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Tsukihime – I need advice regarding my sister. It’s rather complex, so I should explain.

    Shiko Tohno from Tsukihime

    It’s an old 4chan thread of someone role-playing as Shiki from Tsukihime and asking for advice from fellow anons about what to do about his overbearing sister. It became a classic Tsukihime copypasta as OP managed to troll many into believing it as a real story.

    I need advice regarding my sister. It's rather complex, so I should explain.

When I was younger, I was involved in an accident and required care. My father sent me away to get that care, leaving just my sister to put up with his strictness (my mother died when my sister was born). After I recovered enough to be able to look after myself, I stayed away from home. In the years I had been bedridden, neither my father nor my sister came to see me and I didn't feel connected to either of them anymore.

A month ago, my sister suddenly called me out of the blue. My father had passed away, and she wanted me to live with her again until she has finished her education. After soul searching for a long time, I agreed and returned home, finding that she had grown into a young lady in my absence. However, she has a very strong moral code and enforces a strict rule over the household (dad left everything to her). I mean, she has a curfew for Christ's sake.

Things have started to go downhill from there. I broke curfew, and ended up being away that whole night and part of the next day. I can't go into the specifics, but my illness still visits me in strange ways and I couldn't be home when everything started (I had a vivid dream that I killed and butchered someone for god's sake). Needless to say that she wasn't impressed, and threatened to put a camera over the gate to make sure I was not going out. She says it's because she is concerned that I am not yet a fully recovered man. I know I can be frail and all, but I like to think I know my limits.
    It gets worse. Some of my schoolfriends invited me out on the weekend to a fair. I had had a fit the night before, and so my sister told me that she wanted to come, to keep an eye on me and help me if I got worse. I didn't have a choice, and thought maybe we could reconcile during the day. When we arrive, she looks over my friends, my best friend and two girls we are close to, with disdain and stops on one of the girls. Immediately she declares that she doesn't think she can get along with the girl and refuses to talk to her any more than she has to for the day. It totally killed the fun, and after we went home I yelled at her about it. She burst into tears and said that if I hate her she understands and will accept my hate but she just wants me to be safe.

    I’m sick of druid.

      Its the Xiangling ocpypasta but changed to druid from Hearthstone.

      I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of druid. I try to play rogue. My druid deals more damage. I try to play priest. My druid deals more damage. I try to play demon hunter. My druid deals more damage. I want to play warrior. His best deck has druid cards. I want to play reno, dragon decks. They both want druid.

He grabs me by the throat. I suffer on ladder for him. I disenchant cards for him. I give him the meta cards. He isn’t satisfied. I open Chia Drake from a pack. “I don’t need this much spell damage” he tells me. “Give me more burst damage.” He grabs zilliax deluxe 3000 and forces him to throw himself off enemies. “You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with owlonius.”

I can’t pull for mistah vistah, I don’t have enough gold. He grabs my credit card. It declines. “Guess this is the end.” He grabs reno. He says “reno, get them.” There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, board clears. What a cruel world.

      FFXIV Navy Seals Copypasta

        Final Fantasy 14 x Navy Seals
        What in Hydaelyn's name did you say about me? you little grey parser? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class from the balance, and have been involved in multiple world first clears. I have over 300 confirmed 100-parses on savage and ultimate content. I am trained in every single uptime strategy for any fight. to me this is just another parse. you are nothing but just another grey parser, go do some more freecure fishing in dungeons. I will wipe you out and post it all over TalesFromDF like the laughing stock you are! you think you can get away with sandbagging in my groups? think again fucker, I'll go all DreadWyrm academy on your arse. mark my words.

        Emet-Selch Navy Seals

        What in Zodiark's glorious name did you just say about me, you little cubus? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Akaedemia Anyder, and I've been involved in numerous secret missions for the Convocation, and I have over 300 confirmed concepts. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top Sorcerer of Eld in the entire Ascian forces. You are nothing to me but another sundered soul. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen upon any of the thirteen shards, mark my words. You think you can get away with spouting that nonsense to me over a linkpearl? Think again, weary wanderer. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Ascians cross all the shards and your aetheric signature is being traced right now so you've better prepare for the storm, midge. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. I can teleport anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you with over seven hundred spells, and that's just using Solus's body. Not only am I extensively trained in Ancient sorcery, but I have access to the entire Baldesion arsenal and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable arse off the face of Ethierys, you little shite. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your wretched tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you gods damned idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're dead, "hero."

        quite interesting that all top clan members that are playing at KOTS have SHIMAKAZE with 21k hp

          SHIMAKAZE meme from World of Warships

          Its a sarcastic joke on Shimakaze (SE) players from World of Warships that don’t take the extra health perk making them incredibly vulnerable (and bad) at the game thus accusing other SE players with 21K health of cheating.

          quite interesting that all top clan members that are playing at KOTS have SHIMAKAZE with 21k hp. did they download cheats on hp and wg overlooks it? man, the more you pay the more you get, better stats, better mm, better ships…. while i get the team that is always losing.

          Tromp is the best ship, it has all the best shells

            Its a Trump impression of the Tromp destroyer in World of Warships. Tromp is notorious for being a bad or meme pick in the game and because of that the community often joke that it is in fact a great ship.

            Tromp is the best ship, it has all the best shells. No other ship has better shells, believe me. It has the best shells and the best speed, you wouldn't believe it. they told me "It's impossible, it's too good!" But it is, folks, it is, and you'll get tired of winning. We're gonna do so much winning, believe me, you're gonna get tired of it. You're gonna say "please, Wargaming, it's too much! We're winning so much with Tromp we can't take it anymore!" But you're gonna keep winning and it's gonna be awesome, and we're gonna build a great torpedo wall, a beautiful wall, with the best torpedoes, and we're gonna make War Thunder pay for it! And we need the wall, because the enemy team isn't sending us their best. They're kill stealers, they're trolls and some, I believe, may be good players. But we can't take them. It's a scam, folks. So we'll build a torpedo wall, the greatest torpedo wall ever 
            Liar. You're a liar and you know it. Tromp is the best ship, it has all the best shells. No other ship has better shells, believe me. It has the best shells and the best speed, you wouldn't believe it. they told me "It's impossible, it's too good!" But it is, folks, it is, and you'll get tired of winning. We're gonna do so much winning, believe me, you're gonna get tired of it. You're gonna say "please, Wargaming, it's too much! We're winning so much with Tromp we can't take it anymore!" But you're gonna keep winning and it's gonna be awesome, and we're gonna build a great torpedo wall, a beautiful wall, with the best torpedoes, and we're gonna make War Thunder pay for it! And we need the wall, because the enemy team isn't sending us their best. They're kill stealers, they're trolls and some, I believe, may be good players. But we can't take them. It's a scam, folks. So we'll build a torpedo wall, the greatest torpedo wall ever. 
            Tromp is actually one of the very strong ships too. The survivability is incredible due to its 30mm turtleback armour almost nobody knows about. Although your upper compartment drains HP in the beginning, after having no HP left it is almost like a french destroyer as the citadel compartment is protected from AP even from battleships like Montana. You can bounce of every cruiser in the game with that citadel armour while Ragnar can just get overmatched by Sevastopol AP. This also means that adrenaline rush is very strong as you just lose very little hp as soon as the upper compartments HP is drained. It almost has Ragnar gun HE DPM (when being nose in it has better DPM than Ragnar due to the 2 turrets in front) while compensating its downside of having almost 50% more alpha damage while having incredible 70s stock reload on 6 12km 15kdmg and 71kts torps. I'm not sure why Ragnar is banned but Tromp isn't, it just shows that the devs can't read their own numbers, play the game or listen to the community. That DPM is almost 80% of the Somers torp DPM while somers has horrible guns and slower torps. And then we even get a +25% speed boost which makes it very manouverable. On the top as a gimmick you get the Airstrike with incredible 266k (stock) DPM which can set fires on anything you shot so far making it the perfect firestarter. If you put it together with a ship having smoke it can easily kill any Annapolis (which has less than just double your airstrike DPM in HE).

            IMPACT NOOB DEEP TROPOD IMPAT

              DEEP TROPOD IMPAT in World of Warship

              From an in-game chat in World of Warship where one team is shit talking the other hence the noob calling (misspell as NOOD) and torpedo impact (misspell as TROPOD IMPAT).

              IMPACT NOOB

DEEP TROPOD IMPAT

BYE NOOD

AGAIN IMPACT

              Probable translation:

              Get rekt noob!

Don't mess with DW torps!

Bye noob

Taste my steel sausages again!