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I have this anti-sodomy device that I “wear” at all times, especially in the city. It’s a telescoping steel cylinder with a silicone “faux-sphincter”

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    This is scary, for sure, for sure, especially if you didn't grow up like this. But when you grow up where I grew up, you learn to defend yourself.

It's scary to admit, but yes, I've had to ward off robber, muggers, and many would be sexual assaulters and it's in the shaky aftermath of times like those where I appreciate all the time and effort I've put into my self-defense preparations.

You see, I have this anti-sodomy device that I "wear" at all times, especially in the city. It's a telescoping steel cylinder with a silicone "faux-sphincter", and an inviting one at that. The idea is simple. When I'm accosted by a particularly ravenous sort, I preemptively pull down my trousers (or simply unzip the butt flap as is the case on Saturday nights) and present myself to them.

This is to "cut to the chase", so to speak, and avoid any punches or cross chops to my face. In the dim light of the city night, that "faux-sphincter" looks just like a real one, and an inviting one at that. Here's where my training pays off. There's a brief moment of discomfort as the sexual assaulter, or I guess you can call them a rapist, ram jams their beefy beef into my anti-sodomy device. They think they've pulled one over on me, but that's where they're wrong.

You see the telescoping steel cylinder is driven back, forcefully, acting as a firing pin, until it collides with an explosive charge very much like a shotgun shell. That silicone "faux-sphincter" becomes the projectile, and with the amount of zesto peppo I pack in my shotgun ass, that rapist's dick is blown clean off, often resulting in enough blood loss to kill them as a dick wound like that is almost always impossible, for even the most skilled surgeons, to close up properly (I've seen them try).

The only penetration I truly suffer is that of a hot, smoking gun barrel, and I rather like that feeling if that's not too deviant to admit.

    Do NOT face Allah alone when Astral projecting

      The original ‘Do NOT Allah face alone when Astral projecting’ was first posted on Reddit’s r/BewitchTheTaliban and then reposted to the copypasta subreddit. This was during the height of Valorant’s popularity with its newest agent Astra having the ability to go into Astral form and during Covid lockdown so it became a meme pretty quickly.

      Today while astral projecting I summoned allah to try and weaken him so our hexing spells would work better.

He is so fucking powerful. I'm not at a power level to do this alone. I barely escaped with my life and I'm spiritually injured to a great amount, but I think I'll make it.

I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting witch. I'm scared that I will have to face him again soon if I ever want to continue astral projecting. I'm currently burning healing incense and drawing spiritual energy from my crystals to try and heal as quickly as possible.

Please be safe everyone. Allah is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together if we want to slay a god.

      Do NOT face Mitch McConnell alone when Astral projecting

      Do NOT face Mitch McConnell alone when Astral projecting

Today while astral projecting I summoned Mitch McConnell to try and weaken him so our hexing spells would work better.

He is so fucking powerful. I'm not at a power level to do this alone. I barely escaped with my life and I'm spiritually injured to a great amount, but I think I'll make it.

I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting witch. I'm scared that I will have to face him again soon if I ever want to continue astral projecting. I'm currently burning healing incense and drawing spiritual energy from my crystals to try and heal as quickly as possible.

Please be safe everyone. Mitch McConnell is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together if we want to slay Mitch McConnell.

      You all think you have great ideas for Pokemon games, but if I actually listened to all of you

        Its a fake quote by Satoshi Tajiri and is intended as a satirical forum and Reddit post poking fun at fan demands, rather than a real statement from the Pokémon creator or Game Freak.

        "You all think you have great ideas for Pokemon games, but if I actually listened to all of you and we combined all of your ideas in a game, it would be an unplayable monstrosity. You want a game with all the regions, but only the first generation Pokemons, yet all the legendary ones and such silly things. Whenever I receive one of these rants, I go to the development floor and read it out loud to all the Game Freak employees in a mocking voice, and we all laugh at you."

-Satoshi Tajiri, Creator of Pokemon

        All my bank accounts has been frozen after donating to Hezbollah

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          A Redditor in UK was seeking legal advice after having his bank account frozen for donating to a terrorist group. He was arguing with everyone about whether or not the law is fair and that whether Hezbollah should be considered as a terrorist org by the UK government.

          > All my bank accounts has been frozen and none of my banks are telling me why

> As far as I'm aware, the organisation I used to work with was not a proscribed organisation until 2019. What'a funny is that it was a political decision, not a decision of national security. I provided financial aid to deal with the crisis in Beirut and now they have frozen my accounts? Is this illegal and if so how can I pay for my solicitor if I can't access my bank account?

> You used to work with Hezbollah, and then you sent them or a closely affiliated organisation funds from your UK bank account? You could quite possibly have violated the Terrorism Act 2000; in this case, the police will be in contact soon.

> There is a DISTINCTION between the military wing and the political wing of the organisation.

> It's worth noting that Hezbollah themselves deny distinction between its military and political wings.

> See: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/proscribed-terror-groups-or-organisations--2 on page 14.

> This quote from Hezbollah's second in command Naim Qassem:

> “All political, social and jihad work is tied to the decisions of this leadership,” he said. “The same leadership that directs the parliamentary and government work also leads jihad actions in the struggle against Israel.”

> Source: https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2009-apr-13-fg-lebanon-hezbollah13-story.html

> So it seems even Hezbollah don't agree they aren't terrorists.

> Imperialist paper

> Are you denying that that was a real quote...?

          AKIRA – Kaneda’s Theme video description

            Its an unhinged video description for ‘AKIRA – Kaneda’s Theme‘ on Youtube that shows the uploader descent into madness after getting screwed over YT’s copyright system.

            I bought the DVD back in 2018 and got the idea to edit some of the OST in the film a short Music Video. 
Copied the file and edited it on my FREE Da Vinci Resolve 16 Editing Software.
I really don't fucking care if I got demonetized, really, I'm not even here to make money, 
This is my second channel anyway so go ahead claim my fucking video,
Make money off of this or whatever the fuck you usually do to even ORIGINAL content creators, 
Just don't fucking remove this video from your half-asses copyright detector bullshit. 
Like it's a 1988 Film it's just ridiculous, 
Even the Romeo and Juliet copycats play that was initially made in the 1500s  could get their own copyright. 
How the fuck can't I get a Fair-Use excuse?
Anyway, personally, I don't believe this shit really gets brought up in the US Courts I mean come on, 
I'm halfway across the fucking continent. What the fuck are you going to do if it were somehow proven to violate the copyright law? 
Delete my channel? I could get another one. 
Send US Marines across the ocean just to imprison a fucking boy who just uploaded a fucking video on youtube? 
Get a grip on yourselves you fucking clowns. 
I REALLY, don't need to provide my "Rationale" excuses for your bitch-ass conglomerate sissies, 
In fact, it should be you whom I should question your rationality. Are you really going to remove this fucking video? 
Less than 5 minutes Music Video with no bloody fucking view made by yet another insignificant person in your whole fucking Scamming Empire? 
Think about it will you? and uhh, while you're at it
I must go to take care of some BUSINESS, 
Because unlike YOU what so-called HUMAN who claimed to have a full-time JOB, 
My profession actually provides a REAL impact on the society of which you live in, 
Of which people that served you on the McDonald Drive Thru,
Of which people that sent your package you bought online,
And of which of those people that working their asses off during this Global-Fucking-Pandemic. 
So here's my conclusion in case you have a short attention span,
(Assuming you have one to begin with. [which is very fucking unlikely.])
FUCK YOU, Yeah? FUCK YOU. And your fucking Copyright System, Policies, your MONEY-MAKER PUPPETS those called themselves "CREATORS" 
With their Perfectly-Crafted-Informative-Totally-Not-A-Clickbait Videos that YOU COUSIN-FUCKERS put your AD on.
(So you can make money off of that Hell-Hot Fucking GARBAGE, ain't you sneaky BASTARDS.)
FUCK YOU. Your whole, FUCKING, Empire. Fuck. you.
            I bought the DVD back in 2018 and got the idea to edit some of the OST in the film a short Music Video. Copied the file and edited it on my FREE Da Vinci Resolve 16 Editing Software. I really don't fucking care if I got demonetized, really, I'm not even here to make money, This is my second channel anyway so go ahead claim my fucking video, Make money off of this or whatever the fuck you usually do to even ORIGINAL content creators, Just don't fucking remove this video from your half-asses copyright detector bullshit. Like it's a 1988 Film it's just ridiculous, Even the Romeo and Juliet copycats play that was initially made in the 1500s could get their own copyright. How the fuck can't I get a Fair-Use excuse? Anyway, personally, I don't believe this shit really gets brought up in the US Courts I mean come on, I'm halfway across the fucking continent. What the fuck are you going to do if it were somehow proven to violate the copyright law? Delete my channel? I could get another one. Send US Marines across the ocean just to imprison a fucking boy who just uploaded a fucking video on youtube? Get a grip on yourselves you fucking clowns. I REALLY, don't need to provide my "Rationale" excuses for your bitch-ass conglomerate sissies, In fact, it should be you whom I should question your rationality. Are you really going to remove this fucking video? Less than 5 minutes Music Video with no bloody fucking view made by yet another insignificant person in your whole fucking Scamming Empire? Think about it will you? and uhh, while you're at it I must go to take care of some BUSINESS, Because unlike YOU what so-called HUMAN who claimed to have a full-time JOB, My profession actually provides a REAL impact on the society of which you live in, Of which people that served you on the McDonald Drive Thru, Of which people that sent your package you bought online, And of which of those people that working their asses off during this Global-Fucking-Pandemic. So here's my conclusion in case you have a short attention span, (Assuming you have one to begin with. [which is very fucking unlikely.]) FUCK YOU, Yeah? FUCK YOU. And your fucking Copyright System, Policies, your MONEY-MAKER PUPPETS those called themselves "CREATORS" With their Perfectly-Crafted-Informative-Totally-Not-A-Clickbait Videos that YOU COUSIN-FUCKERS put your AD on. (So you can make money off of that Hell-Hot Fucking GARBAGE, ain't you sneaky BASTARDS.) FUCK YOU. Your whole, FUCKING, Empire. Fuck. you.

            What the fuck did you just fucking say about Persona 3, you little shit?

              Its the Navy Seals copypasta but changed to someone who specifically loves Persona 3.

              What the fuck did you just fucking say about Persona 3, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Postmodern Japanese Literature, and Ive been involved in numerous youtube video essays, and Persona 3 has over 4 million confirmed sales. Persona 3 is a certified youngian classic and is the top entery in the playstation jrpg cannon. You are nothing to me but just another larper. I will wipe you the fuck out with quote tweets the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am writing a 300 page response detailing Strega's importance to the narrative and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking cancelled, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can analyse Persona 3's story in over seven hundred ways, and thats just the ps2 release. Not only am I extensively educated in Japanese folklore, but I have access to the entire database of the fandom wiki and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.