? The salt shaker? Give me the salt shaker, son, gimme your salt. Put your hands on it and pass that salt, pull your hands up, I know you can pass it, pass it! Yeah, that's some good salt right there. Oh yeah, that'll work.