Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
Parody of the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed into Frye from Splatoon.
I saw Frye Onaga at a Mako Mart in Splatsville yesterday. I told her how fresh it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a stockfish and bother her and ask for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw Frye trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen frozen shwaffles in her arms without paying.
The jellyfish at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to not understand jellyfish language, but eventually turned back around and brought the shwaffles to the counter.
When they took one of the shwaffles and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped them and told them to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After they scanned each shwaffle and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting them by yawning really loudly.
Did anyone else have such weird encounters with an idol?
É isso, eu tenha essa amiga especial (no dulplo sentido) que eu tenho desde a infância. Ela não tem os braços e as pernas, ela é um... um pedaço! Tava cansada de ir na casa dela para alimenta-la enquanto assitiamos vods do programa do jo soares. Dai um dia eu falei para ela tentar arranjar um namorado. Ela ficou toda excitada, tão excitada que seu nariz começou a escorrer e eu tive que limpar (mas tudo bem, estou acostumada a limpar ela depois do xixi e coco). Dai fizemos um tinder pra ela usando de perfil a foto do torso dela. Um cara feinho e esqueletico deu match e eles começaram a conversar (no caso, ela ia falando e eu teclando). Que menina mais baixa! Não conhecia esse lado obscuro dela. Falava cada baixaria... enfim, marcaram um encontro e eu levei ela dentro duma mochila pro bar. Chegando la, pedi uma cadeirinha infantil daquelas altas e botei ela ali e tomei uma distancia de algumas mesas para observar a cena e cuidar dela caso fosse preciso. O homem chegou e sentou do lado dela. Ele foi tao fofo que deu de beber pra ela! Percebi que o papo ia bem porque ela começou com os tremeliques que só faz em casos de felicidade. Sabia que aquilo ia terminar na cama, mas fiquei incomodada por nao saber o que fazer entao. Dai depoois de um tempo ela me acenou com a cabeça e fui ate eles. "Va com a gente pra casa dele, preciso da sua companhia pra voltar pra casa depois", ela me disse. "Tudo bem", eu retornei, mas com uma ansiedade palpitando no coração. O homem pegou ela com um so braço e a levou ate o caixa, pagaram e entraram num fiat uno quadrado. Eu fui atras, com o meu carro. Chegando la na casa dele, a minha amiga me disse que precisava de mim, que queria que eu estivesse presente e eu, toda melindrosa, aceitei. Começaram com beijos já acalorosos, desses que os labios deslizam uns nos outros. O cara ficou duro muito rapido e percebi que seus braços estavam cansados de segura-la. Nao deu outra: ele a jogou na cama como se fosse um saquinho de gelo desses que se compra em posto de gasolina e começou a meter nela. Meteu meteu meteu e ela, toda reduzida em cabeça e tronco, nao parava de gemer olha do para mim. Por um momento pensei "que orgulho da.minha meninota", mas depois me senti mal porque já nao era mais a minha amiga cabaça e tansa que eu via ali, mas uma linda borboleta sem asas prestes a não voar no mundo. Então entrei em choque e minhas lagrimas rapidamente secaram. Fiquei puta com o cara e com ela, me joguei em cima do homem, arranhei sua cara e, no tempo dele se recompor, peguei a minha amiga no colo (a porra do cara vazava pela vagina dela) e fechei ela dentro da mochila. Levei ela pra casa aos berros abafados pelo tecido da mochila, liguei um vod do jo soares e preparei uma banana amassada com aveia e dei pra ela comer, só que ela não queria comer porque estava chateada comigo. Sou babaca por ter interrompido a transa da minha amiga?
I SAW MY FRIEND HAVING SEX
That's it, I have this special friend (in both senses) that I've had since childhood. She doesn't have arms and legs, she's a... a piece! I was tired of going to her house to feed her while we watched vods of the Jo Soares show. Then one day I told her to try to find a boyfriend. She got all excited, so excited that her nose started running and I had to clean it (but that's okay, I'm used to cleaning her after she pees and poops). So we made a Tinder account for her using a picture of her torso as her profile. An ugly, scrawny guy matched and they started chatting (in this case, she was talking and I was typing). What a short girl! I didn't know about this dark side of her. She talked so much dirty stuff... anyway, they set up a date and I took her to the bar in a backpack. When I got there, I asked for one of those high children's chairs and put her there, then stood a few tables away to watch the scene and take care of her if necessary. The man came and sat next to her. He was so sweet that he gave her a drink! I could tell the conversation was going well because she started shaking like she only does when she's happy. I knew it was going to end in bed, but I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do then. Then after a while she nodded to me and I went over to them. "Come with us to his house, I need your company to go home later," she told me. "Okay," I said, but my heart was pounding with anxiety. The man picked her up with one arm and took her to the cashier, they paid and got into a square Fiat Uno. I followed in my car. When I got to his house, my friend told me that she needed me, that she wanted me to be there, and I, all touchy, accepted. They started with heated kisses, the kind where your lips slide against each other. The guy got hard very quickly and I noticed that his arms were tired from holding her. There was no other way: he threw her on the bed as if she were a bag of ice, like the ones you buy at a gas station, and started fucking her. He fucked her and fucked her and she, all reduced to head and torso, wouldn't stop moaning and looking at me. For a moment I thought "I'm so proud of my little girl", but then I felt bad because it was no longer my silly, lazy friend that I saw there, but a beautiful wingless butterfly about to fly away in the world. Then I went into shock and my tears quickly dried up. I was pissed off at the guy and at her, I threw myself on top of the man, scratched his face and, while he was recovering, I picked up my friend (the guy's cum was leaking out of her vagina) and locked her inside my backpack. I took her home screaming, muffled by the fabric of the backpack, turned on some Jo Soares Vod and made her a mashed banana with oatmeal and gave it to her to eat, but she didn't want to eat it because she was mad at me. Am I an idiot for interrupting my friend's sex?
Its the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed into Marie from Splatoon specifically for the Grand Festival event.
I saw Marie at one of the food stands in the Festival yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a greasetrap and bother her and ask her for an autograph or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Woomy?” but she kept cutting me off and going “Woomy? Woomy? Woomy?” and squidbagging in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my festival, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk backstage with like fifteen Super Seanwiches in her hands without paying.
The jellyfish at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “bluuh? bluuh.” At first she kept humming "Tide Goes Out" and pretending not hear them, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When they took one of the seanwiches and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped them and told them to scan them each individually “to prevent any zapfish infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After they scanned each seanwich and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting them by gurgling really loudly.
“Mój stary to fanatyk wędkarstwa” is an old Polish copypasta translated to “My old man is a fishing fanatic”. Its written by an author with the pseudonym Malcolm XD. The story is about the author’s father unhinged obsession with fishing.
Original story in Polish
Mój stary to fanatyk wędkarstwa. Pół mieszkania zajebane wędkami, najgorzej. Średnio raz w miesiącu ktoś wdepnie w leżący na ziemi haczyk czy kotwicę i trzeba wyciągać w szpitalu, bo mają zadziory na końcu. W swoim dwudziestodwuletnim życiu już z 10 razy byłem na takim zabiegu. Tydzień temu poszedłem na jakieś losowe badania, to baba z recepcji jak mnie tylko zobaczyła, to kazała buta ściągać xD, bo myślała, że znowu hak w nodze.
Druga połowa mieszkania zajebana „Wędkarzem Polskim”, „Światem Wędkarza”, „Super Karpiem” xD itp. Co tydzień ojciec robi objazd po wszystkich kioskach w mieście, żeby skompletować wszystkie wędkarskie tygodniki. Byłem na tyle głupi, że nauczyłem go into internety, bo myślałem, że trochę pieniędzy zaoszczędzimy na tych gazetkach, ale teraz nie dosyć, że je kupuje, to jeszcze siedzi na jakichś forach dla wędkarzy i kręci gównoburze z innymi wędkarzami o najlepsze zanęty itp. Potrafi drzeć mordę do monitora albo wypierdolić klawiaturę za okno. Kiedyś ojciec mnie wkurwił, to założyłem tam konto i go trollowałem, pisząc w jego tematach jakieś losowe głupoty, typu „karasie jedzo guwno”. Matka nie nadążała z gotowaniem bigosu na uspokojenie. Aha, ma już na forum rangę SUM, za najebanie 10 tysięcy postów.
Jak jest ciepło, to co weekend zapierdala na ryby. Od jakichś pięciu lat w każdą niedzielę jem rybę na obiad, a ojciec pierdoli o zaletach jedzenia tego wodnego gówna. Jak się dostałem na studia, to stary przez tydzień pierdolił, że to dzięki temu, że jem dużo ryb, bo zawierają fosfor i mózg mi lepiej pracuje.
Co sobotę budzi ze swoim znajomym Mirkiem całą rodzinę o czwartej w nocy, bo hałasują, pakując wędki, robiąc kanapki itd.
Przy jedzeniu zawsze pierdoli o rybach i za każdym razem temat schodzi w końcu na Polski Związek Wędkarski, ojciec sam się nakręca i dostaje strasznego bólu dupy durr, niedostatecznie zarybiajo, tylko kradno hurr, robi się przy tym cały czerwony i odchodzi od stołu, klnąc, i idzie czytać Wielką Encyklopedię Ryb Rzecznych, żeby się uspokoić.
W tym roku sam sobie kupił na święta ponton. Oczywiście do wigilii nie wytrzymał, tylko już wczoraj go rozpakował i nadmuchał w dużym pokoju. Ubrał się w ten swój cały strój wędkarski i siedział cały dzień w tym pontonie na środku mieszkania. Obiad (karp) też w nim zjadł [cool][cześć].
Gdyby mnie na długość ręki dopuścili do wszystkich ryb w Polsce, tobym wziął i zapierdolił.
Jak któregoś razu, jeszcze w podbazie czy gimbazie, miałem urodziny, to stary jako prezent wziął mnie ze sobą na ryby w drodze wyjątku. Super prezent kurwo.
Pojechaliśmy gdzieś w pizdu za miasto, dochodzimy nad jezioro, a ojcu już się oczy świecą i oblizuje wargi, podniecony. Rozłożył cały sprzęt i siedzimy nad wodą, i patrzymy na spławiki. Po pięciu minutach mi się znudziło, więc włączyłem discmana, to mnie ojciec pierdolnął wędką po głowie, że ryby słyszą muzykę z moich słuchawek i się płoszą. Jak się chciałem podrapać po dupie, to zaraz krzyczał szeptem, żebym się nie wiercił, bo szeleszczę i ryby z wody widzą, jak się ruszam, i uciekają. Sześć godzin musiałem siedzieć w bezruchu i patrzeć na wodę jak w jakimś jebanym Guantanamo. Urodziny mam w listopadzie, więc jeszcze do tego było zimno jak sam skurwysyn. W pewnym momencie ojciec odszedł kilkanaście metrów w las i się spierdział. Wytłumaczył mi, że trzeba w lesie pierdzieć, bo inaczej ryby słyszą i czują.
Wspomniałem, że ojciec ma kolegę Mirka, z którym jeździ na ryby. Kiedyś towarzyszem wypraw rybnych był hehe Zbyszek. Człowiek o kształcie piłki z wąsem i 365 dni w roku w kamizelce BOMBER. Byli z moim ojcem prawie jak bracia, przychodził z żoną Bożeną na Wigilie do nas itd. Raz ojciec miał imieniny, Zbysio przyszedł na hehe kielicha. Najebali się i oczywiście cały czas gadali o wędkowaniu i rybach. Ja siedziałem u siebie w pokoju. W pewnym momencie zaczęli drzeć na siebie mordę, czy generalnie lepsze są szczupaki, czy sumy.
WEŹ MNIE NIE WKURWIAJ ZBYCHU, WIDZIAŁEŚ TY KIEDYŚ, JAKIE SZCZUPAK MA ZĘBY? CHAPS I RĘKA UJEBANA!
KURWA TADEK SUMY W POLSCE PO 80 KILO WAŻĄ, TWÓJ SZCZUPAK TO IM MOŻE NASKOCZYĆ.
CO TY MI O SUMACH PIERDOLISZ, JAK LEDWO UKLEJĘ POTRAFISZ Z WODY WYCIĄGNĄĆ. SZCZUPAK TO JEST KRÓL WODY JAK LEW JEST KRÓL DŻUNGLI.
No i aż się zaczęli nakurwiać, zapasy na dywanie w dużym pokoju, a ja z matką musieliśmy ich rozdzielać. Od tego czasu zupełnie zerwali kontakt. W zeszłym roku zadzwoniła żona Zbysia, że Zbysio spadł z rowerka, i zaprasza na pogrzeb. Odebrała akurat matka, złożyła kondolencje, odkłada słuchawkę i mówi o tym ojcu, a ojciec
I BARDZO KURWA DOBRZE.
Tak go za tego suma znienawidził.
Wspominałem też o arcywrogu mojego starego, czyli Polskim Związku Wędkarskim. Stał się on kompletną obsesją ojca i jak na przykład w telewizji mówią, że gdzieś było trzęsienie ziemi, to stary zawsze mamrocze pod nosem, że powinni w końcu coś o tych skurwysynach z PZW powiedzieć. Gazety niewędkarskie też przestał czytać, bo miał ból dupy, że o wędkarstwie polskim ani aferach w PZW nic się nie pisze.
Szefem koła PZW w mojej okolicy jest niejaki pan Adam. Jest on dla starego uosobieniem całego zła wyrządzonego polskim akwenom przez związek i ojciec przez wiele lat toczył z nim wojnę. Raz poszedł na jakieś zebranie wędkarskie, na którym występował Adam, i stary wrócił do domu z podartą koszulą, bo siłą go usuwali z sali, takie tam inby odpierdalał.
Po klęsce w starciu fizycznym ze zbrojnym ramieniem PZW ojciec rozpoczął partyzantkę internetową, polegającą na szkalowaniu PZW i Adama na forach lokalnych gazet. Napierdalał na niego jakieś głupoty, typu że Adam był tajnym współpracownikiem UB albo że go widział na ulicy, jak komuś gwoździem samochód rysował itd. Nie nauczyłem ojca into TOR, więc skończyło się bagietami za szkalowanie i stary musiał zapłacić Adamowi dwa tysiące złotych..
Jak płacił, to przez tydzień w domu się nie dało żyć, ojciec kurwił na przekupne sądy, PZW, Adama i w ogóle cały świat. Z jego pierdolenia wynikało, że PZW jak jacyś masoni rządzi całym krajem, pociąga za sznurki i ma wszędzie układy. Przeliczał też te dwa tysiące na wędki, haczyki czy łódki i dostawał strasznego bólu dupy, ile on by mógł na przykład zanęty waniliowej za te 2k kupić (kilkaset kilo).
Stary jakoś w zeszłym roku stwierdził, że koniecznie musi mieć łódkę do połowów, bo niby wypożyczanie za drogo wychodzi i wszyscy go chcą oszukać.
SYNEK, NA WODZIE TO SIĘ PRAWDZIWE OKAZY ŁAPIE! TAM JEST ŻYWIOŁ!
Ale nie było go stać ani nie miał jej gdzie trzymać, a hehe frajerem to on nie jest, żeby komuś płacić za przechowywanie, więc zgadał się z jakimiś wędkarzami z okolicy, że kupią łódkę na spółkę, ona będzie stała u jakiegoś Janusza, który ma dom, a nie mieszkanie w bloku jak my, na podjeździe, na przyczepie, którą ten Janusz ma, i się będą tą łódką dzielili albo będą jeździć łowić razem.
Na początku ta kooperatywa szła nawet nieźle, ale w któryś weekend ojciec się rozchorował i nie mógł z nimi jechać, i miał o to olbrzymi ból dupy. Jeszcze ci jego koledzy dzwonili, że ryby biorą jak pojebane, więc mój ojciec tylko leżał czerwony ze złości na kanapie i sapał z wkurwienia. Sytuację jeszcze pogarszało to, że nie miał na kogo zwalić winy, co zawsze robi. W końcu doszedł do wniosku, że to niesprawiedliwe, że oni łowią bez niego, bo przecież po równo się zrzucali na łódkę i w niedzielę wieczorem, jak te Janusze już wróciły z wyprawy, wyszedł nagle z domu.
Po godzinie wraca i mówi do mnie, że muszę mu pomóc z czymś przed domem. Wychodzę na zewnątrz, a tam nasz samochód z przyczepą i łódką xD. Pytam, skąd on ją wziął, a on mówi, że Januszowi zajebał z podjazdu przed domem, bo oni go oszukali, i żebym łapał z nim łódkę, i wnosimy do mieszkania xD. Na nic się zdało tłumaczenie, że zajmie cały duży pokój. Na szczęście łódka nie zmieściła się w drzwiach do klatki, więc stary stwierdził, że on ją przed domem zostawi.
Za pomocą jakichś łańcuchów, co były na łódce, i mojej kłódki od roweru przypiął ją do latarni i zadowolony chce iść wracać do mieszkania, a tu nagle przyjeżdżają dwa samochody z Januszami współwłaścicielami, którzy się domyślili, gdzie ich własność może się znajdować xD. Zaczęła się nieziemska inba, bo Janusze drą mordy, dlaczego łódkę ukradł i że ma oddawać, a ojciec się drze, że oni go oszukali i on 500 złotych się składał, a nie pływał w ten weekend. Ja starałem się załagodzić sytuację, żeby ojciec od nich nie dostał wpierdolu, bo było blisko.
Po kilkunastu minutach sytuacja wyglądała tak:
– Mój ojciec leży na ziemi, kurczowo trzyma się przyczepy i krzyczy, że nie odda.
– Janusze krzyczą, że ma oddawać.
– Jeden Janusz ma rozjebany nos, bo próbował leżącego ojca odciągnąć od łódki za nogę i dostał drugą nogą z kopa.
– Dwóch policjantów ciągnie ojca za nogi i mówi, że jedzie z nimi na komisariat, bo pobił człowieka.
– We wszystkich oknach dookoła stoją sąsiedzi.
– Moja stara płacze i błaga ojca, żeby zostawił łódkę, a policjantów, żeby go nie aresztowali.
– Ja: smutnazaba.psd.
W końcu policjanci oderwali starego od łodzi. Ja podałem Januszom kod do kłódki rowerowej i zabrali łódkę, rzucając wcześniej staremu 500 złotych i mówiąc, że nie ma już do łódki żadnego prawa i lepiej dla niego, żeby się nigdy na rybach nie spotkali. Matka ubłagała policjantów, żeby nie aresztowali ojca. Janusz, co dostał w mordę butem, powiedział, że on się nie będzie pierdolił z łażeniem po komisariatach i ma to w dupie, tylko ojca nie chce więcej widzieć.
Stary do tej pory robi z Januszami gównoburzę na forach dla wędkarzy, bo założyli tam specjalny temat, gdzie przestrzegali przed robieniem jakichkolwiek interesów z moim ojcem. Obserwowałem ten temat i widziałem, jak mój ojciec nieudolnie porobił trollkonta:
Szczepan54
Liczba postów: 1
Ten temat założyli jacyś idioci! Znam użytkownika stary_anona od dawna i to bardzo porządny człowiek i wspaniały wędkarz! Chcą go oczernić bo zazdroszczą złowionych okazów!
Potem jeszcze używał tych trollkont do prześladowania niedawnych kolegów od łódki. Jak któryś z nich zakładał jakiś temat, to ojciec się tam wpierdalał na trollkoncie i na przykład pisał, że chujowe ryby łapie i widać, że nie umie łowić xD.
Z tych samych trollkont udzielał się w swoich tematach i jak na przykład wrzucał zdjęcia złapanych przez siebie ryb, to sam sobie pisał NOOOO GRATULUJĘ OKAZU! WIDAĆ, ŻE DOŚWIADCZONY ŁOWCA! a potem się z tego cieszył i kazał oglądać mi i starej, jak go chwalą na forum.
“My old man is a fishing fanatic”
Open English versionClose
My old man is a fishing fanatic. Half of the flat is full of fishing rods, the worst. On average, once a month someone steps on a hook or anchor lying on the ground and they have to be pulled out in hospital because they have barbs at the end. In my twenty-two years of life, I've had this procedure about 10 times. A week ago I went for some random tests, and the lady at the reception told me to take my shoe off as soon as she saw me xD because she thought I had another hook in my leg. The other half of the flat is full of "Wędkarze Polski", "Świat Wędkarza", "Super Karpie" xD etc. Every week, my father makes a tour of all the kiosks in the city to collect all the fishing weeklies. I was stupid enough to teach him the internet because I thought we would save some money on those magazines, but now not only does he buy them, but he also sits on some forums for anglers and starts shitstorms with other anglers about the best baits etc. He can yell at the monitor or throw the keyboard out the window. Once my father pissed me off, so I created an account there and trolled him, writing random nonsense in his threads, like "crucian carp eat shit". My mother couldn't keep up with cooking bigos to calm her down. Oh, and he already has the rank of SUM on the forum, for making 10 thousand posts.
When it's warm, he goes fishing every weekend. For about five years, I've been eating fish for dinner every Sunday, and my father talks crap about the benefits of eating that water crap. When I got accepted to university, my father spent a week talking crap that it was because I ate a lot of fish, because they contain phosphorus and my brain works better.
Every Saturday he wakes up the whole family at four in the morning with his friend Mirek, because they are making noise, packing rods, making sandwiches, etc.
He always talks crap about fish while eating and every time the topic eventually turns to the Polish Angling Association, my father gets all worked up and gets a terrible pain in the ass durr, they are not stocking enough, they are only stealing hurrr, he turns all red and leaves the table, cursing, and goes to read the Great Encyclopedia of River Fish to calm down.
This year he bought himself a pontoon for Christmas. Of course he couldn't wait until Christmas Eve, so he unpacked it yesterday and inflated it in the living room. He dressed in his entire fishing outfit and sat in the pontoon in the middle of the apartment all day. He also ate his dinner (carp) in it [cool] [hi].
If they let me have access to all the fish in Poland, I would take it and fuck it up.
When I had my birthday one time, back in the sub-base or junior high school, my old man took me fishing with him as an exception. Great present, whore.
We went somewhere asshole out of town, we reach the lake, and my father's eyes are already lighting up and he's licking his lips, excited. He set up all the equipment and we're sitting by the water, looking at the floats. After five minutes I got bored, so I turned on my discman, and my father hit me on the head with a fishing rod, saying that the fish could hear the music from my headphones and get scared. When I wanted to scratch my ass, he would immediately shout in a whisper that I shouldn't move, because I was rustling and the fish from the water saw me moving and ran away. I had to sit motionless for six hours and look at the water like in some fucking Guantanamo. My birthday is in November, so it was also cold as hell. At one point, my father walked a dozen or so meters into the forest and farted. He explained to me that you have to fart in the forest, because otherwise the fish can hear and feel it.
I mentioned that my father has a friend, Mirek, with whom he goes fishing. Once, Zbyszek was a companion on fishing trips, hehe. A man shaped like a ball with a mustache and in a BOMBER vest 365 days a year. He and my father were almost like brothers, he would come to us with his wife Bożena for Christmas Eve, etc. Once, my father had a name day, Zbyszek came for a hehe drink. They got drunk and of course talked about fishing and fish the whole time. I was sitting in my room. At one point, they started yelling at each other, whether pike or catfish are better in general.
COME ON, DON'T PISS ME OFF, YOU GUY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN WHAT KIND OF TEETH A PIKE HAS? CHAPS AND YOUR HAND IS FUCKED UP!
FUCKING TADEK, CATFISH IN POLAND WEIGH 80 KG, YOUR PIKE CAN JUMP THEM.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING ME ABOUT CATFISH, YOU CAN BARELY PULL A BLEACH OUT OF THE WATER. PIKE IS THE KING OF THE WATER LIKE A LION IS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE.
And they started to get pissed off, wrestling on the carpet in the living room, and my mother and I had to separate them. Since then, they have completely broken off contact. Last year, Zbysio's wife called to say that Zbysio had fallen off his bike, and she invited me to the funeral. The mother just picked up, offered her condolences, hung up and told the father, and the father
AND VERY FUCKING GOOD.
He hated him so much for that catfish.
I also mentioned my old man's archenemy, the Polish Angling Association. It became my father's complete obsession and when, for example, they say on TV that there was an earthquake somewhere, my old man always mumbles under his breath that they should finally say something about those sons of bitches from the PZW. He also stopped reading non-angling newspapers because he was sore ass that nothing was written about Polish angling or the scandals in the PZW.
The head of the PZW branch in my area is a certain Mr. Adam. For my old man, he is the embodiment of all the evil that the association has done to Polish waters and my father waged war against him for many years. Once he went to some angling meeting where Adam was speaking, and my old man came home with a torn shirt because they were forcibly removing him from the room, he was acting all over the place.
After the defeat in the physical clash with the armed wing of the PZW, my father started an internet guerrilla war, consisting of slandering the PZW and Adam on the forums of local newspapers. He would bash him with some nonsense, such as that Adam was a secret collaborator of the UB or that he had seen him on the street scratching someone's car with a nail, etc. I didn't teach my father into TOR, so it ended with him getting beaten up for slandering and the old man had to pay Adam two thousand złoty..
When he paid, it was impossible to live at home for a week, my father would bitch about the corrupt courts, the PZW, Adam and the whole world in general. From his bullshit it turned out that the PZW, like some freemasons, rules the entire country, pulls the strings and has connections everywhere. He would also convert those two thousand into rods, hooks or boats and he would get a terrible pain in the ass, wondering how much vanilla bait he could buy for those 2k (a few hundred kilos).
The old man decided last year that he absolutely had to have a boat for fishing, because supposedly renting it was too expensive and everyone wanted to cheat him.
SON, YOU CATCH REAL SPECIMENS ON THE WATER! IT'S A LIFE OF THE DAY!
But he couldn't afford it and he didn't have anywhere to keep it, and hehe, he's not a sucker to pay someone to store it, so he made an agreement with some fishermen from the area that they would buy a boat in partnership, it would be at some Janusz's, who has a house, not an apartment in a block like us, in the driveway, on the trailer that Janusz has, and they would share the boat or go fishing together.
At first, this cooperative was doing quite well, but one weekend, my father got sick and couldn't go with them, and he was a huge pain in the ass about it. His friends also called that the fish were biting like crazy, so my father just lay red with anger on the couch and panted with rage. The situation was even worse because he had no one to blame, which he always does. Finally, he came to the conclusion that it wasn't fair that they were fishing without him, because they had all chipped in equally for the boat, and on Sunday evening, when those Januszes had already returned from their trip, he suddenly left the house.
After an hour, he comes back and tells me that I have to help him with something in front of the house. I go outside, and there's our car with a trailer and a boat xD. I ask where he got it from, and he says that he stole it from Janusz's driveway in front of the house because they cheated him, and that I should catch the boat with him and we'll carry it into the apartment xD. It didn't help to explain that it would take up the whole big room. Luckily, the boat didn't fit through the door to the stairwell, so the old man said that he would leave it in front of the house.
With the help of some chains that were on the boat and my bicycle padlock he attached it to the lamppost and he wanted to go back to the apartment, happy, but suddenly two cars with the Janusz co-owners arrived, who had guessed where their property might be xD. It was a real mess, because the Januszs were shouting why he had stolen the boat and that he had to give it back, and the father was yelling that they had cheated him and he had contributed 500 złoty and hadn't sailed that weekend. I tried to calm the situation down so that the father wouldn't get a beating from them, because it was close.
After a dozen or so minutes, the situation looked like this:
- My father is lying on the ground, holding on tightly to the trailer and shouting that he won't give it back.
- The Januszes are shouting that he should give it back.
- One Janusz has a busted nose because he tried to pull his lying father away from the boat by his leg and got kicked with the other leg.
- Two policemen are pulling my father by his legs and saying that they are going with them to the police station because he beat up a man.
- Neighbours are standing in all the windows around.
- My old lady is crying and begging my father to leave the boat and the policemen not to arrest him.
- Me: sadzaba.psd.
Finally, the policemen tore the old man away from the boat. I gave the Januszes the code to the bicycle padlock and they took the boat, having previously thrown the old man 500 złoty and saying that he no longer had any right to the boat and that it would be better for him if they never met while fishing. My mother begged the police not to arrest my father. Janusz, who got punched in the face with a shoe, said he wouldn't fuck around with going to police stations and didn't give a damn, he just didn't want to see his father anymore.
The old man is still causing a shitstorm with the Januszes on fishing forums, because they started a special thread there, where they warned against doing any business with my father. I watched that thread and saw how my father ineptly made troll accounts:
Szczepan54
Number of posts: 1
This thread was started by some idiots! I've known the user stary_anon for a long time and he's a very decent man and a great fisherman! They want to slander him because they're jealous of the specimens he's caught!
Then he also used those troll accounts to harass his former boat buddies. When one of them started a topic, my father would get involved on the troll account and, for example, write that he catches shitty fish and that you can see that he doesn't know how to fish xD.
He would participate in his topics from the same troll accounts and when he posted photos of fish he caught, he would write to himself NOOOO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SPECIMEN! YOU CAN SEE THAT HE'S AN EXPERIENCED HUNTER! and then he would be happy about it and tell me and my old lady to watch how they praise him on the forum.
I was there on the top balcony of capital records with wiz khalifa and his management team. Verbally,we had come to an agreement I would be producing a track featured on his next album. We were outside on the balcony, passing a joint around, when it happened. I took a big puff, coughed and accidentally farted very loudly. Everybody stopped talking and stared at me. Wiz stood quiet. He then said "hahaha you're crazy man. Well I gotta take care of some things now". Everybody left. I never got a call back or email or anything. It turns out that song was see you again on the fast and furious film. Fuck man
Created by r/dookiebutt777, its a shitpost story of getting bullied by Serj Tankian the lead vocalist for the band System of a Down. The absurd story then got adopted by other fanbase and became a copypasta.
Serj bullied me in high school. Only problem I was in high school from 2016-2020 and Serj was already like 50 by that point. He didn’t go to the same school I went to or even live in the same state for that matter. It was so bizarre to find him waiting for me outside at the bus stop every afternoon just to make fun of me in front of my crush or knock things out of my hands. One time I sang a System of a Down cover at a school talent show and the whole crowd cheered after I had finished, letting me know I did well but after the applause had died down, Serj stood up from the very back of the audience and booed me really aggressively and made sure that everyone knew it was his song and he can do it better. Another time he even told my bus driver that I had crabs and if he lets me on the bus I’m liable to get everyone on the bus infested which was just a total lie. I’ve never met Serj before this started happening and am from a pretty small remote town in Tennessee. The final time I ever saw him was at my graduation ceremony, somehow he had gotten involved with the whole program and was standing on stage beside my high school’s principal shaking the students’ hands. When it was my turn to walk across the stage and I locked eyes with Serj for the final time, he gripped my hand firmly and said “no one will ever believe what I’ve done to you, but know that you are going to be a better man because of it.” I’m still not sure why a millionaire musician would randomly decide to start doing this to someone, or how it affected me into being a better person in the long run, but at least I have this story to tell.
Edmund McMillen bullied me in high school
Edmund McMillen bullied me in high school. Only problem I was in high school from 2016-2020 and Edmund was already like 40 by that point. He didn’t go to the same school I went to or even live in the same state for that matter. It was so bizarre to find him waiting for me outside at the bus stop every afternoon just to make fun of me in front of my crush or knock things out of my hands. One time I sang Living in the light cover at a school talent show and the whole crowd cheered after I had finished, letting me know I did well but after the applause had died down, Edmund stood up from the very back of the audience and booed me really aggressively and made sure that everyone knew it was his song and he can do it better. Another time he even told my bus driver that I had crabs and if he lets me on the bus I’m liable to get everyone on the bus infested which was just a total lie. I’ve never met Edmund before this started happening and am from a pretty small remote town in Tennessee. The final time I ever saw him was at my graduation ceremony, somehow he had gotten involved with the whole program and was standing on stage beside my high school’s principal shaking the students’ hands. When it was my turn to walk across the stage and I locked eyes with Edmund for the final time, he gripped my hand firmly and said “no one will ever believe what I’ve done to you, but know that you are going to be a better man because of it.” I’m still not sure why a millionaire game designer would randomly decide to start doing this to someone, or how it affected me into being a better person in the long run, but at least I have this story to tell.
