Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
So i, a 30 y/o male usually uses my dildo each day, and yesterday, i slipped in the shower and fell on it. It got stuck up my ass, which i had to go to the hospital to get it taken out. Reddit, please help me determine whether im gay or not for accidentally falling on my dildo.
So I was waiting in line to vote when all of a sudden this voting "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my voter registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm voter identity. Because o though he was a voting official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I voted I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy voting!
Part I
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."
"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.
"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.
"No, pa," I would answer.
"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."
It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.
I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.
One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.
I breathed in.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.
I haven't hit that yeet since.PART II
Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.
With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.
"Yeet," I spake.
Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.
"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.
"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."
My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.
"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him. 
You read the title, I just cannot believe I said the “g” word on accident. Am I even an atheist anymore? I don’t like religion or anything but like maybe it infiltrated me and is manipulating me to say “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”. Please guys it wasn’t me, I didn’t mean it. I’m very disappointed in myself, I think I need to go to science camp or go to therapy. What if I’m secretly religious? what should I do? Is my foreskin going to fall off?? Please can someone give me advice, any advice is appreciated.
Best regards,
-an atheist(?)
My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
I keep having sex in my lucid dreams. Like, the moment I figure out I'm conscious and I can do anything, I just conjure up different women I've seen in my life and I have sex with them. When I finish, it feels amazing, it really felt like I came. Infinite cum. I'd fly back to my college, and see my class crush there and fucked the shit out of her. I'd fly to my secondary school and fuck this hot teacher that I keep undressing with my eyes while she taught me. I'd fly everywhere, every crush, every location, and even any girl I see in the streets in that lucid dream I'd fuck her and cum inside her. However, when I wake up, I don't have any stains or whatsoever so It's like I have infinite cum and I don't know if that's good because I wanna do fun stuff like webswinging like spiderman or conjure up a mecha and fight a kaiju but I keep nutting and conjuring hot babes and fucking em straight off the bat. I can't stay away from nutting lucid ectoplasm while conjuring big juicy titties bouncing on my face. The worst part is that I could make it even better for myself. I can make the tiddies bigger, pussy tighter and I can just demand for them to do stuff because it's my dream and so it all just works out for me instinctively but objectively I can't do the things I wanna do as aforementioned because I'm just too busy nutting myself to death everytime I count 6 fingers on each hand.