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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

I asked a guy if he knew about Pokémon today, and he proceed to list off all of the 151 original Pokémon

    I’m a Pokémon master. 😎
    I smirked “That’s it? Ha! gen wunner” Instantly all of the air was sucked out of his lungs. I laughed, and proceeded to name all 802 Pokemon, what levels they evolve at, when they learn all of their moves, what all of the moves do, every Pokédex entry and their current most meta smogon build. With every new fact his body decomposed at a faster and faster rate, until he was nothing more than a pound of dirt. But I was not feeling merciful that day. I used a max revive on him, and proceeded to cause every one of not only his bones, but everyone within 18 generations of him’s bones to dissolve into a fine powder (including mine) He begged me to stop but I kept going. I recounted every piece of rule 34 Pokemon art to date, along with its exact time of creation and what specific fetishes it appeals to, no matter how niche. I then proceeded to jerk off to each and every one right there in front of him. So yeah I guess you could say I’m a Pokémon master. 😎

    That’s what it’s like being the CEO of facebook.

      I AM THE CEO OF FB
      Today Priscilla and I stopped by some local newspapers as we drove through Alabama. One editor I met with was an elderly man in a tattered suit. I said to him, "You look like you need some money, old timer. I'll pay you 10 thousand dollars to eat one of those newspapers." He had a good laugh at that. "Why are you laughing?" I continued. "Eat the paper. Eat it or I swear to god I'll buy your newspaper and turn it into an anime fanzine. If you don't start munching on that sport section right now, you'll be writing articles about Naruto till you're cold in the grave. I'm a billionaire, you think anyone will stop me?" It took him 42 minutes to eat that paper. For 42 minutes I had total power over that man. I'd never felt more alive. That's what it's like being the CEO of facebook.

      Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus.

        Thank you for supporting my walrus dream
        Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walri. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. Thank you all.

        Steve Harvey be like

          Steve Harvey be like
          Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" Contestant: "The penis" SH: "A WUH... HUH??" audience erupts into laughter Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself laughter gets even louder SH: O lordy... one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard SH: YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself SH: (putting on a weary voice) Survey says... the board shows 100 for "penis" Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

          So there’s a chick in my class I like

            You'll face your worst nightmare
            So there's a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our felow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her 'big and though' boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. "Go ahead" I say. The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?" Instantly the gang-banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I don't smile because I was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmare

            When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15

              To be fair...
              When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15. My classmates used to harass me for not being that smart. But since 2013, my life has changed. My IQ is now 195 and it increases by 5 every time I sit down on Saturday nights to watch this one show. It is called Rick and Morty. Because of that, I get all the girls and people are always comparing me to Albert Einstein, some even say that I am the cure for cancer. When the government found out that I watch Rick and Morty, they showed up to my residence and took me to a secret facility to take an exam. The exam was about explaining all the jokes in Rick and Morty and I had to answer each question in all currently spoken languages. Since I watched Rick and Morty, I didn't have any problems and I completed it in 30 minutes. The next day, I got to see the results and I passed the exam with a score of 100%. They gave me the title "Smartest Man in Existence". Guess I am out of this world.