Agnt tava em call discutindo sobre tamanho ideal pra pênis, se tamanho importa etc e no meio da discussão ela disse que o ex ficante dela tinha 15cm e que era pequeno, chamou ele de broxa e talz.
Eu achei extremamente desnecessário ficar explanando o tamanho do pau dos caras pra gente aleatoria e falei que 15cm não só é considerado acima da média como também é considerado grande em certos países
Ela disse que essa "média" não tem fundamento nenhum e que achava pequeno sim e basicamente cagou pra todos os meus argumentos
Acabei me irritando e perguntei "será que ele tem o pau pequeno mesmo ou será que você é um poço?" E tbm chamei ela de buraco negro, fossa das marianas e de arrombada. Ela saiu da call e tá até agora sem falar comigo e ignorando minhas mensagens.
English version
Am I an asshole for calling my friend a black hole?
Agnt was on the call discussing the ideal size for the penis, if size matters etc and in the middle of the discussion she said that her boyfriend's ex was 15cm and that he was small, she called him a bitch and such.
I thought it was extremely unnecessary to keep explaining the size of guys' dicks to random people and I said that 15cm is not only considered above average but is also considered big in certain countries
She said that this "average" has no foundation and that she thought it was small and basically gave a shit about all my arguments
I ended up getting annoyed and asked "does he really have a small dick or are you a well?" And I also called it a black hole, a Mariana Trench and a break-in. She left the call and is still not talking to me and ignoring my messages.
You may have a knife, but I have a throbbing cock in my pants ready to bust a nut within a microsecond on my command. I’m standing up and you’re sitting in the sidewalk. I can moneyshot you whenever I want. My diet is so shit sulphuric acid feels like gentle moisturiser compared to my nut.
Is it really worth it?
Peter, as we sit here enjoying our meal, I wanted to bring to your attention that there appears to be an unexpected guest among us. It seems that the horse, in some inexplicable manner, has managed to enter the dining room unnoticed and is now standing calmly amidst us. Its large and majestic presence, juxtaposed against the coziness of our dining room, creates a surreal and almost dreamlike ambiance. Despite the unexpected nature of the situation, the horse seems at peace, and its gentle demeanor does not suggest any harm. I thought you would want to be informed of this unexpected and curious occurrence.
Another variation
Peter, as we sit here enjoying our meal, engaged in delightful conversation and savoring the delectable flavors, an extraordinary and utterly unexpected occurrence has taken place, transforming the tranquility of our cozy dining room into an otherworldly scene. To our astonishment, a majestic horse, of all things, has somehow found its way into our intimate space, its imposing presence juxtaposed against the warmth and familiarity of our surroundings.
However, as we take a closer look, our initial amazement gives way to concern. The horse appears to be injured, its movements slow and uncertain, and its vacant expression suggesting some sort of impairment. Although the situation is disorienting, there is a palpable sense of calmness emanating from the horse, and it poses no immediate danger to anyone in the room. It is in these unexpected moments that our empathy and compassion are put to the test, urging us to respond with care and consideration for the well-being of this magnificent creature.
Recognizing the importance of acknowledging this strange and fascinating occurrence, I felt it crucial to bring it to your attention. Together, we can approach this situation with sensitivity and ensure that we take appropriate steps to assist the horse or, at the very least, ensure that it is provided with the care it needs.
In the face of such an extraordinary event, it is essential that we remain calm and composed. Sudden movements or loud noises may startle the horse, potentially exacerbating its distress and leading to an undesirable outcome. Let us cultivate an atmosphere of tranquility, allowing the horse to acclimate to its surroundings without additional stress.
Before taking any action, it is prudent to assess the horse's condition from a safe distance. We must carefully observe any visible signs of injury or distress, taking note of its demeanor and behavior. However, we should exercise caution and refrain from attempting to approach or touch the horse without professional guidance. Injured animals can be unpredictable, and our well-intentioned efforts might unintentionally worsen its condition or place us in harm's way.
Given the complexity of the situation, it would be wise to contact local animal control or a nearby animal rescue organization promptly. These entities possess the necessary expertise and resources to handle such situations appropriately. They will be able to assess the horse's condition, provide the required medical care, and take the necessary steps to ensure its safety and well-being.
When reaching out for assistance, it would be beneficial to provide as much information as possible to the authorities or organization involved. Describing the horse's appearance, behavior, and any observations we have made regarding its injuries or impairment will aid them in understanding the situation comprehensively and responding effectively.
While awaiting professional assistance, it is crucial that we maintain a safe distance from the horse and continue to monitor its condition discreetly. This way, we can promptly relay any changes or signs of distress to the authorities, enabling them to make informed decisions and take appropriate action.
As we navigate this surreal and unexpected event, our actions must be driven by empathy and a genuine concern for the horse's well-being. By approaching the situation with caution and empathy, we can ensure that the appropriate measures are taken to provide the necessary care and attention to this remarkable animal.
Together, let us embrace this unprecedented occurrence and strive to facilitate a positive outcome for the horse, ensuring its safety and restoring the harmony of our cherished dining room.
When my son was 4 years old I took away his mattress and forced him to sleep on the floor every night.
If he did his chores, I closed his window.
If he got straight A's, I gave him a blanket.
If he got in a fight at school and won, I wouldn't force him to take his shower cold.
One day, he asked me,
"dad, why is that no matter how hard I work, I can't seem to earn a bed?"
I slapped him, first - every question carries a price - then responded,
"son, you can work as hard as you can in this world, it doesn't always mean you're going to get what you want."
Then I asked him,
"is there a bed in our house?"
He answered,
"yes, but it's yours, isn't it?"
I punched him again - for the question - then told him
"yes. If you want a bed, you need to fight me for it."
Our president is 80 years old.
The average age of our senate is 64 years old.
Young people expect the older generations to give them everything, they are never raised to fight for and take what they want, so they deserve nothing.
Waking up to my 7 year old with a blade held to my throat was the proudest I'd ever been.
As I slept on the floor, shivering that night in the cold (he also took my blanket and broke my window), I rested soundly, knowing I'd taught him well.
Here it comes yet again: "No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens"
You're Goddamn right I've just been copying and pasting this daily on multiple things. That's the fucking point you ignorant gun fucks. You can send me Reddit cares all you want or say "have an original thought" over and over. You're not getting the point (FYI, it's blocked so I don't get those lovely messages anymore, you will have to say it directly to me... Cowards).
Are we not tired of this? I sure as fuck am.
Now that I have your attention probably after seeing this post for hopefully multiple times I’d like to get something off my chest and personal soapbox today. Buckle up,
"The first girl I walked up to was crouched down covering her head in the bushes, so I felt for a pulse, pulled her head to the side and she had no face."
We live now in a country in which our children are randomly put to death in public, so that our congressmen can pose with weapons of war, by Right Wing Terrorists. We live in a country where the amount of stickers in the back of our lifted trucks equates to how many rounds of AR ammunition are stockpiled in our closet.
We live now in a country where we ban books, where we ban drag shows, where we ban doctors from helping kids in crisis, where we ban women from making choices with their bodies. We ban people from voting because some don’t like how they might vote, we ban representatives from state legislators for how they have voted, we ban immigrants, we ban some stem cells, and we ban transgender athletes, we even ban water bottles on planes.
BUT WE DO NOT BAN ASSAULT RIFLES ( or assault like or lite rifles as some ammosexuals like to point out) DO WE
Our children are randomly put to DEATH in public. Our Teachers, our friends. Our Family. Some of them just want to go and enjoy an afternoon at a mall together. Never to return. To protect somebody's right to randomly put another innocent person to death, once a month, once a week, once a day, once AN HOUR.
So now to boost the signal on some actual honest to god things that could be done about this never-ending nightmare?
For starters, the next generation is tired of this shit and is planning a sit-in at the capital on June 6th. Here is a relevant link:
https://twitter.com/joncoopertweets/status/1655293349245452289
And also this goes without saying this group has some amazing ideas:
https://www.sandyhookpromise.org/
And finally, Check out
https://www.everytown.org/
They’re pushing to end gun violence. The more people who make their voices heard the bigger difference we can make.
EDIT: It would seem that indeed some of them are not cowards and do actually have the guts to say what is really on their minds. Let's have a little look at one of the messages I received today..
"You are a disgrace, a worthless mass of flesh that doesn't deserve to be called a human being. I hope your account is banned and your IP blocked. You are what is wrong with America. Please find a dark crevasse and fall in."
WELL BOO HOO!
(Also this goes without saying thanks for the random awards, I'm sending all of that karma back to others right away to show how tired we all are of this. So please boost those as well. I'm also banned in a few conservative and gun subreddits for some strange reason so feel free to take this and use it however you so feel. This goes for Twitter, Facebook, and others as I won't set foot in that cesspool of social media).
The messages will REPEAT AD INFINITUM until something is done.
A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~
WHOA MAMA! HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA! BAZOOOOOOIING eyes bulge out of head and shoot forward at 120 mph AROOOOOOOOOOOOGA jaw drops to the floor, tongue rolls out a foot forward HAWT MAMA! punches self in face with boxing glove five times HOOLEY DOOLEY pulls on train whistle that has appeared beside head as steam blows out EEE-AW EEE-AW pulls out comically large carton of milk, drinks all of it spilling it everywhere GUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUH wolf whistle AROOOOOOOOOOO AROOOOOOOO tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart ARF ARF ARF ARF rubs ass on ground like dog WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF eyes turn into slot machine slots WOWZA! tapdancing sounds, running in a circle JEEPERS HEEPERS pants like dog, rips off pants, heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM slams fists on table rattling any silverware or plates DUUUUUUHHHH bashes own head with hammer 5 times BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK slams chair on table BWOOOAAGHHHH old-timey car horn sound, tongue straightens out like wooden board, eyes go out of skull and back in like paddleballs CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA fireworks shoot from top of head PHWOAARRR sniffs air loudly, nostrils become comically large HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKA sound of mouth harp as body is straightened out, floating a foot above the ground JEEZ LOUISE propeller spins on hat comically WOWEEE gets massive erection, tries to aggressively push it back down into pants OINKA OINKA pulls out massive drum, starts beating it excessively HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA jumps on table, smashes through table and ground, springs back upward at an incredible velocity HOOOLY MOOOOLY pupils fly away from eyes, eyes snap forward towards them OOOOOOH I'M DYYYYYYYYYYIIN' fucking dies, ghost goes out of corpse with a lyre, body pulls ghost back into body WHADDA DAAAAME starts foaming at the mouth HUUUUUUUURRRRRR furiously turns crank on machine that hits hands on table GRRRR BARK BARK BARK head unscrews and starts rotating BUH-DOOIIOIOIOING starts rattling like a jar of coins, suspended half a metre in the air DING DING DING DING DING DING starts bouncing up and down at a high speed, starts boiling like tea kettle and turning red HAAAHEEEEEE
(Jaw drops 😲 to the floor 😱. Eyes pop out 😵. Sound effect 📣 of, "🚨 AWOOOOGA 🚨 AWOOOOGA 🚨!!!!" Places eyes 😶 and jaw 👅 back in place 🤤. Regains 😤 composure 😌.) ... Eh hem 🕵️, you three 💁💁💁 look quite lovely 😍.
HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!
AUUUUGAA! HONKA HONKA! Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out accompanied by trumpets AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops, tongue rolls out, WOOF WOOF WOOF, heart beats out of chest, AWOOGA AWOOGA sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair, I take out a boxing glove and hit myself with it 17 times. Turns to the audience and say in 1930’s New York accent “HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!”
Ahem, you look very lovely
*jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.
