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To Everyone In My 8:30 Today I Was NOT masturbating!!!

    To Everyone In My 8:30 Today I Was NOT masturbating!!!
    byu/GoldFee8100 inWWU

    Part of a series of university/college copypasta that came from their respective subreddit and spread from there.

    so i was sitting in the back row of my lecture and i realized my fly was unzipped. I was trying to fix it up before anyone saw me. however, my zipper was caught in the boxers, and it wouldn't move no matter how hard i tugged. this was creating a commotion, and these 3 girls were starting to stare.

so, i started making grunting noises to indicate i was trying to fix my pants. however, it seemed like it made it worse because they started whispering and more people started to stare. so eventually i just gave up and walked out the room.

when i came back, everyone kept giving me weird looks. i am really sorry for today and i just wanted to clear the air.

    Response to “tickling my Willy”

      Tickling my willy copypasta
      Source
      Who the fuck is "tickling their willy" anyway? You're telling me you got like a comical-ass feather duster grazing the tip of your bellend, laying in bed kicking ur feet around and giggling like a schoolgirl, and that brings you to orgasm?

Ive got to obliterate my cock and balls when I jack off. There's enough lotion involved to turn the California Raisins back into grapes. I'm generating enough kinetic energy what with the violent back-n-forth of my left hand along the shaft of my dick to power a Ford F-150. The whole thing takes twenty minutes at least.

My nerve endings are frayed beyond repair. Neurological surgeons and micro-electricians alike have wept bitter tears of defeat trying to piece together the sensory receptors around my scorched Earth of a penis. How the fuck are you tickling yourself in 2024 the year of our Lord?

      Some Wagyu is so marbled, it’s like you’re looking at a cow made entirely out of butter

        Wagyu copypasta
        Source
        Some Wagyu is so marbled, it’s like you’re looking at a cow made entirely out of butter—Margarine Moos, if you will. These aren’t just your average cows; these are the Gummy Bear Cows, jiggling and slipping around the butchery like they’re made of pure jelly. You can practically see them wobbling on their squishy legs, just waiting for their gelatinous, melt-in-your-mouth harvest. Forget beef, you’re getting a bovine gelatin masterpiece. Squishy, jiggly, and ready to slide straight onto your plate

        PSA: People who still drink Starbucks in NYC are the worst

          PSA: People who still drink Starbucks in NYC are the worst
          byu/PsychologicalLack698 incirclejerknyc
          As a born and raised New Yorker, I don’t understand how anyone in NYC, the coffee capital of the world, still chooses Starbucks when we’re literally surrounded by the best independent coffee shops in the universe. Are you fucking kidding me bro?! There’s literally hand-poured, single-origin beans roasted by someone’s uncle in the back of a Brooklyn warehouse, and you’re gonna opt for a soulless corporate chain? How basic can you get?

Do you even care about supporting small businesses? Or do you just enjoy being a cog in the capitalist machine, getting your watered-down PSL with three pumps of sugar while pretending to live a “New York life”? And don’t get me started on the lack of creativity. “Oh, look at me, I’m holding a Starbucks cup, I’m soooo New York.” No, you’re not. You’re just lazy.

If you’re paying $6 for a cup of coffee, at least give it to the places where the baristas know your order AND your name. Seriously, go to any corner in Bushwick, the coffee shops have actual culture. Meanwhile, Starbucks’ “baristas” are misspelling your name on purpose.

EDIT: First time posting on circle jerk ny & I’m so proud of myself cause I really got a bunch of you thinking I’m dead serious. Using this as evidence for my claim that media literacy should be a required course before students graduate cause some of yall are dumb as hell lmaooo.

          Is That a JoJo Reference?

            iS tHAt a JoJo rEFerEncE?
            Every JoJo copypasta

            This is the original “IS THAT A MFING X REFERENCE???” which is about JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (JJBA) part 4.

            ‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 JOJO IS THE BEST FUCKING ANIME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 JOSUKE IS SO BADASSSSS 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊👊👊👊 ORAORAORAORAORALORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩 MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓But it was me, Dio‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
            ‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE‼️⁉️‼️⁉️⁉️⁉️‼️😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 JOJO IS THE BEST FUCKING ANIME🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯 JOSUKE IS SO BADASSSSS😎😎😎😎 ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA🫵🫵🫵🫵 MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA🤬🤬😡🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡 WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YO ANGELO 🗿YO ANGELO 🗿YO ANGELO 🗿YO ANGELO 🗿YO ANGELO 🗿 YARE YARE DAZE YARE YARE DAZE YARE YARE DAZE 🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙 NIGERUNDAYOOOOO 🏃🏃NIGERUNDAYO🏃 NIGERUNDAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO🏃🏃🏃NIGERUNDAYOOOOO 🏃🏃DORARARARARARARARARARARA🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢SHIZAAAAA✝️🪨🪨SHIZAAAAAAAAAAAA✝️✝️🪨🪨🪨🪨 KONO GIORNO GIOVANNA YUME GA ARU☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️MADE IN HEAVEN💿💿💿🌫️🌫️🌫️MADE IN HEAVEN💿💿💿🌫️🌫️🌫️BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN🪕🪕🪕BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN🪕🪕ZA WARUDO⛔⛔🕒🕒ZA WARUDO⛔⛔⛔✋✋✋ARIARIARIARIARIARIARIARI ARRIVEDERCI😎😎👋👋👋VOLAVOLAVOLAVOLAVOLAVOLAVOLAVOLA VOLARE VIA🌫️🌫️🛩️🛩️🛩️MY NAME IS KIRA YOSHIKAGE AND I LIVE IN THE NORTHEAST SECTION OF MORIOH🌇🌇🌇STAR PLATINUM⭐🌟😫😫😫🤯🤯

            This is a lighthouse. Your call.

              The lighthouse aka I'm a lighthouse copypasta

              The lighthouse joke/copypasta is a popular story between a self-entitled U.S. Navy aircraft carrier and a lighthouse. It has been proven to be fake by the Navy themselves and its a popular joke or tale dating all the way back to 1930s.

              ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."