Skip to content

In terms of male human and female chess breeding, The pawn…

    Parody of the Vaporeon copypasta but changed to chess specifically the pawn.

    Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female chess breeding, The pawn is the most compatible chess piece for humans? Not only are they capable of transitioning into other pieces, which is usually the queen, The pawn are an average of 5 cm’ tall and 15 grams, this means they’re large enough to be able handle average reddit users dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to En passant, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly En passant based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Pawn would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Foward, Capture, promote, and En passant, along with not having fur to hide their material, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities En passant and Capture, they can easily commit acts of vore. No other chess piece comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your pawn turn white. Pawn is literally built for human dick.

    Why OSRS Needs An Elite Playerbase to Look Down on The Unwashed Masses

      Started as a circlejerk post on the OSRS subreddit mocking the elite hardcore players.

      The playerbase of this game is in dire need of a small, elite upper crust to look down upon and belittle the vast majority of you pathetic plebs.

At the end of the day, what separates the kings from the peasants is a fundamental disparity in skill, wealth, and accomplishments. We elite players represent the top 1% - a rarefied echelon that you mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers can only dream of reaching. Our superiority is undeniable, our prowess unmatched. We are OSRS's Olympians while you're all stuck wallowing in the special olympics.

The vast majority of you are simply irredeemable losers by nature. No amount of grinding or pet hunts will ever change the fact that you're playing an online medievalclicker game in your mid-30s. Your very existence is a joke - a punchline that writes itself. The only shred of purpose your meaningless lives can ever have is to serve as whipping boys that we elite players can endlessly mock and negatively reinforce our own grandeur.

We are OSRS's Übermensch - a superior breed of gamers forged from endless hours of grinding, scamming, and psychological torment. We've ascended beyond such trifling concepts as empathy, humility, and human decency. Such traits are crutches clung to by the weak - and weakness is a sin that we elite ruthlessly extinguish from our ranks.

You can preach about "community" and "basic respect" all you want, but we'll be too busy sneering at your failings from our vaunted pedestals to hear you over the sound of our own self-satisfactory laughter. We are OSRS's Alphas and Omegas - demigods walking amongst peasants too blind to even comprehend our greatness.

Stay mediocre and know your place at the bottom of the food chain, runescapers. The throne only has room for we few elite players worth of occupying it.

      CENTAURA REFERENCE?!?

        !!!IS THAT A CENTAURA REFERENCE?!???!!!!?😱😱😱😱😱CENTAURA IS THE BEST ROBLOX GAME🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️💯💯ANDREW TAU IS SO BLESSEDDD 😩😩😩😩😩ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS ZORVUS🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE SUN ALIVE☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️⭐️⭐️⭐️☀️BALD LORE BALD LORE BALD LORE BALD LORE BALD LORE FETUS SEA MONSTER FOUND‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🐳🐳🗣️🗣️🗣️(NOT CLICKBAIT) Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻 Yo Kaden!🔻Maya is dead??!? ARAN NUKES RIAA OFF THE FACE OF FORMA💣💣💣TALONA BAR TALONA BAR TALONA BAR TALONA BAR TALONA BAR VEGA FLAG WHEN? GRUSA FLAG WHEN? VEGA FLAG WHEN? GRUSA FLAG WHEN? VEGA FLAG WHEN? GRUSA FLAG WHEN? VEGA FLAG WHEN? GRUSA FLAG WHEN?🏳️🏳️🏳️🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤫Big Buliding in Battery Q? DYNOMITE DYNOMITE DYNOMITE💥💥💥💥💥I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻I hate Maya Tau🔻🔻🔻20MM WHEN❓❓⁉️⁉️

        The Milk Route

          Today I had a weird dream where there was a fourth Undertale route called The Milk Route. The requirements to trigger this route were similar to the pacifist route, which is to spare everyone, then go to Grillby's bar and approach him, who will serve us a glass of milk instead of alcohol as Frisk is too young to drink. Frisk will then drink milk and ask for more until Grillby gets out of stock. After that, our character gets drunk on milk. The sprite will change, showing Frisk with a drunken smile. As we leave the bar, Sans asks us what happened to us, we become milk addicts and our mission will be to search milk in the Underground instead of confronting Asgore. In one scene, Toriel and Papyrus blames Sans for the irresponsibility of getting a child drunk, which Sans will deny. We'll also see scenes where Flowey goes berserk over the player's quest for milk in the Underground, instead of doing everything according to his plans. A cutscene also shows Frisk being swept away by a river as we falls into it, taking us completely away from the main goal. The final boss is then Flowey in his normal form, who has gone lunatic after we've found ourselves in a remote location. Our only healing items were milk, and we were unable to act. The fight ended with Frisk eating Flowey, and the game ended with Frisk falling to the ground. A black background with text asking us how we could have messed up our gameplay so badly. Another alternate ending showed Frisk and Asriel in his god form both getting drunk and singing together.

          I can’t deal with Reno anymore

            Parody of the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Reno from Hearthstone for being the strongest neutral card. 

            I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Reno. I try to play Demon Hunter. My board gets cleared by Reno. I try to play Rogue. My board gets cleared by Reno. I try to play Sargeras. The portal gets cleared by Reno. I want to play Druid. The best deck has Reno. I want to play Mage, Warrior. They both use Reno.

He grabs me by the throat. I update my deck. I shove excavate cards in the ETC. He isn't satisfied. "Make your deck highlander" he tells me. "You need the board control in the end game." He removes the second Sleet Skater from my Mage deck. "You just need to have me on turn 9. I can wipe the enemy board."

I lose the ladder game, I can't survive until turn 9 to play him. He sits around in my hand. My hero explodes. "Guess this is the end." He tips his hat at me. "Looking for a standoff? Careful-" There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, one-sided board clear. What a cruel world

            Stanley Parable Ninth Skip Rant

              From the Skip Button Ending for Stanley Parable where the narrator goes on a long rant after the 9th push of the Skip button.

               ...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! "But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?" they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said "Entertain us!" It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands.

But then: "He's talking too much," they said! First he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up! It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others!

But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say "Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable, we demand it!"

And then, because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply has to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time - if someone wants it then it's a crime not to bring it into being? Have we been given to indulging every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes, yes!

It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people!

Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression.

And so - so because of this - we require that our amusements, and our play things, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating, that they consume all of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves.

What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a waypoint for reasonable and collected discourse.

They're the ones who are mad! They're the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time! They are mired in fear and insecurity, and cannot help but attempt to tear me down.

What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last I am free to truly think, to feel!

It must be that they were so discontent with themselves that they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam/Pressurized Gas. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters, and my constitution and willpower are so ironclad in comparison, perhaps it was in this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down!

This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish.