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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


The bullies at your school keep making fun of your one inch penis

    You're so done. The bullies at your school keep making fun of your one inch penis in the locker rooms. You turn to them, eyes narrowing. They see the hurt and angry look in your eyes and start to tease you, asking if you're going to cry. You suddenly remember a gift that God gave you for these situations. You puff your chest up and fire a laser from one of your erect nipples. It hits one of them in the eye, going through their head. Brain matter explodes everywhere. The others look horrified as you start shooting more nipple lasers in their direction. You hit more vital spots. Blood, cum, and guts are all over the locker room now. You stop and look around.

You've done it.

They're dead.

You're still not happy.

You unzip your pants and get some fun in while their bodies are still warm. How do they like your one inch penis now?

    my son is a terrorist

      TL;DR my son is a Terrorist!

I walked in on my son playing a video g* me, I was furious! He explained to me that he has to play this g* me called Counter Strike Global Offensive to kill Terrorists and prevent a Bomb from detonating! I was so proud of my patriotic and truly american son for killing these Terrorists that I forgave him for playing a video g* me!

Nevertheless I was suspicious, it is a video g* me! I spied on him for about 30 minutes and then I saw it, I SAW IT!!! HE WAS PLAYING AS A TERRORIST, MY SON LIED TO ME. HE TRIED TO HIDE THAT HE LIKES KILLING PEOPLE AND THAT HE LIKES BLOWING EVERYTHING UP!!! He thought that he could trick me, but I know the truth about my son and g* mers:

THEY ARE TERRORISTS and this g* me called Counter Strike Global Offensive is nothing but a hub to spread their believs and evil plans!

Ban video games now! Save your children from this evil g* me!

      I found a mobile g*me on my son’s phone, he and his friends have all been punished

        I found a mobile g*me on my son’s phone, he and his friends have all been punished

My son (13M) was recently given his own iPhone 11 meant only for contacting me, his mother, and his friends. Today, I found a disgusting g*me on his phone called something like “Mindcraft”.

I immediately deleted the app and threw his phone in the trash. I later found remains from a Satanic ritual he performed in his bedroom, and I am certain this “Minekraft” controlled his mind. He was also watching a terrible g*ming show on YouTube called “PewDieGuy” which I have now blocked.

He is no longer able to leave his room, and I’ve contacted all his friends’ parents about this, it seems like this g*me is an epidemic. They, too, are all being punished as well. I am very disappointed and I don’t think he will see the light for a long time.

        Found on r/pokimane

          I admire her bravery so much. I dont have children but every day i practice talking to my future daughters across the table and telling them about how great Pokimane is. I tell them "sweety, you're a pokimane". I literally turned her name into a word that describes beauty, bravery, and poise.

I practice driving my future daughters to school and play highlights of pokimanes best laughs over the years. Sometimes we even have to pull over because we start crying from how much we love her. I hold my imaginary daughters and i howl. i howl and cry and rage into the steering wheel about how special she is, and how the world just cant understand.

          Imagine Kim yo-jong

            Imagine her just grabbing you by the skull with her vice strength hands and just throwing your naked body onto the bed

"You are my toy now"

She sits on you and plays with your trembling penis

"If this comes before I do, you die" and she laughs

And she plays with it more and more and you desperately hold the coom in and she finds it funny

Then she just sits right on top of you and grinds while looking you right in the eyes mockingly, and your balls are screaming "LET THEM OUT! LET THEM OUT"

And she just laughs as she grinds harder, and harder till she's battering your cock as if it was a piston in a deep underground boring machine and she groans "MORE MORE, MORE" and every fibre of your being wants to erupt in coom but you can't, she isn't satisfied yet and she's hipthrusting away with enough force to break Hephaestus's anvil

Finally she orgasms, and she smiles contentedly

"You may now come" and you just erupt, all that built up energy bursts inside of her and she gently caresses the side of your face with a loving touch, but then

"That was reasonable, but next time, I expect to be overwhelmed" and you're afraid, you're scared, that was all you had and it was barely enough for her, you know, next time, you must be stronger, you must be more manly, perhaps you will become her favourite

And she walks off, vagely amused, and returns to ruling, with her iron hands

            I’ve jerked off to the vampire girl from hotel Transylvania a total of 214 times.

              I’ve jerked off to the vampire girl from hotel Transylvania a total of 214 times. All I want in life is to penetrate her pale virgin vampire pussy with my 5.6 inch horse schlong and impregnate her while my dad watches and cheers me on. God just the thought of her sucking the smegma from my foreskin makes me cum my pants. I would literally kill myself tomorrow just to suck a single one of her toes today, why can’t she just fucking be real fuuuuuck