Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I was at a Mexican restaurant and the waiter put a cheese dip with some chips on the table next to us that a family was sitting at. I asked the waiter "What type of dip is that?" and he responded "Not your cheese." Like I knew this wasn't my cheese but I still wanted to know what kind of dip it is so I responded " I know that, but I still want to know what it's called. What's the name of this dip?" He looked me dead in the eyes and told me "Not your cheese." I didn't think he got the question. So I asked he again sternly. "I KNOW that, but what is this cheese called?!" His face turned to confusion and he broke eye contact with me. He then responded harshly "Not your cheese!" I grabbed him him by the collar "WHAT TYPE OF CHEESE IS THAT!!!" A waitress across the room responded to me "Queso!".
Be safe out there guys. They are hiding the truth from us.
I saw Aaron Paul at an unemployment office in Los Angeles yesterday. I noticed him but didn’t want to bother him. He obviously saw me because he came up to me. He said, “Please let me give you an autograph, yo, bitch. Please respond.” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “Please respond. Please respond. Xbox, please respond. Bitch.” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my day, and I heard him crying as I walked off. When I came to apply up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen job applications in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be busy and read scripts, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the forms and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually because “I just wish I had more time to play,” and then turned around and cried at me. I don’t even think that’s a career. After she scanned each form and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by saying “Xbox turn on” really loudly.
I, a real life Human Boy, wore a golden Christian Cross pendant to American Public School and was forced to wear crown of thorns and whipped through the American Public School hallways while teachers chanted Satanism prayers at me and students throwed human feces at me. Then the American Public School Administrator throwed me into public street gutter and said I was suspended for 6 days 6 hours 6 minutes for spreading lies of White Christ. I spoke to 7 other Straight White Male Christian students in Church who had same punishment for wearing golden Christian Cross to American Public Schools! We are being murdered by Satanists!
"Yo, are these catboys straight?" I mutter to my buddy while uncomfortably adjusting my position on the bench.
"No, of course not." my buddy, Josh, responds with out looking at me, a confused sneer frozen on his face as he watches the baseball team full of catboys roll around on the grass and pounce on each other before bumbling the ball back to the skinny, scared pitcher. He hisses as he picks up the ball as if it's the first time he's had to throw one even though this game has been going on for 3 hours already.
"I don't know." I squirm, "I mean, I... well. I mean I think they could... they could be straight, ya know?"
"Definitely not, man. They're pouncing on each other and hugging each other and licking each other. These dudes are super gay." Josh throws his head back and looks up to the darkening sky. "I was supposed to leave 20 minutes ago."
He has some obligation with his girlfriend no doubt. "Well, ya know. Cats are gay. So maybe you're confusing these catboys with real cats when in fact they're only catboys."
"Nope."
Our batter who's up at the plate backs off and sighs heavily. He slings his bat over his shoulder and calls over to us. "Guys. We just gotta call it. We gotta forfeit."
The pitcher's mound turns into a catboy pile as all the catboys do that thing where cats arch their backs and rub against each other. Some how from this writhing purr pile, the ball launches towards our unprepared batter for another strike, his third. In resigned disbelief, he trudges back to the dugout and sits down on the bench.
"I can't believe it." the out-batter says.
Josh on the bench throws his hat to the ground. "We can't quit, dammit! We can't lose to these fucking catboys!" There's a quaver in his frustrated voice. I think he doesn't understand why exactly he's so upset to be losing to the catboys. Neither do I. I can't understand my feelings towards the catboys either.
Head in his hands, shaking his head, he continues, "These fucking catboys..."
I clear my throat to get his attention and then grab his shoulder. "Yeah, these fucking catboys. Look. The catboys are fucking."
At the pitcher's mound, the purr pile has turned into a fuck pile. The catboys have stripped themselves of their little baseball uniforms and all their lithe, pallid bodies are writhing and grinding together. The meows and hisses and screeches are almost unbearable. Almost...
One of our teammates stands up and walks right on past, present, and future by us, unbuttoning his shirt.
"Jesse? No, man. Don't do it. If they fuck long enough, that's gotta be a forfeit. We can still win this thing."
"S-sorry..." Jesse says. He makes a sound like he was going to say something else, like he was about to justify what he's about to do, but no. He simply strips naked and hops in the cat pile to a chorus of cheerful meows. They welcome him greedily.
I'm drenched in sweat, heart pounding. I feel like I have a fluffy tail curled up in my getting-tighter-by-the-moment pants.
"Josh, I uhh..." I don't want to let him down. I don't want to let the team down, but... It's a fur fuck pile.
Josh sighs, "Just fucking go fuck with the catboys... I'll be there in a minute... I just gotta call my girlfriend and tell her I'll be late..." he says while untying his cleats.
I'm relieved and ashamed, but excited as I hurriedly wrench loose my sweaty uniform. As I stumble in a lustful stupor, practicing my own meow, I hear Josh muttering to himself.
"These fucking catboys got us again."
the catboys i signed for my all-catboy baseball team dont know what baseball is and theyre actively loudly sobbing whenever they miss a swing and whenever they dive to catch a ball it bonks them on the head and they go "uweh" and our pitcher closes his eyes whenever he throws because hes scared and we're beating every other team in the league
I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. While interning for her I felt I saw her true nature and to this day I am in hiding
Out of college I was an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. At the time she was having an affair with political operative Corey Lewandowski, it was my duty to cover up for their affair
One night I was standing guard outside her office when I heard behind the door Corey say 'I can't do this anymore' and a few seconds later he stormed out. Then I heard crying. I ran into the office, closing the door behind me. I noticed there was a dog costume on the floor, but no matter, Kristi was my concern
'Kristi, what's wrong!?', she looked up at me, and then her sad face slowly turned into an idea face
She told me to put on the dog custome, and then said that intercourse was a part of the job duties. Kristi is a very powerful political figure, and my career in politics could be threatened, so I immediately agreed. I am well versed in intercourse but what threw me off was Kristi ordered me to take off my clothes and get into the dog custom, which had a hole in the crotch for me cock. Is this was Corey went through as well?
After I put it on, Kristi said her favorite foreplay was for me to act like a farm dog, so for about 30 minutes we would pretend the office was a farm and I was hunting birds. This whole time Kristi was masturbating. Then came the intercourse. Afterwards she said 'okay, this is how I like to finish' and brought out a gun behind her desk!
I said 'is that a real gun???' and she said 'yes, but I won't shoot you with it, I will just pretend to shoot to get off'
This sort of role play continued for 6 months until I was able to transfer to Washington DC and leave her office
I thought that was the last of the ordeal, though I always wondered what was the origin that fetish. Until one day I saw this in the newspaper
"Kristi Noem says she shot and killed her 14 month puppy in the face. What to know about the South Dakota governor's recent controversy
As I was reading this, I looked up from the newspaper and there was an assassin in my kitchen! They said 'time to die' and I recognized the voice. 'South Dakota Kristi Noemi???' I said. She then said 'I'm already under water, we can't let news of our affair get out' and fired several more bullets but I dodged them and went into the living room
Thinking quick, I got my stuff dog toy and threw it at her. She caught it, looked at it, then immediately started shooting it in the face with one hand with using the other hand to reach into her pants to start masturbating. I took the distraction to escape
I got in my car and drove back to my hometown of [REDACTED]. To this day I am in hiding from Kristi Noem. Luckily I take a dog stuffie where ever I go in case she finds me, I tell people it's my emotional support stuffed animal
Created by u/gentoogirl, its a circlejerk story on the superiority complex of Linux users.
When I met my husband 10 yrs ago, he was everything I ever wanted. We met on a freenode IRC channel. He was a Gentoo and Linux-from-scratch dual-booter who could install both systems with his eyes closed. We used to have long, romantic conversations well past midnight about tabs vs spaces and open source. Our first fight ever was about MIT vs GPL licensing. On our first date, we shared our tiling manager config files with each other (this was the first time I truly felt love for a man).
However, lately he’s changed into a husk of the man he used to be. He migrated to Linux Mint, because, and I quote, he “just wants to get work done” and he “no longer has time to fiddle with [his] system”. Then, he started using GNOME for the same reason. This was already very suspicious. I mean, if he truly just wanted to start using a full DE, he could have at least picked KDE, right? Even Xfce I’d have been ok with.
Then, the other day, our relationship hit a breaking point. Here I was, working on my 2012 NixOS thinkpad, and hubby calls me over to his office. He said he “wanted to show me something”. I sit down on his chair, and you can imagine my terror as he pulls up vim on his terminal. He had a weird smile on his face, as if something had taken him over. He spent the next few mins “showing off” a variety of vim tricks he’d just learned. I had to turn my face to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears drying on my cheeks. Let me be clear: This was NOT the man I married.
Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I never imagined my husband would stoop so low as to become a vim peasant. I don’t know what to do. Part me says I should just start divorce proceedings and get it over with, but the other part can’t help but wonder if perhaps my husband is being afflicted by some serious, undiagnosed mental illness.
Please advise reddit, my whole life is in shambles and I don’t know what to do
