Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15. My classmates used to harass me for not being that smart. But since 2013, my life has changed. My IQ is now 195 and it increases by 5 every time I sit down on Saturday nights to watch this one show. It is called Rick and Morty. Because of that, I get all the girls and people are always comparing me to Albert Einstein, some even say that I am the cure for cancer. When the government found out that I watch Rick and Morty, they showed up to my residence and took me to a secret facility to take an exam. The exam was about explaining all the jokes in Rick and Morty and I had to answer each question in all currently spoken languages. Since I watched Rick and Morty, I didn't have any problems and I completed it in 30 minutes. The next day, I got to see the results and I passed the exam with a score of 100%. They gave me the title "Smartest Man in Existence". Guess I am out of this world.
I'm so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery today. The robbers went in and held their guns up, telling everyone to put their hands in the air. My daughter (only 3 years old!) stood her ground, faced them directly in the eye, and simply said "If you're being mugged, just say no. Your robbers cannot legally take any of your possessions." Almost instantaneously, the robbers collapsed to the floor, suffering from a bipolar seizure. Everyone clapped and she was given position as senator of the state of Florida, as well as invited by the Democratic National Convention to run for President in 2020. What an unbelievable event! I'm so blessed by God to have such a wonderful child.
So I was casually playing Fallout 3 when I hear my doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting any friends, so I looked out the window, and saw a man standing at my door, and I didn't recognize him. So, I went on over and answered the door."Hello there" I said nonchalantly. He responded with "Hi, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to hear the word of God?" So I said "Unfortunately, no, not right now. I'm a bit busy, but if you give me your address, I can swing by later tonight and I can tell you about Atheism." So he says back "Well, sir, um... I don't want to give my personal information out to random people..." So my response is "What? Why? You don't want a random stranger knocking on your door in the middle of the day and trying to shove their religion down your throat? Kinda hypocritical, don't you think?" He just looked completely befuddled as he turned away and started walking down the street, off to his next house. As he stormed out, a couple of the passerbys started to whistle and cheer, soon my neighbors joined in and even some drivers. I gave a wave and went off with a feeling of accomplishment.
I assert my dominance by whipping out my massive cock. When I go to a public restroom that has a person at a urinal, I go right next to them. No matter the age of the person, I stand back fairly far, about one and a half feet, just to make sure they can see my cock with their peripheral vision. They almost always finish immediately. One time there was a little kid at a urinal and I go to pee right next to him. I back step and unbuckle my belt. The kid looks over as I unzip my zipper. As I pull out my 9 inch cock, his jaw drops in amazement. I swear I saw him cum into the urinal as I started pissing. He finished up, went to wash his hands as I saw that his pants were covered in shit and cum. I felt proud of myself that day.
My dad loved this song, we used to stay up all night listening to this and watching Alivin And The Chipmunks: Roadchip. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip is a 2015 American live action computer animated family comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Randi Mayem Singer and Adam Sztykiel.[4][5] The fourth and final installment in the Alvin and the Chipmunks film series, and the sequel to 2011's Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, it stars Jason Lee, Tony Hale, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Josh Green, and Bella Thorne, with the voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney, Kaley Cuoco (replacing Amy Poehler), Anna Faris and Christina Applegate. We always laughed when funny chipmunk fart! He died of J. O. E about three to four minutes ago. I miss you every day dad!
Last night I was looking for some porn of the not gay variety. Obviously gay porn is gay, so instead I went looking for guy on girl porn. But I realized that features a guy, with a penis, and is therefore 50% gay. So I started looking for some girl on girl action, till I realized that is lesbian, and is therefore 100% gay.
So clearly, I had to look into alternative options. I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can’t contain guys, so it’s not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.
I considered traps. I’ve long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let’s consider the 5 base premises: 1) a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he’s with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay 2) a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some dick, that’s gay 3) a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn’t know it’s a trap: that’s lesbian, and is gay 4) a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it’s a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement. The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.
So I got into specifics. What if it was girl on girl, and the premise was at least one of the girls was just bi-curious, and not actually fully lesbian? Well, in that case, their curiosity makes them a cat. Cats are furries, and furries are gay
So how about a girl soloing? Well that’s a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.
My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
