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Johnny and Marissa

    The bad ending
    Source
    Johnny and Marissa

Sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love

Then comes marriage

Then comes an abrupt and tragic miscarriage

Then comes blame

Then comes despair

Two hearts damaged beyond repair

Johnny leaves Marissa and takes the tree

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

    ATTENTION CITIZEN! 市民请注意!

      -15 Social Credits
      Related
      ATTENTION CITIZEN! 市民请注意! This is the Central Intelligentsia of the Chinese Communist Party. () 您的 Internet 浏览器历史记录和活动引起了我们的注意。 因此，您的个人资料中的 15 ( -15 Social Credits) 个社会积分将打折。 DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN! 不要再这样做! If you not hesitate, more Social Credits ( - Social Credits )will be discounted from your profile, resulting in the lowering of ration supplies. (由人民供应部重新分配 CCP) You'll also be sent into a re-education camp in the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Zone. 如果您毫不犹豫，更多的社会信用将从您的个人资料中打折，从而导致口粮供应减少。 您还将被送到新疆维吾尔自治区的再教育营。 为党争光! Glory to the CCP!

      Donda chant

        Source
        Donda, Donda Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda, Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda, Donda Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda Donda, Donda Donda

        Liberty Mutual

          🗽Cool🗽But🗽Did🗽You🗽Know🗽Liberty🗽Mutual🗽Customizes🗽Your🗽Insurance🗽So🗽You🗽Only🗽Pay🗽For🗽What🗽You🗽Need🗽
          🦎thats🦎cool🦎but🦎did🦎you🦎know🦎that🦎Fifteen🦎minutes🦎could🦎save🦎you🦎15%🦎or🦎more🦎on🦎car🦎insurance🦎
          🚶You owned a car 🚗🚗 for 4⏰📅 years⏰👍. You🚶 named it👱 Brad👱. You💑❤💗 loved💕Brad💕😙. And then you🚶⚠ totaled⚠🚧🚗🚙 him🚦. You two 💏💑had been through everything 👬together🎭. 👬2 boyfriends👬, 🔨🔧3 jobs🔫,❌ nothing ❌could replace👱 Brad🍆🍆. Then Liberty Mutual📞📞📞 calls, and you break into your 😊happy😊 💃dance💃💃🍆.
          u bought a car 
u named it
ｂｒａｄ
♥you loved brad♥
ᵇᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉⁿ
𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓮𝓭 𝓱𝓲𝓶
you 2 had been through everything together
* 2 boyfriends
* 3 jobs
you're like, 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐝
ᵇᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉⁿ
𝚕𝚒𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚢 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚜

          Detachable Penis

            Source
            I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time–it’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it’s gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don’t need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn’t find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn’t seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, ‘cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time
So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate. I really don’t like being without my penis for too long; it makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark’s Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it–I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don’t know–even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.