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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Doofenshmirtz Inc theme plays:

    "Ahhh Perry the platypus, I see you have fallen right into my trap!" Perry gets tied up on a wall, and leather wraps around his body tighter than an a boa constricter. Doofenshmirtz walks over slowly, his cock pressed hard against his pants. "Perry, my plan this time, is too punish you for foiling all my other plans." Perry shivers and shakes as Doofenshmirtz pulls out a bullwhip and walks up to Perry. "Get ready, Perry. It's time for you to become a true secret agent...man..." Doofenshmirtz hits him with the whip. Perry moans and his teeth chatter. Doofenshmirtz cums immediately, Perry notices and starts to jerk off his little Playpus dick.

    #NOPOOPCHALLENGE

      I just had the most immense, gigantic, catastrophic bowel movement while I was in the shower and started wiping a bit 😩 💦. SO WHAT I DID WAS I TURNED THE CRANK TO ICE COLD, GRABBED THE SHOWER HEAD, THEN FREEZED MY BALLS FOR ALMOST SLIPPING UP 😡. Furthermore, I retained my skid mark and will now proceed to work out.

Edit: I prolapsed after.... I am a fool. I will improve.

      I CURED HOMOSEXUALITY!

        I cured my son of the Big Gay. The other day, he came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her (and maybe MEAT her after my son fell asleep hehe), but imagine my horror when it turned out to be another man.

I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am. Zander and I are in love."

Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say no homo."

But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually, dad, I AM a homosexual. That's right, your son is in love with another man." Then my son grabbed Zander's hand and looked at me defiantly.

For a second, I was utterly devastated. But then I thought to myself What would Trump do? So I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes (no homo), and said, "But that's gay."

As soon as I uttered those fateful words, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head. Zander tried to help him, but I pushed that dainty little queer away with my heteronormative strength.

After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of my homosexuality." Then, with manly tears of joy in his eyes, he pointed to Zander and exclaimed, "Let's get that homo!"

After we wiped Zander's blood off our hands and threw the little fairy into the cold, my son and I sat down with a beer and watched some football.

As we watched, my son turned to me and said, "Dad, I love you. No homo."

"No homo indeed, son," I replied. "No homo indeed."

        Americans are immune to bullet wounds.

          In America, we’ve all been shot so many times, that most of us have built up an immunity to bullet wounds. It’s now hereditary, actually, because only people who can survive being shot live long enough to reproduce. Natural selection and all that. Some Americans have built up an immunity so high that they can easily walk way from a direct hit from a cannon ball. These individuals are considered “real, red blooded, Americans” and receive a certificate of authentication.

This is also where the phrase “come and take it” comes from. A group of Americans endured a volley of cannon fire and they managed to catch 95% of the balls shot. They then hoisted the cannon balls into the air and taunted the invading army by encouraging them to come retrieve their ammunition and try again.

          Ok hear me out here’s why I kissed that person in an Isabella costume

            Yes it was weird, but I have an explanation for this that I hope will be satisfactory. As you can see I was mostly looking at my phone, so it didn't occur to me that she was dizzy and probably didn't know where she was going. I thought she was just trying to interact with me like a mascot costume person at a sporting event. In my experience they usually get a little mad if you don't interact back, so I normally give them a hug. I tried to give her a hug, as you can see by my arm at the end of the video, but I realized that if I gave her a hug I could very likely rip the head clean off. I panicked at this realization and opted for a forehead kiss instead. It absolutely was not planned.

I'd also like to point out that this all happened over the course of about half a second, I had no idea she was walking towards me until I turned my head. The Nintendo employee with her didn't seem very upset at me and kinda laughed, she was the person saying "You're precious, alright let's- watch out, watch out, aww" in the video, which I'd like to emphasize I couldn't hear because conventions are very loud. They both went the way they were going after this video, so I don't think they took offense.

I feel like I'm on trial here but yeah that's what happened. I wouldn't want to make someone uncomfortable on purpose, whenever I took a picture with anyone else at the convention I asked and then asked if I could be in the picture and so on, and there was no kissing anywhere else I assure you, but this all happened faster than I could really think about it.

            Dr. Doofenshmirtz came to America as a part of Operation Paperclip

              When I was rewatching Phineas and Ferb on Disney+, I came across a problem. How did the ocelot-raised villain become so wise in the ways of science? Heinz Doofenshmirtz was born in post-war Germany and it’s truly a miracle that he was able to make it out of Soviet occupied lands. Seeing as his parents were “abusive” one would be led to think that his parents would’ve turned him into the KGB. Well I believe there’s something going on behind the scenes.

We all know that post-WWII the US government brought over Nazi scientists to work on rockets. According to the Phineas and Ferb Wiki, Heinz was about 65(average as the show stated different ages) when the show began. Since the show takes place in 2008 it is safe to assume he was born in 1943, before the end of the war. This explains why his parents were not present at his birth, they were off defending their country.

Doofenshmirtz grew up in post war East-Germany in a town called Gimmelschtump. This is shown to be in Drusselstein, a state bordering the Baltic Sea. When he was around 6, his parents were so poor that Mr Doofenshmirtz(Heinz’s Father) had his gnome repossessed. They were so poor because the Soviets were oppressing their former enemies. From an early age Heinz’s parents saw his talent for science and did their best to keep the Soviet overlords from learning of him. When he reached 16 his parents saw an opportunity to save him and shipped him off to America. This allowed him to learn how to develop complex machines and come under the notice of OWCA. The Organization began keeping tabs on the Operation Paperclip scientists, just in case they still harbored Nazi sympathies. As we see later in the show, most villains fought by OWCA agents were scientists, many of whom were of Eastern European descent. Perhaps OWCA was the US government cleaning up their crimes and to do so they used agents who could never reveal the truth(hence the animals).

So this explains why the doctor found his way to America. But what isn’t addressed is how America found out about the Doofenshmirtzes. This can be addressed by simple inheritance. Heinz had to get his love of science from somewhere, his father. Mr. Doofenshmirtz spent years pushing Heinz away, hoping to spare him from the horrors of Hitler’s regime. Mr. Doofenshmirtz was most likely a high-ranking member of Hitler’s scientists. This explains why he always had people over for dinners and made Heinz stay outside. To keep him safe. Mr Doofenshmirtz, however; was still a fanatic and when his second, more desirable son was born, he willingly gave him to the state. This left Heinz to continue to feel dejected; which would make the separation much easier for both of them.

With this evidence I believe we can build a timeline. Once Hitler rises to power, Mr. Doofenshmirtz joins the party and rises in the ranks. Doofenshmirtz then perpetrates Kristallnacht and continues work.  Eventually he begins work on rockets and has a son. His son does not fit into what the party deems “pure” so he pretends to ostracize him while secretly teaching him science. The war ends and they find themselves under Soviet rule. In order to save him, Mr. Doofenshmirtz sends Heinz to the US. Heinz then begins work for NASA along with other German scientists. Operation Paperclip is shut down and the scientists begin independent work. The US establishes OWCA to keep watch over the scientists. From here Dr Doofenshmirtz believes his father to have hated him and vows revenge. Things play out until 2008 when the show begins.

This explains Dr. Doofenshmirtz's desire for conquest and parts of his inner anger. The US was all too happy to have another German scientist, especially one stolen from Soviet lands. We know from history that many other Nazis came to America. And many settled in the Tri-State Area, conveniently that is where Dr Doof lives as well. The evidence is too much for me to deny, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was certainly brought over as a part of Operation Paper Clip. He was only scrubbed from even the CIA's records due to his work with OWCA once the other Nazis were defeated.