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To be fair, you need to have a really high IQ to understand Dr.House

    Its the Rick and Morty copypasta but changed to House MD the TV show.

    To be fair, you need to have a really high IQ to understand the genius in Dr.House. The humour is extremely subtle and without a solid grasp of pathophysiology, most of the jokes go over the typical viewers head. There's also House's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Waiting for Godot, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny - they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Dr.House truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in House's existencial catchphrase "It's never lupus," which itself is a cryptic reference to Robbins and Cotran Pathologic Basis of Disease, I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Hugh lauries genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. ๐Ÿ˜‚ And yes by the way, I DO have a Dr.House tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the twink's eyes only - And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. 

    My friend has played Oblivion for 87 hours, is still level 4, refuses to fast travel, and thinks thatโ€™s completely normal

      My friend has played Oblivion for 87 hours, is still level 4, refuses to fast travel, and thinks thatโ€™s completely normal 
      
      My friend played Oblivion and basically tried to 100% the game before starting the main quest.
      
      He spent 12 real hours just in the tutorial dungeon because he wanted to test every weapon type and reach max Acrobatics by jumping everywhere before he saw sunlight.
      
      He finally steps out into the open world, and Iโ€™m like, โ€œSo did you go to Weynon Priory yet?โ€
      
      He goes: โ€œWhatโ€™s that?โ€
      
      โ€œYou know, the place where you take the Amulet of Kings at the start?โ€
      
      โ€œOh no, Iโ€™m not doing that yet. Iโ€™m still collecting Nirnroot. I need all 305.โ€
      
      I ask him how far he is in the Fighters Guild and he hits me with: โ€œOh, Iโ€™m not starting any guild until Iโ€™ve completed every single cityโ€™s local quests and built my own alchemy lab in every player home.โ€
      
      He also refuses to fast travel. Like at all. Heโ€™ll walk across Cyrodiil in real time, stopping to roleplay meals and sleep, and wonโ€™t enter any Ayleid ruins unless itโ€™s โ€œhistorically consistentโ€ for his characterโ€™s background.
      
      At one point, he told me he restarted the entire game because he accidentally used the wrong birthsign and it didnโ€™t match his headcanon.
      
      Oh, and heโ€™s still level 4โ€”but not because he skipped leveling. No, heโ€™s sleeping in 1-hour increments to micro-control his attribute gains and avoid โ€œinefficient stat growth.โ€
      
      He once spent two full in-game weeks training Speechcraft with beggars just so he could โ€œfeel more confidentโ€ asking guards for directions.
      
      Iโ€™m starting to think heโ€™s going to actually become the Champion of Cyrodiil in real life before he finishes the damn game.
      
      Am I wrong for losing my mind over this? Is it possible to play Oblivionโ€ฆ too right?

      Bubble Tea Day

        Happy โ˜บ๐Ÿ…ฑ National ๐Ÿฅณ BUBBLE ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ”ฎ ๐Ÿต TEA โ˜•โ˜• DAYโ€ผ๏ธ ๐Ÿ•› Time ๐Ÿ™Œ to SLURP ๐Ÿ’ฆ IT ๐Ÿ’ก UP ๐Ÿ“ˆ๐Ÿ˜‘ ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ like ๐Ÿ’– youโ€™ve ๐Ÿ˜ญ never done before ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ‘‰ โ€ผ๏ธ Grab ๐Ÿ…ฑ๐Ÿ‘ your favorite โคโค MILK ๐ŸŒŸ tea โ˜•โ“ and let's ๐Ÿ™†โœ‹ GET ๐Ÿ† BUBBLY ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ with ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‘ those nasty BOBA balls โšฝ๐Ÿ‘… ๐Ÿก๐Ÿก sliding ๐Ÿ down ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ‘‡ your throat ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘… like ๐Ÿ‘ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ SLOPPY DICK ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ† ๐Ÿ† ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜ You ๐Ÿ˜ know ๐Ÿ™‚โ“ the ๐Ÿšฆ best ๐Ÿ’ช part? ๐Ÿšœ Itโ€™s โœ‹๐Ÿ not ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ just ๐Ÿ‘ค the DRINK ๐Ÿšฑ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿน but โ˜น the way ๐Ÿ‘จโœ‹ it makes you feel ๐Ÿ˜Œ ALL ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘ฆ WARM INSIDE ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’ฆ Send ๐Ÿ“จ๐Ÿ“จ this ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ‘ˆ to โžก๐Ÿ’ฉ 10 ๐Ÿ‘ SEXXY bubble ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ”ฎ tea ๐Ÿฎ lovers ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ“ฃ in โœ” the next โฉ 15 ๐Ÿ“ฌ seconds โฐ or ๐Ÿ† youโ€™ll ๐Ÿ‘ง be ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ left ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿ’ with nothing ๐Ÿ’ฆ but ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ an ๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ˜† EMPTY ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ“ฆ CUP ๐Ÿฅ› ๐Ÿฅค๐Ÿ˜ฑ If ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ…ฑ you โค get FIVE back, ๐Ÿ›‘ youโ€™re about ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐ŸŒˆ to ๐ŸŒˆ have โœŠ a SUPER STICKY โ˜˜ date ๐Ÿ’ with ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜ฒ a ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ฐ MILKY BOBA BABY thatโ€™ll ๐Ÿ‘… have you popping ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽˆ ๐Ÿก๐Ÿก and ๐Ÿ’ฆ moaning ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ’ฆ all night ๐Ÿ˜ด LONGโ€ผ๏ธ ๐Ÿ“

        May Day

          Today ๐Ÿ“…๐Ÿ“…๐Ÿ“… is MAY DAY ๐Ÿ‘ทโ—๏ธโ—๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ท Most people ๐Ÿ‘ฅ๐Ÿ‘ฅ are forced to work ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ’ป for PROFIT ๐Ÿ’ฒ๐Ÿ’น๐Ÿ’น๐Ÿง but I would work ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ’ป for YOU ๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ง because YOU'RE MY COMRADE ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿ’‚โ—๏ธโ—๏ธ Send ๐Ÿ“จ๐Ÿ“ง to 5 comrades who appreciate ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ‘ your LABOR ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ”ง or be EXPLOITED ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿšจ๐Ÿš“ by the BOURGEOISIE ๐Ÿšฌ๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ’ธโ—๏ธ
          HEY BAE ๐Ÿ’‹๐ŸฅฐITS MAY DAY ๐Ÿฅต๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ› ๏ธtoday ๐Ÿ—“๏ธwe celebrate๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ the return ๐Ÿ”„of FERTILE๐Ÿชบ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ spring๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒป๐Ÿชท๐Ÿชป and look ๐Ÿ‘€ahead โžก๏ธto the HOT ๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅWET ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆSUMMER ๐Ÿ˜Žโ˜€๏ธ๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ‘™๐Ÿ•ถ๏ธ๐Ÿงด๐Ÿงด๐Ÿ’ฆbut more importantly โ€ผ๏ธtoday ๐Ÿ—“๏ธwe celebrate๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ WERKERS ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿ› ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผmay day๐Ÿ’‹ is a WERKers ๐Ÿ’•โœจ๐Ÿฅตholiday ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰we celebrate ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿฅณthose DIRTY COMMIES ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿซฆ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ› ๏ธwho fought๐Ÿคบ๐Ÿคบ for labor rights ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅand gave us ๐Ÿคฒ๐Ÿผ 8๏ธโƒฃ-hour WERK ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’ฆdays ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผso we donโ€™t ๐Ÿ™‚โ€โ†”๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚โ€โ†”๏ธhave to CLOCK ๐Ÿ•ฐ๏ธ in at the BOOTS ๐Ÿ‘ข๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅfactory ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ˜ซ ALL SLAY LONG ๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿซฆ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆโœจโœจโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธand have no energy ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ˜ชto gag ๐Ÿ’„๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ’ฆat the end ๐ŸŽฌso today ๐Ÿ—“๏ธmake sure ๐Ÿ™‚โ€โ†•๏ธto SCROLL ON UR PHONE ๐Ÿ“ฒ๐Ÿ“ณ๐Ÿ™‚โ€โ†•๏ธโœจโœจ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•HALFASS A TASK ๐Ÿ™‚โ€โ†•๏ธ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿซฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆand SHIT ON COMPANY TIME๐Ÿ™‚โ€โ†•๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿšฝโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธ HAPPY BAE DAY MAY DAY๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ๐Ÿซฆโœจโœจโœจ๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿฅต
          TWERKERS ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ‘ทof the world ๐ŸŒescape from your BONDAGE โ›“๏ธ๐ŸชขToday ๐Ÿ“…๐Ÿ“…๐Ÿ“… is MAY DAY ๐Ÿ‘ทโ—๏ธโ—๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ท Most people ๐Ÿ‘ฅ๐Ÿ‘ฅ are forced to work ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ’ป for BOSS DADDY who steals all the CUMMIES ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ’ฒ๐Ÿ’น๐Ÿ’น๐Ÿง of their labor but I would work ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ’ป for YOU ๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ง because YOUโ€™RE MY CUMRADE ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿ’‚โ—๏ธโ—๏ธ TODAY is the day to JOIN your working clASS ๐Ÿ‘UNION ๐Ÿ‘ญand fight for your right to the fruits ๐ŸŽ of your LABEWHORE ๐Ÿ”จ. Send ๐Ÿ“จ๐Ÿ“ง to 10 AnarcHO FEMENISTS ๐Ÿ‘ฏโ€โ™€๏ธwho appreciate ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ‘ your LABOR ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ”ง or be EXPLOITED ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿšจ๐Ÿš“ by the BOURGEOISIE ๐Ÿšฌ๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ’ธ If you get 0๏ธโƒฃ back you are a BOOT ๐Ÿ‘ข licking scab ๐Ÿฉน. If you get 5๏ธโƒฃback you are a SEXY ๐Ÿ†CUMMUNIST ๐ŸŽ…. If you get ๐Ÿ”Ÿ back you are a BOMB BUSSY ๐Ÿ’ฃ throwing ANARCHO-sHOcialist! โš’๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ†
          ๐ŸŽŠ ๐Ÿฅณ Happy May Dayโ€ผ๏ธ ๐Ÿฅณ ๐ŸŽŠ aka International ๐ŸŒŽ WERKers ๐Ÿ’… Day ๐Ÿ“†! Let's recognize ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ…๐Ÿ™ the HARD ๐Ÿ’Ž working ๐Ÿ’ช ๐Ÿ› ๏ธ ๐Ÿ”ฅ people who keep our CUMunities ๐Ÿซ‚๐Ÿค running ๐Ÿƒโ€โ™€๏ธ. The ๐Ÿคข ๐Ÿคฎ bosses ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Ž want to SCREW us ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ˜ญ but we won't ๐Ÿšซ let it CUNTinue.๐Ÿ‘ฟBOSS MAKES A DOLLAR ๐Ÿ’ต ๐Ÿ’ฐ I MAKE A DIME ๐Ÿช™ THAT'S WHY I JERK IT ๐Ÿ†โœŠ ON COMPANY TIME โŒšโ€ผ๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฅSo whether ๐Ÿซต you ๐Ÿซตare a CUMmunist ๐Ÿ˜ณ a sociaLICKS ๐Ÿ‘…an anarKISSED ๐Ÿ˜˜ or just an unfulFILLEd ๐Ÿ’ฆ worker ๐Ÿ› ๏ธ let's fly that red flag ๐Ÿšฉ๐ŸŒน๐Ÿด of freeDOM and tell ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ the ๐Ÿคฎ boss ๐Ÿ˜ก to GO FUCK HIMSELF ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿ–•โ€ผ๏ธ Send ๐Ÿ’Œ ๐Ÿ“ฌ this to 1๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ of your ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿซถ work ๐Ÿ‘ท๐Ÿ‘ฅ besties ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ‘ฏ who are THIRSTY ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿคค for a STRIKE โœ‹ ๐Ÿ‘ and say ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ๐Ÿ“ข it's time โŒ›โฐโฑ๏ธ to ORGYnize!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅด๐Ÿค
          
          ๐Ÿซก SolidarTIDDY forever โœŠ
          HAPPY ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜ MAY ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ“… DAY ๐Ÿ˜ฉโค you dirty filthy SLUTS!!!! Today ๐Ÿ“† is ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ˜ฉ MAAAAAAAY POOOOLE day ๐Ÿป aAaaahhhhh so โ˜ ๐Ÿ’ฏ letโ€™s get ๐ŸŒ our ho ๐Ÿ˜˜ ๏ธjos some ๐Ÿ‘จ HOE-STICKS ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ and dance around ๐Ÿ•ฅโœˆ the ๐Ÿค”๐ŸŒŽ maypole until ๐Ÿ•›๐Ÿ’ฆ we ๐Ÿ‘จ๐ŸšŸ POPP-L and PEE ๐Ÿšฐ on ๐Ÿ‘‡ the ๐Ÿฝ grass now ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ•’ if ๐Ÿฟ you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿ‘† be good ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜‡ little ๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ˜ผ girls and โž•๐Ÿ’ฐ boys ๐Ÿป you can ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ’ฆ go pick some ๐Ÿ’ฏ flowers ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒบ to ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ”ง give daddy ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ™ˆ tonight ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ด but ๐Ÿ™… if ๐Ÿ…ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฆ you โ™‚๐Ÿ™ are a whorish SLUTTY ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ‘ then ๐Ÿ”™ daddy will ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ™ˆ beat ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š YOURSELF ๐Ÿ˜ until he bleeds ๐Ÿคซon ๐Ÿ’ก๐Ÿ’ฐ his ๐Ÿ’ฆ tree ๐Ÿ‘ ๐ŸŒฒ Send this to 10 other ๐Ÿ™Œ slutty ๐Ÿ’ง maidens if ๐Ÿ‘ you get 5 back,you have ๐Ÿ˜’ rotten STINKING ass ๐Ÿ‘ pussy ๐Ÿฑ and ๐Ÿ‡ will ๐Ÿ˜ฌ not find true ๐Ÿ†๐ŸŒˆ love ๐Ÿ˜‡ until death parts you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ from ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ’ฐ your โ˜ shitty ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ stank ass ๐Ÿ‘ pussy if ๐Ÿ‘ if ๐Ÿ‘‰ 10 ๐Ÿ”ณ or ๐Ÿ’ more โž• get ๐Ÿ™Œ back? ๐Ÿ˜Œ Then ๐Ÿ†โ“ your HOEJOS are ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿƒ legendary! ๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž Get โ™€๐Ÿ˜ฉ ready ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ค for ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ฅ some maypole action cause ๐Ÿ˜ฎ the โฌ†๐Ÿ‘‘ only thing โ›„๐Ÿ‘Œ this ๐ŸŽ„โ™‚ pole ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ is ๐Ÿ™… good ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜Œ for ๐Ÿ˜Ž is fucking!! ๐Ÿ‘‰ 

          So we’re done like frfr? ๐Ÿ˜ข From cream pie to getting no reply ๐Ÿซ  From swallow to unfollow ๐Ÿ˜” From giving me head to leaving me on read ๐Ÿ’”

            So we're done like frfr? ๐Ÿ˜ข From cream pie to getting no reply ๐Ÿซ  From swallow to unfollow ๐Ÿ˜” From giving me head to leaving me on read ๐Ÿ’” How do you easily go from licking my balls to not taking my calls??? ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ 

            Extended cut

            So we're done like frfr? ๐Ÿ˜ข From cream pie to getting no reply ๐Ÿซ  From swallow to unfollow ๐Ÿ˜” From giving me head to leaving me on read ๐Ÿ’” From licking my balls to not taking my calls? ๐Ÿ˜ญ From hawk tuah to block tuah ๐Ÿฅ€ From suckin my cock to giving me a block ๐Ÿ˜ข From up the ass to a hard pass ๐Ÿ’” From doin' dat spit to not giving a shit ๐Ÿ˜ข From making you moan to leaving me alone ๐Ÿฅ€ I came, and eventually never knew my name.
            From doin' dat spit to not giving a shit 
            From hawk tuah to block tuah ๐Ÿฅ€
            From suckin my cock to giving me a block
            from up the ass to a hard pass
            Making you moan to leaving me alone ๐Ÿฅ€
            I came, and eventually never knew my name.

            It cannot be understated that normies are not people, they are cattle. Their opinions do not matter, they arenโ€™t real.

              It cannot be understated that normies are not people, they are cattle. Their opinions do not matter, they arenโ€™t real. Everything they believe is just parroting the slop that gets force fed to them from institutional astroturfing.
              
              Nobody actually likes Sabrina Carpenter. 
              Nobody actually likes Taylor Swift. 
              Nobody actually likes Spotify sponsored playlists and Top 40 radio tier slop.
              
              All of these basic bitch mocha frappuccino lifestyle surface level preferences are the result of taking the disposable livestock 80% of the population horde and placing them in front of a little box that tells them what to think every single week.
              
              There is a required number of instances in which an individual gets exposed to a meme, idea, or aesthetic before they adopt it as their own. The less intelligent or sentient the individual, the smaller their number becomes. The most basic level of โ€œpersonโ€ is at roughly 3-5 incidents of exposure before they decide they โ€œlikeโ€ something. 
              
              Thereโ€™s another number which defines their willingness to express their โ€œopinionโ€ to others. This number is how many other peers have expressed their approval of any particular thing. The lower the level of autonomy an individual has, the higher that number must be before they can comfortably risk judgement.
              
              Sometimes something is so basic, forced, and saturated that its comparative mediocrity creates a beacon by which to anchor statistical certainty when determining whether that things purveyors are actually human beings or not.
              
              Sabrina Carpenter is like a North Star which can be used to navigate whether or not a woman is sentient. If she likes Sabrina Carpenter beyond any bare mild enjoyment of formulaic pop slop, but rather to the point of being a Sabrinastan or expressing vocally how much she โ€œateโ€ and or how Sabrina has her โ€œgaggedโ€ then you can safely write her off as a nonperson.
              
              Sabrina Carpenter fans are not people. They are not even NPCs, theyโ€™re white noise. They are 2D holograms looping 5 second animations of standing up and cheering before sitting down again. They are vague 16 pixel blobs to be dispersed into a crowd of thousands, millions. 
              
              The existence of nonpeople serves to being an accoutrement to your life as background noise. When you interact with them, the sounds that come out of their mouth are generated by scripts. Their vocabulary consists of 200 words, farts, burps, and heavy breathing. Their emotions are a vague thin spectrum of discomforts and satisfactions. They see less colors than you can. Their understanding of the world extends to 2 mile radii before they have panic attacks.
              
              When youโ€™re friends with a nonperson, they have to do calculus in their heads on whether to respond to your messages. When you sleep with a nonperson, itโ€™s somehow more debasing than just masturbating. When you reproduce with a nonperson, you play roulette with God on whether your children have consciousness. When a nonperson dies, absolutely nothing changes in the world.
              
              Watching someone argue about Sabrina Carpenterโ€™s capacity for playing a Disney Princess is like sticking my head in a toilet bowl to listen to the water cooler gossip between the bacteria in a fresh shit I just took.