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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Steve Harvey be like

    Steve Harvey be like
    Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" Contestant: "The penis" SH: "A WUH... HUH??" audience erupts into laughter Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself laughter gets even louder SH: O lordy... one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard SH: YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself SH: (putting on a weary voice) Survey says... the board shows 100 for "penis" Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

    So there’s a chick in my class I like

      You'll face your worst nightmare
      So there's a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our felow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her 'big and though' boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. "Go ahead" I say. The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?" Instantly the gang-banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I don't smile because I was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmare

      When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15

        To be fair...
        When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15. My classmates used to harass me for not being that smart. But since 2013, my life has changed. My IQ is now 195 and it increases by 5 every time I sit down on Saturday nights to watch this one show. It is called Rick and Morty. Because of that, I get all the girls and people are always comparing me to Albert Einstein, some even say that I am the cure for cancer. When the government found out that I watch Rick and Morty, they showed up to my residence and took me to a secret facility to take an exam. The exam was about explaining all the jokes in Rick and Morty and I had to answer each question in all currently spoken languages. Since I watched Rick and Morty, I didn't have any problems and I completed it in 30 minutes. The next day, I got to see the results and I passed the exam with a score of 100%. They gave me the title "Smartest Man in Existence". Guess I am out of this world.

        I’m so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery

          sure that happened
          I'm so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery today. The robbers went in and held their guns up, telling everyone to put their hands in the air. My daughter (only 3 years old!) stood her ground, faced them directly in the eye, and simply said "If you're being mugged, just say no. Your robbers cannot legally take any of your possessions." Almost instantaneously, the robbers collapsed to the floor, suffering from a bipolar seizure. Everyone clapped and she was given position as senator of the state of Florida, as well as invited by the Democratic National Convention to run for President in 2020. What an unbelievable event! I'm so blessed by God to have such a wonderful child.

          So I was casually playing Fallout 3 when I hear my doorbell ring.

            excuse me do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior
            So I was casually playing Fallout 3 when I hear my doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting any friends, so I looked out the window, and saw a man standing at my door, and I didn't recognize him. So, I went on over and answered the door."Hello there" I said nonchalantly. He responded with "Hi, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to hear the word of God?" So I said "Unfortunately, no, not right now. I'm a bit busy, but if you give me your address, I can swing by later tonight and I can tell you about Atheism." So he says back "Well, sir, um... I don't want to give my personal information out to random people..." So my response is "What? Why? You don't want a random stranger knocking on your door in the middle of the day and trying to shove their religion down your throat? Kinda hypocritical, don't you think?" He just looked completely befuddled as he turned away and started walking down the street, off to his next house. As he stormed out, a couple of the passerbys started to whistle and cheer, soon my neighbors joined in and even some drivers. I gave a wave and went off with a feeling of accomplishment.

            I assert my dominance by whipping out my massive cock.

              Dr disrespect asserting dominance at urinal
              I assert my dominance by whipping out my massive cock. When I go to a public restroom that has a person at a urinal, I go right next to them. No matter the age of the person, I stand back fairly far, about one and a half feet, just to make sure they can see my cock with their peripheral vision. They almost always finish immediately. One time there was a little kid at a urinal and I go to pee right next to him. I back step and unbuckle my belt. The kid looks over as I unzip my zipper. As I pull out my 9 inch cock, his jaw drops in amazement. I swear I saw him cum into the urinal as I started pissing. He finished up, went to wash his hands as I saw that his pants were covered in shit and cum. I felt proud of myself that day.